Can't sleep..in tears

I miss my ex so much. I can't sleep and when I do I have dreams about him and wake up reaching for him in tears.

I really wish this pain would just go away and leave me alone. I see his face in everything I do. I'm miserable. I want to call him so bad right now. I know he's awake.

I HATE THIS!

I know it's hard. what helps me move on is knowing that even though he's gone, i was the best thing he's ever had and he had to lose me unfortunately. improve your look, go to the gym, reading, cooking, anything to take your mind off of him. YOU CAN DO THIS! this is all part of healing. don't break no contact, you'll regret it so much. you're better than this. don't succumb. tell yourself you're strong, and that it's okay to cry. it's okay to be sad over him. but he's gone. he's moving on, and so are you. you can do this!!

I know it's hard. what helps me move on is knowing that even though he's gone, i was the best thing he's ever had and he had to lose me unfortunately. improve your look, go to the gym, reading, cooking, anything to take your mind off of him. YOU CAN DO THIS! this is all part of healing. don't break no contact, you'll regret it so much. you're better than this. don't succumb. tell yourself you're strong, and that it's okay to cry. it's okay to be sad over him. but he's gone. he's moving on, and so are you. you can do this!!

I won't break no contact. I promise. I set my parameters for talking to him. If he contacts me to get back together, I will definitely talk to him because I love him truly. But I am not going to contact him myself or entertain idle chats with him. So unless he shows up here with a ring or a key ... We got nothing to talk about.

My baby is asleep so I went outside and just walked around the very front of the door for a moment with baby monitor in hand to try to change my state and stop crying.

This is really hard. I refuse to let this breakup define the rest of my life with sorrow but for now I am devastated and it just hurts so bad. I'm doing everything I can to keep moving forward or at the very least stand still.

It doesn't help that I hate my job and am in the middle of a nasty expensive divorce. Lots of things I would do to distract myself, I can't now because of money. I am scraping together gas and food money so going out is not an option.

I feel like everything in my life is going so very wrong now. I miss having him to share with. We were a team. It was beautiful.

We didn't break up because we don't love each other. No harsh words were said. No argument or "ghosting". Our timing was awful and our lives got too hard for our 1 year relationship to handle. We parted with a kiss and a night of just holding each other.

Now 2 months later he is distracting himself with a fling at his job and I am crying my eyes out alone ...I refuse to use anyone to get over my ex. Though I keep getting offers. I don't feel it's fair.

" I really wish this pain would just go away and leave me alone."

The truth is, it will go away. Not today, but a lot sooner if you dont contact him. If you do contact him, his rejection will hurt you even more and it will last longer.

I won't break no contact. I promise. I set my parameters for talking to him. If he contacts me to get back together, I will definitely talk to him because I love him truly. But I am not going to contact him myself or entertain idle chats with him. So unless he shows up here with a ring or a key ... We got nothing to talk about.

 

My baby is asleep so I went outside and just walked around the very front of the door for a moment with baby monitor in hand to try to change my state and stop crying.

 

This is really hard. I refuse to let this breakup define the rest of my life with sorrow but for now I am devastated and it just hurts so bad. I'm doing everything I can to keep moving forward or at the very least stand still.

 

It doesn't help that I hate my job and am in the middle of a nasty expensive divorce. Lots of things I would do to distract myself, I can't now because of money. I am scraping together gas and food money so going out is not an option.

 

I feel like everything in my life is going so very wrong now. I miss having him to share with. We were a team. It was beautiful.

 

We didn't break up because we don't love each other. No harsh words were said. No argument or "ghosting". Our timing was awful and our lives got too hard for our 1 year relationship to handle. We parted with a kiss and a night of just holding each other.

 

Now 2 months later he is distracting himself with a fling at his job and I am crying my eyes out alone ...I refuse to use anyone to get over my ex. Though I keep getting offers. I don't feel it's fair.

Hey Dominique, I SO feel for you. I like how you describe the situation and your attitude.

