I want him back. I'm in love with hom

I broke up with my bf of 3.5 years in Nov 2015. This was the longest and most meaningful relationship I've ever had however when we broke up it was because I didn't see a future for us anymore. I have up on us. Not long after that (feb 2016) i started dating someone else, which really crushed my ex. We would still hang out every once in a while. Never had sex or anything. I kinda got serious with this new guy but he was a terrible person. I was crazy about the sex. Well around august 2016 I started back seeing my ex more. In September we were talking about getting back together. I was still messing around with the other guy. It all came out when I was in the car with my ex and we saw the new guy at the store. I explained to my ex how serious things had really been with the other guy. He proceeded to tell me that he had been dating someone seriously as well and they'd broken up in July. The next day we had an intimate conversation that turned into us having sex for the first time in almost a year. The very next day I ended up st the other guys house explaining to him the whole situation. I told him I didn't wanna be with him anymore but told him it hadn't nothing to do with my ex. We had sex unprotected too. I left him alone and got back with my ex. I actually moved in and we kinda just left off where we started. Maybe 2 weeks into it I started sneaking around with the other guy. The sex was amazing I was dumb. My ex caught me talking to him on the phone and otw to his house. After that everything turned to . I found out I was pregnant. He started back dealing with other females because he didn't trust me. In November I moved back out. I really wanted to make it work with him. At this point he was questioning the paternity of my child but he is in love with me. I left the other guy completely alone. We were on wayyyyy better terms after this. We weren't together but we were working on it. Something caught up with me and I ended up going to jail in dec 2016. He was completely there for me initially. Then things started to change. He would still come and see me every once in a while and we would talk weekly but I could tell something was different. But I still believed we were gonna pick up where we left off. I came home mar 2016 and this is when I found out that he had been dealing with multiple women. Including the girl from last year and he says he loves her. While I was in jail he had my phone and saw conversations where I referred to the other guy as my babydaddy. He basically says the reason he didn't just tell me upfront at the time is that he didn't want to make my situation any worse being that I was already pregnant and in jail. He said he was going to leave everyone alone so that he could work on himself. He has still come to see me and vice versa. He tells me that he is still in love with me and that he really does want this child to be his. We've had sex a few times. I haven't been dealing with anyone else period but idk if he is. He has turned into the worst liar ever. Just this passed Sunday I found out he has another phone. Like . The number that I have access to is a minute phone and he'll tell me in a sec that he doesn't have minutes. But he has a WHOLE other phone with unlimited minutes. So my question really is does he even still love me. I've been back around his family. They say they haven't even met anyone he's been dealing with since our break up. But he's been laying me hot and cold. One minute he's all over me and the next he won't text back. He has made it clear that he doesn't want to commit. But he says I'm the only one he's dealing with. This is very confusing to me. I really love him and I want my man back. I want our family. I've been alone this whole pregnancy. He doesn't even want to be involved with anything baby related in the event the baby is not his. His family keeps telling me he wants to make sure it's his before he moves forward but I think it's more than that. I don't know what to do but I am constantly depressed. I feel like he must have something going on with someone who he cares for more than me. I mean how could he have a phone that I don't have a number to. And better yet who does have the number. We haven't talked in two days. I'm trying to protect myself by distancing myself from him but all that has done is hurt me. I know this a lot but if you can give me any advice I'm all ears. Btw I'm 8 months pregnant and we've been talking about having a baby for years. This would be both of our first child.

Unfortunately it's been on/off with outside relationships for a long time. That won't change. However he does want the child with you, so focus on that. What about your family? Are they supportive? Do you want to live with him or them after the baby?

Maybe a monogamous relationship is not in the cards for you with him so focus on being parents.

I was already pregnant and in jail. He tells me that he is still in love with me and that he really does want this child to be his. We've had sex a few times. I've been back around his family. He has made it clear that he doesn't want to commit. I'm 8 months pregnant and we've been talking about having a baby for years. This would be both of our first child.

