22 years age gap - I need advices and opinions

Hello! I would like to apologize for my grammar in advance, English is not my native language, but I try to do my best...

I have - or correctly had - a relationship with a man who is 22 years older than me. I'm 24, he's 46. I'm European, he's American. We've been together over 4 years, in the last 2 years we lived together, I moved to the US to be with him. I broke up with him about 2 months ago and moved back to my country. I'm very unsecure, he was waiting for me to go back to him, he really loves me and cares about me, but I couldn't decide and stayed home and now he told me he let me go... still, I'm not sure that I really want to be without him.

The thing is that after 4 years I felt like the passion and excitement disappeared... we felt deep love for each other, but after being together for years, I guess we just got used to each other. In December I met someone else - he's younger than me by 3 years... Nothing serious happened, I just felt excited and attracted to him, that I haven't really felt in the last let's say 2 years. I knew that this is very stupid, and it's not worth to even think about it but I couldn't resist to these exciting and passionate feelings. I felt like I am young and I need to feel in this way, and this whole situation made me drunk. That's the time when I started to think about breaking up with my bf. I really tried my best to seperate this new guy from my decision making process. I didn't want to decide based on these temporary and crazy feelings, because I knew that we have something special and worthy and valuable with my bf... but the thought of the break up was already in my mind and started to think about other things too.

Because of my bf's job he travels a lot... in the last 6 months - before I met this new person - I was left alone in the US. I don't want to complain, I didn't suffer so much, I felt okay myself. But I think this is one reason of my crazy feelings to this new guy. My bf 47 yo, he doesn't have children. In the last 1 year he started to push me to have a baby... he said he doesn't have much time to wait, he needs a child in 1 or 2 years. I wasn't ready for this, though if I think about having a baby together I got weak and I like the idea, I want to be the mother of his child, but honestly I really don't think that I have the willingness and strength to make this reality. I'm 24, I wanna travel, live my own life, build my carreer etc. before to have a child. Anyway, this conflict caused me a lot of trouble and I also started to think about the age gap.

Right now and so far, I don't feel the ages between us... he has a lot of energy, he behaves like a 25 yo, and I'm a little bit too "boring" and calm compared to other people in my age... so in the end we are quite at the same level. But I started to think and I'm really scared about this age gap after 10 or 20 years later. What if he will lose all of his energy - and eventually he will - and he'll start to live an "old lifestyle", while I would still like to enjoy life... for example when I'll be 50 and he'll be 72... I'm really scared about stucking somewhere, in this relationship, and 20 years later I won't be happy because of the age gap, but then I won't be able to change it or do anything about it, because he'll be too old to leave him.

Right now I'm thinking all the time - I'm even having more and more grey hair too.. after I moved back I had an exciting adventure with the young guy but we don't talk to each other now and I'm not interested in him anymore... those crazy feelings went as fast as they came. I'm thinking about my bf if I should go back to him or let him go because of the age gap. He said, if I go back, he won't push me anymore with the child topic, he would be waiting for me as long as it is necessary. I can remember many times when I was with him and I got a strong feeling "Oh my God, how lucky I am that I have him and how much I love my life with him". I have never experienced these feeling before... and since then. Our relationship changed - from the exciting passinate one to the secure, calm, attached one. I believe every relationship gets to this point after awhile, and new people can bring passion and excitement back into our lives... the choice is always ours, if we let these exciting feelings make us drunk, or we stay sober. I let myself getting drunk this time, and honestly I didn't regret it because I know I needed it to experience and be able to reevaluate things... and because I'm young I need these kind of feelings too. But I wonder if anyone can stay in a long-term relationship faithfully and resist to every temptation without the feeling of missing something desirable, exciting?

I said I'm scared of the age gap. That's true but honestly, I can't really imagine myself with a guy who is at my age... I love my bf because he's gentle, manly, determined, experienced, he can solve any sudden situation without even thinking... my best friend's boyfriend is 25 and he can't even solve a simple refund case with a company (his girlfriend had to do it instead of him...) So I'm really confused what I really want...

I would appreciate any opinions, advices, and sharing of your experiences that is similar to my case.. Thank you!

Excellent you moved back home. It just wasn't working on so many levels from your being homesick to his traveling to different life stages regarding having a family, etc.

Based on what you wrote, your life stages are incompatible. You are not ready to settle down yet. You want to enjoy your freedom further while he has enjoyed his and wants to settle down and have kids. A guy in his late 20s or early 30s could provide you with the level of maturity you seek without you feeling pressed to have kids nor having to worry about all the complications arising from dating a guy twice your age. Given that the relationship fizzled out, it doesn't sound like your connection had what it takes to make it to the next level. It sounds like having second thoughts is you being afraid of the unknown rather than missing some kind of deep connection you two had.

Excellent you moved back home. It just wasn't working on so many levels from your being homesick to his traveling to different life stages regarding having a family, etc.

Thank you very much... yes, it's true but still hard to let him go... I have feelings for him and I spent 4 yrs w/ him (this was my longest relationship so far). But deep inside I know you're right. We have a lot of sources for conflicts and it might be better and easier to move on now than start a new life later on - especially for him.

Thank you very much. I guess you're right. The unknown does scare me of course... I can't imagine myself with anyone else yet. But they say that time solves everything... I hope so

If you're both happy there is no problem. It's so hard to find a compatible person, if they come along - grab them.

Don't listen to what society says. Do what you want.

I think about the new French president Emmanuel Macron. His wife is 24 years older than him.

To let you no that I'm 23 years older than my girlfriend we have been togeather for three years,

she is very mature for her age as it sounds like you are.

Do what's in your heart with no regrets it may just be the best thing that will ever happen to you if not it will make you stronger and you will learn from it.

All the best