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My Wife Sleeps All Day Even After a Night's Sleep


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My wife sleeps all day. This is after sleeping 7-8 hours at night. She works 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts as a nurse. On her days off is when she sleeps all the time. Her routine is get up around 6-7am go to the gym for 2 hours then run some errands and then come home and sleep. She is always asleep when I get home from work (I work 6-7 days a week and also go to the gym 1 hour/day and have plenty of energy). She is 34, I’m 10 years older than her. I ask her is everything is OK, she says “Yes, I’m just tired.” I ask her if she is happy and she says, “Yes”. I ask if she is depresses and she says “no”. This has been going for almost a year. She does take medication for migraines but she was never sleeping like this before.

 

I’m concerned about her health but also concerned for our marriage. We don’t spend a lot of time together because of our work schedules so I always try to plan something when we are both off from work but she never wants to do anything with me…….just sleep.

 

 

Any ideas? Thanks.

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I know having dated someone from that field how insidious shift work can be. Are these day or night? If it's the latter, or both, then that can do some serious messing with your circadian rhythm!!! On top of that, it's not like your sat at a desk or doing some mindless work; you're on your feet, making snap decisions (often with rather serious consequences).

 

That said, is she showing any other signs of depression? Has she had a general check up?

If she's going to the gym, generally active and has a good diet, I wouldn't worry too much about her health.

 

Your job sounds prohibitive in terms of you being available to be together too (6-7 days per week is a lot!)

 

What used to work for me is 'if you can't beat it, join it' philosophy. I used to - don't laugh - build a bed/blanket hideout and have pyjama days about once every 3 weeks. It was an odd way to date but made him feel less guilty, and I got to see him.

Just a thought...

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My wife sleeps all day. This is after sleeping 7-8 hours at night. She works 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts as a nurse. On her days off is when she sleeps all the time. Her routine is get up around 6-7am go to the gym for 2 hours then run some errands and then come home and sleep. She is always asleep when I get home from work (I work 6-7 days a week and also go to the gym 1 hour/day and have plenty of energy). She is 34, I’m 10 years older than her. I ask her is everything is OK, she says “Yes, I’m just tired.” I ask her if she is happy and she says, “Yes”. I ask if she is depresses and she says “no”. This has been going for almost a year. She does take medication for migraines but she was never sleeping like this before.

 

I’m concerned about her health but also concerned for our marriage. We don’t spend a lot of time together because of our work schedules so I always try to plan something when we are both off from work but she never wants to do anything with me…….just sleep.

 

 

Any ideas? Thanks.

 

Can you be more specific? How long is she sleeping on her days off? If you are working 6-7 days a week (8-hour days?) and going to the gym, who knows how long she has actually napped. Wait, if you work 7 days a week, that's pretty much all the time, so how can you tell what she is doing "all day" on her days off?

 

It could be that 7-8 hours are not enough sleep for her for 12 hour nursing shifts. Could be, too, that she has something else going on, and perhaps blood tests are needed? I was told by a specialist that when I am having a flare of a chronic condition to try to get 10-12 hours of sleep a night. It was pretty much impossible to do when working and raising a family, but if I could have I would have.

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I'm know a lot of health care workers, whom works at hospitals. Their shifts are very tough on their bodies. Since your wife is a nurse, I'm assuming her hours are all over the place.

 

A friend of mine whom is a nurse is like your wife. She's constantly tired. Before she started working those crazy shifts, she was an energetic talking non stop type of person. I asked her if she was depressed, she said no, it's the hours she works that is taking a toll on her body. Therefore she's just constantly low in energy.

 

Sometimes, just taking a week or 2 vacation somewhere with lots of sun, where she could just relax will help recuperate. She sounds like she just need an extended break. Working long hours affects a person more than someone whom works more days but less hours. I hope that helps.

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I likewise think there's a lot of detail missing. What does "all day" mean?

 

I will say one thing that stuck out to me was this:

"We don’t spend a lot of time together because of our work schedules. I always try to plan something"

 

Arguably one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. And it's not because you're in any way dumb, but that it's actually very common for people to assume that people are any more eager to plan when the opportunity is restricted than when it's not. On the contrary, we enjoy doing things on our time and our terms, not when they simply have to happen. This is why contrasting work schedules are so important to take into account when asking yourself whether you're more or less dependent than other partners and consequently whether a relationship works for you.

 

All that said, how long has this been the case? Has she always been on for 3-12s and just now is getting exhausted? Is she in a different rotation? If you think hard about it, are there issues beyond just her schedule and sleeping? Part me me wanted to think she just might be someone who's not built for 12-hour shifts, which many people aren't, but if this is a new phenomena, there's obviously more to it.

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I know having dated someone from that field how insidious shift work can be. Are these day or night? If it's the latter, or both, then that can do some serious messing with your circadian rhythm!!! On top of that, it's not like your sat at a desk or doing some mindless work; you're on your feet, making snap decisions (often with rather serious consequences).

 

That said, is she showing any other signs of depression? Has she had a general check up?

If she's going to the gym, generally active and has a good diet, I wouldn't worry too much about her health.

 

Your job sounds prohibitive in terms of you being available to be together too (6-7 days per week is a lot!)