He is the worst liar ever?

Weren't you lying to him too.. as you'd meet up with your other ex while back with him? ( was that honest?).

No idea your age- but NONE of this is right....

There's no real connect.. or honesty.. or love.

getting hot & cold, shows uncertainty.

But the point here is... it's ALL messy.

I suggest you back off and start worrying about yourself & this baby- which is most likely not even his!

Keep some distance and work on getting yourself back together, cause this is a real mess by sounds of it

This baby needs at least one stable parent.

So- back off.. leave him alone and prepare for baby now. And I suggest you get in for some prof help- therapy. To work on yourself and your mentality, cause being this 'confused' isn't going to help or most probably get any better at this rate.

@wiseman2 I have my own home. Both of our families are very supportive. My parents no longer live in the state so I'm also scared of doing this alone. I don't want to have to cling on to his family either especially if we're not together. Oan He didn't have a good relationship with his father so I'm unsure of how he will be but he has always wanted kids. The crazy part is fidelity was never an issue for the entire 3.5 years of our relationship. I feel like I ruined him and I don't think i can ever get the old him back. [

Unfortunately it's been on/off with outside relationships for a long time. That won't change. However he does want the child with you, so focus on that. What about your family? Are they supportive? Do you want to live with him or them after the baby?

 

Maybe a monogamous relationship is not in the cards for you with him so focus on being parents.

He is the worst liar ever?

Weren't you lying to him too.. as you'd meet up with your other ex while back with him? ( was that honest?).

 

No idea your age- but NONE of this is right....

There's no real connect.. or honesty.. or love.

 

getting hot & cold, shows uncertainty.

 

But the point here is... it's ALL messy.

I suggest you back off and start worrying about yourself & this baby- which is most likely not even his!

 

Keep some distance and work on getting yourself back together, cause this is a real mess by sounds of it

This baby needs at least one stable parent.

 

So- back off.. leave him alone and prepare for baby now. And I suggest you get in for some prof help- therapy. To work on yourself and your mentality, cause being this 'confused' isn't going to help or most probably get any better at this rate.

I'm 24 going on 25. I clearly understand the whole situation since we've started back dealing with each other has been full of lies and deceit. I guess I'm stuck on the previous 3.5 years we shared together where none of that was an issue. We lived together that entire time and we were very much in love and honest. I think we both wanted that back but idk if it's too late. My baby is definitely what's most important to me in all this and I really want to be able to give him a family. He is completely unattached from the baby situation. I'm afraid he won't be there when I have the baby which is just in 6 short weeks. I don't know at what point he plans to get involved because he does want a test and that is a process. I'm sure the baby is his but he has to find out for himself.

Also I e made it clear with him that it's all or nothing. We can either work on us or we can co parent which is something that we can deal with when the time comes. But he'll still text or call and gets upset if I don't reply. Our last conversation I told him that we don't need any communication until the baby comes. (Which is really hurting me because that means I'm alone in this) but I can't keep spending time and having sex with him if it's not consistent. So I actually blocked him to cut off the communication.

Okay... well it could be the FACT.. that besides the fact that you are expecting.. you two have had a VERY rocky time for a while now.

So, the fact that you are expecting jus isn't enough for him to give in to you.

he is surely messed up right now.. and with you expecting a child is probably sending him more over-the-edge.. u think?

Now.. as for him 'Getting upset that you dont reply..'? What the heck? How mature is this? Is this all a Game??

I agree with not remaining with him... just to be physical. And like I mentioned earlier... If YOU don't be careful, this is going to keep messing you up even more... then for sure, back off totally.

We can only 'give' so much. But if we're not able to give.. it's not going to go far

I'm accepting that I just need to back off totally but it's definitely easier said then done.Thank you so much for your insight.

Okay... well it could be the FACT.. that besides the fact that you are expecting.. you two have had a VERY rocky time for a while now.

So, the fact that you are expecting jus isn't enough for him to give in to you.

