Caught my BF on dating sites

Hi, kinda of hope you can help me, last month I found out my BF of 1 year was on dating sites for at least the first 9 months of our relationship, he is off everything, since October, he says he was only on them as he never thought I loved him and always thought we would finish, we met on a dating site and I really thought we were solid, I no he has never met anyone while he was with me, but still I am turning into a nut ball, checking everything, I have given him a chance and to be honest I feel like Im losing myself in the process, just dont no how I can trust him again, he swears he will do everything to make it work, I do want it to work, I do love him, but is that enough, any help would be appreciated

Only together a year and the majority of that he was looking for other dates?

It's done. His excuse is awful and I hope you didn't buy it, as he essentially blames you. He showed you he is not to be trusted and that he will twist his bad behaviour around to avoid accepting responsibility.

Does that really sound like a guy who deserves a place in your life? You were in love with a guy who didn't actually exist. The real him is not who you thought you loved, OP. I would personally kick his sorry butt to the curb and find a real man, not a liar and a cheat. Only you can decide where your standards are, though. Mine are a heck of a lot higher than that!

Did you ever have an active conversation saying you both were going to take down your profiles? Was it a paid site? Was he actively looking meaning messaging woman while with you?

yes we both deleted our sites together and yes he was messaging women I seen some of the messages, he told them he had a GF doesnt make it right but at least it was something, he only chatted to people outside of our Country

kinda of how I am feeling thank you

yes we both deleted our sites together and yes he was messaging women I seen some of the messages, he told them he had a GF doesnt make it right but at least it was something, he only chatted to people outside of our Country

OP, he shouldn't have been chatting with anyone on a dating site at all.

He obviously took the initiative to reactivate his profile after deleting it. Then he went so far as to talk to other women. He is still looking around for other options, not because you aren't sure about him, but because he isn't sure about you. Him turning it around on you tells me he is manipulative as well, and apparently doesn't think you're all that bright if he actually thinks you will believe that garbage.

Also, it's not as though he confessed on his own. You busted him. Out of curiosity, how did you discover all of this?

In any case, this man is not boyfriend material. Sorry, OP. It's a good thing you found out now who you're actually dealing with. He's not who you thought he was.

through his google history, I didn't go to find, I had his password to send off Cv for jobs and something popped up so I checked it and it was all there, everything always comes out in the end anyway, I think the reason I gave him a chance is because he had deleted it all in October, he say he actually realised I did love him and he couldn't undo what he had done, I do know he shouldnt of been chatting to anyone, really thought I was enough for him, so I suppose my problem is, am I losing some of myself by taking him back, am I not strong enough to walk away, my kids love him, I love his daughter, I just dont know what is the best thing to do, do I give him a chance to prove himself or run for the hills lol

It sounds rather silly to go on a dating site and tell people you have GF? Why does he even bother? Something isn't adding up and I'm not sure why you are buying all his lame excuses.

On the other hand, if you feel like you have to check all his stuff, it's not a good sign either. This relationship isn't working for neither of you. Both are of you are doing untrustworthy things.

he said he was just chatting, it was older women and all in different countries

he said he was just chatting, it was older women and all in different countries

I dunno, why does he feel the need to chat with other woman on dating sites? If he wants to make friends, he could go elsewhere. Something really isn't right.

he has no friends, no really good friends, he has been through a lot and did it all by himself, he is not a great talker which he is working on and is opening up to me more, I suppose there is a lot more to this then just my first message

he is really trying to make this work, but Im just making it hard for him, not sure if Im making him suffer like I did, keep saying Im done and he begs me to let him try fix it

No way in heck would I even bother with this guy anymore.

You can make all the excuses you want for him, but you would be crazy to trust him now. You know you can't.

think that is my problem I no I will never trust him again, im fine when Im with him, but when Im not my mine is all over the place

think that is my problem I no I will never trust him again, im fine when Im with him, but when Im not my mine is all over the place

As it should be, really. He was lying to you for a long time.

In my opinion, a relationship just cannot survive without trust. You haven't been together long enough to have a solid foundation to refer to before the betrayal - he was too busy chatting up other women, so the foundation you thought you two were building was actually very one-sided.

Do you not feel you can do better than this guy?

Unfortunately it sounds like too much too soon. He cheated for the majority of your dating. But you sound over-attached to the idea of an instant blended family. Are you recently divorced from your ex? Where is the kids' father?

What you uncovered and what he finally admitted to is the tip of the iceberg and not the end of this type of activity. It sounds like he's on the fence about you and you at are the 'for now' women. It's a shame you allowed your children to get attached this soon.

His excuse is so lame, it's almost funny, except for the fact that he blamed his 'shopping'/cheating on your lacking.

I think the reason I gave him a chance is because he had deleted it all in October. I not strong enough to walk away, my kids love him, I love his daughter

What a load of crap! You can't trust this guy!

I would be done!

he has no friends, no really good friends, he has been through a lot and did it all by himself, he is not a great talker which he is working on and is opening up to me more, I suppose there is a lot more to this then just my first message

Don't you also think it is strange that he doesn't have friends. That would be a HUGE turnoff for me. It says a lot about him.

He was seeking attention. Period. I don't give a crap where these women are. It was wrong, or he would have shared it with you.

He's a liar and tried to cheat .... Maybe succeeded. I would end this mess.

I met my GF on match.com. I hid my profile after two dates and closed it down after a month. She did likewise. You should not be on dating sites if you have a partner, it couldn't be more simple.

Do you notice that you keep justifying his actions? He said he only talks to women in other countries or He is trying to make it work. You are going to do what you want to do despite the advice you get here. As a guy, I can tell you that for every day that you stay with him to 'make things work' is only going to make things harder for you when you two eventually break up after you catch him lying and cheating. Today is your day to get out. For every day you feel pain from him, its because you want it.