I can't keep living like this... I know I'm better than this

Hello everyone -

I have never felt so low in my life.

The love of my life, my fiance, left me on 03/24/17. We were together since 2011. We had our few bumps in the road, but we always managed to talk things through & get over them. Apparently, she couldn't conquer her family's issues with me.

FULL STORIES:

THE BREAKUP

EX POST BREAKUP BEHAVIOR

EX'S CRUELNESS

WILL SHE RETURN?

It has only been one month and I have not heard a peep out of her since she dropped off the box of my stuff on my porch. The things I have heard about her since that time is from a mutual friend of ours. Please read my previous threads to get a better understanding of what exactly happened... please, I NEED HELP.

I have been staying with my parents because I cannot sleep at my own house because it is far too painful to stay there, let alone sleep there. All of the upgrades/updates we did together. That house serves as a reminder for my failures. The house is far too big for just myself. I miss her so much and I can't bear this pain for much longer.... suicidal thoughts keep crawling into my head. I keep thinking that this will be all over soon... there is always a way out. Suicide is the emergency exit. I don't have to worry about the stresses at my job anymore, I don't have to worry about having the awful nightmares that make me gasp for air through the night, I don't have to keep calling the suicide prevention line, I don't have to keep panicking when my weekends aren't packed with plans, I don't have to worry about finding another girl that matches my personality, I don't have to be in pain anymore....

I have a lot to live for.... I have my college degree, don't have any debt, have my own house, have a well-paying job, etc. But when my fiance left me, I have nothing. I feel like life is no longer worth living if she is not in my life. Since she left, she has begun doing behaviors that she told me she did not like doing. Drinking almost every night with her co-workers (which she said she didn't like that much & neither did I), going on work trips (which she didn't really like doing either), and she is telling some mutual friends that EVERYTHING was my fault... no matter if it was or not.

Please.. help me.... I can't keep living like this.

It has only been a month and I have never been in so much pain before.

I have been seeing a therapist, but they just keep telling me to "move on". My parents are also getting tired of me wanting her back and are encouraging me to move on with my life. But I do want her back, so much..... I want to talk to her and resolve our issues like we ALWAYS have.

Everything in my life serves as a reminder to my failures and everything is a flashback to the memories her & I shared together. I just want to talk to her again and talk things through, but I fear she will never return. I don't want to start all over.... I wanted to marry her & have a family together.

I don't want to keep having these thoughts.. they scare me.

She isn't going to fix this.

You are. Start by finding a better therapist who provides you with tangible coping strategies. Does your therapist now you have suicidal thoughts? Do your parents? If not, they need to.

Can you sell the house? I think keeping it is going to be far too difficult for you.

I'm really sorry to hear you're in pain.

It gets better. It may not seem like it, but it will. Emotions are flying right now so it's hard to put things into perspective, but with time you'll be able to. Find people you can confide in and please tell someone about your thoughts so you can get the help you need.

Breakup's aren't easy. Most of us have been there. Don't let it consume you and cause you to neglect the good things in your life. With time and space, you'll be free of this trauma and will be able to experience something new, and better.

As for her behavior; I'd say it's typical post-breakup. Seen it myself. Or maybe she's showing her true nature. I don't know, neither does anyone else, but what she's doing is ultimately irrelevant. Focus on yourself right now.

Whatever you do...no girl on this earth is worth taking your life dude. Please...ive also been through a breakup, my ex left me for another man. It ripped me to pieces. We were supposed to get engaged. Much of it was my fault...and that made it even worse. I couldnt eat or sleep properly for weeks. I cried all the time. Even now I still get sad and tear up. I tried hard getting her back for nearly 2 months and she eventually told me coldly to say goodbye for good and shes with the other guy. I know your pain. Bro, what has helped me through is Jesus Christ, prayer and reading the Word. That is how I made it through. I dont know if you're a Christian or not...but turn to Him. He will never forsake you or leave you. People always will fail, but not God. And in the end when you are alone...He's really all you have and need. You will get through this and meet someone else, as much as you dont want to right now. All you want now is your comfort, your drug, which is your ex. You say you have a good paying job? Then buy a bike? Make yourself into more of a man? And be a good man. Work out. Try and live. Do things that make you laugh and be happy. Im buying a bike on saturday, a Honda CBR300R. Why? Because I want to live, to be free, to be my own person again, to be a man, and improve. Its also something I always wanted to get and now I can. So bro, this is gona be hard for you, and you are going to suffer for a bit...but trust me when I tell you it will be over. Ive been where you are and so have millions of others throughout history...it will end and you can find love again. Choose more wisely next time. Atleast you know it wasnt your fault....atleast you have that peace.

Thank you everyone for your kind words...

When I made this post, I was in pain. I was recovering and making good progress of getting over my ex.

