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Completely Confused? What does this mean?


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Hi All- I was dating a guy for almost a year. We had a pretty great relationship- Things got serious. We told each other we loved each other. Even discussed marriage. Pretty much never fought- Just a great and happy relationship. Last few months, he had a lot of stress, I felt him pull away. I asked if he needed space, I told him I need certain things from a relationship- Can he give them to me right now. He said no- he has a lot to settle work-wise with his business and financially. So we broke up. However, weve kept in contact. He will not discuss feelings, emotions, says hes focused on his business right now- Yet we talk every once in a while- sometimes everyday, sometimes not? Whats going on here? Is needing space "guy-code" for I dont love you anymore? Why does he keep in touch with me- What do I do here? I still love him? Thanks

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Unfortunately it sounds like you gave him an ultimatum and he couldn't do it because he explained he's worried about his business work etc. What were the things you "needed right now"?

 

It would be best since you asked him if he wanted space to give him space, no? He can't miss you or reflect on anything if you still talk all the time. Go no contact and wait for him to reach out to you.

Last few months, he had a lot of stress, I felt him pull away. I asked if he needed space, I told him I need certain things from a relationship- Can he give them to me right now. He said no- he has a lot to settle work-wise with his business and financially. So we broke up. However, weve kept in contact. He will not discuss feelings, emotions, says hes focused on his business right now- Yet we talk every once in a while- sometimes everyday, sometimes not?
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90% of the time, he reaches out to me. 10% I do. So if he texts- Dont answer? Is that rude? I dont want him to go away, but I feel like I am acting in the same capacity as his girlfriend, just with none of the real "relationship" stuff. I dont like it. I hate games. I feel like this is games. I didnt give an ultimatum- he was majorly stressed all the time. It was taking a toll on our relationship. I saw and recognized this- So I suggested if he needed time to sort himself out. He said yes. Im majorly confused. We had no issues. As we broke up he told me he loved me- Then all emotions just stopped dead- Like whats going on??? Im clueless on what to do here- Guys say women are complex, but I think its men that are

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It sounds like you weren't getting what "you need right now" and broke up with him by suggesting "space". So of course he's retreating.

I suggested if he needed time to sort himself out. He said yes. As we broke up he told me he loved me- Then all emotions just stopped dead-
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There are a lot of men who are like this.. if something is going askew in the financial department/work life or anything really that is a stress or distraction, they may withdraw. He probably knows he cannot give your relationship the attention or love it needs, and needs to focus on himself. Until he has resolved whatever is bothering him and is confident with his life he will most likely continue to be like this. That being said, it doesn't mean you should hang around forever waiting for him to be able to attend to you. I would be dating other people or do something to take my mind off the relationship....

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I still feel like Im in the relationship with him- I would feel as if I was cheating if I dated someone else. I know that sounds crazy. Hes a good guy. We had a great relationship- I dont want to lose that- I dont want anyone else. Do I go no contact? I seriously dont know what to do???? I dont want to push him away either way, but I want him to realize the great thing we had and see that as valuable as his business and finances. We seriously discussed marriage. I get that he needs to get his business back to where it needs to be, but who knows how long thats gonna take- and Im here.......waiting??????

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I get what you mean, as a woman it is really hard to understand when a man who loves you can't just say or make things right. It seems so easy (in our minds) for them to just say the right thing and get back, but who knows what is going on in his brain. I'm sure he is still fond of you, but the bottom line is he is not priotizting you and doesn't want to either. He cares enough to keep you on the back burner, checking in with you etc but he is not physically with you or giving you any of the benefits of a relationship.

 

If you cling to this and wait around hoping he gets his sh*** together, chances are you will end up feeling bitter and wasting your time! Waiting on people who aren't even promising you anything is a recipe for disaster. Just try your hardest to focus on other things. I would def suggest N/C.

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Sorry to say but keeping a roof over his head is more important right now especially since you gave him the "space" treatment when he couldn't give you "what you need right now".

 

It was a humongous mistake to compete with his livelihood and tighten the screws on the attention you "need right now". Veiled breakup innuendos never work, they backfire just like this.

