Tips for this date

I've posted about this guy before. We met a few months back, and since then had four dates. One date a month pretty much.

We had a bit of misunderstanding at the beginning - who fancies whom - but managed to work it out, and establish that both fancy each quite a bit. In fact on our last date, we both exploded with affection, and could not get enough of each other, it seemed. But after that date he pretty much disappeared. I was quite surprised, but then stopped thinking about him as I was busy dating another guy. Just as things ended with this other guy, the guy I am posting here about, contacted me asking for a date. I said yes, and the date is tomorrow. We had a bit of a lively banter in texts as we always do, and it was me who had to come up with some ideas of what we'll be doing. I know, no or little effort on his part. And I don't know why I am going, apart from the fact that I like him a lot. Or what he wants from me - I've always been clear that I don't have sex outside of a LTR. So I don't know how I should do it - if he wants to hold hands for example, should i say, "I don't hold hands with occasional dates"? Or what shall I say? I don't want to appear too aloof. And what does he want from me?

Thanks in advance.

He may also be multidating and now is free again, like you. It sounds like you've already gone past the hand holding stage, no? Why not play it by ear.

We met a few months back, and since then had four dates. One date a month pretty much. we both exploded with affection, and could not get enough of each other, it seemed. if he wants to hold hands for example, should i say, "I don't hold hands with occasional dates"?

Like my grandma always said. "Look at this trick" she would say "Fido paw" sure enough Fido would raise his right paw and put it in her hand. I would try but he would never do it. I'm thinking it had to do with my lack of treats or maybe he was monogamous.

Like my grandma always said. "Look at this trick" she would say "Fido paw" sure enough Fido would raise his right paw and put it in her hand. I would try but he would never do it. I'm thinking it had to do with my lack of treats or maybe he was monogamous.

Can you put it in plain language you think? Suppose, I don't have treats, why does he still want a date? Move on, no?

Like my grandma always said. "Look at this trick" she would say "Fido paw" sure enough Fido would raise his right paw and put it in her hand. I would try but he would never do it. I'm thinking it had to do with my lack of treats or maybe he was monogamous.

I always love your enigmatic/metaphoric answers haha

Maybe, he hopes to wear you down, maybe he's bored.

He clearly is not interested in much if you are seeing once another one a month. You won't even hold hands if you are not in a relationship?

I would move on.

Agree he hit a dry spell.

Maybe, he hopes to wear you down, maybe he's bored. He clearly is not interested in much if you are seeing one another one a month.

Like Wiseman said he was and is probably multidating like you were. Just go relaxed and without much expectation. I wouldn't think too much about "what to do if he does this or that". See how you feel and how it goes. I wouldn't invest much emotionally at this point though, at least not until you both have a more steady and consistent date routine and you can access better how he is and what he wants from this.

It's been 4 months and only 4 dates. Unless there are circumstances that you are not posting. I'd say he's hitting you up when he's bored and doesn't have anything happening. I'm not saying put out by any means but if you want a romantic relationship you have to show some interest. What does explode with effection mean? If you are worried about holding hands?

Agree, this is confusing 3939;6812563]What does explode with effection mean? If you are worried about holding hands?

Intuitively I agree that people don't hold hands unless they're in a relationship, but this guy wanted to hold hands last two dates. Also, his whole behaviour on that date was like we are in a relationship.

I reread our convo over the past four months, and see that he had suggested a few times things we'd do, which I never picked up upon. And on our last date he suggested a couple of times if I wanted to do this or that. I said, sure, why not. But then he disappeared.

And then yesterday he suggested I come to a talk that he gives on Wednesday, this would be after our date tomorrow..

I wouldn't read into anything too much. I can't imagine being too excited about a person and dating only once a month. Sorry but unless there is a lot of variables to explain this then I think that is a bad sign.

On a scale of zero to ten his interest overall seems about 2 or 3, no?

Are you from a culture were holding hands on dates is scandalous or promiscuous?

he suggested I come to a talk that he gives on Wednesday, this would be after our date tomorrow..

He might have acted like you're in a relationship but if he's only scheduling a date a month, it's not a relationship. I wouldn't read much into it. He might be multidating and not very interested but maybe since you were also multidating (which you did well) and not showing much interest to date more than once a month, maybe he thinks you're also not that interested. Unless you two start dating more consistently for a while and seeing more interest and effort from him, it's better not to have much expectations.

It's been 4 months and only 4 dates. Unless there are circumstances that you are not posting. I'd say he's hitting you up when he's bored and doesn't have anything happening. I'm not saying put out by any means but if you want a romantic relationship you have to show some interest. What does explode with effection mean? If you are worried about holding hands?

Ok, thanks for elaborating! Circumstances - he's been less than a year out of 8 year long LTR. 1st date - misunderstanding about who likes whom. Time spent finding this out. Found out. Next date - a lot of fun, but I didn't feel that I was getting what I wanted. So I told him. He balked at me. Time spent establishing the truth. He stopped talking for two weeks. i was busy dating another guy. Then he reappeared. We talked it out. He agreed to my request. Date three. He was giving me what I was saying I wasn't getting. Good. He attempted to hold hands, I acted a bit uncomfortable - no wonder, was dating another guy. He walked me home. We talked a bit in texts afterwords, but my communication style wasn't that interested. He disappeared. I sensing that it maybe my lack of encouragement, after three weeks of waiting texted and asked him out. Date four. Explosion. We never really showed any signs of affection to each other, and this time, knowing that he may need encouragement, I showed. He promptly took my hand, we walked all the time holding hands, sitting in resto holding hands. He stares in eye eyes. Hugs me, caressed me, plays with my hair non stop through out the concert. We sat head to head the whole time, bodies and limbs intertwined. Making out in a cab home, he asking to continue when he's back. He travelled a fair a bit in between dates.

