Confused and need Help

So my girlfriend and I had been dating for almost three years. During these three years she had caught me watching porn three times, and of course in the heat of the moment, I lied about it.

She considers me cheating, and was very upset about it when she would catch me.

The previous times I promised her I would change, and stop watching it. I did stop watching it for a little over four months but I caved one night and did watch it. She went through my phone the next night and that's when it went downhill. After that we had class together and she acted distant but would still talk to me. Later that same night she was with three of her other friends and she texted me "I don't think we should be together. Maybe in 2-3 months we can reconnect and rekindle what we once had."

After that I was an emotional wreck and was basically pleading for one more chance. I called her and we talked for around thirty minutes, and she told me that if I go to therapy that she would probably get back together with me after some time. After that I told her I was going to bed and that I loved her, she texted me back and said "goodnight. Love you too." I haven't contacted her in anyway since, (it's only been four days) she deleted me off of Snapchat and I unfollowed and blocked her on twitter. She has been subtweeting me hard saying things like "Good Luck on your finals. Thinking about you. Even my phone misses your calls." She also told me that she wanted to sleep with someone else but wouldn't because she was with me at the time. I also didn't stop watching it because I thought I could stop/change on my own. I couldn't and I'm admitting I need some professional help now and actually have an appointment with a therapist early next week.

I love this girl with all my heart, and I know she still loves me. I know that I want her back because we had such chemistry and would finish each other's sentences.

I realize that me watching porn wasn't the only problem here, and even though it's only been four days, I realize what I did wrong.

I guess I'm just looking for an opinion on if I have ANY shot of getting this girl back or not.

Thanks.

I mean, she did say that she would be interested if you got therapy and stopped the porn. My bigger concern is whether or not you should really aim to get her back.

How much porn are you watching? Is this like an addiction that you are devoting hours to, or is it just an occasional thing? Is porn something you actually want to give up?

My boyfriend watches porn and we don't have an issue (there is some ridiculous statistic out there that a vast majority of young men watch porn, so much so that the people doing the survey were hard pressed to find anyone who wasn't or hadn't watched porn) I don't think it is necessarily wrong, but then again you don't have to agree with your significant other to respect their wishes in a relationship. (I do think that modern porn creates unrealistic expectations for sex, but that doesn't seem to be your issue) If you really want to be with her, and finding a way to go without those things seems like an acceptable trade-off to you, than do it.

First of all, I'm a woman, and I simply don't get what's wrong with watching porn. Or even going to strip clubs.

It's not cheating with the person you're watching, it's watching to get aroused.

I'm a much older woman than you, but back in my day, men had fewer options. Playboy was much more prevalent, and I never had a problem with anyone I dated viewing it. Heck, I was envious of those amazing bodies.

Having said that, how much have you spoken with your girlfriend about this?

Her feelings are based in insecurity: that you find these women more attractive than her. Talking with her, calming her fears, making her realize that it's her that you want to be with, but that yes, you are a man, and yes, you view things from a visual perspective.

Validate her fears. Make her realize that you get why she's fearful, and that you understand and fully empathize with her concerns.

And that while you're seeking therapy and trying to stop it (which I don't agree with, but see my opinion above), maybe she can go to therapy with you, so that you can explain yourself better in front of an objective third party.

There is nothing wrong with you. Now, if you sat in your room and watched porn 20 hours a day, I'd be saying something different. But it sounds like you (a typical male) seeks visual cues to get aroused. This is completely natural, and you should not be ashamed. What you should be doing, though, it allaying your girlfriend's fears, reassuring her, and letting her know how beautiful and sexy you think she is.

Wait a minute.

First: Is you porn-viewing at addiction level? Because if it's occasional, you certainly don't need therapy. Don't throw your money away if that's the case. I realize porn isn't for everyone, but come on. If you're watching once in a while, you don't need a professional intervention.

Second: Who is this other guy she wanted to sleep with? Perhaps that is the real reason she wants out, so she can follow that desire.

I'm not devoting anywhere near that kind of time towards porn (hours). I would watch it just to get aroused and get off and that's it. Didn't affect my sex drive whatsoever. I would never choose porn over real sex.

She told me that she didn't have anyone in mind to sleep with but she was curious about sleeping with someone else. She was also using reasoning from her mother saying "well my mom knew it was time to leave her boyfriend (her father) when she wanted and was willing to sleep with other people.

So she's admitting to wanting to sleep with someone else, yet she'll check your personal, private phone to make sure your not looking at digitized images of women you'll never meet.