 

The only way to fix this is is lay back and wait for him to reach out..

I want him to realize the great thing we had and see that as valuable as his business and finances.
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TYSM KayKayxo- Im going no contact

 

Actually Wiseman- what I needed was some time and attention- not too much to ask when you are in a committed relationship. I do not play games. Not my style. I did what I thought was the kind and loving thing by telling him I realize the stress hes under- I know hes not as available time-wise, mentally and emotionally as he once was bc of his business issues, and that upsets me and i didnt want us to fight or our love for each other to suffer- so I suggested the breakup. He saw this and agreed. I have a right as a human being and a good girlfriend for a basic standard of loving treatment. I tightened no screws and gave zero innuendo- thats ridiculous....its called being a caring adult and loving a person enough to let them go when u see they need that. I am confused at his actions and dont feel he is considering my feelings bc hes sending mixed signals. Our breakup was never about feelings- it was about his stress. he acknowledges that as well. My question is why is he still contacting if hes focusing on his business and has no interest in love or relationships right now? I dont do games- I laid everything out on the table- My feelings are 50% of the relationship- its not in competition with anything.

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TYSM KayKayxo- Im going no contact

 

Actually Wiseman- what I needed was some time and attention- not too much to ask when you are in a committed relationship. I do not play games. Not my style. I did what I thought was the kind and loving thing by telling him I realize the stress hes under- I know hes not as available time-wise, mentally and emotionally as he once was bc of his business issues, and that upsets me and i didnt want us to fight or our love for each other to suffer- so I suggested the breakup. He saw this and agreed. I have a right as a human being and a good girlfriend for a basic standard of loving treatment. I tightened no screws and gave zero innuendo- thats ridiculous....its called being a caring adult and loving a person enough to let them go when u see they need that. I am confused at his actions and dont feel he is considering my feelings bc hes sending mixed signals. Our breakup was never about feelings- it was about his stress. he acknowledges that as well. My question is why is he still contacting if hes focusing on his business and has no interest in love or relationships right now? I dont do games- I laid everything out on the table- My feelings are 50% of the relationship- its not in competition with anything.

 

Mature adults don't breakup over stress. Children, layoffs, finances, moving - are those reasons to breakup? Nope.

 

Mature adults instead see their partner is stressed and sacrifice a bit to help them get through the tough time.

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I offered the help-many many many times- he said he has to do it alone. This decision came over the course of a few months- it wasnt a knee jerk reaction. I was there for him for whatever he needed. However I do not understand his business, I offered moral and emotional support when needed, but he said he has to fix everything alone?????

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We broke up on excellent terms- There was no fighting. We discussed what he was going thru a 100 times- and he kept pushing me away and withdrawing more and more. I didnt just wake up and say- oh im breaking up....I DID NOT want to do it. I saw him struggle and suggested it- he agreed. I have never left him in essence, but Im just not his "girlfriend" anymore. There was no "ultimatum" nothing of the sort.

 

I dont understand what we are- He texts when he needs me- doesnt I guess when he doesnt? Does he still love me? What is going on in this mans mind. If I didnt love him so much, this wouldnt even be a question for me. But I am madly in love him with. I tried my best to help him- He pushed me away time and time again- He has to handle it alone? He left no choice.....yet he still texts??? HELP

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Why are you giving him the benefit of a therapist, when you are not his gf. You need to go NC!!!! If he wants to reconcile down the road, then maybe you will be receptive, if you haven't moved on.

 

You are not handling this right. he wants space. Give him space. Stop communicating with him!!!!

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90% of the time, he reaches out to me. 10% I do. So if he texts- Dont answer? Is that rude? I dont want him to go away, but I feel like I am acting in the same capacity as his girlfriend, just with none of the real "relationship" stuff. I dont like it. I hate games. I feel like this is games. I didnt give an ultimatum- he was majorly stressed all the time. It was taking a toll on our relationship. I saw and recognized this- So I suggested if he needed time to sort himself out. He said yes. Im majorly confused. We had no issues. As we broke up he told me he loved me- Then all emotions just stopped dead- Like whats going on??? Im clueless on what to do here- Guys say women are complex, but I think its men that are

 

Tell him that you can no longer be in contact, as it is not fair to you. If he wants full reconciliation, he should reach out. Do not respond to anymore communication.