 

he is surely messed up right now.. and with you expecting a child is probably sending him more over-the-edge.. u think?

 

 

Now.. as for him 'Getting upset that you dont reply..'? What the heck? How mature is this? Is this all a Game??

 

I agree with not remaining with him... just to be physical. And like I mentioned earlier... If YOU don't be careful, this is going to keep messing you up even more... then for sure, back off totally.

 

We can only 'give' so much. But if we're not able to give.. it's not going to go far

Wow that sounds like such a massive head f**k I hope you're okay.

But honestly I would leave this guy alone. I understand you're pregnant and possibly with his child, or do u know for definite that the baby is his?

But either way I'm sorry to say but you have dragged him through the ringer, I can honestly understand why he feels the way he does.

I think u should put your feelings aside for him and concentrate on yourself and your child.

I'm sure it's his. I really do feel like I put him through a lot and now it's all coming back on me. It's really hard for me give up because I KNOW he still loves me... but I'm not sure if he's still in love with me. I just wish I never left. I at least want him to be apart of his child's life from day one. It would kill him to not be there and then find out later that it's his and he wasn't there.

Wow that sounds like such a massive head f**k I hope you're okay.

But honestly I would leave this guy alone. I understand you're pregnant and possibly with his child, or do u know for definite that the baby is his?

But either way I'm sorry to say but you have dragged him through the ringer, I can honestly understand why he feels the way he does.

I think u should put your feelings aside for him and concentrate on yourself and your child.

It's possible to get a paternity test done before the baby is born. Do it now so he can decide to be there when the child is born if it's his. I would do this so neither of you have regrets.

Iconsidered this but it's so expensive and that's money being taken away from my baby.he already has everything he needs but I still don't feel comfortable throwing that kind of money away. But I guess it's worth it for a peace of mind and moments that We'll never get back... I do want him at the birth

It's possible to get a paternity test done before the baby is born. Do it now so he can decide to be there when the child is born if it's his. I would do this so neither of you have regrets.

I would not do any unnessecary testing while you are pregnant. You can easily test once the baby is born.

In the meantime, you are now a mother, so you need to start acting like one. Focus on your baby only. Get it together. Act as if you will be raising this baby alone, so that you can provide a solid foundation for your child.

Once your child is born, a paternity suit will sort out which man will be paying child support. At that point, get the support, but DO NOT focus on trying to get into a romantic relationship. Focus on your child in the early stages of life.

As to the idea of him being a liar, you know in your heart that you are just as bad and trifling as he.

Focus on your baby. As a mother, I can promise you that if you get maternal and start focusing on your baby, you will never regret it and your child will be happy. If you get involved in the petty notions of ghetto "romance" you will end up neglecting your child for man after man and will cause damage that cannot be undone.

It is not a good sign that at eight months you are getting upset and expending energy on romantic interests. You should only be preparing for your baby.

I understand that you would like to have a situation in which you and the baby's father are joyfully anticipating the birth together. Unfortunately, by having unprotected sex with two "not-so- great" men, you are not poised to have that experience. So, what. You are having a BABY! You are very lucky. You should be spending all of your energy bonding with the baby in your womb. This is a magical time and it sets the stage for the mothering you do after your baby is born.

Maybe the baby's father, whichever one it might be, will step up to the plate, be a great dad, and end up being a great partner to you. This is not out of the cards. However, if you spend another moment, another breath, another calorie of energy focusing on either of these men instead of your baby, you will be setting yourself up to be less than the mother that your baby deserves.

Your pregnancy is almost over. Your baby will soon be living separately from you. Enjoy these final days. Read about parenting. Take a free class from a pregnancy center. Prepare for your child.

Put your baby first, and you and your baby will have a great life. Put your baby second, and when he/she grows up they may be posting their own messed up and damaged story on the enotalone of the future.

Think about your baby. Focus on your baby. Put your baby first. You will be ecstatic to see what a happy child you produce.

I wish you and your baby all the best!