Update on non-texter guy. Need help

So I posted a thread about talking to non-texter. I talked about how great he was in person, but how much he sucked at texting. I've been trying to deal with how much he sucks at texting, so that's ok. But now my other problem is in person, it doesn't feel like we actually have deep conversations or get to know each other more. We laugh and have small talk and then it gets sexual. He's very touchy touchy. So we talked about what we want, and he said he doesn't want a relationship right now and doesn't want to feel pressured, but he'd rather it happen naturally if it were to happen. I agree with that. I just got out of a relationship 5 months ago, so that's ok. But because he doesn't text as well as not wanting anything serious, it's giving me a bad feeling.

The last and most important thing I want to mention is that I've been to his place a total of 3 times now. Today, when I went, I noticed a picture of a woman in a cap and gown. I don't think the picture was there last time, or maybe I haven't seen it. But I'm pretty sure I would have seen it. I don't trust my memory, however. I was shocked because he has no pics of people in his house. He said that's his cousin. I find it so hard to believe. He's close to his mom, so wouldn't he have pics of his mother as well? He was saying "I don't have a gf, that's my cousin who just graduated".

I want to believe it because I really like this guy. But my gut is telling me he has a gf. This is why he doesn't text a lot, claims he has no social media, always busy on weekends. He also says "Clearly we are so comfortable, why do we always have to argue about stuff...whether it's texting or me having someone else? I have said over and over again I don't have a girlfriend". My heart doesn't believe it. He's very private. I also feel like he's always cautious as to when I move around in his house....or maybe that's me feeling some type of way.

How do I avoid getting attached to someone? I think this is what I'm most mad about...the fact that I let myself get attached to him in the past one month we have been talking. Something I need to work on. After my ex and this guy....I think I'm giving up on believing men.

I'm tired and actually maybe a bit hurt. I don't love this guy, of course...but my heart was finally getting over my ex, and then out of nowhere this guy came and we talked and it was awesome...and it made me realize, ah there are some good guys left! And now...he could have actually been lying to me this whole time. What should I do? How do I know he's telling the truth?

I'm so sorry. Guys really suck sometimes I would trust your gut on this one. He could have a long-distance girlfriend and want a local girl on the side. Even if that's not the case, it's soul-destroying to be with someone who "doesn't want a relationship." Hold your head high and drop him now before you get even more attached. It will only get worse if you keep seeing him.

If he's being too mysterious, it may be time to cut your losses, not to mention that he doesn't want a relationship.

He's very touchy touchy. he said he doesn't want a relationship right now. it's giving me a bad feeling. my gut is telling me he has a gf. He's very private.

The cousin in the picture excuse is a bit fishy. I'd find out a bit more if you can. He sounds dodgy.

I'm so sorry. Guys really suck sometimes I would trust your gut on this one. He could have a long-distance girlfriend and want a local girl on the side. Even if that's not the case, it's soul-destroying to be with someone who "doesn't want a relationship." Hold your head high and drop him now before you get even more attached. It will only get worse if you keep seeing him.

I didn't even think of long distance girlfriend...sounds right. Maybe she's studying somewhere else. The thing is I didn't want a serious relationship, but I suppose deep down I wanted to have fun with someone while also being able to talk about anything.

If he's being too mysterious, it may be time to cut your losses, not to mention that he doesn't want a relationship.

So disappointed because I thought he was so great.

This reminds me of a situation I was in a long time ago. I was talking to this guy and he invited me over to his place. On his wall, he had a lot of wedding pictures...and it looked like some pictures were missing (he probably removed them before I came over) That moment I thought "ugh crap, this guy is probably married" and I asked him casually and he said "oh that's my sister"....I played dumb until I left. Then we texted and he did admit he was married and that I wouldn't have given him a chance if I knew. Of course I wouldn't have.

Now I feel as if I'm in the same situation all over again. Except this guy is not admitting he has a gf. If he got caught, wouldn't he say just admit by then? Because who has a picture of their cousin? Especially if that's the only picture in the house. Did he forget to hide it?

Gosh, I am just so disappointed and a bit sad about all of this. Really like him, and I want to give him the benefit of doubt, but do not want to be played.

The picture is only one piece of the puzzle of things that aren't working out. All that glitters isn't gold.

So disappointed because I thought he was so great.

So I posted a thread about talking to non-texter. I talked about how great he was in person, but how much he sucked at texting. I've been trying to deal with how much he sucks at texting, so that's ok. But now my other problem is in person, it doesn't feel like we actually have deep conversations or get to know each other more. We laugh and have small talk and then it gets sexual. He's very touchy touchy. So we talked about what we want, and he said he doesn't want a relationship right now and doesn't want to feel pressured, but he'd rather it happen naturally if it were to happen. I agree with that. I just got out of a relationship 5 months ago, so that's ok. But because he doesn't text as well as not wanting anything serious, it's giving me a bad feeling.

