family pet: bad prognosis, how to break it to kids

Our little man Jack (5yr old cat) has an auto immune disease which causes severe ulcers in his mouth. We have had him on monthly steroids for about a year to manage and elevate the pain.

We booked him into dental surgery yesterday as steroids are doing more damage than good to his little body, (skin is paper thin and the steriods only heal the ulcers for 21-25 days), there was a thought that removing his teeth might help. The vet just rang to say it wont and it will possibly cause more pain then good.... and that there isn't much else we can do for him.

Jack is my 13yr old son's cat, my boy E is a very gentle and sensitive boy and I have no idea how to break it to him that it is time.

We have discussed this may be a possible outcome in the past, E usually comes to me a couple of times a month to talk about it, I have kept E informed with every consultation and have not sugar coated the illness.

Euthanasia is best option for Jack, we are all going to be heart broken, E will feel this. Most kids have a teddy - E has Jack Jack has slept on E's bed every night in the 5 years we have had him.

Do I just take the cat in and tell E that he passed away in his sleep? E's dad is in the country to visit next week, do I put him down then and just make it like he went quietly... I'm thinking this may be the best... Or do I let him say goodbye and then take him to the Vets with me to say goodbye.

The vet says that we can pick him up this afternoon, he will be fine for about 20 days and will start detriorating again... we have a bit of time to say goodbye.

If you were me what would you do? How have you gone about this in your families, I don't want to scar E, and I can't have Little Jack suffer anymore.

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I think you need to be honest with your child. I had a dog that i grew up with and she died when I was a senior in high school. She was 16 years old. Granted, I was older than your child, but my parents let me be "ready" to do it and I was the one who was with my dog when she was humanely euthanized. She had seizures and a brain tumor. She had a VERY good life up until she started declining because of that. If your child was 3, then maybe i would advise the dying in his sleep thing, but your child will feel very betrayed and will act out when they hit more into those glorious teen years if they find out you lied.

I would be honest and continue to talk about it and I would consider letting your child go with you to hold his cat and tell him that he loves him even if you choose to have him step out of the room when they do it. It could be that its like he just falls asleep in his arms, though. It may help him deal with the grief. I think the "just taking his cat away" thing will be harder on him then if he gets to go.

Jack is my 13yr old son's cat, my boy E is a very gentle and sensitive boy and I have no idea how to break it to him that it is time.

You will need to be honest with him. That's how you break it to him. He already knows what is to happen, right? He is old enough for total honesty and to be part of the process.

Just be honest, there is life and death. Kids need to know this too and learn how to death with death of pets and people. Death is something we can never escape . Teaching our kids how to deal with it is vital. My son was at the euthanasia of his beloved pet a few years ago. He was at the open casket funeral of his great grandmother at age 4.

You have kept him informed so far, and I think you can still involve him that way. You can't prevent heartbreak or sadness, and while you can't fix Jack, I think talking with, or listening to, your son is the best path. From my experience…it can help for a child to be a part of the process. Both our kids were involved at different times with our dying pets and I think it helped them to accept death as a part of life. Me, I had a different experience when my childhood dog (she was my very best friend) died unexpectedly when I was sleeping. She was gone in the morning, already taken away, so I never saw her again. The shock and hurt and heartache was so wrenching, I can still remember it. I wasn't prepared for it, and it wasn't discussed, and life went on for everyone else, but my world was rocked to the core. And I felt betrayed that my mother had not let me say goodbye. So please consider letting him say goodbye, and letting him choose what he'd like to do to help make it easier for Jack.

Hugs to you and E and Jack.

You have kept him informed so far, and I think you can still involve him that way. You can't prevent heartbreak or sadness, and while you can't fix Jack, I think talking with, or listening to, your son is the best path. From my experience…it can help for a child to be a part of the process. Both our kids were involved at different times with our dying pets and I think it helped them to accept death as a part of life. Me, I had a different experience when my childhood dog (she was my very best friend) died unexpectedly when I was sleeping. She was gone in the morning, already taken away, so I never saw her again. The shock and hurt and heartache was so wrenching, I can still remember it. I wasn't prepared for it, and it wasn't discussed, and life went on for everyone else, but my world was rocked to the core. And I felt betrayed that my mother had not let me say goodbye. So please consider letting him say goodbye, and letting him choose what he'd like to do to help make it easier for Jack.

 

Hugs to you and E and Jack.

This happened to me too. I was 8 when suddenly my beloved dog was just gone. I was devastated for years. Involving me in the process would have been better .

My son is autistic so emotionally and intellectually speaking he was probably around the age level of your child now when he was part of the process of euthanizing his beloved cat . He did very well . Your son will be ok. ❤️

What we did for our son was have his beloved pet cremated and put in an urn. We also had a paw print done of his cat and these things are in his room . Now it was pricey it was about $700.

Is your Jack a Maine Coon? He looks lovely . My son's cat was part Maine Coon.

One of our present cats also has an autoimmune disease . I forget the name of it but he is allergic to his own teeth . And eventually he will need most of his teeth removed . Right now he just needs his upper canines removed .

We also had a paw print done of his cat and these things are in his room .

I love that idea!

As difficult as it is, I would give "E" the opportunity to say goodbye to Jack. I think it's important for him to have closure, and to move forward with peace and heartfelt memories.

I'm so sorry, I'm a cat lover and this made me cry. *Hugs*

That's so sad

I understand what you are going through because my dog has also been deteriorating. She's old and on steroids, and they're less and less effective....

With regard to your son, I think it would be best to be truthful. For so many reasons.

My mom put our dog to sleep when I was 5 or 6. I didn't know until after it happened, but she did tell me. She explained why (brain tumor), which was helpful. I was sad, but I understood.

Here is what we did for our son and Mr Spots.

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Let him say goodbye to his cat. He's old enough to understand and he should be allowed to grieve and say goodbye. It will be hard, but you have done the right thing up until now keeping him aware of what is going on and letting him process it.

Hugs to everyone.

Let him say goodbye to his cat. He's old enough to understand and he should be allowed to grieve and say goodbye. It will be hard, but you have done the right thing up until now keeping him aware of what is going on and letting him process it.

 

Hugs to everyone.

yes. the ability to escort them on their final journey and say a conscious farewell helps with acceptance.

i am so sorry lisii. seraphim's urn and pawprint are lovely ideas to honor a pet.

yall make me cry.

jumbo hugs luv, and to the kitty and the boys. you gave him a life of joy and love.

Sorry to hear this Agree that would be best.

Do I just take the cat in and tell E that he passed away in his sleep? E's dad is in the country to visit next week, do I put him down then and just make it like he went quietly... I'm thinking this may be the best...

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Thank you all so much for your thought and words of wisdom, your responses touched my heart

Jack is back with us and is being super smoochy and adorable, I will suggest the paw print to E - I think it's a beautiful idea, he may even come up with some ideas for the "funeral" as E is very arty.

Thank you all again, hugs back..

xL