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Thread: "friend" going after my gf

  1. #1

    "friend" going after my gf

    Heeey everybody I'm new here, I normally don't go to forums but i can't seem to lose the burning sensation in my chest i feel from betrayal.
    It all began a few months ago. i was about 6 months totgether with my girlfriend and everything was going like a fairytale the love was like something me and het never felt before, we just couldn't get enough of eachother.

    I also had this "friend", a guy i had known for 7 years at some point I even saw him as my best friend. He knew my parrents very well, he always came over to play games and eat dinner.
    about 2 years back he dissapeared without saying anything, he dropped out of school and started working in a supermarket we then lost all contact because he deleted his social media and such. now out of nowhere he contacted me trough a new fb he made. i instantly forgave him and we became friends again.

    we we're now friends back again for about 2 months he told me about breaking up with his girlfriend and that he had no friends except for me. i felt sorry for him and my girlfriend told me she was eager to meet my friends. i didn't doubt for a second and introduced them to eachother with a night out in the city. as time goes by i start regretting it more and more by the second. the look i saw in this guy's eyes... it was the look i give daily to my gf, i felt my chest burning as i saw the love in his eyes. at the end of the night i couldn't stand it anymore, i snapped, i couldn't watch them looking deeply in eachothers eyes. i stood up and said "looks like i'm not needed here" and started walking away. they were both shocked and didn't expect that reaction. my gf was mad but still came to my place. she was at my place for two days but couldn't stop texting. i asked her who she was texting to because i didn't get any attention whatsoever, even when eating dinner she was on her phone, when watching movies out of bed she was texting. she showed me her phone and said " don't worry i'm texting my best friend". i believed her and ignored her texting all the time.

    a month later my "friend" and girlfriend were getting allong very well, she even said he was starting to become her best friend. as they became closer i felt myself growing away because of my jealousy. but my girlfriend always ignored my opinion and kept going with the friendship. i told het dosen of times this guy was falling for her but she didn't want to accept that this guy was getting feelings and was becomming a threat to the relationship. i started getting anxious and my schoolresults dropped. i started skipping school and i was in a deep depression i wanted to do everything for this girl but she was to blind to see that this guy was destroying the relationship.

    my girlfriend was now meeting the guy weekly, and she told me stories about my past wich the ''friend'' of mine had told her. but he was saying things to her that wern't true just to make me look bad. as an example my girlfriend suffers from social anxiety and the guy who came to my house daily to play games and eat dinner, he told my gf things like " yea i never spoke his parrents" and he was scaring her even more to meet my parrents.

    I told my gf i was going to be less jealous and I tried to ignore the friendship between them. but they had nights out with just the two of them and i felt the worst pain i ever felt. a burning sensation like a knife that stabbed my chest for at least 10 times. a few days later me and another very good friend of mine went to the city to talk. as we were heading home. he called me and he said "you won't believe what i just saw" i said " what do you mean" and he said he saw my girlfriend and the "friend" walking like a couple arms arround eachothers waist. my stomach was turning and i felt like i was going to faint. the things that me anxious all the overthinking .. it was becomming reality. he told me they were still nearby i rushed upstairs out of the metro and called my gf. she picked up the phone and acted like nothing happend. i was mad and yelled trough the phone " i never want to see you again!!!" she was asked if we could meet. i said ok because i was nearby and wanted to hear her side of the story. she said that she fell and that he was just there as a support so she wouldn't fall again. i knew it was bull and i gave her the option : choose me or him. she couldn't choose and was crying. without even saying goodbye to the ''friend'' she came to my place. she was texting him again about me. the guy was talking bad about me again. i said i've had enough and that i just want her to be happy but not at the cost of my own sanity. she keeps telling me it's just friendship and cries. we call her sister expplain the situation and she says we should ask the guy is he has feelings and if so my girlfriend has to take distance if she realy wanted to keep the relationship. the guy admitted to having feelings. my girlfriend said ok you were right and asked me if she could meet with him to say goodbyes. i said it was ok and the next day they met. she said it wouldn't take longer than an hour but they were gone for more than 5 hours. i call my gf she doesn't pick up then i call the "friend" and i say " it's ok you can have her" he says "what is your problem"? i said "you ing are" and disconnect the call. a minute later my gf calls me and says she wants to meet.

    me and my gf meet and then she tells me if i wouldn't have called they would've kissed. she told me they were hugging , he was playing with her hair, he was looking at her lips and much more. i felt my stomach turning once again because everything i was anxious about from the start, all the overthinking it became reality. i was always p˘werless, you can't change what two people feel for eachother. but i introduced one to another. two people i fully trusted but my trust had only been damaged.

    my girlfriend and i started picking up the relationship again, it was easter and we were together for 5 days straight. this was a blessing for the relationship me and my girlfriend became very close during these 5. thge love was greater than before and my girlfriend started uploading photos on her facebook of us. as she uploaded those photos the "friend" started lowering the contact until he started ignoring her. my girlfriend and the guy have no more contact, she also admits if they stayed friends, she might had fallen in love with the guy. but altough she promissed me at the start that if feelings occur she would quit the friendship. she didn't ... i appreciate the honesty but i still rethink the whole thing and it pains me. it pains me how fast one can betray one another when sworn loyalty and love. risking 7 months of trust for a simple stranger. a guy I introduced.

    thank you in the advance for reading, i still feel this pain of betrayal and my question is how i can make it go away ?

  2. #2
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. It sounds like a difficult thing for you to go through.

    The only way to truly get rid of those feelings any time soon would be to leave the relationship and move on with your life. You were hurt by your girlfriend and a friend, and clearly neither of them are as loyal or trustworthy as you need them to be. I doubt that you relationship is going to be healthy now or in the future, as your girlfriend is probably too young to know what she wants and easily led astray.

    You would be happier single and surrounded by good friends.

    I know that it will be hard for you to leave her, but over time you will come to realise that this relationship was not meant to last and that the sooner you move on, the sooner you can find the right person.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Unfortunately, you are not a very good judge of character: you should have dumped her cheating azz, too. Dude, she betrayed you with this creep.

    I would be highly suspicious of a "best friend," who disappeared out of my life, plus the fact that he has no other friends. There is a reason for that.

    I would bet money that your gf will cheat on you again, it is simply a matter of time. Wake up! You are ignoring red flags!

    This girl does not love you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    I agree that you should leave her. She's not ready for a serious relationship. And honestly, neither are you, because you walked right by so many red flags.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    My girlfriend always ignored my opinion and kept going with the friendship.
    This is all you need to know. She doesn't respect either you or your relationship. If she did, she'd have run a mile when he made advances towards her; sometimes people can be naive and genuinely unaware that someone else has the hots for them - but get out very quickly when they realise.

    The pain of betrayal will be with you for as long as you stay in contact with your so-called friend and this girl. Cut loose from both of them, and learn from the experience.

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