Right this is it - NC starts today

My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago now, its been 2 weeks of immaturity to be frank.

I spent the first week bombarding her asking for her back etc, I pushed her away because I was insecure (but she never made me feel secure). I can understand why she had enough.

I treated her like a princess and do love her very much.

Past 2 weekends we've had drunken arguments and said nasty things to each other. I've always apologized the next day.

Yesterday she messaged me about liking a picture on instagram, it was a picture of a dog.....a girls dog....i never thought anything of it...I told her it meant nothing and not to get worked up. She got nasty (when she was SOBER) telling me how our relationships been a waste of time, shes throwing everything out i ever bought her, how she never wants hear from me again (said that before) and said she is DONE being loyal so shes going to start "liking" pictures. I was very calm and civil I told her I only have eyes for her and i always have. I said, if you want to go like boys pictures, i can't stop you, you're single? (im honestly at the stage now im not bothered, its just tiring me out going in circles) I told her to take time, clear her head of the negatives and then let me know and we can go for dinner or whatever to talk things through. She hasn't replied. She probably feels a bit silly after getting so mad over a picture....of a dog.

But this is it now, Im not responding to any silly things, Im not going to drunk call her etc. Im bored chasing her now, if she wants things to work, she can come to me. It will only get better with SPACE and TIME apart so she can clear her head of the negative emotions!!

So today, fresh week. 2 weeks since breakup, it will hopefully be a week of silence. I don't think she'll message me and Im done with chasing her so we'll need to see.

Take it day by day.

This is going to keep happening unless you block and delete every means of contact between you to. Everything dude, absolutely everything. It sounds like even the slightest little communication is going to set her off. You need to remove her from your life entirely as NC does not appear to be enough.

Honestly bro, this is the only way you are going to be able to get over her, heal and move on.

You need to block her. This is just going to keep going in circles otherwise, it already has been.

You haven't really broken up if you are continuing constant contact and nasty arguments. It sounds like you want her back.

You haven't really broken up if you are continuing constant contact and nasty arguments. It sounds like you want her back.

ofcourse i want her back. I love her to bits.

She is the one giving me nothing to work with....

ofcourse i want her back. I love her to bits.

 

She is the one giving me nothing to work with....

Sadly it takes two people to make a relationship work and if she is giving you nothing to work with then cut her off and let her make her mind up. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants but at the same time, She knows she's got you where she wants you.

Time to look after number one.

Day 1 complete. Barely even fazed, not had a single urge to text her.

Shes been following lots of new guys on twitter and making tweets like 'i love focussing on myself' i have her blocked but ofcourse people keep sending me stuff. Shes just trying to get a reaction out of me, i wont rise to it and I wont play her game. Im the bigger person here.

Day 1 complete. Barely even fazed, not had a single urge to text her.

Shes been following lots of new guys on twitter and making tweets like 'i love focussing on myself' i have her blocked but ofcourse people keep sending me stuff. Shes just trying to get a reaction out of me, i wont rise to it and I wont play her game. Im the bigger person here.

Find a way for you to not have any updates on her! Technically, you're are not in NC because you still know what's going on in her life. Good job on your progress!

Tell these "people" to stop sending you "stuff"!

Explain that you are in no contact and the "stuff" they send you is breaking no contact. Because it is.

Day 2 - Don't have the same extreme heartbreak feeling as the past 2 weeks, I still lie in bed at night and think things over but I have my appetite back which is good!

jesus why is this so bloody hard!!!! We had a nice convo on the phone lastnight, it started off a bit blunt but got calm and nice, was around 45 mins long, just chatting about what has happened etc etc. She is adamant that she doesn't want anything anymore so why can't I just realize that??? Like its so blatant!!! My head is saying its done, but my heart is like "i can fix this" - its not like we've cheated on each other or anything like that, its just something that I need to improve (my insecurities) but she is so closed off to letting me prove it to her, why is this, its so hard. I saw myself marrying this girl and I just can't seem to let go, what the heck is wrong with me

jesus why is this so bloody hard!!!! We had a nice convo on the phone lastnight, it started off a bit blunt but got calm and nice, was around 45 mins long, just chatting about what has happened etc etc. She is adamant that she doesn't want anything anymore so why can't I just realize that??? Like its so blatant!!! My head is saying its done, but my heart is like "i can fix this" - its not like we've cheated on each other or anything like that, its just something that I need to improve (my insecurities) but she is so closed off to letting me prove it to her, why is this, its so hard. I saw myself marrying this girl and I just can't seem to let go, what the heck is wrong with me

It's naturally hard to accept the truth if we don't like what that is. She doesn't feel the same anymore so regardless of how YOU feel that's not going to change because this isn't about you to her anymore. There's also no guarantee she isn't seeing another guy in which case closing you off would be the only sensible thing for her to do. Gotta focus on yourself and move forward without her otherwise you won't move forward at all.