However, this Saturday a friend of mine broke the news to me that she has a new BF. We were together for 5yrs and 3 months. Engaged, going to get married at the end of this year. I know some of you may think she had this person lined up, I know for a fact she didn't.

It is like I have regressed back to Day #1 and I have been in constant, unbearable and excruciating pain. The thought of suicide is very comforting to me... I don't have to worry about work anymore. I don't have to worry about getting hurt again. I don't have to worry about being alone again. I don't have to worry about living in that house again. And most of all, I can stop hurting.

How are you feeling today? Sending you kind thoughts

How are you feeling today? Sending you kind thoughts

Each day is a struggle. The suicidal thoughts begin to wane...

But when I start to think about what I will be doing in October (wedding planned), November (mini-vacation planned) and December (honeymoon planned)... I get extremely sad. The pain is almost too much to bear sometimes. Not to mention that my parents will be leaving for good for their retirement early next year. I need to get my life to where it was 2 months ago in order for me to relax.

It calms me to know that there is a way out...

Each day is a struggle. The suicidal thoughts begin to wane...

 

But when I start to think about what I will be doing in October (wedding planned), November (mini-vacation planned) and December (honeymoon planned)... I get extremely sad. The pain is almost too much to bear sometimes. Not to mention that my parents will be leaving for good for their retirement early next year. I need to get my life to where it was 2 months ago in order for me to relax.

 

It calms me to know that there is a way out...

One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. By the time October and December and March '18 arrive, you will be stronger, different even if only by a smidgeon. Focus on today, this morning, this minute. Have you had breakfast? Have you walked outside? Do that - just that one thing, then the next.

And for vision-thinking, start a class? What worked for me was to take a class that I wouldn't mind failing at, or dropping if I had to - but that if I stayed in it, would give me something I wanted. I ended up earning half of an MBA that way, and a sailing certification. It gave me something to feel good about, and a community that gave me an out when I felt like I might not have a social home anywhere else. I didn't say it to myself that way, at the time, but that is exactly what I was doing.

yes i agree with doing something to get your mind occupied. Join a class, travel, make plans with friends during those times so that your mind will be occupied. Your fall can still be enjoyable and exciting just make some new plans for it and you will start looking forward to it.

I get suicidal often as well and one thing that helps is making future plans. It is like, well I will at least stay until then because I am now looking forward to that event. hope that helps

Hope you feel better. I get suicidal thoughts a lot, almost everyday, but thinking ahead and what else I can do to change things up gives me hope to live again. Heartbreak is difficult, but time heals. It might leave a scar, and its always be there to remind you, you have suffered but it made you stronger and better. Keep your heads up and wish her goodluck. The right person will come at the right time.

goodluck.

yo i hope all is well man, i wanted to reply to you in my post but it wouldnt let me ,but hope all is as better can be...

yo i hope all is well man, i wanted to reply to you in my post but it wouldnt let me ,but hope all is as better can be...

Hi there -

Could I PM you?

When I was going through a difficult break up, I kept myself really busy. Joined a sport team, took classes I didn't need, and kept busy. I would leave my home at 7:30am and not get back until 11pm and be in bed by 12am. I exhausted myself as much as I could and did things that involved bigger groups of people so I couldn't feel alone. I was still depressed and was going through a tough time but it really helped me get over my ex. It took me a whole year and half but it worked. I hope this helps you.

my advice is man up, if that girl was that amazing you would still be a couple.

I have been through hell and back and forth I can tell you it takes time. My situation is A LOT different than yours, no degree, a job I hate, a daughter and an Ex who's sole and only goal in life is to make my life a living hell ... just because she's now mentally ill.

I tell you sometimes its just about getting up the pitty potty and walk the steps

I have read your threads just a little bit and the takeaways i see is that you jumped into a relationship with her after a breakup - she "helped you" get over your previous ex and everything was fine until you started disliking her family of origin and other things. You are afraid to be alone so you refuse to be - and that means jumping from one relationship to another. Perhaps it wasn't all her like you frame it as - when someone is with someone who is afraid to be alone, they get awfully clingy as well )you really did overstep your bounds when she dropped a class she couldn't handle). I think the problem for you and why you are crashing is because you have no soft place to land - an immediate relationship and have to deal through reality.

Either sell your house - or get a male roommate or start making changes the house that make it look different - totally different paint, etc, - and i strongly suggest counseling.

Suicide is not an answer. It just takes your pain and gives it to other people - you will irrepairable damage your parents, siblings, friends. Trust me, i know. I had someone close kill themselves. And its not just the regular sort of grief. One of their adult children is still missing - they are missing of their own accord, and living a marginal and destructive life - the person died after the child graduated with honors and had the whole world ahead of them. So look at your suggestion as a cry for help and get the help you need.