He rarely initiates texts but asks me out

I've been dating a guy for a month that I really like. However he rarely ever initiates texts but when I do text him he almost always asks me out on a date and when we are together we have a really good time and sometimes he even asks to see me the follow day.

However, if I don't text him to confirm if we are meeting I rarely hear from him.

To be honest the fact that he doesn't initiate makes me feel like he isn't interested and just seeing me for something to do. I really like this guy but don't like how needy I feel when I'm putting in all the effort to message as I think a man should pursue a woman and at worst communication should be 50/50.

I really don't know how to process this or what to do.

I've been dating a guy for a month that I really like. However he rarely ever initiates texts but when I do text him he almost always asks me out on a date and when we are together we have a really good time and sometimes he even asks to see me the follow day.

However, if I don't text him to confirm if we are meeting I rarely hear from him.

 

To be honest the fact that he doesn't initiate makes me feel like he isn't interested and just seeing me for something to do. I really like this guy but don't like how needy I feel when I'm putting in all the effort to message as I think a man should pursue a woman and at worst communication should be 50/50.

 

I really don't know how to process this or what to do.

Try your patience and not text him for at least a month. He would text you in that period but assuming the worst.

On the flip side do you two talk on the phone or are willing to? He maybe more comfortable talking to you rather than a cold lifeless text. Or he may not be tied to his phone like much of the world is.

At the end of the day of there is only you and then his response, he's not into you enough. Which also begs the question what ages are we talking?

You are right, it does seem as if you are chasing him. I'd say, don't initiate any more texts, see what he does. If he doesn't do anything in a few weeks, you got your answer. I know it's tough because you like him but he's not reciprocating so just let it be for now. Texts your friends instead and do some fun things with your friends. Occupy your time with hobbies, that way you won't be tempted to text him.

Sometimes, you just need to give it some time but don't just wait around for him. Be busy!

I think you're probably right - he is having fun with you when he sees you, but he's not really purposefully pursuing something with you. You can try backing off and seeing if he takes the initiative to ask you out and contact you more.

We are both 38 and yes he isn't too attached to his phone. I would call him as I prefer to speak on the phone but since he doesn't initiate much I don't want to come across needy. When we are together we endlessly laugh and talk

Great advice. I've actually delete his number out of my phone and I've given his number to my bff so I don't text him in a moment of weakness

A relationship is built by face to face interaction. Constant 'chatter' by text turns a lot of guys off. If you want to be 'chased' LET HIM chase you. But don't consider his dislike of texting as a dislike of you. You have a great time together in person, that is what matters. I personally hate texting. So many things can be misinterpreted and generally I have found it better to talk face to face. The phone is just for making dates.....not having pseudo-dates!!

Thank you seanryder and everyone else. I'm going to stop contacting and see what happens

Saw this on YouTube and thought it funny:

We are both 38 and yes he isn't too attached to his phone. I would call him as I prefer to speak on the phone but since he doesn't initiate much I don't want to come across needy. When we are together we endlessly laugh and talk

I thought you were teenagers...! you do sound needy, so try backing off and see what happens.

He probably watched some of Coach Corey Wayne's YouTube videos lol. He's using an old trick that works pretty well. He's using the phone to set dates and that's IT! It's working too because you like him and wanna talk to him more. Take it slow, just reach out and say hey, let him initiate dates. If he doesn't set up the next date after a few days of no contact then he just isn't doing it right. If you get the vibe that he just wants to sleep with you then I would just ask him what he's looking for, when you're together in person of course. Best of luck!

I think he likes you otherwise he wouldn't be asking you out every time you text. So now he has gotten used to you doing all the initiative that is what he has come to expect. And who can blame him you are in fact doing all the initiating. Maybe stop initiating and give him a chance to step up. Although if you do that you take the chance of him thinking you have lost interest since you have set up the expectation.

Depending how confident and secure he is, that won't stop him though, assuming he really likes you he will be thinking "hmmm, haven't heard from her in awhile, I wonder what's going on, I better contact her and check it out."

Or you could just talk to him and tell him you would like him to step up sometimes too, which may surprise him since till now you seem to enjoy that role since you kept doing it. But again J think he must like you otherwise he wouldn't continue asking you out.

But if I may ask, how are your dates? Does he act into you, do you click? I never had to wonder if a guy is into me, I can gage our chemisty pretty accurately, we are either clicking mutually or we are not. And when we are not, I stop pursuing him.

Prajna we get along so well and their is a lot of chemistry. I am use to guys jumping all over me, usually because they just want a hook up so it's a new thing for me when a guy isn't full on. He seems to be a slow burn but I have been hurt so much in the past that I don't want to lead myself on, if you know what I mean

Saw this on YouTube and thought it funny:

 

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hahaha! That is hilarious seanryder. I will never be that woman...haha

"At worst" communication should be 50/50? What's that noise?

Who does all the actual asking out and date planning? That's honestly all that would matter to me. If he's doing the bulk of the actual asking out, the very least you can do is initiate some texts to convey interest.