Well, look, I'd love to be able to tell you that it'll all sort out magically by itself, but I don't think it's the case. So you'll need to find strength inside you somehow to sort out this mess. Whose baby is this? Expensive divorce and you're scraping money on food gas, and hate your job.. Gee. No wonder you're holding onto the thought of him so dearly. But imagine, your life was different now - you really loved your job, had good income to do things you love, obviously had amazing time wth your growing child, hang out with friends.. divorce was behind you. How would you feel about him?

If I were in your shoes, and I had been in an awful situation myself something like what you are having, and the only reason I am a stronger, more capable person now, and my life finally feels what I want it to be, is that I found strength to deal with this all. Are you religious or spiritual at all? It would help hugely. I don't think we humans, if ascribing to the Descartes's view, can do anything at all. I could not. And so I opted to rediscover God and spirituality (not religion).

On more practical level, I searched and found tools to help me get over "crying my eyes out". I think it was at 2 month mark as well, and the pain was just intolerable. I could not cope with my job or kids. The tape that helped me immensely is Conscious Uncoupling. Look it up. And then books like Return to Love, Conversations with God.. They are all free on youtube, by the way. But you need to find your own - what it is that resonates with you.

Good luck! And keep us posted how you are getting on.

" I really wish this pain would just go away and leave me alone."

 

The truth is, it will go away. Not today, but a lot sooner if you dont contact him. If you do contact him, his rejection will hurt you even more and it will last longer.

I agree. Don't worry. I'm past that stage. We talked this out already. I am not going to contact him under any circumstance. I've said everything i need to say. It's been two weeks and I have no inclination whatsoever to contact him. I WANT TO TALK TO HIM.... But I DO NOT WANT TO CONTACT HIM. If that makes sense. Lol

If he contacts me to reconcile, I will listen. Anything else is not negotiable. I won't allow any contact. I blocked him and all his friends that talk to me about him.

Hey Dominique, I SO feel for you. I like how you describe the situation and your attitude.

 

Well, look, I'd love to be able to tell you that it'll all sort out magically by itself, but I don't think it's the case. So you'll need to find strength inside you somehow to sort out this mess. Whose baby is this? Expensive divorce and you're scraping money on food gas, and hate your job.. Gee. No wonder you're holding onto the thought of him so dearly. But imagine, your life was different now - you really loved your job, had good income to do things you love, obviously had amazing time wth your growing child, hang out with friends.. divorce was behind you. How would you feel about him?

 

If I were in your shoes, and I had been in an awful situation myself something like what you are having, and the only reason I am a stronger, more capable person now, and my life finally feels what I want it to be, is that I found strength to deal with this all. Are you religious or spiritual at all? It would help hugely. I don't think we humans, if ascribing to the Descartes's view, can do anything at all. I could not. And so I opted to rediscover God and spirituality (not religion).

 

On more practical level, I searched and found tools to help me get over "crying my eyes out". I think it was at 2 month mark as well, and the pain was just intolerable. I could not cope with my job or kids. The tape that helped me immensely is Conscious Uncoupling. Look it up. And then books like Return to Love, Conversations with God.. They are all free on youtube, by the way. But you need to find your own - what it is that resonates with you.

 

Good luck! And keep us posted how you are getting on.

Thanks for ur thoughtful reply

I've been separated for 3 years and my divorce will be final hopefully in the next few months....end of year at latest. I started dating my ex last year. We were both separated the exact same amount of time when we connected. As we got to know each other we found out we actually asked for our divorces on the same day. We dated just over a year and broke up two/three months ago.

(My child is mine and my soon to be ex husband's)

I will check out the books u suggested. I am spiritual as well (NOT religious)

To answer ur other question.,...if everything was right in my life, I would be sorry he wasn't with me now when things are better so we could share all the things we talked about. I know he feels the same. We broke up because the financial strain of his divorce and custody issues started to eat away at the time we could spend together. He started working two jobs and he got very depressed. Then a few months later, my divorce took the same turn. Now I am working two jobs and depressed about how awful my ex spouse is being to me and our kid ...... Our new relationship couldn't take it. It's just too much to handle.

Thanks for ur thoughtful reply

 

I've been separated for 3 years and my divorce will be final hopefully in the next few months....end of year at latest. I started dating my ex last year. We were both separated the exact same amount of time when we connected. As we got to know each other we found out we actually asked for our divorces on the same day. We dated just over a year and broke up two/three months ago.

