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Expecting the talk tonight


AloneNoMore

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Met a girl online June of last year with a daughter. The father for the daughter left the equation and signed over all rights to the mother and hasn't even had contact with the 4 year old in 2 years.

 

We have lived together for the past 6+months.

 

She has no family locally and they come to visit every so often.

 

Her parents influence the relationship to the point whenever they visit she always asks if I need to take a couple days away. Never heard of needing a vacation from a relationship. She once again had family visit and suggested I take a couple days away which in a manner I probably shouldn't have said I'll take more than that and packed up every bit of my belongings. She even helped me by tossing all my clothes at me. I went back later that night to try to talk to her she wouldn't even hug or kiss me and said she was mad I came back.

 

She sent me a good morning this morning with a I need to collect my thoughts and will respond to you later tonight.

 

Her daughter thinks of me as her fatherly figure.

 

Not much I can do but wait for the cleverly crafted easy let down text.

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Her mom just wants to be the center of attention so I'm always felt like the 3rd wheel or pushed out of the house.

 

The relationship I feel has been really good no arguments outside of me always being told to leave when family comes or when there is minor disagreements. A gffain though I guess everyone sees the health of a relationship how they want to see it

 

I want to stay but the whole I need to collect my thoughts tends to lean towards let me call it off.

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Her mom will always be her mom, so if you want to be with her long term then you need to work on having a good relationship with her family.

 

If you really want to stay then don't throw out statements like "I'll take more than that" when offered some space. If you don't like her offering you "a few days off" (what does that even mean?) then tell her you don't like it and why. Have a discussion about it instead of throwing a tantrum like a child.

 

But MOST IMPORTANTLY, this woman has a child who is/will grow attached to you. If you are not 100% in this relationship for the rest of your life, then stay away from that child. It's not okay for you to continue letting him/her look at you as a father when you're back and forth about staying or going. Please don't be so selfish.

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What kind of influence do her parents exert? Do they not like you, or?

 

Also, whose home are you living in, or did you buy/rent a new place together?

 

I have to say, you two have moved pretty fast. You met less than a year ago and have already lived together for more than 6 months. This is particularly concerning when a small child is involved. That's not to say you're a bad guy at all, but I question the judgement of parent who races through a relationship like this. It might speak to a greater impulsive nature and lack of sound decision-making skills on her part. Whose idea was it to move in so soon?

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where do you both live? rent a place together?

 

sounds like you are told to pack when family arrives,,,and if a partner is good enough to flat share with and play dad to a child, he's good enough to stay in his own dang home.

 

why does she have leverage to do this? where is the inequity (her place, her paying all of it,..) ?

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Is your girlfriend embarrassed of the way her mother acts? Do you antagonize her mother?

 

I'm not understanding why you'd need to leave just because her mother wants attention or makes you feel like a 3rd wheel. I mean, maybe it's uncomfortable but so what? It seems relatively infrequent so why not just suck it up? I'd be finding out why gf makes you leave.

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how did that go?

 

i just noticed she didn't tell you to leave, it started off by her asking if you need to take time off, and you are saying her mother steals the attention, so i am guessing you let her know in no uncertain terms the mother gets on your nerves, or it was just somehow obvious you are uncomfortable around the parents? and she suggested you go to your place because, you know, should she just kick her mom out or tell her not to come?

 

if she kicks you out for no reason that's one thing, but i don't understand how that would come about.

 

so my guesswork is she is saying "if you can't be nice to/tolerate my family, take time for yourself until they leave".

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She feels her mother is difficult to get along with

 

Do you agree? How did things go in previous meetings with her?

 

I'm also have trouble understanding how this situation escalated into her asking if you need time away and you actually taking her up on it. Why not just say no and that you'd be happy to spend some time with her mom, too?

 

I feel like there's more to this story.

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Do you agree? How did things go in previous meetings with her?

 

I'm also have trouble understanding how this situation escalated into her asking if you need time away and you actually taking her up on it. Why not just say no and that you'd be happy to spend some time with her mom, too?

 

I feel like there's more to this story.

Well she had asked me previous visits to take time away from her mom or to take time if we had a disagreement rather than discuss the disagreement and come to a resolution so this time it just became another stone on top that I got frustrated and I took her up on the offer so much so that I took everything of mine out of the house

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I still have her house key I asked her if she wanted me to leave it and she said we will talk about it and she also still has me as friends on Facebook but never in the night of time except in a relationship invite

 

I don't understand what this means.

 

You haven't really said how you get along with her mom - has it gone poorly on previous visits or something? Does her mom not like you?

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Her mom generally is unhappy that is from her own daughter. She lives the past previous daughters husband and her own previous relationships. I think we generally get along fine but it is tough for me to hear or listen to constant negativity.

 

All this will be moot I guess though for this relationship depending on how bad me fully moving out while childish was more of a point to want the girlfriend to stop using the do you need to leave as an answer to resolving issues in general.

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Look, if your girlfriend who you're supposed to be living with is always asking you if you need to leave, it's because she's too much of a chicken to come and tell you that she wants you out.

 

My impression is that unless you were being rude to her mom or otherwise a pill to live with, your girlfriend was looking for a way to push you out and probably end the relationship. Repeatedly asking someone to leave is ridiculous when you're supposed to be in a committed relationship. My gut instinct would be telling me that she wants out but doesn't know how to just come out and say it. She needed to find a way to make it your fault.

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