How should I deal with toxic in laws.

Me and my fiance have been together for almost two years now and I've always had a feeling that his mother never liked me. This was because after a few months of dating I became pregnant, we told them right away and my finances family was happy and excited but I ended up having a miscarriage at 6 weeks. This made them upset and they said I lied about the pregnancy because I didn't get a sonogram. I told them that my insurance didn't cover sonograms that early and that I was scheduled to get one at 12 weeks. They still didn't believe me until I had to show them the blood test I took at the obgyn that stated I was indeed pregnant. A year passes and I get pregnant again, this time me and my fiance waited until I was 9 weeks to tell his family. However my parents were not too pleased because I was 17 and they said I was too young and wanted me to finish my education. I was dealing with alot of stress in my household and my fiance decided that it would be best if I moved in with him and his family because he had recently moved 15 miles away from me and he want to be there for me through my pregnancy. The first two weeks of us living together was normal but his mother slowly began to get irritated by me for whatever reason. I would wake every morning and leave to go to school at 6:30 am and not come back until around 6pm. I was hardly at his house enough to bother anyone. I kept to myself and would always help around with cooking and cleaning. The first argument happened when I forgot to wash dishes because I came home from school and feel asleep. She complained and called me lazy so I began to do dishes everyday so I wouldn't upset her. The second argument happened when I had come home early from school because it was exam day. She said I was a liar and a snake and that I had lied about going to school so I could stay home with my fiance. I began to cry and showed her my exam ticket and she just changed the subject and told me that I had to go out and get a job even though I'm a full time student. Then she demanded I pay her $40 for bills and I just handed her the money and left the house for a walk to calm down. The next day I had a talk with my fiance and told him I would be going back home at the end of the week because I couldn't deal with his mother anymore I was tired of walking on eggshells around her. The day before I left his mother argued with me again because I didn't say hello to her. The next morning I packed my things and left. I was under so much stress about leaving my fiance after living with him for over a month and what his mother had put me through. A few days later I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I called and told my fiance over the phone because he lives far away he was extremely upset and began crying he told me he wanted me to go see him so I began heading over there. Before I arrive to his home I tried calling him multiple times and he never picked up. I ended up calling his sister who didn't pick up ether. At this point I had a feeling something was going on. A few minutes later I get a call from his mom so I pick up and she is cursing my out saying that she was going to fight me and that I had aborted my child. This made me so angry that I yelled at her. When I arrived to his house I rang the door bell and his mother and sister answered the door and refused to let me see my fiance they told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore because they assumed I had an abortion and they had packed up the rest of my belongings up in a garbage bag and told me to get out. I told them why they were doing this and they just keep saying because I had an abortion and that I had killed my baby. They demanded medical paperwork to prove that I really had a miscarriage. At this point I realized that his family is pure evil, I went home and sent my fiance a picture of paperwork I got from the ER to clear my name and a few hours later my fiance calls me and tells me that he was so upset and that he didn't know what to believe because his mother was telling him I had went and got an abortion because I was upset about having to leave his house. I forgave my fiance and ever since then I haven't had any contact with his family. I never got an apology or anything directly from his mother. Many months have passed since this happened and I don't know what to do because we plan to get married in a couple months and I can't get passed what happened. Should I even try and make amends with his family after what they put me through. Should my fiance say something to his family.

Firstly, I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I know what that's like. unfortunately, its very common in the first 12 weeks.

The family is not toxic per se. They are rightfully concerned and upset and I assume they are financially supporting you. And they are at the end of their tether! Maybe they say things that they don't mean later - but understand their view.

Their son is dating a girl, she gets pregnant, and then gets pregnant again. They were very supportive of you the first time and were ready to welcome your child - which sounds like an awesome family to me.

but the second time, they feel that you both are stupid for not learning from the first time. And they wonder what your motives are - because if i was a teenager and got pregnant, I would use the miscarriage that I had as motivation to stop having sex with my boyfriend and to focus on my education and a part time job. It would have been a big wake up call to me. Instead, it seems that you both didn't learn and were TRYING to get pregnant if you are pregnant again.