 

What used to work for me is 'if you can't beat it, join it' philosophy. I used to - don't laugh - build a bed/blanket hideout and have pyjama days about once every 3 weeks. It was an odd way to date but made him feel less guilty, and I got to see him.

Just a thought...

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

She works day shift.....7am -7pm 3 days/week. She's had a general physical, CT scan, MRI, has had a neurologist (for migraines) for several years...all come back clear with the exception of the migraines. other signs of depression...no interest of doing anything social......even just go for a ride in the car together is a challenge to get her to go. She is active at the gym but after that its almost all sleep if she is not working. I think she needs to tone down the gym. 1 hour max is enough.

 

I do work a lot but I make try and plan things when I know we'll both be off from work......unfortunately she never seems to want to do anything.

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Can you be more specific? How long is she sleeping on her days off? If you are working 6-7 days a week (8-hour days?) and going to the gym, who knows how long she has actually napped. Wait, if you work 7 days a week, that's pretty much all the time, so how can you tell what she is doing "all day" on her days off?

 

It could be that 7-8 hours are not enough sleep for her for 12 hour nursing shifts. Could be, too, that she has something else going on, and perhaps blood tests are needed? I was told by a specialist that when I am having a flare of a chronic condition to try to get 10-12 hours of sleep a night. It was pretty much impossible to do when working and raising a family, but if I could have I would have.

 

A 3-5 hour nap in the afternoon and then in bed by 9:30-10pm-ish. I can tell how long she slept because she tells me and also when I come home from work she is asleep on the couch almost daily. All her blood work comes back OK.

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I'm know a lot of health care workers, whom works at hospitals. Their shifts are very tough on their bodies. Since your wife is a nurse, I'm assuming her hours are all over the place.

 

A friend of mine whom is a nurse is like your wife. She's constantly tired. Before she started working those crazy shifts, she was an energetic talking non stop type of person. I asked her if she was depressed, she said no, it's the hours she works that is taking a toll on her body. Therefore she's just constantly low in energy.

 

Sometimes, just taking a week or 2 vacation somewhere with lots of sun, where she could just relax will help recuperate. She sounds like she just need an extended break. Working long hours affects a person more than someone whom works more days but less hours. I hope that helps.

 

 

7am-7pm 3 days /week. If she takes time off she sleeps, this happened a while back. She was actually on short term disability for 6-7 weeks a few months ago. She slept almost all day and night.....a few hours up before bed.

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The thing that concerns me is the fact that she's working out for two hours, when she could easily be divided some of that time (energy) towards him.

 

 

Yes, I agree or at least be open to doing something when I ask her to go do something instead of saying "no" most times. I know our schedule are not matched well but I try to make it work when the opportunity is there.

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Sleepiness and fatigue are common, well-known side effect of Gabapentin. 7-8 hours per night plus a 3-5 hour nap makes 10-13 hours. 13 hours is certainly excessive, 10 not necessarily so (more than average of course, but for someone with an active job and who works out several hours every day, not alarming).

 

I think it's really up to your wife to tackle her medical issues, not you. She has to feel that her current sleeping schedule is a problem, not just you. I'd approach anything more from the point of view of you two improving your relationship, and let her sort out her health.

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I likewise think there's a lot of detail missing. What does "all day" mean?

 

I will say one thing that stuck out to me was this:

"We don’t spend a lot of time together because of our work schedules. I always try to plan something"

 

Arguably one of the worst ideas I've ever heard. And it's not because you're in any way dumb, but that it's actually very common for people to assume that people are any more eager to plan when the opportunity is restricted than when it's not. On the contrary, we enjoy doing things on our time and our terms, not when they simply have to happen. This is why contrasting work schedules are so important to take into account when asking yourself whether you're more or less dependent than other partners and consequently whether a relationship works for you.

 

All that said, how long has this been the case? Has she always been on for 3-12s and just now is getting exhausted? Is she in a different rotation? If you think hard about it, are there issues beyond just her schedule and sleeping? Part me me wanted to think she just might be someone who's not built for 12-hour shifts, which many people aren't, but if this is a new phenomena, there's obviously more to it.

 

 

3-5 hour naps.....along with early bedtime.

 

Worst idea!? How is trying to plan something with my wife "one of the worst ideas..."??......I read your post and understand what you're saying but if time is limited then make it work when the opportunity is there.

This has been going on for at least a year....

She been on 3x 12 for 1.5-2 years.....same hours and shift (no changes)

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I'm a nurse and yes the shifts are killer, especially when you're doing a mixture of days and nights in a short period of time. In saying that I still think the amount of sleep she's getting is excessive and is a strong indicator of depression.. she may not even realise she's depressed? Unfortunately it's very difficult to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Try have a conversation with her, explain to her that you're worried about your marriage and would she consider counselling

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gabapentin and two other medications, I forget the other two names. several check ups have revealed nothing.

 

Those medications make you so tired you have NO CLUE. All anti-seizure meds make you so tired it's unbelievable . Up until two weeks ago I was taking 850!mg of anti-seizure meds and I was pretty much comatose I would go to work come home sit on the couch roll into bed and that was it . I can barely remember what I'm saying as I'm saying it those meds are nothing to fool with . They make you TIRED. They reduce neuron activity in the brain so much that sometimes it's very hard to function .

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