I feel very anxious and alone right now

Hello all,

So of course it's Saturday night and I have no plans. I am definitely not wanting to go to the bars anymore or out for drinks I just really need some companionship even just to watch a movie or talk at home. This break up again with the same ex is harder than I thought. I guess I should've learned my lesson the first two times that it didn't work... I just felt it was really meant to be! Ughhh! Can't even focus on studying or homework... anyone feeling the same way?

Background: dated 4 years and about a half... both of us just turned 22. We broke up a couple times one being one month and the most recent was last year after 7 months apart. Now again in the beginning of March. All the times she has broken up with me but I feel like I've been the instigator.

I'm feeling the same way, but not for the same reason. I've been single for 3 years because I can't find someone I like. And sometimes I miss my exes just because I used to like them haha. I'm also not in the mood for bars or parties. If it helps, I don't think it was a mistake to get back to you ex. If you hadn't tried, how would you know?

I'm feeling the same way, but not for the same reason. I've been single for 3 years because I can't find someone I like. And sometimes I miss my exes just because I used to like them haha. I'm also not in the mood for bars or parties. If it helps, I don't think it was a mistake to get back to you ex. If you hadn't tried, how would you know?

Just a down night for me I feel so lonely. I wish she would miss me or just show up to my house some sort of fantasy that of course wouldn't happen.

Yeah of course I wouldn't have known and that was my mentality when we first talked. So I guess I shouldn't regret it even though I want to.

Very relatable feeling. You know it's coming though yeah? So use this knowledge to meet it head on, plan some kind of social interaction that Isn't pubs or bars for the near future. Maybe you have some friends you could invite over for dinner and movies?

If the friendship circle is patchy maybe you could undertake a long term mission to get out there and interact with more people (some of whom might turn out to be potential friends. Find these people by taking up social hobbies and or classes in things you're interested in).

Very relatable feeling. You know it's coming though yeah? So use this knowledge to meet it head on, plan some kind of social interaction that Isn't pubs or bars for the near future. Maybe you have some friends you could invite over for dinner and movies?

 

If the friendship circle is patchy maybe you could undertake a long term mission to get out there and interact with more people (some of whom might turn out to be potential friends. Find these people by taking up social hobbies and or classes in things you're interested in).

Yeah I definitely started noticing this trend again. I guess I shall plan my weekends before it comes to be sure I don't have so many things to think about.

My circle of friends are just so busy with their work, school and other activities it's so hard to schedule it but thanks for the options I will try my best to get into more social interactions.

Collegeguy, everyone goes through these periods. Healing is never linear.

When my husband and I split, I cried every day for two years (thankfully, not all day, but once four days without stopping - Thanksgiving afternoon through Monday when my doctor's office opened...valium got it stopped). And one day I realized what I was doing wasn't working. I made a conscious decision that moment to be happy, no matter what. One area of my life was messed up. Just one. And I'd let that area affect every other area.

My life wasn't going to be about our breakup anymore. It was going to be about me...so I hatched a plan. A devious plan that would do two things: focus on me and make my ex want to eat his heart out. I recommend this for everyone going through a transitional phase. Here's my advice:

Change something about your appearance. Something small. Slick your hair back or part it on the other side, get a different haircut or new glasses, trim your facial hair close to your face - something obvious, but not too obvious. (This is a visual clue to your friends, classmates, and yourself every time you look in the mirror there's been a purposeful shift.)

Learn something new. I get you're in college and (hopefully) learning new things all the time, but something not school related. You could try learning to make pasta, speak French or Italian, play an instrument, how to carve or paint, or to take great digital pictures. (This will help you feel a sense of mastery and give you something to focus on in your down time...like a Saturday night.)

Volunteer for a cause serving those in need. (This will help you to feel more grateful for what you have.)

Become an expert in something. (Local art, history, or politics - virtually anything that's close to home. You'll be more fascinating to everyone.)

Go to small businesses in your community. (You'll expand your world.)

Make an effort to meet three new people a week - people of all ages. (You'll become even more likable by showing interest in others.)

Have an adventure - a road trip, go skydiving, camping, Burning Man. (You'll probably have a great story to tell.)

Eat right and exercise. (It's productive and those natural anti-depressants we all make will kick in and you'll feel better faster.)

Create something. It doesn't have to be big, but use your talents, imagination, and an interest or two to give birth to something new. (Even if it sucks, it'll be a way to have fun alone.)

Write down at least 10 reasons you should be happy you're no longer together. Really, write it down and add to it as you think of new reasons you should be relieved and happy to not be with her. (You'll realize you really didn't belong together, no matter how much you wish that fantasy was reality.)

