Was I that blind?

Hi All,

6 months ago I (25 y.o.) started dating a guy. (29 y.o.) We fell in love pretty fast. He was telling everyone he wants to marry me, was showing me engagement rings asking what style do I like, so that when he proposes he will know what type of ring to pick. Everything was perfect for 5.5 months.

Last week we went out with my friends and I had too much of drinks. Once all my friends left he started saying what he doesn't like in me and etc, and I told hime "Hey, why are you telling me this right now? I am drunk! I don't want to talk about it!". He got mad about it and kept complaining while I was crying in the car. At one point he got frustrated and mad, he dropped me in the middle of the street in front of my house while I was in hysteria crying and drew away. Called me after and said "Your actions could have got me in trouble cos I was drinking and driving! Neighbours could have called 911! You are selfish and irresponsible". I would like to mention that I hardly ever drink (once in 3 months), yet he gets drunk every weekend. Anyways, he never really apologized, called me a drama queen. Two days after this issue I told him I need a break and I need my stuff I left at his house. All he said was "ok". I picked my stuff while he was at work, left all his together with the gifts he gave me (The only reason I did that was cos for two days after the fight he treated me like crap and acted as if he doesnt know me).

The night I asked him to take a break, I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst cramps ever and blood as well, and ran to ER. Apparently I miscarried our baby (and I even did not know I was pregnant). I texted him in the morning saying "I did leave your stuff and just wanted to let you know that I miscarried our baby and I did not know I was pregnant either, I thought it would be fair for you to know." All he said was "Why did not you tell me about this?" I explained the situation and he was pretty much ignoring me. I was so lost, confused, still in physical pain and in shock, that I was desperate and had to call him in tears, and all he said was "What do you want me to do? You were the one who dropped all my stuff and wanted a break. I am sorry it happent!".

My miscarriage wasnt going well and I had to go to ER again with pretty much no pulse, I was begging him to come , yet he didnt.

He came to see me in three days and when I asked him why didnt you visit me earlier, he said "The way you were talking to me seemed like you want to do nothing with me". And during the discussion I said " I have never been a priority for you." He said "How can I choose you over my family and friends, when we have been together for couple of weeks?! Were all your exes leaving work for you only cos you asked them to???" I literally could not believe he said that, cos the only reason I asked him to leave cos I was in ER and it was an emergency.

Anyways, we decided to take a break and then go from there. I just do not know whether it is over or no for him? I am super hurt, super upset, and I can not believe he could change in just two weeks. What did I do wrong? and what I should do...?

I'm sorry this happened. It sounds like neither of you is mature enough to be in a serious relationship let alone be potential parents. You chose to get drunk and drive if your story is correct and to drink while pregnant which can really harm your unborn child. I am really sorry for your loss and I think you two should stay away from each other for now.

I did not know I was pregnant till the day I went to ER. I missed a pill of birth control and was feeling weird, but I thought it was all happening because of the missed pill, not pregnancy. Moreover, I was not driving either while I was drunk. He was the one who was driving.

I did not know I was pregnant till the day I went to ER. I missed a pill of birth control and was feeling weird, but I thought it was all happening because of the missed pill, not pregnancy. Moreover, I was not driving either while I was drunk. He was the one who was driving.

Oh good -your post was hard to follow. It sounds like you two aren't a good match and my suggestion is that if you miss a pill either abstain or use a backup method especially if you might choose to drink and might want to continue a pregnancy. I hope you feel much better soon.

And he was always telling me " Stop your pills, I want to have a baby with you!"

How one can say all this and once the pregnancy issue comes up , ignore the person he was telling all this stuff

And he was always telling me " Stop your pills, I want to have a baby with you!"

How one can say all this and once the pregnancy issue comes up , ignore the person he was telling all this stuff

Because you should watch the feet- what someone does- not the lips -what someone says. For example you say he gets drunk regularly. Do you think that's a positive sign that he's ready to parent a child you two have? Did you two discuss marriage/commitment/how you would afford a child, where you would live, who would work, who would stay home (or neither?). People say lots of things - you said a lot of things when you chose to drink, right -should he take all that to heart, too?

And he was always telling me " Stop your pills, I want to have a baby with you!"

How one can say all this and once the pregnancy issue comes up , ignore the person he was telling all this stuff

Someone who is immature enough to say this is far too immature to have a baby with. In which case it's easy for them to say because they are not thinking of the real consequences or the lifetime commitment that comes with bringing up a child. They are speaking in the heat of the moment without giving a care about their words.

It is always worth being wary of someone who is so quick to suggest marriage and babies. It's usually all talk.

