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Thread: Please help me - I'm lost

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2017
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    Please help me - I'm lost

    Hi, this is my first post here.

    My partner and I broke up almost a month ago from a 3 year relationship. The first year of our relationship was perfect, but after that is when the problems began. He became a gambling addict and racked up a lot of debt. after around 3 months of his gambling he broke down and told me and his family. For a short while, everything was okay and it seemed to be fixed. This is when the abuse began. He was never physically abusive, and he always told me how beautiful I was etc. He started calling me stupid, told me I couldn't do anything right, humiliated me in public, I had to stick to strict time schedules etc. I have been worn down completely at this point and I am not the person I used to be.

    Just before we broke up, he wrote a letter to myself and his family, confessing that the gambling didn't stop and was worse than ever, with thousands of pounds worth of debt to his name. I walked away from him as I couldn't do it again. I couldn't go through the cycle of bailing him out, for the abuse to carry on as it was.

    Since then, I have been seeing him every now and then and the person that he is now; honestly is so different. It is like he is a new person and I am getting to know him all over again. I cant stop going to see him, because when I do I fall in love all over again.

    However, there is also another man I have been speaking to since I broke up with my ex partner. He is currently living abroad and plans to come home after the summer. He is kind, clever and we have been head over heals for each other since I even broke up with my partner (I know, I'm totally selfish and nasty).

    I am at a complete loss. I don't know what to do, I'm a mess and I don't know where my head is at. Do I pack my bags forever and leave my partner? Do I date this other guy, considering how much we are and have been into each other? Do I forget both of them and focus on myself?
    I'm sick of crying all the time, not sleeping & finding it hard to get up in the mornings without having a huge panic attack.

    I'm so sorry for the long note, but I just don't know what else to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It seems to happen so often that the dust of one relationship has barely settled and they are off in love with someone else when in reality, the person they need to get back in love with is themselves.

    My recommendation is to forget them both and go it alone for a while. Get to know who you are again without having to rely on the company of someone else. Learn to be happy without having someone there to compliment you and make you feel special.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent you walked away. Although you wish it were true, he hasn't changed. Most abusers and addicts have acting and cycles down to a science.

    You need to cut him off completely. That means no contact, no hanging out, block and delete on all social media. He's putting on a show to draw you back in, just as he admitted in his letter which was also bs crocodile tears.

    Focus on the new guy or better yet date locally so that you don't fall for yet another mirage.
    Originally Posted by Anonon
    I have been seeing him every now and then and the person that he is now; honestly is so different. It is like he is a new person and I am getting to know him all over again.there is also another man I have been speaking to since I broke up with my ex partner. He is currently living abroad and plans to come home after the summer.


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