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Tell him that you can no longer be in contact, as it is not fair to you. If he wants full reconciliation, he should reach out. Do not respond to anymore communication.

 

Stop being a doormat. Show yourself more dignity, he will respect you for it.

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TY Holly- So if he texts ignore him???? i dont wanna be rude or for him to think i dont care about him- bc i love him. he knows this i have told him a lot. its also hard bc i want to help him if he needs me. he says he wants the space- he needs to handle all of this alone- yet texts sometimes? so ignore him??? im out of my mind with this. i didnt want to break up- but he turned to ice. i didnt know what to do I felt i couldnt help him. i know hes under a lot of stress. he was pushing me away over and over again- maybe i made a mistake, but he agreed??? i tried every way i could to be there and help??? i was hurt all the time feeling like crap and that he didnt care?

 

ignore him - UGH thanks everyone

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TY Holly- So if he texts ignore him???? i dont wanna be rude or for him to think i dont care about him- bc i love him. he knows this i have told him a lot. its also hard bc i want to help him if he needs me. he says he wants the space- he needs to handle all of this alone- yet texts sometimes? so ignore him??? im out of my mind with this. i didnt want to break up- but he turned to ice. i didnt know what to do I felt i couldnt help him. i know hes under a lot of stress. he was pushing me away over and over again- maybe i made a mistake, but he agreed??? i tried every way i could to be there and help??? i was hurt all the time feeling like crap and that he didnt care?

 

ignore him - UGH thanks everyone

 

I would tell him that it is too hard to stay in contact when things are in limbo. If he wants a reconciliation, to reach out, as you love him very much.

 

Currently, you are allowing yourself to be used. It;s not right. Do not respond, unless he wants to reconcile. Period!

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I went through the exact same thing with my ex. Together for a year and the last few months on the relationship were pretty rocky. I felt him becoming distant and asked if he wanted a break. He told me no, but his actions showed it. We eventually broke up and he told me he wanted space to get his together during our time off. And there I was being super supportive and understanding, even though I was hurt and heartbroken we were not together. We would "check in" with each other by having lunch and talked off and on during the week. But it was hard to get him to talk about our relationship and his emotions.

 

So my advice is, go with your gut feeling. Sometimes you have to see from the other person's perspective and really evaluate whether or not they were "ready" for a relationship and the work that goes along with it. It does not mean the person does not love or doesnt want to be with you. But I believe that a person cannot fully give themselves in a relationship before they can give to themselves.

 

Obviously he still stays in contact with you because he loves and cares about you and wants you still around. Unfortunately for you, you want more from him than he is willing to give. It is up to you whether you want to stick around while he focuses on himself or to go NC.

 

I will say in my case, I stuck around and got my heart broken all over again. Do what is best for you and good luck.

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TYSM Holly

 

Im so so sorry Flowerbomb- That, exactly what u said, is my biggest fear. Im so so sorry for u If I wait for this man, and get my heart broken again. Im terrified of that. I know nothing in life is guaranteed but I am a hopeless romantic- I feel if there is love- its worth fighting for. I have been fighting for us, in every way I know how- even giving him space he says he needs. He pulls me in, he pushes me away????? he texts, doesnt, hes busy, hes not- UGH I love him so I dont want to let him go. If he loves me, I would stay- He will not discuss emotions- hes not in that mindset right now he says.

 

i see or, i wish for, a future together- the vast majority of our relationship was more than I could ever dream of- we were so in love, inseparable and so happy. when things started going downhill w his business- its like it took his love for me too- i dont understand that???

 

im going to do the no contact- all the pps were right. how can he miss me if im still there everytime he needs me. i just wish i knew how he felt. i wish i knew his intentions- i would wait for him if i knew he loved me. but i know nothing anymore ugh ty all

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