Finding myself again....

I just got out of a really bad relationship where I was consistently made to feel like an absolute monster every time I got upset with my partner for not being faithful towards me, or for doing things she knew I didnt like but just went ahead and did them anyways.

I finally had the courage to break things off with her about 6 months ago, I was tired of feeling like I had to constantly look over my shoulder, worrying about who she was talking to and how she was talking to them, worrying about what she was doing online, and worrying about different ways to hack into her online accounts so I could find some piece of mind....

I ended things and i do admit that i had my moments of weakness where I talked to her or had her over for the night, etc. She told me she had changed, but showed no signs of changing, and was consistently exploiting loopholes.

I am done feeling like I am a monster when I just want someone to treat me like my feelings matter, like I'm not just a side piece, or like I will do because I am the only one who is physically there for her to be with.

I am done with her....or at least, I want to be, but she still haunts my thoughts, the times when things were good still run through my head and its very easy to forget the bad times even though they drastically outweighed the good times. Its hard to not think of her when all the friends she has, are the friends I have too.

I come from a situation where I was emotionally abused, and manipulated at least 4 times a week, she had normalized abusing and manipulating me.

Trying to be over her, the idea of talking to other people frightens the hell out of me and I dont know what to do. My therapist gave me a book called "In Sheep's Clothing" to help me distance myself more from manipulative people such as my ex, but I would like to know if there are any pointers someone could give me? How do I release her grasp on me so I can finally feel good about moving on? Because I feel guilty for breaking up with her and I know its still her manipulative voice echoing throughout my head....

I want the pain to stop...I want the old me back...

Excellent you ended it it sounds like a toxic mix. Also good you are in therapy. Work on building self confidence and make that more bullet proof against insecurities needing to check on people etc.

In addition to therapy dedicate your time to a self improvement plan. Work out, eat better, get in shape. Update your image, hair clothes, etc.. Volunteer, take classes or lessons. Join groups and clubs. Rebuild yourself to not be vulnerable with regard to other people.

My therapist gave me a book called "In Sheep's Clothing" to help me distance myself more from manipulative people such as my ex, but I would like to know if there are any pointers someone could give me?