It's naturally hard to accept the truth if we don't like what that is. She doesn't feel the same anymore so regardless of how YOU feel that's not going to change because this isn't about you to her anymore. There's also no guarantee she isn't seeing another guy in which case closing you off would be the only sensible thing for her to do. Gotta focus on yourself and move forward without her otherwise you won't move forward at all.

she isnt seeing or speaking to anyone. She was actually making fake messages from people saying ive been messaging them to try and catch me out, she eventually admitted it! So shee's broken up with me but is doing stuff like that.....if i wanted to speak to people I coule....im single? So is she? Im not speaking to anyone though.

Its just messed up. She says she loves me etc but how can you LOVE someone and not want to have a go at making it right !!!!!

she isnt seeing or speaking to anyone. She was actually making fake messages from people saying ive been messaging them to try and catch me out, she eventually admitted it! So shee's broken up with me but is doing stuff like that.....if i wanted to speak to people I coule....im single? So is she? Im not speaking to anyone though.

 

Its just messed up. She says she loves me etc but how can you LOVE someone and not want to have a go at making it right !!!!!

It's not that messed up. I love plenty of people but it doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship with them.

Our join dates are very similar and I feel we probably have a similar timeline here in our breakups, the difference is I have sustained some longer periods of NC than you have, what that has done is it has enabled me to think logically about these things.

I'm a very logical person and don't doubt that you are too. Feelings often aren't logical. When you really step back and take a look at the bigger picture you will understand the situation much better than you can now. As long as you are in contact with her, you won't be able to reflect accurately on the position you are in, your feelings that she still dictates will override that.

I'm sure she loves you, but it's not in the way you love her anymore, she doesn't want to be with you. Go NC, otherwise she will keep leading you down this path of false hope.

Good luck!

jesus why is this so bloody hard!!!! We had a nice convo on the phone lastnight, it started off a bit blunt but got calm and nice, was around 45 mins long, just chatting about what has happened etc etc. She is adamant that she doesn't want anything anymore so why can't I just realize that??? Like its so blatant!!! My head is saying its done, but my heart is like "i can fix this" - its not like we've cheated on each other or anything like that, its just something that I need to improve (my insecurities) but she is so closed off to letting me prove it to her, why is this, its so hard. I saw myself marrying this girl and I just can't seem to let go, what the heck is wrong with me

Nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings are the evidence that your feelings were sincere and real. If u wanted to marry someone, that implies that you wanted them in your life forever. So that commitment and love doesn't go away overnight.

It's hard because she was important to you and you still love her. If letting go was easy, that would indicate that perhaps you weren't as in love as you thought you were or that the relationship wasn't as serious as you felt it was.

Don't obsess over the difficulty of this. It's hard. It's excruciating in my opinion. I still can't get my ex and our future plans out of my head. I saw us together as a family ... For always. He said the same to me.

"Always" doesn't go away in a few days of no contact or a few weeks of being broken up.

Some days I feel horrible and some days I feel LESS horrible. That's about it for now. I stopped fighting it. That's normal. It's ok to feel hurt and lost and confused. Your whole life and the "plan" is changed and YOU didn't want it to change. How could u feel anything else but upset? How could this be anything else but difficult ?

A few weeks ago I was moving things to make space in my closets for him and his/our kids.... Planning to buy beds and furniture .... Saving for a vacation to meet his mom....

Now I'm up all night, sleeping with a pillow instead of my man .... My kid misses his kids... I am all alone instead of with the man I thought was my soulmate. How is that supposed to feel? Good? Ummm... NO. It feels like death and dis-ease.

I try to listen to positive motivational things on you tube to drown out my voices in my head and spend time planning new things to do with my kid. I'm looking into doing some things for myself.

I won't throw away all my ex's stuff and delete all his pictures even though that's what some people do. I know I will regret that some day. So I do what I feel is best for me. But I don't look at them every day.

I blocked social media.

Cut myself off from all his friends who will inadvertently tell me things about him.

I cry when I need to.

