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Not a regular here, I have a few questions...


katreefer

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I'll try to make this brief.

Been in a relationship (23F) with a man (35) for 5 years. Typical in the beginning, though I always wondered how he hadn't settled already. We weren't & still aren't interested in jumping into marriage until we know everything about eachother. I know him well enough to finish his sentences after he gets out a word or two.

He's all good things most of the time, and we argue about common issues. However, he likes to assume how I feel...and is mostly wrong. So I doubt he knows me equally.

Sometimes he handles our arguments in an alarming way. I don't see me being a as a reason to react with such cruelty.

 

The latest: Our shower water gets hot when the toilet is flushed. And I mean BOILING hot, since he has the water heater set that way.

I woke up y and went to be alone in the shower (kinda, I talk to myself more & more these days). As I'm mumbling, he busts in, opens the curtain, and begins to tell me we are done. Rips the shower curtain down & flushes the toilet. Of course, I jumped back immediately after my naked body felt the scalding hot water. He never feels sorry for doing things like this, and that bothers me more than the acts alone.

 

So...first question, is what he did considered abusive?

 

2. Is his behavior acceptable under any circumstance (for example, me being itrational & y leading up to a period)?

 

3. What would a mature adult do? (Not that I'm childish, but no one has ever intentionally hurt me like this..)

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So...first question, is what he did considered abusive?

 

2. Is his behavior acceptable under any circumstance (for example, me being itrational & y leading up to a period)?

 

3. What would a mature adult do? (Not that I'm childish, but no one has ever intentionally hurt me like this..)

 

1. Yes, abusive

 

2. Never acceptable

 

3. A mature adult discusses the situation or takes measured, nonreactive action. For example leaving for a few hours. He/She is able to reason through emotional pain and does not react by lashing out at another person

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You have been putting up with fights like this for 5 years? If you live together move out. If not just end it.

Yes. From what I was told by him, I asked for it. I feel I deserve better, but I also feel the need to try working things out.

So every argument now is, "This could be the time I leave".

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Well it's good that your not rushing into marriage, because I don't think he's the one.

 

I think Flushing the toilet knowing the repercussions is bordering on abuse. Why did he burst in anyways and say "We are done?"

Well...he asked if I put away leftovers last night, I replied jokingly, "Don't worry about it."

He got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and checked to make sure. Then jumps into bed and accidentally gives 'the peoples elbow' to my forearm. He did say sorry. So maybe it was an accident.

But that's what I was mumbling about.

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Seems like the relationship has run it's course.

 

Better you found out now, rather than later. You're 23, he's 35... you two are: 1. In different generations. 2. finding out now that you're incompatible.

 

(I don't even have to talk about how it's escalated to an abusive level.)

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huh?????????

 

The Rock is a professional wrestler in the WWE. One of his signature moves is called "the people's elbow". It's when he drops an elbow on an opponent who is laying on the mat. He calls it that because he dubbed himself "the people's champion"; ("hence the peoples elbow"). The "if you smell what The Rock is cooking" is something that he says....

 

Basically it's an elbow to someone.

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Never mind the questions, I'd be done, no further discussion needed with him, nothing to work out or solve. 1. He said your done. (That, in my book, breaks the relationship. We're incompatible because of THAT, in the very least.) 2. Flushes the toilet deliberately to hurt you. (Vindictive, who needs that!) 3. Bursts in and tears down the shower curtain. (Over the top anger, aggressive, disrespectful, who needs that??). It would be clear as day. If doesn't matter if we complete each other in some ways, this way isn't it.

 

I also agree with mustlovedogs.

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Why would you want to work things out with an abusive man? Does he see a problem?

 

I suggest you contact a hotline and plan to move out..

I witnessed physical abuse during my childhood. I thought there was no way in hell I'd get myself into a situation like that. So I don't know, maybe I'm naive.

 

He does see a problem with me (my childhood) and our relationship, not at all with himself.

 

I'll talk with a hotline & hopefully get help with that plan.

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I witnessed physical abuse during my childhood. I thought there was no way in hell I'd get myself into a situation like that. So I don't know, maybe I'm naive.

 

He does see a problem with me (my childhood) and our relationship, not at all with himself.

 

I'll talk with a hotline & hopefully get help with that plan.

 

you are not naive, your abuse from your childhood allows you to think this behavior is acceptable. most abusive people will blame everything but themselves! they'll blame a sidewalk if they trip on it!

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