I leave you with this: Once I put my plan into action, to live my best life and be happy, my ex came sniffing around again. Only, I didn't want him back. I never wanted him back. I just wanted him to want me back. And he did. (Why would I want to be with someone who was such a to me?) And I fell in love with someone else. Someone beyond my imagination - a kind, romantic, intelligent, handsome successful, semi-famous artist. And that beautiful human being believes he's the lucky one. Crazy.

It gets better.

Collegeguy, everyone goes through these periods. Healing is never linear.

 

When my husband and I split, I cried every day for two years (thankfully, not all day, but once four days without stopping - Thanksgiving afternoon through Monday when my doctor's office opened...valium got it stopped). And one day I realized what I was doing wasn't working. I made a conscious decision that moment to be happy, no matter what. One area of my life was messed up. Just one. And I'd let that area affect every other area.

 

My life wasn't going to be about our breakup anymore. It was going to be about me...so I hatched a plan. A devious plan that would do two things: focus on me and make my ex want to eat his heart out. I recommend this for everyone going through a transitional phase. Here's my advice:

 

Change something about your appearance. Something small. Slick your hair back or part it on the other side, get a different haircut or new glasses, trim your facial hair close to your face - something obvious, but not too obvious. (This is a visual clue to your friends, classmates, and yourself every time you look in the mirror there's been a purposeful shift.)

 

Learn something new. I get you're in college and (hopefully) learning new things all the time, but something not school related. You could try learning to make pasta, speak French or Italian, play an instrument, how to carve or paint, or to take great digital pictures. (This will help you feel a sense of mastery and give you something to focus on in your down time...like a Saturday night.)

 

Volunteer for a cause serving those in need. (This will help you to feel more grateful for what you have.)

 

Become an expert in something. (Local art, history, or politics - virtually anything that's close to home. You'll be more fascinating to everyone.)

 

Go to small businesses in your community. (You'll expand your world.)

 

Make an effort to meet three new people a week - people of all ages. (You'll become even more likable by showing interest in others.)

 

Have an adventure - a road trip, go skydiving, camping, Burning Man. (You'll probably have a great story to tell.)

 

Eat right and exercise. (It's productive and those natural anti-depressants we all make will kick in and you'll feel better faster.)

 

Create something. It doesn't have to be big, but use your talents, imagination, and an interest or two to give birth to something new. (Even if it sucks, it'll be a way to have fun alone.)

 

Write down at least 10 reasons you should be happy you're no longer together. Really, write it down and add to it as you think of new reasons you should be relieved and happy to not be with her. (You'll realize you really didn't belong together, no matter how much you wish that fantasy was reality.)

 

I leave you with this: Once I put my plan into action, to live my best life and be happy, my ex came sniffing around again. Only, I didn't want him back. I never wanted him back. I just wanted him to want me back. And he did. (Why would I want to be with someone who was such a to me?) And I fell in love with someone else. Someone beyond my imagination - a kind, romantic, intelligent, handsome successful, semi-famous artist. And that beautiful human being believes he's the lucky one. Crazy.

 

It gets better.

I cannot thank you enough. I'm speechless this is exactly what I needed to hear. I want to move on. I don't want her thinking I'm stuck here forever!

Your advice and wisdom is more than I could have asked for tonight I'm truly happy I've been on this website.

I would want to take photography like I used to and I think I'm going to finally put that into plan. I will begin to take better care of myself and meet new people.

I like what you left me with because I truly believe that too. Once we finally let go completely they can feel it. I want to be strong enough this time to say no not again you will not humiliate me again. I want to be the best version of myself that I can be now.

Thanks again.

I understand how you feel. I am feeling anxious and alone now too.

Knowing he is probably snuggle up with someone else right now doesn't help.

I read the advice above and am going to start some of the things listed.

I hope u feel better soon.

Sending you love and light.

" Once I put my plan into action, to live my best life and be happy, my ex came sniffing around again. Only, I didn't want him back. I never wanted him back. I just wanted him to want me back."

That's what I want...but I don't see it happening. Two and half weeks of me disappearing..as I broke NC after a week..but he hasn't been back in touch. I want him to want me back and as much as I do love who I THOUGHT he was, he is a liar and I don't know what's real and what's fake. So I KNOW I can't be with him. But I wanted him to want me back 😞

" Once I put my plan into action, to live my best life and be happy, my ex came sniffing around again. Only, I didn't want him back. I never wanted him back. I just wanted him to want me back."