 

(My child is mine and my soon to be ex husband's)

 

I will check out the books u suggested. I am spiritual as well (NOT religious)

 

To answer ur other question.,...if everything was right in my life, I would be sorry he wasn't with me now when things are better so we could share all the things we talked about. I know he feels the same. We broke up because the financial strain of his divorce and custody issues started to eat away at the time we could spend together. He started working two jobs and he got very depressed. Then a few months later, my divorce took the same turn. Now I am working two jobs and depressed about how awful my ex spouse is being to me and our kid ...... Our new relationship couldn't take it. It's just too much to handle.

I am really sorry to hear that. But look, if your relationship was atemporal, you perhaps should find a way to work it back together. Financial strain and divorce, it is temporal, and usually up to three years.

What I found interesting to learn lately is speaking to two guy friends both going through a divorce now, like yourself and your ex. Both dated girls while it all is going on. The first guy like what you describe - the strain of it all was just taking a tall on him emotionally and he broke up with her. Now that this is behind him, I am asking if he'd go back to her. He says, no, this relationship belongs to the past, and it was only suitable in that time frame. And he adds, that he didn't have any special connection with her anyway. But I assume that if he did, he would. Another guy ended it because she didn't want to hang out with his children too much, but otherwise they were a perfect fit. Now that he's very close to completion, I am asking him if he wants to get back with her, he says definitely not, and after thinking for some time adds, my gut tells me she is not the right person for me. So what I am saying, if your relationship was really special, you should be able to work it out after the turmoil on both sides have ended. Who contacts whom is irrelevant in my view, I would't be so dogmatic that it should be him and with a "ring or a key". Think about it, a guy who has just gave an arm and a leg to the lawyers, and a half heart to his ex, is he in the position to give me what I am asking? If you are reasonable and understanding, this should happen eventually, but not at this stage of life. No?

I am really sorry to hear that. But look, if your relationship was atemporal, you perhaps should find a way to work it back together. Financial strain and divorce, it is temporal, and usually up to three years.

 

What I found interesting to learn lately is speaking to two guy friends both going through a divorce now, like yourself and your ex. Both dated girls while it all is going on. The first guy like what you describe - the strain of it all was just taking a tall on him emotionally and he broke up with her. Now that this is behind him, I am asking if he'd go back to her. He says, no, this relationship belongs to the past, and it was only suitable in that time frame. And he adds, that he didn't have any special connection with her anyway. But I assume that if he did, he would. Another guy ended it because she didn't want to hang out with his children too much, but otherwise they were a perfect fit. Now that he's very close to completion, I am asking him if he wants to get back with her, he says definitely not, and after thinking for some time adds, my gut tells me she is not the right person for me. So what I am saying, if your relationship was really special, you should be able to work it out after the turmoil on both sides have ended. Who contacts whom is irrelevant in my view, I would't be so dogmatic that it should be him and with a "ring or a key". Think about it, a guy who has just gave an arm and a leg to the lawyers, and a half heart to his ex, is he in the position to give me what I am asking? If you are reasonable and understanding, this should happen eventually, but not at this stage of life. No?

What we had was special. We talked about a future and started to bring our lives together. It was me who sis that we should give it time because we both we depleted from our marriages and our divorces. I am very reasonable and understanding. I wanted to support him and hold him as he fell apart. He pulled away and left me because he didn't want me to suffer, because he felt he couldn't provide for me, and he got very depressed. I was by his side the whole time but he couldn't allow me in. He got so depressed. It hurt me to see him like that.

When I said "ring or key" I was being figurative. I just meant that I don't want to chit chat. It hurts too much to be in contact and not be together. We shared a lot. Also, I know he's having a fling now and I want him to have the space he needs to just let that happen. He's using her to soothe his pain and I can't watch.

I am not against us being together or giving us another chance. I'm just protecting my heart right now by leaving him alone. I don't think that's a bad thing. I only want him. If he ever comes back and says he wants me too, I would do it in a heartbeat. We both felt what we had was, in his words, "what God meant for a relationship to be like".

I miss my ex so much. I can't sleep and when I do I have dreams about him and wake up reaching for him in tears.

