She NEVER initiates convo, I quit contact. Now what?

Got a girl's # at a bar about a month ago and we went on 2-3 dates (3rd was a meetup w/friends at a concert). Dates went very well. She was very conversational, thanking me, offering to pay... etc.....(things that should be common but just aren't sometimes). I'm 40, she's 28.

I'd text her every other day for about 3 weeks.

Invited her as a plus 1 to a wedding I was in (I told her "no pressure at all" since she only met a couple of my friends), after several days of deliberation she declined for family stuff but rescheduled for the following week. No sweat. But she then canceled the date days before to close on a lake house. No reschedule. Bumped into her the day of the now canceled date, and she said the closing is now delayed. Still no offer of a reschedule. I said I'd give her a shout that weekend and she said, "Well... .Easter weekend. Family stuff". She is really close to her family, and her brother was still in from out of town (as he was the wedding weekend, and they are in on the house together).

Thing is, she NEVER initiates contact but ALWAYS responds... usually immediately. I texted that night and said it was nice bumping into her. It was a quick text chat and that was it.

So I read all of this as, she soured on the relationship over the wedding weekend for whatever reason, maybe she met a guy, maybe the plus 1 thing was perceived as coming on too strong, or at the very least she needed space for work/family/house closing. Dunno. So my inclination was to let it breathe.... and 10 days later I haven't reached out, nor has she.

Thinking about trying again. She's always super nice, she works alot and is very close w/friends family. Should I bother or stay away for longer and try to re-connect down the road?

Let it go. She is not interested. Move on and start dating others. If she later re-connects with a date invite, then decide then if it's worth it (I wouldn't).

it sounds like she isn't interested for whatever reason. I'm sorry. keep dating others....

In the future learn how to take a hint.

Yep, just bow out gracefully on this one.

In the future, let the woman initiate more of the contact.

Please don't ever stop contacting a woman or pursing her when you are trying to date her, however in this case she may not be interested. What you need to do is stop contacting her and wait and see if she reaches out to you. If she does, she likes you, so I would then continue pursuing her. Woman want and need to be pursued.

3rd was a meetup w/friends at a concert

her friends or your friends?

think the age difference might of spooked her?

or has she dated older guys before?

Got a girl's # at a bar about a month ago and we went on 2-3 dates (3rd was a meetup w/friends at a concert). Dates went very well. She was very conversational, thanking me, offering to pay... etc.....(things that should be common but just aren't sometimes). I'm 40, she's 28.

 

I'd text her every other day for about 3 weeks.

 

Invited her as a plus 1 to a wedding I was in (I told her "no pressure at all" since she only met a couple of my friends), after several days of deliberation she declined for family stuff but rescheduled for the following week. No sweat. But she then canceled the date days before to close on a lake house. No reschedule. Bumped into her the day of the now canceled date, and she said the closing is now delayed. Still no offer of a reschedule. I said I'd give her a shout that weekend and she said, "Well... .Easter weekend. Family stuff". She is really close to her family, and her brother was still in from out of town (as he was the wedding weekend, and they are in on the house together).

 

Thing is, she NEVER initiates contact but ALWAYS responds... usually immediately. I texted that night and said it was nice bumping into her. It was a quick text chat and that was it.

 

So I read all of this as, she soured on the relationship over the wedding weekend for whatever reason, maybe she met a guy, maybe the plus 1 thing was perceived as coming on too strong, or at the very least she needed space for work/family/house closing. Dunno. So my inclination was to let it breathe.... and 10 days later I haven't reached out, nor has she.

 

Thinking about trying again. She's always super nice, she works alot and is very close w/friends family. Should I bother or stay away for longer and try to re-connect down the road?

The reality is we never truly know what other people are thinking. You can only use their behavior as a guide to see what their intentions are. If I were in the same situation as you, I would let it go. If she wanted to be with you, she would. That's the inescapable reality of the situation. And also, I don't like pursuing someone who isn't going to do any of the heavy lifting. I generally lose interest quickly when women don't initiate any contact.

 

I generally lose interest quickly when women don't initiate any contact.

I think that is smart. Speaking personally, when I'm really into a guy (and frankly I would not be dating him if I weren't), I will always initiate when I don't hear from him in a few days.

I have been known to send two in a row even! When I'm really REALLY into him.

I don't do that anymore though, I initiate once and wait for him to respond.

Unfortunately it seems your instincts are correct that she's just fading out. Wait to see if she reaches out.

she declined.

she then canceled

Still no offer of a reschedule.

she NEVER initiates contact but ALWAYS responds.

10 days later I haven't reached out, nor has she.

Unfortunately it seems your instincts are correct that she's just fading out. Wait to see if she reaches out.

Bolded - I don't think that is always the case though. Not to get down on my own gender, but many women have this "entitlement" thing going on, wherein they actually expect that the man will ALWAYS initiate and chase (if the men are into them).

Why do they think this? Because men continue to initiate and chase so women have become conditioned to expect that.

Many women just don't realize that men like for us to initiate too. That it's important to them and will actually impact their attraction to us (like Sportster said).

I think it's important for a man to make it known EARLY ON what he expects from her. Whether by actions or words.

Actions would be stop doing all the initiating and wait for HER to step up.

Words would be actually telling her what you expect.

Agree that he should wait to see if SHE reaches out. If she is into him, she WILL.

Please don't ever stop contacting a woman or pursing her when you are trying to date her, however in this case she may not be interested. What you need to do is stop contacting her and wait and see if she reaches out to you. If she does, she likes you, so I would then continue pursuing her. Woman want and need to be pursued.

I think the man should pursue for the first 2 or 3 dates, after that it's usually best to back off a little and let the woman start pursuing. If he just keeps pursing it's only a matter of time before she starts feeling smothered and loses her attraction. It may feed her ego a bit to have him keep chasing, but it's an attraction killer.