"Lessons Learned Thread" Post the best lessons from your worst heartbreaks!

Anyone who has survived a heartbreak will know that they are ultimately learning experiences.

So I felt it would be really helpful to show those suffering that they can learn from heartbreak and use it to create positive changes in their lives.

Just tell everyone what lessons you learned from your worst heartbreaks.

Heather - April 25, 2016

"What you taught me is you can never truly know someone until you know what they are capable of, so never judge anyone by their best examples, only by their worst."

This too shall pass.

- Never stay in something you know deep down is not going to work

- Sometimes it's the ego that's broken, not the heart

- Their choices most of the times have nothing to do with you

- NC all the way and never stalk their social media

- No matter how heartbroken you feel, hurt or even betrayed, always act classy and never act psycho or lose your dignity

- It might be hard to control feelings and emotions, but you can always control your actions

Life goes on. It is hard at the time but the passage of time heals many wounds. You have to want things to get before so that they will. Wallowing in self pity is very destructive.

I once read this:

"Don't look back cos the view sure ain't pretty"

Wait to go exclusive. Wait to have sex. Choose, rather than get chosen. And when your inner voice is uncomfortable, listen. Just go. No need to stick around to sort out why.

Just because you are comfortable with somebody, it doesn't mean that you fit.

If you rely on somebody to make you happy, you will suffocate them and lose yourself.

At the first sign of irrational jealousy, or sulking as a means of controlling others - get out. Because it isn't going to work.

Physical attraction, shared interests and activities are all wonderful, but unless you share the same values it isn't going to work in the long term.

Read 'He's just NOT that into you'.

Be open and honest in your dealings. It will scare the game-players ****less, as they'll be wondering what you're up to.

A relationship which needs to be hidden is one you shouldn't be in.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

If anyone holds the relationship to ransom as a means of controlling their partner - run, run like the wind and don't look back.

If conversation gets stilted and difficult during a date, get up and practise Kung Fu moves against an invisible opponent (OK, OK, I've never tried this last one...)

-You shouldn't have to guess if they're interested in you.

-The reasons they give you at a breakup all boil down to one: they don't want to be with you. This is reason enough.

-Do what you need to to give yourself closure; for some this might be a post-breakup conversation, others a letter, still others immediate no contact.

-As so many other people always say, no contact is for you to heal; it's not a way to bring an ex back. I've had exes come back without no contact, and others after a year of not talking. If they want to come back, they will. No contact put me in a better place more quickly.

Nobody is evil and nobody is perfect. We all want to be loved, and sometimes our desire for love overpowers our ability to be kind.

Mine's a little different.

If something feels off with everyone and everything around you, it's not everything and everyone. It's you. Pay attention and figure it out, because otherwise you'll lose the most important thing: yourself. And once you've lost yourself, you're on the fast track to losing that everything and everyone.

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villian" (is what she has convinced me).

My personal reflection would be:

"A man chooses, a slave obeys" (I chose to help her out and chose to do what we wanted to with our life. In the end, she would obey friends/family before us).

When you encounter red flags/red lights, don't blow right through them.... despite the history & time you have together.

Physical attraction, shared interests and activities are all wonderful, but unless you share the same values it isn't going to work in the long term.

Best advice ever.

Also... If someone abuses you (physically and emotionally) don't think they won't do it again. Don't give them a next time.

- Action does indeed speak louder than words.

- signs the end is near are there way before the actual end. No sense in ignoring them.

- I learnt talk about my feelings, good or bad.. without being ashamed

- you cant control others actions- Dont blame others for not doing this and that.

- Avoid people who likes drama

- recognize lies, tricks.. people who cant commit

- being clingy

What I did not yet learn (but working on it)

- have some healthy boundaries (some I do have, some are weak..)

- dont take things personal

- assertivness (emotions, emotions, emotions... )

- patience (everything must be solved now)

- When you're heartbroken force your self to get out of your cave and be with the people who always love you, be that friends or family. If that's not possible force yourself to go out and interact with people. Feelings will slowly start following your actions.

- Some people might seem right for you in every way, but remember that if you two are not together it's because it's not meant to be. If you were meant to each other you'd be together

- Never use others to sooth your emotional pain

- Remember that most of the times you miss the fantasy you created and not the person itself

- Never say "I'd never do that" or see them as evil people out there to get you. Not everything is about you. Each person has their path, their choices and their history and we need to respect that.

- Cherish the good moments because life is made of ups and downs. You'll feel pain and fear too, but that's part of the human experience.

- Do your best to at least try to forgive the ones who hurt you, even if you don't want to see them ever again. Do it for yourself, for your peace and for the lessons you'll learn.

Rachel

"I learned that emotional distance is intolerable to me and that I need complete transparency in my relationships."