As far as the second miscarriage - it was very coincidental to them that it happened immediately after you moved out. I know they sound a bit cruel at the moment, but you have to admit you pack your bags an run out the door and immediately it happens next. They shouldn't have said that - but emotions are VERY high at this moment for all of you.

Honestly, I would stop focusing on his parents and start focusing on you - get your education, graduate from high school, figure out what kind of career you want and keep your legs shut. In the meantime also learn about birth control and don't have sex again until you are 1) a legal adult 2) married (or if you don't agree with old moldy me - in a committed relationship) 3) are financially able to afford to take care of yourself.

I hope that you are under a doctor's care. Go get lined up with an OB/GYN. You may want to get checked out to make sure all is well with you and also if there are any medical conditions that you are not aware of that need to be treated.

I am sorry that i sound harsh, but this is your future. You can choose to say his parents are bad or you can use it as motivation to get on track.

There are always two sides to every story. She sounds awful and I would not marry someone that will not stick up for you and defend you. Sounds like a recipe for misery. I would not bother making amends and would not plan to marry this guy any time soon

Many months have passed since this happened and I don't know what to do because we plan to get married in a couple months and I can't get passed what happened. Should I even try and make amends with his family after what they put me through. Should my fiance say something to his family.

I think that if you are only 17-19 that you should not get married at this point. You should get both on your own two feet with education and jobs so that any child you have or any marriage you have is not financially supported by either sets of parents I think that his parents need a lot of time to cool off and you should leave them alone. They may owe an apology, but you did no favors by being supported by them and imposing on them either. It will take time for them to come around and you have to prove you are responsible. So don't use birth control after you are married, but don't get married until you are both on a good track in your education and careers so that no one else is responsible but the two of you. So wait another good 2 years before considering actually getting married.

You need to stay at home, focus on school and go to a doctor for birth control. Your bf's family is crazy and they don't trust or respect you. Do not marry him.

Why are you in such a rush to marry so young and keep getting pregnant? How old is he? Does he have a job and a his own place? Do you have a job?

You will never sever him from his family. No, he knows what happened and he's fine with it. There is nothing for him to say to his family.

Me and my fiance have been together for almost two years now and I've always had a feeling that his mother never liked me. This was because after a few months of dating I became pregnant. A year passes and I get pregnant again. However my parents were not too pleased because I was 17.

I forgave my fiance and ever since then I haven't had any contact with his family.