 

I really wish this pain would just go away and leave me alone. I see his face in everything I do. I'm miserable. I want to call him so bad right now. I know he's awake.

 

I HATE THIS!

You are allowed to hate this.

Believe me I know. I have been going through this with you.

This will pass. You will be okay.

What can and will eventually pass is to do all you can to keep your mind elsewhere. To focus your thoughts on what is present before you today.

Do not contact.

Do not read anything about him.

Do not look at things that remind you.

If it helps, box the items up and put them in an attic or space away from you.

Your mind will haunt you of this if you keep going there.

You are strong, beautiful, vital.

You can focus on today.

The only reason to look in the mirror is to see how far you have come.

Find something, something new, someone new to be passionate about.

Enjoy and love your child completely. Your child needs you with all you are and can be.

I have the oars. I will carry you away from this pain. Focus on today. Dream of a future.

Change your thoughts to a different thought.

Be your change.

You are STRONG and WILL get through this.

Tomorrow WILL be better.

The next day too.

Love yourself fully.

You have the power to rebuild when all around you crumbles.

Everyone here has their hand in yours.

This community will be by your side as you walk every step.

At you side even when you stumble.

We all love you!

You are allowed to hate this.

Believe me I know. I have been going through this with you.

This will pass. You will be okay.

What can and will eventually pass is to do all you can to keep your mind elsewhere. To focus your thoughts on what is present before you today.

Do not contact.

Do not read anything about him.

Do not look at things that remind you.

If it helps, box the items up and put them in an attic or space away from you.

Your mind will haunt you of this if you keep going there.

You are strong, beautiful, vital.

You can focus on today.

The only reason to look in the mirror is to see how far you have come.

Find something, something new, someone new to be passionate about.

Enjoy and love your child completely. Your child needs you with all you are and can be.

I have the oars. I will carry you away from this pain. Focus on today. Dream of a future.

Change your thoughts to a different thought.

Be your change.

You are STRONG and WILL get through this.

Tomorrow WILL be better.

The next day too.

Love yourself fully.

You have the power to rebuild when all around you crumbles.

 

Everyone here has their hand in yours.

This community will be by your side as you walk every step.

At you side even when you stumble.

 

We all love you!

Thank u so very very much. I have plans with my child today. We r cooking and working on a writing project. Im an aspiring author/writer and he's working on his first little manuscript so he can be like mommy.

I am not going to contact my ex or look at anything of ours. I know that won't help me. I don't want to feel worse. I'm very committed to not feeling worse.

I'm here with you all too. With all my heart. ❤️

Thank u so very very much. I have plans with my child today. We r cooking and working on a writing project. Im an aspiring author/writer and he's working on his first little manuscript so he can be like mommy.

 

I am not going to contact my ex or look at anything of ours. I know that won't help me. I don't want to feel worse. I'm very committed to not feeling worse.

 

I'm here with you all too. With all my heart. ❤️

Those are such wonderful plans for you and your little one.

Bonding like that is so wonderful.

I would love to read all about these things. About the cooking. About the writing.

These are such precious things.

I see your smile and joy in this!

I see you shine from within as I read your note!

Those are such wonderful plans for you and your little one.

Bonding like that is so wonderful.

I would love to read all about these things. About the cooking. About the writing.

These are such precious things.

 

I see your smile and joy in this!

I see you shine from within as I read your note!

Yes. My baby is my miracle. Every dr told me I could not carry to term and my pregnancy would not survive ...but here is he. He is my reason for making it through this. I have to be here to love this child. He is my heart.

How r u holding up?

Yes. My baby is my miracle. Every dr told me I could not carry to term and my pregnancy would not survive ...but here is he. He is my reason for making it through this. I have to be here to love this child. He is my heart.

 

How r u holding up?

Yes, that miracle is a beautiful reflection on all you can and will do.

I am holding up well today.

I turned a corner yesterday.

I am much stronger today.

Yes, that miracle is a beautiful reflection on all you can and will do.

 

I am holding up well today.

I turned a corner yesterday.

I am much stronger today.