That's what I want...but I don't see it happening. Two and half weeks of me disappearing..as I broke NC after a week..but he hasn't been back in touch. I want him to want me back and as much as I do love who I THOUGHT he was, he is a liar and I don't know what's real and what's fake. So I KNOW I can't be with him. But I wanted him to want me back 😞

He wants u back. He just knows after what he did he has NO CHANCE.

He wants u back. He just knows after what he did he has NO CHANCE.

I hope so....

I hope so....

He does. Trust me. He's not with you because he lied and messed up. That is killing him..esp since he is trapped now with his wife because of the baby and his own lies.

(Don't get me wrong.. When I say trapped I don't blame the wife. It's not her fault. I don't feel she trapped him. I just mean that he isn't happy and never was happy. That's why he was ok with having a whole other life with you! He has to live unhappy in a lie it a marriage by his own choice. That's a miserable life.)

He is miserable. But he was with you by choice. There was nothing legally forcing him to stay with you. If he didn't really want you, he never would have made up all those lies to get you.

He does. Trust me. He's not with you because he lied and messed up. That is killing him..esp since he is trapped now with his wife because of the baby and his own lies.

 

(Don't get me wrong.. When I say trapped I don't blame the wife. It's not her fault. I don't feel she trapped him. I just mean that he isn't happy and never was happy. That's why he was ok with having a whole other life with you! He has to live unhappy in a lie it a marriage by his own choice. That's a miserable life.)

 

He is miserable. But he was with you by choice. There was nothing legally forcing him to stay with you. If he didn't really want you, he never would have made up all those lies to get you.

His wife knew he didn't want her a long time ago. She is a very calculating woman. She is not like u or I. When he divorced her the first time and they separated, she was well aware that he didn't want her back but she came back to spite him. And if a man slept with you when he was drunk, would you really have his child? According to his family, it was common knowledge that they didn't get on and he was only with her because of family. If my husband started to drink and not return home,there is no way that I would have a family with him until he proved that he was worthy of being a father. Why bring children into the world when you KNOW what someone is like. Marriages break down all the time and that is different. But deliberately bringing children into the world when you know what your husband or wife is like is not right and they are both to blame for that. She is from abroad and they are happy with a child and roof over their head.. It gives them a reason to live. But that is not a reason to have children in my opinion.

Not defending him, but he wasn't a liar for the first few years. I had a good relationship with his family and they also used to support him. It's after he separated from her and they brought her back the lies started and then spiralled out of control. But he wasn't man enough to deal with things the right way.

Not defending him, but he wasn't a liar for the first few years. I had a good relationship with his family and they also used to support him. It's after he separated from her and they brought her back the lies started and then spiralled out of control. But he wasn't man enough to deal with things the right way.

Was he still married the first few years? Or did he divorce her and re-marry her?

Was he still married the first few years? Or did he divorce her and re-marry her?

Basically when I first met him she was still abroad and he didn't tell me he was married. He told me after a few weeks and we decided to just be friends. When she came over, he islamically divorced her (which is verbal) and she left. At some point, the family brought her back and I had no idea. From then he was saying I'm going to marry you etc etc but God knows what was truth and what was lies. I don't know what to make of it all because I am not sure what went on. But these last 4 years, at no point did he give any indication he was with someone else apart from his phone going off but he always seemed to have a reason and promising that he'd lost it or something or other.

To be honest I don't feel I knew him at all anymore so I just don't know what was what anymore.

Basically when I first met him she was still abroad and he didn't tell me he was married. He told me after a few weeks and we decided to just be friends. When she came over, he islamically divorced her (which is verbal) and she left. At some point, the family brought her back and I had no idea. From then he was saying I'm going to marry you etc etc but God knows what was truth and what was lies. I don't know what to make of it all because I am not sure what went on. But these last 4 years, at no point did he give any indication he was with someone else apart from his phone going off but he always seemed to have a reason and promising that he'd lost it or something or other.

To be honest I don't feel I knew him at all anymore so I just don't know what was what anymore.

Ok. I understand now. Thank u for sharing those details and allowing me to see more of this story. I'm sorry that he hurt u so bad. U certainly deserve more.

Ok. I understand now. Thank u for sharing those details and allowing me to see more of this story. I'm sorry that he hurt u so bad. U certainly deserve more.

It's so long and complex. We are Asian so he had an arranged marriage from abroad..all that is understandable but no one can force you to sleep with someone and u can't say oh i was drunk..he's always wanted the easy way out of things. But it's backfired on him. His dad has two women so he thinks it's ok...despite me telling him years ago that that wasn't an option with me because I don't believe in that rubbish. Just before his "wife" had the kid, he even got his sister to phone me and reassure me that he is divorced and living at his mums.

