husband has huge lieing problem help.

Hi I am a mother of two my husband has a really bad lieing problem also a phone addiction I just recently learned that he has been on porn sites looking at women and videos and just got it out of him that he masterbates to the porn videos he does not bother with me sexually he lied for 2 years about this and I found it on his phone recently again and come to find out he and his buddy's at work was watching porn videos saying how hot these women was and how they take it like a pro and admitted to me that he is attracted to these women on the sites he said if I gave him even half a chance he would assure me he would not mess up again part of this agreement was no more Internet on his phone no games just Strickly texting only and not even 5 hours later he's back on the phone again and lieing about it I can't handle this no more I clean cook do laundry look after our kids take him lunch to his work everyday so it's not like I'm not treating him good I need some advice please I love him to death and don't want to end my marriage but this is and was my last straw please help!

Well of course he's attraced to woman. If the woman weren't attractive there is no way there would be porn. I think there should be a bit of moderation here. Men and woman find other humans attractive sexually. Is he constantly looking at porn or is it just every now and again? How is your sex life? Did he do this even before you were married? Are you totally against all types of porn? Have you given him the 3rd degree for looking at stuff and thats why he hides it now?

When did you last have sex?

My ex husband had this same issue. We went to counseling etc. MALE Friends and family tried to talk to him, as even they saw his behavior as excessive! We had a good sex life that I ruined because i got tired of feeling like I was competing with video girls. I had to save myself from that drama. I finally had to get out. The blow to my self esteem was too much.

I hope it works out for you. But he needs to respect your feelings and this behavior isnt loving toward a partner. Constantly dwelling on other women and sneaking around to watch porn..

If he sees it as a problem too, and wants to get help and save his marriage...give him a chance. If not, I would think long and hard about staying with him. I wasted 7 years waiting for my ex to change. He never did. I wish I had left sooner. The blow would have been much much much much less to me and my kid. His best friend (male) told me to leave him! And I didn't listen. I was crazy. I should have packed my bags that day.

What's the big deal if someone watches porn? It's not cheating...

What's the big deal if someone watches porn? It's not cheating...

In my case.... My ex husband was addicted. I don't have a general problem with porn... I had no issues with him watching it. What I had a problem with was being compared to the girls and being expected to perform "a show" every time we were intimate. He was obsessed. Even his MALE best friend chastised him for complaining about me and our sex life. His best friend told him be was lucky to have a wife who was as "adventurous" as me.

My ex kept raising the bar, like an addict who needed a stronger hit each time. It wasn't about us and our intimacy. Our sex life became about how much I would be willing to do to match up to the images he was seeing on screen. He pressured me to do things I didn't like. When I tried things for him and would tell him it made me uncomfortable or physically hurt me, he didn't care. Said I was supposed to do it for him anyway. That's not how sex is supposed to be. U aren't supposed to force someone to do something they don't like or causes them pain. It was humiliating and I finally had to leave.

Oh I see...yeah he sounds like a perv..my dad was/is that way he's on his 3rd marriage to some Filipino woman he dragged back here who's 25 years his junior..he's obsessed with S &M bondage porn, we'd find his VCR tapes everywhere but they were " never his"... good luck to you have a nice weekend

I can't handle this no more I clean cook do laundry look after our kids take him lunch to his work everyday so it's not like I'm not treating him good

Go on strike until he says he'll get marriage counseling? (Just kidding, but only just) Look, stop being superwoman thinking that will change anything. Being a perfect anything does not change another human being, concrete actions of these are the consequences you suffer if you don't change or you do that thing do. Former child of an alcoholic here, trust me on this one. It doesn't matter how "perfect" or "imperfect" you are, if they don't want to change they won't.

And he knows you won't do anything, but talk and talk is easy to tune out. So sit down and figure out what you will do - I was sort of half kidding about the strike, but maybe it's time to go get some sort of outside life to the marriage and house of your own, get a job, do something that gives you some more independence from him. And let him know the alimony is gonna hurt.

I don't think his watching porn by itself is a problem, but it is if he's not keeping up his end of the marriage and life itself. What you describe sounds excessive, interferes with your own relationship, and I have to wonder - is he even doing anything with the kids or paying them any attention or is it work and watch videos? If it's the latter it's too much, it's time for counseling or go see a divorce attorney and start proceedings.