I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

He was offering me to move in with him for a long time, but as he did live very far away from my work I used to tell him "1. it is too early. 2. once I take a long vacation (approximately in June) I will move in".

And when I was texting him "You even did not ask how I was feeling!" he said "All would have been different if you'd move in with me. He blames all on me

But why should it have been different? That makes no sense. The same events that unfolded and led to the break up would still have happened.

Holding a grudge against you because you didn't move in with him when it was still early days, is another sign of immaturity.

Because you should watch the feet- what someone does- not the lips -what someone says. For example you say he gets drunk regularly. Do you think that's a positive sign that he's ready to parent a child you two have? Did you two discuss marriage/commitment/how you would afford a child, where you would live, who would work, who would stay home (or neither?). People say lots of things - you said a lot of things when you chose to drink, right -should he take all that to heart, too?

He is pretty responsible about his life, as much as I am. He has a very good job, his own house and etc., I work and at the same time doing my PhD.

When he was telling me about making babies, I never took it serious and he knew it too. But even if he was joking about it, he still was giving me an impression that he is serious about me. And at the end I find out that I was pretty much no one to him, while I truly did trust, appreciate and love him

He is pretty responsible about his life, as much as I am. He has a very good job, his own house and etc., I work and at the same time doing my PhD.

When he was telling me about making babies, I never took it serious and he knew it too. But even if he was joking about it, he still was giving me an impression that he is serious about me. And at the end I find out that I was pretty much no one to him, while I truly did trust, appreciate and love him

I understand. It sounds like in certain ways he is responsible. I'm sorry this happened but probably better now than later.

And he was always telling me " Stop your pills, I want to have a baby with you!"

How one can say all this and once the pregnancy issue comes up , ignore the person he was telling all this stuff

YOU need to slow everything down- big time! And take a good look at all of this.....

Sounds like you two hardly know each other at all... and only now are YOU seeing how he is. ( red flags?). This is normal time to see them ( within first 6 mos).. and it also the time many people end their involvement, because they realize feelings aren't the same... red flags.. and just not 'compatible'.

And.. it's crazy, way too soon to even think about bringing a baby into this. Please try to see things in a healthy way.. and that maybe this guy is NOT for you to lead a healthy, happy relationship ( Life) with.

he is too much into HIMSELF, acting immature and selfish, etc.

So--- get out of this.. remain on your own for a while. Get back to 'good' and consider getting involved again someday at a slower pace. Do not accept or expect a ring that soon! And don't get prego with someone you've just started seeing, months before.

Take it easy... go gradually.. work on getting to know them first.

No reason on waiting at least 2-3 yrs to get into all of that with someone, when you've seen IF you're compatible, happy with them, etc.

6 months ago I (25 y.o.) started dating a guy. (29 y.o.) We fell in love pretty fast. He was telling everyone he wants to marry me,

When this kind of intensity happens this fast, it's impulsive and usually burns out just as quickly.

Someone who 'loves' and fast talks marriage and babies before the time it takes to actually KNOW one another isn't exactly trustworthy--or mature enough to consider that stuff with.

Talk is...talk. You get to decide whether you'll buy into fast talkers, or not. Dis-illusion-ment is painful, but there's something valuable to take from this as you move forward: someone who doesn't know you can't love you. That doesn't make you unloveable, but it CAN make you smart.

Head high.

Your relatiosnhip seems very toxic. You haven't been together for long and in the first 6 months you see what the otehr person is like. You were moving too fast and you were nnot ont he same page. It would be best for you to move on. No you were not blind, you were just getting to know him and he turned out to be different from what you expeted.

He was offering me to move in with him for a long time, but as he did live very far away from my work I used to tell him "1. it is too early. 2. once I take a long vacation (approximately in June) I will move in".

And when I was texting him "You even did not ask how I was feeling!" he said "All would have been different if you'd move in with me. He blames all on me

A long time? OP, forgive me, but you hadn't even been together a long time. 6 months is very short.

Anyone who zooms through the courtship stage and starts talking co-habitation, marriage and children that soon is demonstrating red flag behaviour. He barely knew you! People who fantasize like that are usually very impulsive and not to be taken seriously. They run into relationship head-first and then bail just as quickly. Why? Because they make decisions based on hormones, a desire to feel wanted, whatever feels good in the moment - but not based on sound judgment and love. This guy wasn't interested in a mature and sustainable relationship and I can nearly guarantee that moving in with him (much less having a child with him!) would have ended in serious heartbreak for you.

He sounds unstable and immature. Stay away from him and don't overlook the warning signs next time.