Try to eat and shower and work.

I vent here (which has helped a lot!). I don't text him. I text here instead ....

I remind myself that I'm worth being with someone who doesn't leave me and who values me while I'm there.

I vow to not accept less than I really want.

I pray.

I try to help others.

I workout when I can muster the strength.

I talk to friends and family.

And then, most important, I accept that this will be one of the hardest things I've ever done and vow to myself that I will do it. Even though it doesn't seem like I can. I have to. My life can't end over this breakup. It just can't.

I pray that we end up together but IF WE DON'T, I'll have to fight to be ok with that too! It hurts like nothing I've ever felt. But I don't have a choice. I have to have a reason to be here on the planet and if he's not in my life, then I have to get on with MY LIFE.

I CRY EVERY DAY FOR HIM. I pray for us. I want us back together. But he has to want that too. If he doesn't, then I have to know I deserve more in love than someone who doesn't want me back. (Someone who wants me bad enough to actually BE HERE WITH ME!)

Hold on......

Sending you love and light and hugs for the hard times.

Nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings are the evidence that your feelings were sincere and real. If u wanted to marry someone, that implies that you wanted them in your life forever. So that commitment and love doesn't go away overnight.

 

It's hard because she was important to you and you still love her. If letting go was easy, that would indicate that perhaps you weren't as in love as you thought you were or that the relationship wasn't as serious as you felt it was.

 

Don't obsess over the difficulty of this. It's hard. It's excruciating in my opinion. I still can't get my ex and our future plans out of my head. I saw us together as a family ... For always. He said the same to me.

"Always" doesn't go away in a few days of no contact or a few weeks of being broken up.

Some days I feel horrible and some days I feel LESS horrible. That's about it for now. I stopped fighting it. That's normal. It's ok to feel hurt and lost and confused. Your whole life and the "plan" is changed and YOU didn't want it to change. How could u feel anything else but upset? How could this be anything else but difficult ?

 

A few weeks ago I was moving things to make space in my closets for him and his/our kids.... Planning to buy beds and furniture .... Saving for a vacation to meet his mom....

Now I'm up all night, sleeping with a pillow instead of my man .... My kid misses his kids... I am all alone instead of with the man I thought was my soulmate. How is that supposed to feel? Good? Ummm... NO. It feels like death and dis-ease.

 

I try to listen to positive motivational things on you tube to drown out my voices in my head and spend time planning new things to do with my kid. I'm looking into doing some things for myself.

 

I won't throw away all my ex's stuff and delete all his pictures even though that's what some people do. I know I will regret that some day. So I do what I feel is best for me. But I don't look at them every day.

 

I blocked social media.

Cut myself off from all his friends who will inadvertently tell me things about him.

I cry when I need to.

Try to eat and shower and work.

I vent here (which has helped a lot!). I don't text him. I text here instead ....

I remind myself that I'm worth being with someone who doesn't leave me and who values me while I'm there.

I vow to not accept less than I really want.

I pray.

I try to help others.

I workout when I can muster the strength.

I talk to friends and family.

 

And then, most important, I accept that this will be one of the hardest things I've ever done and vow to myself that I will do it. Even though it doesn't seem like I can. I have to. My life can't end over this breakup. It just can't.

 

I pray that we end up together but IF WE DON'T, I'll have to fight to be ok with that too! It hurts like nothing I've ever felt. But I don't have a choice. I have to have a reason to be here on the planet and if he's not in my life, then I have to get on with MY LIFE.

 

I CRY EVERY DAY FOR HIM. I pray for us. I want us back together. But he has to want that too. If he doesn't, then I have to know I deserve more in love than someone who doesn't want me back. (Someone who wants me bad enough to actually BE HERE WITH ME!)

 

Hold on......

 

Sending you love and light and hugs for the hard times.

Thanks for this. Yep I really do think the world of her and never want to be with anyone else but her!

She wont budge though, its over and I really really need to accept it and stop torturing myself, its just so hard.

Wish you all the best

Thanks for this. Yep I really do think the world of her and never want to be with anyone else but her!

 

She wont budge though, its over and I really really need to accept it and stop torturing myself, its just so hard.

 

Wish you all the best

It's extremely hard. No getting around that. Unfortunately ..... 😔

Why is my situation so confusing, again today I've told her how much I want to make things right, I told her to take time and actually think about all of this, she replied with a love heart.

round and round and round in circles.......my fault though because I just can't give up on her!!