 

The last and most important thing I want to mention is that I've been to his place a total of 3 times now. Today, when I went, I noticed a picture of a woman in a cap and gown. I don't think the picture was there last time, or maybe I haven't seen it. But I'm pretty sure I would have seen it. I don't trust my memory, however. I was shocked because he has no pics of people in his house. He said that's his cousin. I find it so hard to believe. He's close to his mom, so wouldn't he have pics of his mother as well? He was saying "I don't have a gf, that's my cousin who just graduated".

I want to believe it because I really like this guy. But my gut is telling me he has a gf. This is why he doesn't text a lot, claims he has no social media, always busy on weekends. He also says "Clearly we are so comfortable, why do we always have to argue about stuff...whether it's texting or me having someone else? I have said over and over again I don't have a girlfriend". My heart doesn't believe it. He's very private. I also feel like he's always cautious as to when I move around in his house....or maybe that's me feeling some type of way.

 

How do I avoid getting attached to someone? I think this is what I'm most mad about...the fact that I let myself get attached to him in the past one month we have been talking. Something I need to work on. After my ex and this guy....I think I'm giving up on believing men.

I'm tired and actually maybe a bit hurt. I don't love this guy, of course...but my heart was finally getting over my ex, and then out of nowhere this guy came and we talked and it was awesome...and it made me realize, ah there are some good guys left! And now...he could have actually been lying to me this whole time. What should I do? How do I know he's telling the truth?

Run, don't walk. After hearing the "I'm not ready" from a couple guys, I have come accept that it is a cop out for them. I feel your hurt esp when the guys were the ones to initiate wanting to date seriously. A healthy relationship doesn't work that way and a guy/girl who truly wants you won't give you excuses. I also learned that there is no such thing as a non texter, if they want you they will, 2 guys who told me that weren't truly interested in me.

That happened to me years ago. This guy asked me out on a date and he came over and he even kissed me, turns out later after he left he was in a serious relationship!!! I was mad he would do that to her and play me for a fool!

This guy is doing the same to you. Go with gut feeling always! That picture could be very well of his cousin, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend. The whole "Lets see how things work out naturally." Is his way if having his cake and eating it too!

I wouldn't worry about the lack of pics or social media. I throw out pics once I break up ( yes woman have commented) I also have very limited social media. Id be more concerned if you can't get in contact. That is if you have been going out for some time. Also the weekend thing. Unless he works weekends or has children. I would think he would want to spend that time with you. Good luck

There is no future, here. If he has no time for you on weekends, he is with someone else. Are you OK with being a weekday filler?

Run, don't walk. After hearing the "I'm not ready" from a couple guys, I have come accept that it is a cop out for them. I feel your hurt esp when the guys were the ones to initiate wanting to date seriously. A healthy relationship doesn't work that way and a guy/girl who truly wants you won't give you excuses. I also learned that there is no such thing as a non texter, if they want you they will, 2 guys who told me that weren't truly interested in me.

WHat hurts is not that he doesn't want a relationship, it's the possibility of being lied to. But you are so right, he wouldn't be giving me excuses if he liked me and wanted me...period.

That happened to me years ago. This guy asked me out on a date and he came over and he even kissed me, turns out later after he left he was in a serious relationship!!! I was mad he would do that to her and play me for a fool!

 

This guy is doing the same to you. Go with gut feeling always! That picture could be very well of his cousin, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend. The whole "Lets see how things work out naturally." Is his way if having his cake and eating it too!

So true. Even if the pic isn't his cousin, I still see other problems in all of this. I know I deserve someone better. It's scary after a month I already feel a bit attached to him....but I know I have to just let it go. Gosh, this was another lesson.

Who has a picture of just one random cousin on their wall?? Why did he pick THAT particular cousin? Is she his only cousin?

Anyway, yep, unfortunately not everyone is upfront and honest.

But you didn't get involved with him, not really. Chalk it up to experience.

There is no future, here. If he has no time for you on weekends, he is with someone else. Are you OK with being a weekday filler?

So the past 4 weeks we have been talking, he's been working on the weekends. So I always assumed he was just tired after work. Last weekend, he was off on easter...but he didn't ask, and the fact that it was easter made me assume he was probably with his family or something. This weekend it's his birthday though, and I have a feeling he's off....but he didn't mention anything. Really does feel like I'm a weekday filler.

I think you should move on. He is really not worth your time if he does not take care into texting and that is important to you. Sounds like a deal breaker.

