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Thread: My boyfriend's dad died and now he doesn't want to be with me

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My father-in-law has Parkinson's with dementia. It is very cruel.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by KantSleep
    "... and he was telling me he didn't think he knew himself anymore, and he was reevaluating his choices in life, including our relationship with each other. He confessed he did not feel the same way about me anymore and he started feeling this way February of this year."
    It seems like his feelings for you have diminished. I don't see this as being a very hopeful situation. I can see why you felt blindsided, despite the fact he has been through a very tough time. I would not expect my current BF to dump me if his mother or father died. If that happened, who would remain together in this life - because we all have parents and everyone dies. I don't think you are being selfish. He dumps you via text and/or phone after 4 years. Not cool. I would try to move on if I was you. It appears he is done. Sorry for your hurt. Good luck.
    Yeah seeing the drastic changes and how he's holding up doesn't give me a lot of hope either. I will respect his wishes and wish him the best also depending on what happens. Thank you for your reply and honest response.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My father-in-law has Parkinson's with dementia. It is very cruel.
    Ah I am very sorry to hear that. I am sure you are giving your husband and his family the most support you can give. I know the cruelties of it as well and the details of how my boyfriend's father's health declined.

    Unfortunately I was never able to meet my boyfriend's father because his parents live so far away.

    I wish you all the best.

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    Originally Posted by Dominique
    Take a step back and let him grieve.
    He is going to come out of this a different person...when he does .. You two will have to start from that point. It will test your relationship and you may not survive this.

    Give him space.

    From time to time send him message that says "thinking of you." "Can't imagine how hard this is...I'm here if you need me". "How r u holding up...I know this is horrible for you and your family"

    Focus on saying things that let him know you respect his pain and don't expect him to be ok.

    Let him know "I don't know what to say or do other than to let u know when ur ready, I'm here"

    Give him space and time. Wait to see what happens on the other side. Trust me. There is more to come in this story. All u can do is wait.
    Thank you very much for your response. I will take your advice and I hope that the other side isn't so far away.

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    Originally Posted by crysvice
    Thank you very much for your response. I will take your advice and I hope that the other side isn't so far away.
    I hope the other side isn't far away for you either.

    Sending you light and love.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by crysvice
    Just an FYI his dad got Parkinson's disease while fighting in the Vietnam War due to Agent Orange. If you are still curious there are clinical studies you can read about it from PubMed. I honestly do not think my boyfriend is worried about getting parkinson's but he is struggling about other things. I'm not in anyway trying to attack back I am just giving you extra info about his story. I do appreciate your advice and will take it into consideration. I do realize yes, I have been selfish but I do think he dropped a bomb on me out of nowhere. The own stress in my life coupled with this is what blinded me to his own battles.
    He didn't drop the bomb out of nowhere. His dad died. Grief sometimes takes time and it mutates. you could be the person who shoulders it and just "gets through" it at first and then cry months later. Also, there is a gap in the family and now mom's alone, etc.

    I suggest you address your own stress level on your own - you can't rely on others for that - whether its doing stretching classes, hiking, learning different study habits, etc, to destress...

    He may be so spent that he finds that he obviously can't give you what you need right now = you need someone to support you and he can't offer the support you need. You are not content to just "be".

    Also, re: parkinsons A lot of times also Parkinson's is something we are predisposed to and the switch is tripped due to other factors - and agent orange, chemo, etc, can trip the switch. It has been discovered that there are genes that predispose us. 15-20% of parkinson's disease sufferers who have been checked for it do have a particular gene mutation and it can run in families. Sure, it could have been a freak occurence that dad got Parkinson's, but it could also be that he was genetically predisposed and the switch was flipped because of that. So there IS a chance he could. And no matter what, when a parent dies and they are not 90, etc, you do worry about your own mortality.

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