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Thread: Completely Confused? What does this mean?

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    Completely Confused? What does this mean?

    Hi All- I was dating a guy for almost a year. We had a pretty great relationship- Things got serious. We told each other we loved each other. Even discussed marriage. Pretty much never fought- Just a great and happy relationship. Last few months, he had a lot of stress, I felt him pull away. I asked if he needed space, I told him I need certain things from a relationship- Can he give them to me right now. He said no- he has a lot to settle work-wise with his business and financially. So we broke up. However, weve kept in contact. He will not discuss feelings, emotions, says hes focused on his business right now- Yet we talk every once in a while- sometimes everyday, sometimes not? Whats going on here? Is needing space "guy-code" for I dont love you anymore? Why does he keep in touch with me- What do I do here? I still love him? Thanks

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately it sounds like you gave him an ultimatum and he couldn't do it because he explained he's worried about his business work etc. What were the things you "needed right now"?

    It would be best since you asked him if he wanted space to give him space, no? He can't miss you or reflect on anything if you still talk all the time. Go no contact and wait for him to reach out to you.
    Originally Posted by confused345678
    Last few months, he had a lot of stress, I felt him pull away. I asked if he needed space, I told him I need certain things from a relationship- Can he give them to me right now. He said no- he has a lot to settle work-wise with his business and financially. So we broke up. However, weve kept in contact. He will not discuss feelings, emotions, says hes focused on his business right now- Yet we talk every once in a while- sometimes everyday, sometimes not?

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    90% of the time, he reaches out to me. 10% I do. So if he texts- Dont answer? Is that rude? I dont want him to go away, but I feel like I am acting in the same capacity as his girlfriend, just with none of the real "relationship" stuff. I dont like it. I hate games. I feel like this is games. I didnt give an ultimatum- he was majorly stressed all the time. It was taking a toll on our relationship. I saw and recognized this- So I suggested if he needed time to sort himself out. He said yes. Im majorly confused. We had no issues. As we broke up he told me he loved me- Then all emotions just stopped dead- Like whats going on??? Im clueless on what to do here- Guys say women are complex, but I think its men that are

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you weren't getting what "you need right now" and broke up with him by suggesting "space". So of course he's retreating.
    Originally Posted by confused345678
    I suggested if he needed time to sort himself out. He said yes. As we broke up he told me he loved me- Then all emotions just stopped dead-

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I would tell him what you just told us. You are no longer a couple and as much as you like hearing from him, it's very confusing.

    So for the time being you need to limit communication.

    Tell him to let you know if anything changes because for now, you need to get busy with your life.

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    There are a lot of men who are like this.. if something is going askew in the financial department/work life or anything really that is a stress or distraction, they may withdraw. He probably knows he cannot give your relationship the attention or love it needs, and needs to focus on himself. Until he has resolved whatever is bothering him and is confident with his life he will most likely continue to be like this. That being said, it doesn't mean you should hang around forever waiting for him to be able to attend to you. I would be dating other people or do something to take my mind off the relationship....

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    I still feel like Im in the relationship with him- I would feel as if I was cheating if I dated someone else. I know that sounds crazy. Hes a good guy. We had a great relationship- I dont want to lose that- I dont want anyone else. Do I go no contact? I seriously dont know what to do???? I dont want to push him away either way, but I want him to realize the great thing we had and see that as valuable as his business and finances. We seriously discussed marriage. I get that he needs to get his business back to where it needs to be, but who knows how long thats gonna take- and Im here.......waiting??????

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    If hes focusing on his business- then why are you texting me? Do you want the relationship or not? Its majorly confusing

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    I get what you mean, as a woman it is really hard to understand when a man who loves you can't just say or make things right. It seems so easy (in our minds) for them to just say the right thing and get back, but who knows what is going on in his brain. I'm sure he is still fond of you, but the bottom line is he is not priotizting you and doesn't want to either. He cares enough to keep you on the back burner, checking in with you etc but he is not physically with you or giving you any of the benefits of a relationship.

    If you cling to this and wait around hoping he gets his sh*** together, chances are you will end up feeling bitter and wasting your time! Waiting on people who aren't even promising you anything is a recipe for disaster. Just try your hardest to focus on other things. I would def suggest N/C.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but keeping a roof over his head is more important right now especially since you gave him the "space" treatment when he couldn't give you "what you need right now".

    It was a humongous mistake to compete with his livelihood and tighten the screws on the attention you "need right now". Veiled breakup innuendos never work, they backfire just like this.

    The only way to fix this is is lay back and wait for him to reach out..
    Originally Posted by confused345678
    I want him to realize the great thing we had and see that as valuable as his business and finances.

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