Stay strong😊

The dreams are the worst. They seem so damn real. And you're laughing with them, talking, holding each other. I dream about my ex almost every night and every morning I wake up only missing him more. You have set strong parameters for yourself and I think those will serve you well. I absolutely suck at no contact. I'm sorry you are hurting but you will get through it. Hang in there.

The dreams are the worst. They seem so damn real. And you're laughing with them, talking, holding each other. I dream about my ex almost every night and every morning I wake up only missing him more. You have set strong parameters for yourself and I think those will serve you well. I absolutely suck at no contact. I'm sorry you are hurting but you will get through it. Hang in there.

You can do NC. Once you put your own feelings first .... You can do it. I believe you can and will.

Time and distance will be your greatest allies in this struggle.

We all know what its like when you start thinking about an ex from the moment that you wake up until the moment you fall asleep.

Take each day at a time. Your light at the end of the tunnel may seem far away but it is coming.....

Time and distance will be your greatest allies in this struggle.

 

We all know what its like when you start thinking about an ex from the moment that you wake up until the moment you fall asleep.

 

Take each day at a time. Your light at the end of the tunnel may seem far away but it is coming.....

Looking for that light today .... Still feels very dark.

Looking for that light today .... Still feels very dark.

It does for most of us until we heal. Keep moving forward.

You are allowed to hate this.

Believe me I know. I have been going through this with you.

This will pass. You will be okay.

What can and will eventually pass is to do all you can to keep your mind elsewhere. To focus your thoughts on what is present before you today.

Do not contact.

Do not read anything about him.

Do not look at things that remind you.

If it helps, box the items up and put them in an attic or space away from you.

Your mind will haunt you of this if you keep going there.

You are strong, beautiful, vital.

You can focus on today.

The only reason to look in the mirror is to see how far you have come.

Find something, something new, someone new to be passionate about.

Enjoy and love your child completely. Your child needs you with all you are and can be.

I have the oars. I will carry you away from this pain. Focus on today. Dream of a future.

Change your thoughts to a different thought.

Be your change.

You are STRONG and WILL get through this.

Tomorrow WILL be better.

The next day too.

Love yourself fully.

You have the power to rebuild when all around you crumbles.

 

Everyone here has their hand in yours.

This community will be by your side as you walk every step.

At you side even when you stumble.

 

We all love you!

That was very nice to read

If eel the same way I go to bed thinking of her crying myself to sleep wake up missing her and thinking of her all day it's the hardest thing to get by...but I hope there right and there is a light and the end of the tunnel...your already stronger then me. By going NC I've tie and don't last more then a few hours...I don't know what hurts more the no reply or the one word answers unless she has something to stay.. Say strong for yourself and kid try and keep busy I know it's hard but u have to be strong

If eel the same way I go to bed thinking of her crying myself to sleep wake up missing her and thinking of her all day it's the hardest thing to get by...but I hope there right and there is a light and the end of the tunnel...your already stronger then me. By going NC I've tie and don't last more then a few hours...I don't know what hurts more the no reply or the one word answers unless she has something to stay.. Say strong for yourself and kid try and keep busy I know it's hard but u have to be strong

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's awful.

I haven't slept in weeks. I got a good night sleep a few days ago but I had a few martinis. I can't/won't drink my way to sleep every night.

My heart aches for you. I would give anything to know my ex was wanting me every night and day the way I want him. But I won't know because I won't ask. It's excruciating.

Protect your heart. Stop reaching out to her and reopening your wounds. It's doesnt make you feel any better but it does keep you from feeling worse.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's awful.

 

I haven't slept in weeks. I got a good night sleep a few days ago but I had a few martinis. I can't/won't drink my way to sleep every night.

 

My heart aches for you. I would give anything to know my ex was wanting me every night and day the way I want him. But I won't know because I won't ask. It's excruciating.

 

Protect your heart. Stop reaching out to her and reopening your wounds. It's doesnt make you feel any better but it does keep you from feeling worse.

I don't sleep anymore either lol pass out then just wake up every hour or so till its morning then exhausted for work all day then come home and again can't sleep...I want o opti ask as well but I'm scared of the answer I will get so I don't I just hope she will get past this and try 1 more time

I do feel for u I know all the pain you're going through I just hope it gets better with time