I'm not an expert on "the line" of where it is a problem but ANYTHING you hide from your spouse like that is an issue. He sounds badly addicted and needs help if you have any chance. Not being intimate with your wife and instead watching porn is a huge red flag. I watch porn some and I honestly see no problem with it. My wife knows what I do and it doesn't affect our sex life at all. But lying and sneaking around like that is unacceptable. I think professional help is in order.

What's the big deal if someone watches porn? It's not cheating...

Perhaps, you need to retread the post. This isn't simply about watching some porn.

Perhaps, you need to retread the post. This isn't simply about watching some porn.

I already commented on her response to my original comment you referenced..perhaps you should've read further

How's your sex life? What about romance and affection? Do you ever get a babysitter and plan dates or romantic evenings, weekends? Focus on getting out of mommy mode and try to be a wife/woman when the kids are in bed or with a sitter/family.

Stop mommy him also, bringing lunch, scolding him like a 13 y/o boy with your phone rules and regulations, etc.. These are romance and attraction killers.

Make sure you keep your self esteem intact. Get in shape, exercise, take classes, get new clothes, new hair, etc. Do you work? Make your outside life full and interesting and spend time working on yourself.

For now, stop the cat-and-mouse games of policing his phone and patrolling his sexuality. This seems to be the real issue:

he does not bother with me sexually

How's your sex life? What about romance and affection? Do you ever get a babysitter and plan dates or romantic evenings, weekends? Focus on getting out of mommy mode and try to be a wife/woman when the kids are in bed or with a sitter/family.

 

Stop mommy him also, bringing lunch, scolding him like a 13 y/o boy with your phone rules and regulations, etc.. These are romance and attraction killers.

 

Make sure you keep your self esteem intact. Get in shape, exercise, take classes, get new clothes, new hair, etc. Do you work? Make your outside life full and interesting and spend time working on yourself.

 

For now, stop the cat-and-mouse games of policing his phone and patrolling his sexuality. This seems to be the real issue

 

No offense, but you can't fix porn addiction with this approach. I'd take his phone or tell him to get out. Install a filter on the computer. Throw out his videos... tell him this is a condition of marriage or you're leaving.

 

If Christian I'd make him aware of Jesus very words, Matthew 5:28 "that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This addresses the evil of porn directly.

No offense, but you can't fix porn addiction with this approach. I'd take his phone or tell him to get out. Install a filter on the computer. Throw out his videos... tell him this is a condition of marriage or you're leaving.

 

If Christian I'd make him aware of Jesus very words, Matthew 5:28 "that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This addresses the evil of porn directly.

thanks for all the replys I know everyone has different views of porn and wether it's cheating or not but any man who is married and committed to his wife should not be laying in the bed you both sleep in masterbating to another woman's face and body that to me is cheating because if he does it to her face and body online it would be more than that face to face and Wiseman not to be rude but how would you like your wife/gf getting off to some other man's body would that make you feel like what you have is good enough sex life was great in the begginging now it's maybe once a month maybe longer than that and some people think porn is just videos no its not when it's interfering with your marriage it's not just porn for everyone who understands my hurt thank you for your responces

thanks for all the replys I know everyone has different views of porn and wether it's cheating or not but any man who is married and committed to his wife should not be laying in the bed you both sleep in masterbating to another woman's face and body that to me is cheating because if he does it to her face and body online it would be more than that face to face and Wiseman not to be rude but how would you like your wife/gf getting off to some other man's body would that make you feel like what you have is good enough sex life was great in the begginging now it's maybe once a month maybe longer than that and some people think porn is just videos no its not when it's interfering with your marriage it's not just porn for everyone who understands my hurt thank you for your responces

I went through what u are going through with my ex husband. It was more than occasionally viewing with him and he compared me to those women and was constantly upset because I couldn't keep up with what he was viewing online. Our therapist, his parents and his close male friends told him he had a problem. In his mind the problem was me and he didn't care how he was makig me feel.

I am an adventurous person and my husband had no reason to complain. His male friends chastised him for the things he used to put me through saying things like "I wish my wife would do things like that for me. U are crazy to be upset with her. Most women wouldn't even try..." My female friends thought he was sick.

He went to therapy and to a support group and it helped some but he really stated emotionally abusing me because he became angry when the support group told him he had an unhealthy attachment to the porn and had to give it up. He literally went through withdrawl and he took it out on me.

I'm sorry u are dealing with this. It hurts. It kills self esteem and it can kill your sex life and marriage.

I pray he sees this and gets help. U should seek support as well.