You shouldn't ever beg anybody to come back to you, but why would you want to be with such a hypocrite? It also sounds like she might be using the porn as an excuse to break it off, sleep with this guy and then come back to you, saying that its your fault for watching porn.

Maybe you need a form of therapy, but only to address why your letting this woman walk all over you. If someone takes your phone to check what you do, you take it back and tell then that you are not their child and not their possession. What you do with your phone is your own private business, and they will have to respect you if they wish to be with you.

If you decide to watch porn that is your own private affair. You don't have to confess or report in to someone whether you do it or not. If you decide to stop watching it, then that's your decision not someone elses.

You don't need "professional help", and you certainly don't need this hypocrite of a girlfriend. My guess is she's looking for an easy out, in order to justify her desire to cheat.

Keep in mind that when you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you've already lost your value.

I think you guys are right. It just sucks because I spent three years of my life with this girl only for her to send me a break up text. I certainly still love her (as crazy as that sounds,) but I think I was blinded by love and this break up could be a blessing in disguise.

OP, please don't feel you need a therapist for occasional viewing of porn. You don't have a problem; don't allow your ex to make you feel that you do.

I think she just wants to be free to explore, which is normal for a young woman, but for her to turn it around on you and make you feel like you are somehow disturbed or emotionally unhealthy is silly and a way to blame you for her wanting to end the relationship.

She's not ready to commit to a lifetime, so it is better that she lets you go rather than stray and cheat. It hurts but she's doing the right thing if her urge is that strong.

Yes, this hurts very much.

In my confused state my heart keeps telling me that I want her back in the worst way. I only wish she would have talked to me about how she was feeling instead of just springing this breakup on me like she did.

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like grass is greener syndrome and she staged a breakup over this to pursue that.

She told me that she didn't have anyone in mind to sleep with but she was curious about sleeping with someone else.

Looking back on this now, I have reason to believe she had already cheated on me before. I had found out through her that a co worker of hers had confessed his love her for through a friend.

I found out one day that she had gone over to his house to "hang out and smoke."

I then called her and she was crying saying all they did was smoke and then sit on their phones and she left because she felt uncomfortable.

So I'm sure they either had sex or had fooled around at least and this guy has been on her mind since then and I was being used as emotional support.

I don't know, I'm really hurting right now and my mind is all over the place

Where there's smoke there's fire, right?

I found out one day that . she had gone over to his house to "hang out and smoke."... I'm sure they either had sex or had fooled around at least and this guy has been on her mind since then and I was being used as emotional support.

Screw Feelings, and Screw Relationships.

Yeah, this sadly sounds like she was projecting.

She was guilty of something, but tried to pin everything on you by making you out to the bad guy. She wouldn't have been crying if all she had done was "smoke" at this other guy's house. Those were almost defintely tears of guilt, and it was because she'd done a lot more than share a cigarette.

The only thing I'm clinging to is the fact that she said she would probably get back together with me after I had gone to therapy and 2-3 months had passed.

This had previously given me hope, but now that I think about it I'm sure she wants this summer to try and "play the field" so to speak and if nothing materializes she'll try to come back to me.

I just pray to god that I am clear headed at that time to make the correct decision and move on.

Sorry, that's a joke. She's tricking you into thinking you're defective and should 'be in therapy 2-3 mos' (she's a psychiatrist, right, lol?) so she can take a spin with this guy and keep you as a backup. You dodged a bullet. She wants a cheat pass and is stringing you along and blaming you.

she said she would probably get back together with me after I had gone to therapy and 2-3 months had passed.

OP, you aren't the problem in this relationship. For her to end a three-year relationship via text and string you along with a list of unreasonable demands is telling about her.

Update:She texted me yesterday and said "I shouldn't be texting you but I had to.

You don't have to respond-it's probably better than you don't.

I just miss you so effing much."

I didn't respond to this text. I deleted it.

I think my friend put it best...

"Pour salt in that effing wound."

I want to text her back in the worst way but I just don't think that's the best idea right now.

You're doing the right thing not replying to that, OP.

She texted you to end the relationship. Now she's texting you that she misses you?

Nah. She can go find a new text-buddy.

I just hate how confused I am right now.

I hear that I shouldn't want to get back with her and not contact her in any way.

But my heart is screaming at me to try and get her back.

That's because the break-up is fresh. It's normal to be confused.

I broke no contact today and texted her.

We talked about how school was going (finals).

She asked how I was feeling about us

I said pretty negative.

I told her how I had felt disrespected because we spent three years of our lives together and she broke up with me via text.

She then asked if I wanted to meet up tomorrow so she could do it in person.

I told her I couldn't because I'm actually pretty busy tomorrow.

The conversation died there and it's been a few hours now.