Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Hi All, Need some advice from those that are familiar with social media apps such as Instagram.. I'v been friends with this guy for about a year now, and we recently started dating and getting closer a few months ago. So I use social media apps such as Facebook and Instagram and he's not really on social media.. at least so I thought he wasn't... So a few months ago, he sent me a screenshot via text of a photo he wanted to show me. Well I quickly noticed it was a screenshot from Instagram. So I responded "Oh you have instagram? Thought you weren't on any social media" and he replied with "Well I don't really use it much, I don't post stuff I only use it to watch work out videos and car stuff" So I thought okay that's fine maybe he's not ready to share his social media with me so no big deal I'm not going to bug him to add me on it. Moved on. Fast forward to a few weeks ago I was on instagram one day and there it was.. came across his profile! It came up on my "discover people" page. So of course I went to go creep his page and well he lied! He said he doesn't post photos but there it was! He's been posting photos since last May up until a few weeks ago! He only has about 20 posts on his page and doesn't follow too many people but still he lied about not really using it. I also noticed he even follows one of his EXES on instagram, she also follows him back and "likes" most of his posts. He's told me about her before and that their relationship ended 4-5 years ago because they "grew apart" but are still "friendly" and talk once in a while. But why follow her on there and not me? So at that point I was thinking to myself why would he lie about this? I saw all his posts and it's not like he had anything on there to hide or sketchy (like posts of another girl) it just looked like any other regular guy's page. So I decided to "follow" him on another instagram account I have (I know that sounds creepy but don't ask lol) that he doesn't know is me. Cause I wasn't ready to confront him about finding his page.. About a week ago I finally decided OK I'll just follow him on my own personal account, whatever and just tell him his page came across my feed. Well that didn't really work cause shortly after I followed him on my "other" account he changed his profile to "private" so now I had to "request" to follow his page. Which I did, and the next time i saw him I casually mentioned "Oh I came across your insta page the other day and sent you a request, waiting for you to accept ha ha" he then came up with some (bull) excuse saying "Oh yeah well I deleted the app for now cause i'm getting a new phone and have to re-download it." At the time I believed that excuse but definately not anymore! As this whole time i've been "following" him on my other account (he doesn't know is me) i've seen that he's been on it "liking" posts these past few days.. So he's pretty much ignoring my follow request, hasn't accepted me yet and continues using it. I don't get it. He's following an ex on there and chooses not to follow me? I know this may sound like a silly problem, but it shows that he's hiding a part of himself from me by not wanting me to follow his posts or be on his social media. He has a regular looking page nothing I would be upset about it. I'm only upset cause he chooses not to have me on there for some reason. It's been a year now of knowing eachother and we've gotten much closer. (Or so I thought we have) Should I mention it to him again that i'm still waiting for him to "accept" me. (In a casual playful way) Help.. Sorry for the long post Link to comment
vesper Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 You are getting TOO wrapped up in minutia. So what, maybe this guy is a bit strange but nothing you have written here sounds strange to me. Just move on and forget about instagram, its really not a big deal. Maybe he's shy. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 I know it sounds silly, but social media plays a part in people's lives nowadays including mine. And he's not really the "shy" type.. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Shrug.....as a matter of personal drama free policy I don't add guys I'm dating to any social media.....ever. Spares the me whole creeping me on social media, friending, unfriending, blocking, etc, etc, etc. Any guy who takes issue with that can take a hike. Also, I wouldn't consider him being overly active on there if he only has a few posts and pics. I do think he could simply be more direct with you in telling you no, but is probably afraid of the consequences of that. What is weird to me is how much time and energy you are putting into creeping him on something nonsensical like instagram. How do you even find the time? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 He's not interested in letting you into certain parts of his life, you know that for sure now. You can either go and talk to him about it or leave it. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Well, this is pretty much going to be one of two things: a) that "ex" of his isn't as much of an ex as he wants you to think she is b) you are not as "in there" as you thought you were and while he's casually dating you for fun and probably sex, he has zero interest in you as a girlfriend or letting you into his life beyond booty calls/dates. I hate social media, I put no stock in it at all. BUT I have never found any good to come out of people who hide things and then lie about it. And come on the guy is blatantly lying to you. If he were honest he might say something like, "Well, we're still just dating and getting to know each other. It's too early for social media sharing." Then at least he'd be honest about it. Of course he also knows that you might walk and/or choose to date other fellows then and he'd just have to risk that he doesn't get all the cookies for himself, because you realize he's not going to give you what you want, so you go elsewhere to find someone who will. Bottom line - if you wouldn't do something like that to him, then you don't and shouldn't tolerate him doing it to you. And my advice would be the same if you found out he had a whole other phone number he'd not given you, lied about having a phone in the first place (I had that happen with someone I briefly dated who turned out to be married - yikes!) gave you a wrong address, gave you a different name, lied about where he worked etc. It's not the context that matters here. It's that he's hiding something and lying about it. I'd be gone, why bother. P.S. If you have to go digging to get a truth in the first place, the relationship such as it is, is probablyalready dead. You just don't know it or accept that yet. Good healthy relationships on both sides do not involve snooping to find things out or make one go, "What is that thing over there?" or "How come he/she doesn't want me to know that or look there?" Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 This accusatory detective statement right out of the gate made him alerted that you are going to question wonder pester etc, about social media. He was honest with you when he stated this and clearly wasn't "hiding" anything if he sent you screen shots, lol. "Well I don't really use it much, I don't post stuff I only use it to watch work out videos and car stuff" It seems he learned your issues early on with social media and that you are the jealous controlling type. Perhaps he reset his privacy setting because of your fake account constantly creeping his wondering who is this creeper? I responded "Oh you have instagram? Thought you weren't on any social media" I decided to "follow" him on another instagram account I have Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 It's crystal clear as to where you stand. Why pursue this? Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 Lol I definately didn't mean to sound like an accusatory detective when I said that statement. It was just a simple "Oh didn't know you were on instagram" over text you can't hear my tone of voice. Also I'm not the jealous/controlling type on social media at all. He's just acting pretty shady. What's the big deal in him letting me follow him? That's what bothers me. Ps. My other account isn't nessesarily fake it's just a food blog. I do think it alerted him to change his privacy settings when that account followed him.. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 And to be honest, I've pulled back from him a bit lately because of this situation. I haven't had sex with him in over a month. Yet he still continues to initiate texts everyday and continues to see me. Right now I see him as just a friend cause i'm not going to continue sleeping with someone who's being somewhat dishonest with me. (And he has no idea the reason I'm pulling back from sex is cause the whole instagram thing cause I haven't confronted him about it) I just need to see that I can fully trust him before we are intimate again. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 He has tighter boundaries than you do and compartmentalizes more. It leaping to jealousy about his ex is your insecurity at work. Overall he doesn't sound like a huge social media kinda guy. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 And no he's not my boyfriend. We aren't in a official relationship. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 No he's not a huge social media guy, but why follow an ex on there then? What's the point of that. If he can follow an ex and not me that says alot about where I stand in his life. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 Wow and you are patrolling his social media? no he's not my boyfriend. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 Lol i'm not patrolling! His activity shows up on my news feed. Just like anyone elses does when you follow people Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted April 21, 2017 Share Posted April 21, 2017 It's not the context that matters here. It's that he's hiding something and lying about it. I'd be gone, why bother. I agree with PP. I could never deal with a liar, no matter the context involved. Link to comment
Lulu43 Posted April 21, 2017 Author Share Posted April 21, 2017 Exactly. Which is why i'm pulling back. Link to comment
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