Why is my situation so confusing, again today I've told her how much I want to make things right, I told her to take time and actually think about all of this, she replied with a love heart.

 

round and round and round in circles.......my fault though because I just can't give up on her!!

I know things are tough but no one can't help you including a therapist, friends, family, people on this site if you don't wish to help yourself. You need to take her off this pedestal. She can't be so great if she left you. Take this time and focus on YOU! You are the most valuable person in your life, not her. You are torturing yourself, she no longer wants you so its time to pick up your self respect and keep it pushing. You were fine before her and will be without her. If you continue to contact her ( which I kind of know you will), she will only make you feel worse. You'll wish you would of moved on sooner, mark my words.

Why is my situation so confusing, again today I've told her how much I want to make things right, I told her to take time and actually think about all of this, she replied with a love heart.

 

round and round and round in circles.......my fault though because I just can't give up on her!!

You've given her all the power. Telling her to take time and think about it is exactly what she wants.

Now she knows whenever she wants you to come to her beck and call she will be able to and you'll be there waiting for her. Is this really what you want?

Be smart please.

I know things are tough but no one can't help you including a therapist, friends, family, people on this site if you don't wish to help yourself. You need to take her off this pedestal. She can't be so great if she left you. Take this time and focus on YOU! You are the most valuable person in your life, not her. You are torturing yourself, she no longer wants you so its time to pick up your self respect and keep it pushing. You were fine before her and will be without her. If you continue to contact her ( which I kind of know you will), she will only make you feel worse. You'll wish you would of moved on sooner, mark my words.

I agree.

@johnnyboy12

Choose not to feel WORSE. she won't make you feel better. You love her. She loves her. No one is loving you. You need to choose you. Let her go. Choose yourself.

Did you decide to give up on no contact?

Okay folks, need some opinions, I think I'm being played here.

So lastnight we went a drive. She was blatant that she didn't want to be with me "RIGHT NOW" because of things that had been said etc since we broke up. I said well I know you feel like that right now but if i can show you im not insecure then won't that be enough for you? "I don't know" - she said "I am enjoying being single, I can speak to people in clubs without worrying someone is going to get the wrong end of it and go and tell you" I was like, I never had a problem with you SPEAKING to people? As long as its just speaking, "well of course it is". I said well how about you let me text you next week after the weekend and see how your weekend went and then gradually we can build this back up? "okay but Im not wanting to lead you on as as I've said right now I can't see us together". I said okay. She then started making jokes like "oh i think black men are my type now" I just played along and said "well I've been going on sunbeds getting a tan so thats just as good", she was then like "haha im kidding". Then she said so im single even though you will text me next week or whatever, "what happens if I kiss someone in a club or go on a date" I said "do what you like, you're single, but I wouldn't be over the moon with it" she then said again "well that wont happen anyways". She then made ANOTHER "joke". I said tbh this kinda seems like a big game and she replies "ohhhh a big game with many other players " and she laughed, i said "well i'll win the game" and she laughed again. Its like shes trying to make me worry and be insecure....? I find it shady that sh'es saying stuff like that.....? So its like let her go be single and maybe find some ideal guy and when she gets bored she'll up the game with me again???

She also said at one point "ugh im not sure about this"...after we had had a big convo about it, i said how come? She said "because I'll be out and still feel like you're there waiting for me" She wants to expliore other options doesnt she? I think I have MUG written on my head.

She was like "i wont be going to that club you're going to at the weekend" i said okay. She said aswell if we do sort things I dont want you turning up to the same club I am at with my friends.....now I can understand she wants time with her friends but thats shady right???

She had asked me multiple times what girls had messaged me who had added me on stuff etc etc, course I told her (there was barely any) and I said the same to her.......at the very end of the convo she went "oh yeah btw forgot to say, this footballer messaged me asking what happened with us, I just said it wasnt working and ignored him" --- Its annoying because she is very materialistic and I think deep down she wants some kind of rich/famous/model material kinda guy. Im good looking but not model standards, and I have a good job but just don't think its good enough for her.

Im blatantly being played here ain't I? Should I play her at her own game? She likes a bit of bad boy (which I was until i met her and settled down)

see most recent update

You've given her all the power. Telling her to take time and think about it is exactly what she wants.

 

Now she knows whenever she wants you to come to her beck and call she will be able to and you'll be there waiting for her. Is this really what you want?

 

Be smart please.

Have a look at my most recent update, what happened confirms your point.