I texted him yesterday " Hey, I took my break and thought about us and I realized we are two different people. I think the best solution is to break up. I don't know if you actually thought about it and I do not know what your decision is, but I think it is for the best. Thanks for everything."

He read. Was online for another 5 hours. Never responded back.

I texted him yesterday " Hey, I took my break and thought about us and I realized we are two different people. I think the best solution is to break up. I don't know if you actually thought about it and I do not know what your decision is, but I think it is for the best. Thanks for everything."

He read. Was online for another 5 hours. Never responded back.

Are you surprised he wouldn't respond to a break up by text? If it's been 6 months I would assume at least a phone conversation, yes? I realize you two had a volatile night, but still.

I texted him yesterday " Hey, I took my break and thought about us and I realized we are two different people. I think the best solution is to break up. I don't know if you actually thought about it and I do not know what your decision is, but I think it is for the best. Thanks for everything."

He read. Was online for another 5 hours. Never responded back.

What type of response do you need, though?

Are you surprised he wouldn't respond to a break up by text? If it's been 6 months I would assume at least a phone conversation, yes? I realize you two had a volatile night, but still.

He never called me since miscarriage news. Never. I was the one who was calling him. (I need to admit though before whenever he woke up he'd text me a good morning text, whenever he was going to and leaving work , and before going to bed he always called me, but not after the fight).

So I thought he just doesnt want to see me, talk to me and know me. That is why I just texted him and he never responded. I think I just was scared to hear him again 'cos I knew I'd burst in tears

What type of response do you need, though?

I know you probably think I am stupid that I still expect something. I am just a fighter in relationships. If something is not going right I'd put effort to fix it. He never put any effort. And I was hoping he will at least ask "why?" or will try to put effort to fix it.

He was telling me "I know I screwed up. What do you want me to do?" I dunno if he is that stupid or acts like one

I know you probably think I am stupid that I still expect something. I am just a fighter in relationships. If something is not going right I'd put effort to fix it. He never put any effort. And I was hoping he will at least ask "why?" or will try to put effort to fix it.

He was telling me "I know I screwed up. What do you want me to do?" I dunno if he is that stupid or acts like one

When it comes to fighting for a relationship, you need to be fighting WITH that person to save it, not AGAINST them. If he wasn't putting any effort in then that tells you quite a bit.

I know you probably think I am stupid that I still expect something. I am just a fighter in relationships. If something is not going right I'd put effort to fix it. He never put any effort. And I was hoping he will at least ask "why?" or will try to put effort to fix it.

He was telling me "I know I screwed up. What do you want me to do?" I dunno if he is that stupid or acts like one

I get what you are saying, but it's foolish to fight for a relationship like this, girl.

You have to take a huge step back and look at just how toxic this all was. He never put in any effort because he just didn't want to. This guy is all talk and no walk. Hoping that he'd put in effort now that you've ended it is unrealistic and would in the end have not changed the fact that the relationship was a mess.

Good that you ended it. Text is not the optimal choice but I can see your reasoning. And I understand you wanting a response. But you need to accept that he might not give it to you. Good luck x

Sorry to hear this. So many glaring red flags. Typical player lies about rings, marriage, future, babies, etc. before he even knows you!. Have they checked you for stds yet?

It sounds like the infatuation has worn off and he's just not interested. It was all an act. Go no contact and delete and block him. The good thing is he had every sign of a player so you'll know what to watch our for next time. Way too much too soon .

He came to my office last week and was crying saying he is sorry for not being there for me, he thought I was lying about miscarriage as his ex did lie to him about being pregnant and going through an abortion. Why the hell would I lie about such a serious thing? How mental one should be to do so??? Anyways, he was asking me if I could forget and forgive and if I can move on because he did not want to be slapped in the face with this if we move on, and asked me to think about it.

The next day he was going to go snowboarding and it was snowing real bad. He called me and talked to me for an hour and then said "It is snowing real bad and I should concentrate on driving, as roads are getting worse. I will text you once I get there." Well, he did not. To be honest, I was worried. Even if that would not be him but any other friend of mine I would still be worried because it was snowing real bad. The next morning I texted him "Hey, did you make it there?" He never responded back. Then I called him couple hours later and he did not pick up and turned off his phone later on.

Do I understand how one can act normal and be trying to fix things and cry about it one day, then ignore the other day? No.

I got an offer from a very successful company in Cali. At first I did not want to take the offer because I was still hoping things will get better (I know I know ...so stupid of me). But I did sign the contract and will be moving in Summer. I believe a new environment will help me to move on.