Texting is nothing. Neither are phone calls this early for that matter. Use your time together to gauge how things are going, not your time apart. Just a month in, you're both tiny blips in each other's lives. There's no reason for either of you to prioritize the other with mundane text messages.

J.man - he does the asking out but only when I contact him. He doesn't contact me to ask me out and it matters because would he ask me out if I wasn't initiating texts. That's the issue.

I would like him to initiate texts so that I know he is interested and not just going out with me because he has nothing else better to do.

Saw this on YouTube and thought it funny:

 

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LOL!!!!! haha that husband is good, i just stop replying.

 

izzy, okay but how often do you text him then? because if he knows that you'll text him either today or tomorrow, he might feel like he need not make a separate text or call to set up a date.

 

also, if YOU have never suggested a date either by phone or in person, he could be wondering whether you even want to, waits to hear from you, and when your text shows interest he suggests something. it may not be perfect for him either, maybe he'd like it if you suggested dates.

 

why not ask if he's up for Saturday at time X, then forget the phone and show up saturday at X.

 

only a month in, are you exclusive? probably not at this point?

I thought you were teenagers...! you do sound needy, so try backing off and see what happens.

OP is 'needy' because she would like the man she is dating to initiate once in a-while? SMH at that one. Have you read her posts, he NEVER initiates. Her feelings are valid however if, after this many dates, she feels he is only dating her because 'he has nothing better to do' then she should just stop dating him. If their chemistry was strong and their 'relationship' solid, she would not be feeling that way regardless of who initiates texts (he is the one who asks her out). Their time together on dates should be the indicator of what's happening, and how they feel, not what happens in between. If she doesn't feel good about it, and feels he is apathetic, then just end it.

To OP, I also have to question why you can't or won't talk to him and ask him what's up. You don't have to 'confrontational' about it, how about one night when you are out together getting a bite to eat or something, talk to him about your relationship dynamic (same thing you've been talking about here). Novel idea, right? Two people dating actually discussing (in a light hearted way) the dynamic of their relationship.

i think if u feel there is an imbalance in terms of your investment in each other your gut is probably right.

don't let him treat u in a way that violates your boundaries. have u tried asking him for what u need?

there really are a million different kinds of people in the world. give him a chance to understand you.

but be willing to stand up for what you really want. it risks losing what you have with him but i think that isn't what you ultimately want anyway. don't convince yourself you need to settle for less than you deserve.

Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

Saw this on YouTube and thought it funny:

 

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LOL!!!!! haha that husband is good, i just stop replying.

 

izzy, okay but how often do you text him then? because if he knows that you'll text him either today or tomorrow, he might feel like he need not make a separate text or call to set up a date.

 

also, if YOU have never suggested a date either by phone or in person, he could be wondering whether you even want to, waits to hear from you, and when your text shows interest he suggests something. it may not be perfect for him either, maybe he'd like it if you suggested dates.

 

why not ask if he's up for Saturday at time X, then forget the phone and show up saturday at X.

 

only a month in, are you exclusive? probably not at this point?

RainyCoast, no we are not exclusive, nowhere near, things are progressing slowly.

I text him once a week and usually when I do he asks me out on a date. I try and hold out as long as I can to see if I will hear from him.

I am going to take you advice about "ask if he's up for Saturday at time X, then forget the phone and show up saturday at X"...and I am almost certain he will show up. He does what he says. He isn't flakey.

He probably watched some of Coach Corey Wayne's YouTube videos lol. He's using an old trick that works pretty well. He's using the phone to set dates and that's IT! It's working too because you like him and wanna talk to him more. Take it slow, just reach out and say hey, let him initiate dates. If he doesn't set up the next date after a few days of no contact then he just isn't doing it right. If you get the vibe that he just wants to sleep with you then I would just ask him what he's looking for, when you're together in person of course. Best of luck!

I checked out Coach Corey and I was gobsmacked, I think he is following this guys advice, play by play

OP is 'needy' because she would like the man she is dating to initiate once in a-while? SMH at that one. Have you read her posts, he NEVER initiates. Her feelings are valid however if, after this many dates, she feels he is only dating her because 'he has nothing better to do' then she should just stop dating him. If their chemistry was strong and their 'relationship' solid, she would not be feeling that way regardless of who initiates texts (he is the one who asks her out). Their time together on dates should be the indicator of what's happening, and how they feel, not what happens in between. If she doesn't feel good about it, and feels he is apathetic, then just end it.

 

To OP, I also have to question why you can't or won't talk to him and ask him what's up. You don't have to 'confrontational' about it, how about one night when you are out together getting a bite to eat or something, talk to him about your relationship dynamic (same thing you've been talking about here). Novel idea, right? Two people dating actually discussing (in a light hearted way) the dynamic of their relationship.

Thanks, I will subtly bring it up when I next see him and when I am with him I do love spending time with him and he is definitely not apathetic, he is a gentleman and always thinking about me

I followed Corey Wayne play by play to the book. Because Corey Wayne teaches that the man chases the woman until the woman starts texting the guy randomly. Then he asks her out. I follow it because 99% of the time when I don't follow this rule the girl thinks I like her too much.