Bf calling this girl "babe"

Hi all,

It is me again with my insecurities. I went through my bf's phone to see his relationship with a newly divorced friend of his that he went to her home last January and stayed a night at.

They been friends for almost 8 years now. She was married while they were friends. Then he moved to a few states away last year and that's how I met him.

In their conversation, she was complaining about her ex, and saying how much she hates having to see him because of kids. And goes on and on about how her father was using her money and such. And my bf replies "I know babe, you deserve better". Then she says "oh thank you you are such a good friend and always have been". Then my bf says "I think you are amazing, too bad you weren't single when I was there". Then she says "oh I am no where close to being amazing". Then my bf says "I think you are and that's all it matters."

This conversation takes place in February. We were together back then.

Is this something I should be concerned about?

(Yeah i know i shouldnt have gone through his phone and such but please dont forget to answer my question)

Thank you!

He is OBVIOUSLY hitting on her! Proceed with caution with him.

He's a flirt. This is the guy with the regular bingo games and socializing with his female neighbor?

I'd be having a discussion with him.

Should I tell him that I went through his phone?

Should I tell him that I went through his phone?

Yes. Apologize in advance for being nosy and then say that you had to get to the bottom of his relationship with x. Thats my opinion, you may not want to rock the boat and just ask him how he feels about 'lady x'.

Yeah, I'd just tell him the whole truth. "My gut was telling me something wasn't right, I looked through your phone and saw these texts. What's going on there?" And after he explains (or tries to excuse), firmly let him know where YOUR boundaries are and that you'll be sticking to them.

Why do you stay with him when you obviously don't trust him?

Do you have a better reason than "but I LOVE him!"?

Should I tell him that I went through his phone?

The only thing you need to tell him is to "Hit the road."

Is this something I should be concerned about?

Yea, the amount of time it takes for you to break up with him.

The sooner the better.

And my bf replies "I know babe, you deserve better". Then she says "oh thank you you are such a good friend and always have been". Then my bf says "I think you are amazing, too bad you weren't single when I was there". Then she says "oh I am no where close to being amazing". Then my bf says "I think you are and that's all it matters."

He was totally hitting on her. Barforama.

Is this a relationship that you are heavily invested in? If not, you should tell him what you saw, and then tell him to take a hike.

"Cant get the money back. Thats why i stated that i am waiting to break up in two weeks. That would be after the vacation"

You posted this on 3/30/17.

It's been more than two weeks. Have you not broken up like you said you would?

When you get tired of the drama you will eventually dump this guy and move on.

In the meantime, and I mean this in all sincerity, get out of your house, out of your head, find one thing you love to do that has absolutely nothing to do with him. Something that makes you feel alive, that is your own accomplishment, that when he complains about it or says something snarky or whatever you will be willing to tell him to go to hell, because you aren't giving that up. And then you'll shut off your phone and go back to doing more of that, because you don't want to hear him yapping at you.

Added bonus when you find yourself in the middle of said activity and it suddenly dawns on you it's so much more fun/hard/interesting/engaging than he and his drama are.

Building a life centered only and solely around someone that you decide must fulfill some picture or fantasy you have in your head is not building a life at all. It's called "I don't want to take responsibility for my own happiness and my own accomplishments and this person needs to get busy being my entertainment center/validation pool and until they give me that I am going to stick to them to the bitter end. Because that way I can say it's not my fault when I'm unhappy and unfulfilled."

You will never be happy with that. And really with that view you will simply replace on toxic person after another. Get a life, one that isn't centered around anything but your accomplishments. And I don't care if those accomplishments are you running a marathon or taking salsa lessons or painting Jackson Pollock style or just managing to make it down the street and a few more steps every day after that or something else. You need something that belongs to you and only you. Something that people can never give you.

These are the things you need to make yours. No person, including this guy, will ever be able to fill that emptiness in you, because it's not there for lack of "love." It's there because you think that being able to say you have a guy in your life is all you should want or deserve. And the world is oh so much more. Try it.

He is OBVIOUSLY hitting on her! Proceed with caution with him.

He couldn't hit on her harder if he tried!

The fact that he said "if only we were single then" means that he wants to have sex with her, still. I would break up with someone over that, personally.

I told him that I read those messages and he said that they been friends forever and nothing ever happened between them. He was just calling her babe to comfort her. He said I could text or call her if I wanted to. Said he wouldn't try to be with anyone and that he was with me and committed to us. Then he got upset and said I shouldn't have snooped not knowing the relationship between two people. They were just very close friends and bla bla.

So you obviously didn't follow through with your plan to break up with him after two weeks, like you said you would.

Why do you stay with him when you don't trust him?

And again, not "but I LOVE him!!!" but real reasons.

I don't think the word babe is the problem here. That's just a word people use. The part that he wishes that they both were single when they were at the same place is more concerning.

So you obviously didn't follow through with your plan to break up with him after two weeks, like you said you would.

 

Why do you stay with him when you don't trust him?

 

And again, not "but I LOVE him!!!" but real reasons.

I love him and i think he loves me too. He is a very social person. I feel that i might be biased with my own i securities and jealousy issues. I always share my angry moments here, but i dont share how awesome he is to me and how everytime i give him hell about stuff like this, he takes it so maturely, reasures me, and keep on loving me even though i act like a b..ch.

your first sentence tells me everything and idk if you did that on purpose on not

you are insecure but your SO isnt an angel either.

also does he deal with things a certain way because he knows you wont leave

and he can get away with it?

This guy is extremely manipulative. The way he handled the confrontation by minimizing your concerns (his actions), telling you to call her and ending by making you feel the bad girl for looking into his phone just proves it.

and keep on loving me even though i act like a b..ch.

Is he the one who says you act like a b..ch?

This guy is extremely manipulative. The way he handled the confrontation by minimizing your concerns (his actions), telling you to call her and ending by making you feel the bad girl for looking into his phone just proves it.

 

 

Is he the one who says you act like a b..ch?

No he would never call me that. It is my own opinion lol