"1st date - misunderstanding about who likes whom. " - why is this a issue? Aren't dates made to access if people like each other? And why would you argue about who likes who?

"1st date - misunderstanding about who likes whom. " - why is this a issue? Aren't dates made to access if people like each other? And why would you argue about who likes who?

He invited me to NYE party after which we spent time in a pub. When the clock struck 12, I turned my back to TV, and away from him. Promptly, and abruptly he said let's take off, and dropped me off home. I texted next day thanks very much, but he wasn't talking. Only a coupe days after he texted saying he didn't like that I turned my back on him, but he couldn't resist asking for a second date.

His reaction to that seemed kind of childish. I'm supposing you just turned your back to look at the tv for a second and didn't simply turn your back at him and stopped talking to him, of course.

On a scale of zero to ten his interest overall seems about 2 or 3, no?

 

Are you from a culture were holding hands on dates is scandalous or promiscuous?

It's difficult for me to gauge his level of interest. Holding hands to a romantic like me - culture agnostic - is a big deal. The English men are repressed, and for them - he's a classic example - it is also not something they'd do with everyone.

Thanks a lot everybody!! The situation does't deserve to be talking about all that much. I agree that he "hit a dry spell" or is bored. I might even flake, which I normally never do, but in this case I might. Chemistry is strong, and I don't want to be thinking about him afterwords.

4 dates in 4 months - he's not really interested. He's just bored because a better option fell through.

Please try to contain your "chemistry".

I see it too often...a date goes well, one person reads the other person's physically affectionate gestures as a sign they are falling for them, they convince themselves that sex is OK because, well obviously the person really likes them and wants a relationship! Then, it doesn't turn out to be the case, and they are left wondering "But if he doesn't want a relationship with me why was he acting COUPLE-Y???" Acting "couple-y" and being in an exclusive relationship are not the same thing.

So, please don't allow hormones to take over.

I reread our convo over the past four months, and see that he had suggested a few times things we'd do, which I never picked up upon. And on our last date he suggested a couple of times if I wanted to do this or that. I said, sure, why not. But then he disappeared.

Im actually getting a different take to everyone else.

I think he is interested but it's you who is pushing him away.

The comments you made about re-reading your communication to each other & he was suggesting outings & you didnt acknowledge them is a big turn off. A guy can only make so many suggestions and have no positive reaction to them before he decides its not worth the effort.

Also turning your back on him at midnight on NYE was another slap in the face. He wanted to kiss his NYE date at midnight, nothing wrong with that.

I think you need to decide if you like him or not & if you want to pursue something with him. If he suggests an outing say YES.

Please try to contain your "chemistry".

 

I see it too often...a date goes well, one person reads the other person's physically affectionate gestures as a sign they are falling for them, they convince themselves that sex is OK because, well obviously the person really likes them and wants a relationship! Then, it doesn't turn out to be the case, and they are left wondering "But if he doesn't want a relationship with me why was he acting COUPLE-Y???" Acting "couple-y" and being in an exclusive relationship are not the same thing.

 

So, please don't allow hormones to take over.

We didn't have sex, I thought I was clear on this. It is not typical in the English culture to be so affectionate with someone they only mildly like. It is just not so. He doesn't drink, and that evening he was completely sober, and I only had a glass of wine. The degree of affection went from zero on dates 1, 2 to three on date 3, and to ten out of ten on date 4. This is whats' most puzzling.

I reread our convo over the past four months, and see that he had suggested a few times things we'd do, which I never picked up upon. And on our last date he suggested a couple of times if I wanted to do this or that. I said, sure, why not. But then he disappeared.

 

 

Im actually getting a different take to everyone else.

 

I think he is interested but it's you who is pushing him away.

 

The comments you made about re-reading your communication to each other & he was suggesting outings & you didnt acknowledge them is a big turn off. A guy can only make so many suggestions and have no positive reaction to them before he decides its not worth the effort.

Also turning your back on him at midnight on NYE was another slap in the face. He wanted to kiss his NYE date at midnight, nothing wrong with that.

 

I think you need to decide if you like him or not & if you want to pursue something with him. If he suggests an outing say YES.

Nice to see a contrarian view! What you say makes sense until the last date when it doesn't. After date 3 I thought that perhaps I wasn't showing enough encouragement, and after three weeks texted him myself and asked him out. We went on date 4, where again, I remembered to show encouragement, and he literally exploded with affection. Thankfully, I remembered about the importance to reciprocate however bizarre it felt to act like this with a guy I barely knew. Now where it breaks is where the hell he disappeared after that date for ... 5 weeks? We talked in texts a bit, and admittedly, I wasn't showing enough encouragement then, but who cares? I was affectionate with him the evening before that's what matters. Anyways, I am going to see him tonight.