Who has a picture of just one random cousin on their wall?? Why did he pick THAT particular cousin? Is she his only cousin?

 

Anyway, yep, unfortunately not everyone is upfront and honest.

 

But you didn't get involved with him, not really. Chalk it up to experience.

Exactly what I'm saying. If anything, he always talks about his mom, so his mom should be on the wall. I should have left the moment I found myself complaining about his texting, but I told myself to focus on the in-person interaction and positives. I'm actually more mad at myself...is it normal to feel hurt after only talking to someone for a month? Mad at myself for feeling attached.

Too much drama. Not being a big texter is fine. Not wanting to give valuable weekend real-estate for someone you've only dated a few weeks is fine. Even having a picture of your cousin graduating is fine. Maybe it's not a WASP thing, but for both sides of my family, cousins are often as close as siblings. If you have a gut feeling throwing you off, by all means feel free to call it off. But, largely, he's right. Barely a month in and you've already had arguments over his texting and you thinking he has a boyfriend. Just stick with your gut feeling and move on in the future.

I will say I hope that you do follow up on trying not to get yourself too invested too soon. Best of luck.

Exactly what I'm saying. If anything, he always talks about his mom, so his mom should be on the wall. I should have left the moment I found myself complaining about his texting, but I told myself to focus on the in-person interaction and positives. I'm actually more mad at myself...is it normal to feel hurt after only talking to someone for a month? Mad at myself for feeling attached.

Don't beat yourself up. I think it is good that you picked up on these things, and are ready to carry forward. It is all about the dating process.

Good luck

Just because he has no social media and doesn't text well, is nothing to worry about imo. There's a lot of people out there who hate social media, or are just not excited by it.

If you have an issue, talk to him about it and don't make any hasty judgements based on his ability to text or some photo in the guy's home.

Too much drama. Not being a big texter is fine. Not wanting to give valuable weekend real-estate for someone you've only dated a few weeks is fine. Even having a picture of your cousin graduating is fine. Maybe it's not a WASP thing, but for both sides of my family, cousins are often as close as siblings. If you have a gut feeling throwing you off, by all means feel free to call it off. But, largely, he's right. Barely a month in and you've already had arguments over his texting and you thinking he has a boyfriend. Just stick with your gut feeling and move on in the future.

 

I will say I hope that you do follow up on trying not to get yourself too invested too soon. Best of luck.

The fact that he has no pictures of anyone else in the house and out of nowhere, this cousin's pic is there. What gets me as well...is that I don't remember seeing it the last two times I was at his house. I really think I would have seen it. So it made me think that he hid it last time and forgot to hide it this time. I could be paranoid. He says soo confidently that he's not seeing someone else, as if it's so bizarre for me to think that and laughs and says "you're something else"....but I don't want to be a fool. Just don't believe it's his cousin. And correct, we do have arguments and it's only been a month.

I do agree the only thing I can take out of this to not get attached quickly in the future.

Just because he has no social media and doesn't text well, is nothing to worry about imo. There's a lot of people out there who hate social media, or are just not excited by it.

 

If you have an issue, talk to him about it and don't make any hasty judgements based on his ability to text or some photo in the guy's home.

To be honest, when he first mentioned he has no social media...I was impressed. Kind of rare to find someone without social media, so I said kudos to him! The texting thing, it was hard, but I was slowly getting used to it. But I did talk to him about this issue, he says over and over again he doesn't text well...and about the picture, he's said more than once he doesn't have a gf. But still don't believe it's a cousin. I also think he's tired of explaining himself since I don't seem to believe him.

 

How do I avoid getting attached to someone? I think this is what I'm most mad about...the fact that I let myself get attached to him in the past one month we have been talking. Something I need to work on. After my ex and this guy....I think I'm giving up on believing men.

I'm tired and actually maybe a bit hurt. I don't love this guy, of course...but my heart was finally getting over my ex, and then out of nowhere this guy came and we talked and it was awesome...and it made me realize, ah there are some good guys left! And now...he could have actually been lying to me this whole time. What should I do? How do I know he's telling the truth?

How to not get attached? Limit your exposure to him.

He's given you a dozen reason to and your gut is telling something for good reason.

When a guy likes you, you'll know.

He'll make it clear with words and actions.

How to not get attached? Limit your exposure to him.

He's given you a dozen reason to and your gut is telling something for good reason.

When a guy likes you, you'll know.

He'll make it clear with words and actions.

Very true. Feels like I'm going NC all over again, but now with a different guy. I know for sure I can un-attach myself from him if I give myself a week or two without talking or seeing him, but it just feels hard....but this is just more reason to let him go. I hate feeling attached to someone unavailable.