Me and my fiance have been together for almost two years now and I've always had a feeling that his mother never liked me. This was because after a few months of dating I became pregnant, we told them right away and my finances family was happy and excited but I ended up having a miscarriage at 6 weeks. This made them upset and they said I lied about the pregnancy because I didn't get a sonogram. I told them that my insurance didn't cover sonograms that early and that I was scheduled to get one at 12 weeks. They still didn't believe me until I had to show them the blood test I took at the obgyn that stated I was indeed pregnant. A year passes and I get pregnant again, this time me and my fiance waited until I was 9 weeks to tell his family. However my parents were not too pleased because I was 17 and they said I was too young and wanted me to finish my education. I was dealing with alot of stress in my household and my fiance decided that it would be best if I moved in with him and his family because he had recently moved 15 miles away from me and he want to be there for me through my pregnancy. The first two weeks of us living together was normal but his mother slowly began to get irritated by me for whatever reason. I would wake every morning and leave to go to school at 6:30 am and not come back until around 6pm. I was hardly at his house enough to bother anyone. I kept to myself and would always help around with cooking and cleaning. The first argument happened when I forgot to wash dishes because I came home from school and feel asleep. She complained and called me lazy so I began to do dishes everyday so I wouldn't upset her. The second argument happened when I had come home early from school because it was exam day. She said I was a liar and a snake and that I had lied about going to school so I could stay home with my fiance. I began to cry and showed her my exam ticket and she just changed the subject and told me that I had to go out and get a job even though I'm a full time student. Then she demanded I pay her $40 for bills and I just handed her the money and left the house for a walk to calm down. The next day I had a talk with my fiance and told him I would be going back home at the end of the week because I couldn't deal with his mother anymore I was tired of walking on eggshells around her. The day before I left his mother argued with me again because I didn't say hello to her. The next morning I packed my things and left. I was under so much stress about leaving my fiance after living with him for over a month and what his mother had put me through. A few days later I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I called and told my fiance over the phone because he lives far away he was extremely upset and began crying he told me he wanted me to go see him so I began heading over there. Before I arrive to his home I tried calling him multiple times and he never picked up. I ended up calling his sister who didn't pick up ether. At this point I had a feeling something was going on. A few minutes later I get a call from his mom so I pick up and she is cursing my out saying that she was going to fight me and that I had aborted my child. This made me so angry that I yelled at her. When I arrived to his house I rang the door bell and his mother and sister answered the door and refused to let me see my fiance they told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore because they assumed I had an abortion and they had packed up the rest of my belongings up in a garbage bag and told me to get out. I told them why they were doing this and they just keep saying because I had an abortion and that I had killed my baby. They demanded medical paperwork to prove that I really had a miscarriage. At this point I realized that his family is pure evil, I went home and sent my fiance a picture of paperwork I got from the ER to clear my name and a few hours later my fiance calls me and tells me that he was so upset and that he didn't know what to believe because his mother was telling him I had went and got an abortion because I was upset about having to leave his house. I forgave my fiance and ever since then I haven't had any contact with his family. I never got an apology or anything directly from his mother. Many months have passed since this happened and I don't know what to do because we plan to get married in a couple months and I can't get passed what happened. Should I even try and make amends with his family after what they put me through. Should my fiance say something to his family.

Things I forgot to mention:

I was 17 about to turn 18 in a couple weeks. I was in my first year of college. Both times I got pregnant was accidental because the condom broke. His mother kept insisting that I we should have a child because she was getting older and I was paying a cut of all the bills in the house like everyone else in his family. I am going to marry my fiance he is the love of my life. My family loves him as well and I don't know what to do about his family because we plan to get married and I can't stand being around them.

When you marry someone they become YOUR family. Dealt with my husband's family for 28 years. It is like a life sentence.

You are far too young and in no position to keep getting pregnant and contemplating marriage. If this guy is The One for you, he'll be there after you two grow up, mature, get your education, then get jobs and a home, either together or separately. Then you can think about marriage and babies. In the meantime get yourself on some reliable birth control if you plan to keep having sex with this fellow. You need to get your head on straight because at the moment it isnt.

He will never side with you over his parents, it won't happen. His mother does sound like a real shrew but she's also being protective of her son. This is how these things work. Yes she was mean if things unfolded as you say, but people say nasty things in the heat of the moment, and yes she may be crazy, we dont know.

You need to take care of you, first and foremost. It's irresponsible for you to keep getting pregnant at your age.

Things I forgot to mention:

I was 17 about to turn 18 in a couple weeks. I was in my first year of college. Both times I got pregnant was accidental because the condom broke. His mother kept insisting that I we should have a child because she was getting older and I was paying a cut of all the bills in the house like everyone else in his family. I am going to marry my fiance he is the love of my life. My family loves him as well and I don't know what to do about his family because we plan to get married and I can't stand being around them.

If you can't have sex without the condom breaking - then don't have it! Condoms break from improper use, lack of lubrication or because they are really old. You need to take some responsibility and 1) no sex or 2) learn to track your cycles to avoid fertile days plus condoms plus another form of birth control. If you don't want to be a part of his family, stop sleeping with him. If you are right for eachother, you can survive not having sex for a time. I sincerely hope you are both not dumb enough to go back for a third round.

