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Thread: Wife versus mother on Mother's Day

  1. #1
    someguy69
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    Wife versus mother on Mother's Day

    While I understand that as long as your kids are young, you need to make sure that the kids all have cards and gifts for mom, but it doesn't quite sit well with me that once you're married with kids, that your own mother is a second class citizen.

    Wives and mother-in-laws rarely get along, and so wives are none too keen to share this holiday.

    From the husband's perspective, the wife is going to be celebrating Mother's Day for the rest of her life, but the husband's own mother may only have a decade left.

    I can't see my wife being all cool about this when our son's have their own kids and are forced to minimize things with her in favour of their wives.

  2. #2
    mustlovedogs
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    How does your family do thanksgiving? Christmas? Or any other big holiday you celebrate?

    Do Mother's Day the same way: each of your mothers on one day (she has a mom, too!) and your wife on Sunday.

  3. #3
    annie24
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    Is this a hypothetical scenario or is there a conflict going on with your wife and mom?

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    jujusamples
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    I always tell my husband this; just because we are married doesn't mean your mother doesn't exist. He's not good with holidays and stuff so I always remind him and we go get his mom a gift together.

    Since we have my mom and his mom to celebrate, we just take them out on different days (they don't mind) or one for lunch and the other for dinner.

    If I myself become a mother one day, I wouldn't mind sharing it with my mom and mother in law. It's not that big of a deal if you don't make it out to be. I understand wives and mother in law don't always get along but it's a day to show your mom your appreciation. If your wife don't want to celebrate together, then do either lunch/dinner with your wife and the other with your mother.

    You are right, you only have so much time with your mother, appreciate her while you can.

  5. #5
    luminousone
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    I'm not sure why you think a mother in law ends up as a second class citizen. It all depends on you and how you honor her.

    When I was married, we always got together with extended family and the guys would do the planning. We always purchased a hanging flower basket for my MIL. Since there were several other mothers there, plus a few family birthdays, we celebrated together. My own mom lives a few thousand miles away, so I didn't have that conflict.

    Even if a group celebration is not possible, then you split up the celebrating - brunch with one, out to dinner with the other...

    You can certainly honor them both!

    Being divorced now, my boys come over and cook a nice dinner for me on Mother's Day. I sent my mom a card and will call her, and I have some family pictures for her. I will get a flower planter for my former MIL too.

  6. #6
    SherrySher
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    Take your Mother out for lunch and give her flowers and take your wife to dinner and give her flowers.
    What's the problem?

  7. #7
    Krankor
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    To be honest, your post reads a little strangely. You seem to be giving your opinion on a situation without giving any real background.

    From what I can glean, however, yes; it's mother's day, not wife's day. If your wife is insisting that you focus your attention on her and not your own mother then she is being petty. Certainly you can acknowlege the mother of your own kids but if she's asking that you neglect your mother I would flat out refuse to bow to her wishes.

    It's kind of a silly, made up holiday anyway.

  8. #8
    someguy69
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    I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.

  9. #9
    journeynow
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    I'm a mother with grown kids who have long been independent from me. So while I am still their mother, I am not "actively" mothering them, and while I appreciate any Mother's Day sentiments they give me, it is not essential to me. Plus, the gratitude goes both ways and I can be happy just appreciating the gift of them being my children. When they were young and I was up to my neck in mothering responsibilities, THAT IS WHEN being recognized on Mother's Day was significant to me. Focus on the mother of dependent children because very likely they could use a moment of appreciation in their busy lives. But it is not all that hard for YOU to spread the appreciation around to different generations. It doesn't have to be a conflict. You can appreciate the mother of your children, and your mother, and the mother of your grandchildren without taking anything away from any of them.

  10. #10
    journeynow
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    Quote Originally Posted by someguy69 [Register to see the link]
    I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.
    Ah, I was typing as you posted this so didn't see it until now.

    It's not horrible, BUT perhaps it makes her feel like more of a generic mother rather than the special person who is mothering your children. How old are your kids? Do your wife and your mother get along?

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