There's also been a lot of other things that have happened in the last few years that I don't talk about regarding my family and I always thought after all we've been through there is no way he would betray me in any way because ive been through hell..little did I know such people do exist...my bad..

It's so long and complex. We are Asian so he had an arranged marriage from abroad..all that is understandable but no one can force you to sleep with someone and u can't say oh i was drunk..he's always wanted the easy way out of things. But it's backfired on him. His dad has two women so he thinks it's ok...despite me telling him years ago that that wasn't an option with me because I don't believe in that rubbish. Just before his "wife" had the kid, he even got his sister to phone me and reassure me that he is divorced and living at his mums.

 

There's also been a lot of other things that have happened in the last few years that I don't talk about regarding my family and I always thought after all we've been through there is no way he would betray me in any way because ive been through hell..little did I know such people do exist...my bad..

Some people only care about themselves. He is selfish. He is the definition of selfish. Everything you have told me only leads me to one conclusion about him, he is selfish.

Im glad he's out of your life. But I am truly truly sorry that you had to endure such pain and lies and now have to deal with the remaining anger and hurt. He's awful! I want more for u than he could ever give u.

Some people only care about themselves. He is selfish. He is the definition of selfish. Everything you have told me only leads me to one conclusion about him, he is selfish.

 

Im glad he's out of your life. But I am truly truly sorry that you had to endure such pain and lies and now have to deal with the remaining anger and hurt. He's awful! I want more for u than he could ever give u.

That means a lot. Thank you..I know he will never find someone who will love him like I did. It is his loss. It's just a shame I didn't see all this years ago. My gut feeling knew something isn't right and I'd always lose my temper with him but in the end I thought nooo if he didn't love me or didn't wanna marry me, he'd go. He'd say my family aren't agreeing and he'd find someone else to pass time with.

He even took me to meet his dad's other "missus" and ironically, after we went there together, I went back on my own and she was the one who told me everything!!!

That means a lot. Thank you..I know he will never find someone who will love him like I did. It is his loss. It's just a shame I didn't see all this years ago. My gut feeling knew something isn't right and I'd always lose my temper with him but in the end I thought nooo if he didn't love me or didn't wanna marry me, he'd go. He'd say my family aren't agreeing and he'd find someone else to pass time with.

He even took me to meet his dad's other "missus" and ironically, after we went there together, I went back on my own and she was the one who told me everything!!!

Jeesh! That's horrible. I am so glad she told u. His whole family is a bunch of liars. That call from his sister was a farce. They all lie for each other. I'm so glad u are away from those people. U need real friends and real love and a real partner. Not these self serving liars.

Oh I wish I could make u a cup of green tea (no wine, right?) 😊 I'm having some green bubble tea now... U deserve someone to do something nice for you.

Hello all,

 

So of course it's Saturday night and I have no plans. I am definitely not wanting to go to the bars anymore or out for drinks I just really need some companionship even just to watch a movie or talk at home. This break up again with the same ex is harder than I thought. I guess I should've learned my lesson the first two times that it didn't work... I just felt it was really meant to be! Ughhh! Can't even focus on studying or homework... anyone feeling the same way?

 

Background: dated 4 years and about a half... both of us just turned 22. We broke up a couple times one being one month and the most recent was last year after 7 months apart. Now again in the beginning of March. All the times she has broken up with me but I feel like I've been the instigator.

Checking on you ....How r u feeling today?

Checking on you ....How r u feeling today?

Dominique thanks for checking in last night I felt better and it was easier to fall asleep. I went ahead and prayed then I called it a night. Waking up is still a little painful as usual but I try to distract myself with other things rather than the thought of her coming into my head. How are you today?

Jeesh! That's horrible. I am so glad she told u. His whole family is a bunch of liars. That call from his sister was a farce. They all lie for each other. I'm so glad u are away from those people. U need real friends and real love and a real partner. Not these self serving liars.

 

Oh I wish I could make u a cup of green tea (no wine, right?) 😊 I'm having some green bubble tea now... U deserve someone to do something nice for you.

Bless you..indeed no wine lol but the tea sounds good.☕️

@collegeguy sorry for invading your thread!

Bless you..indeed no wine lol but the tea sounds good.☕️

@collegeguy sorry for invading your thread!

Don't be sorry. This is how we all help one another, I even read your posts on here. Even if it's nothing like my situation I still get to learn things that can help me in the future or better understand situations that I can help other people with. You can continue to post here