It doesn't matter if you were in college - 17 is still a minor. I get it. I know people have started college at 17 because of when their birthday fell in the year when they started kindergarten - august-october birthdays in particular.

When you graduate with your associate's or bachelor's degree AND have lived on your own without him, then you can revisit the idea if you want to marry this guy.

If you want the respect of his family, then work on growing up. They see you as an irresponsible child right now - they see their son the same way - but their son is their blood. My grandparents weren't thrilled with my dad at first but they came around big time as time when on - he took responsibility and so did my mother.

So, work towards being able to support both of yourselves individually and they probably WILL come around if you come around and shape up as well.

And in the meantime - keep your legs together.

Bringing a child into a toxic world is something to be avoided. When you and your boyfriend can afford to live independently with good careers, then that is the time you can consider marriage. When you have your own home, you don't need to let people inside it if they treat you poorly. You can call the shots in your own home. If you're playing house and living with parents, they call the shots, and what they want you to do is what you'll do or you'll suffer the consequences.

I don't know what your rush is. Stay in college. Date your bf. Spend time with girlfriends. This is the least responsibility you'll ever have in your life, while still living with your own parents, so enjoy your youth. You have the entire rest of your adult life to settle down into marriage and to have children. And even though children are a great joy in life, they also cause a lot of stress and take away a couple's attention from each other. Take this time to enjoy your bf and build upon the relationship you have with him.

Sometimes when a woman is trying to enter into an early marriage, it's to escape an unhappy home life. Think about if this is the case with you. Did you know that birth control pills are free? Check into it. The human brain isn't fully formed until age 25, so it'd be wise to not to make any major decisions like marriage until then. From the Institute of Family Studies by Nicholas H. Wolfinger: It’s no mystery why people who marry as teens face a high risk of divorce. Just recall your high school boyfriend or girlfriend. Along with the exhilaration of first love often came jealousy, insecurity, pressure from parents or friends, and tearful doubts about the future. Now imagine getting married under the same conditions. Scholars have long known that youthful marriage is a strong predictor of divorce. For instance, someone who marries at 25 is over 50 percent less likely to get divorced than is someone who weds at age 20. Most youthful couples simply do not have the maturity, coping skills, and social support it takes to make marriage work. In the face of routine marital problems, teens and young twenty-somethings lack the wherewithal necessary for happy resolutions.

Do condoms exist in your country?

Caveroger:

" I am going to marry my fiance he is the love of my life. My family loves him as well and I don't know what to do about his family because we plan to get married and I can't stand being around them."

Tell me, did you actually READ any of the posts which others on here took the trouble to write for you?!

You also remarked:

" my parents were not too pleased because I was 17 and they said I was too young and wanted me to finish my education."

Your parents are absolutely right.

And despite all the drama, immature hysteria all round, and general mayhem you still plan to marry in two months!!

What is the big hurry? You can continue dating your boyfriend, and if he is really the one you eventually wish to marry then the relationship will stand the test of time. You are not mature enough to marry, and definitely not mature enough to have children.

Why doesn't he move in with your family? If they were accidents what does that have to do with his mother thinking you "should have a child" at 17-18? Is this an arranged marriage?

What does your bf say about all this? Is he willing to cut off his family because you can't get along with them?

Both times I got pregnant was accidental because the condom broke. His mother kept insisting that I we should have a child My family loves him as well and I don't know what to do about his family because we plan to get married and I can't stand being around them.

If this is the man for you and the one you should marry. He will still be around in 5 years. We married when my husband was 24.. almost 25 ... he was still too young. I was 27. Looking at my wedding video recently one of my friends remarked OMG he was still a baby!

My parents married at 18. Not enough life skills. They divorced after having 2 kids and being 25 years old. There is NOOOOOO rush.

Also I would seriously rethink craptastic in-laws. I am telling you from long experience you should say NO THANKS!

Pure gold. ~;6809516]craptastic in-laws.