dumpers coming back

This is just me writing my thoughts out here.. dont know if anyone would read this.

I just wanted to write my thoughts out about two things:

1) being the dumper or the dumpee

2) being friends or no contact

This really depends on the situation and the type of person you are and your ex partner is.

With my first bf, I broke up with him after three months. He was younger than me and it just didn't seem like it would last long (no big fights or anything) there were times where he did upset me but they were things that I could just get over easily by myself. Anyways broke up, talked for a few days on and off and then I just felt like this was no different from being in a relationship so I cut contact, blocked etc. 3 months after, I contacted him out of the blue asking to get back together. he said no. lolol which im glad now cause i was probably hung up on him because he was my first relationship.

With my second bf, we went out for 2 years and then i needed to go on a study abroad. we had fought, argued and cried before. he was the nice guy who was nice to all the girls and i was the jealous type. we would only fight about how flirty his friends were, everything else was fine. Anyways while on study abroad, i was lonely and missed him a lot on the other hand he just turned 21 so he would party a lot. and after a while i just got clingy (in his pov) and so he broke up with me. I was upset, he didn't want to get back with me when i asked him a week later, i cut him off for about a month but was still lonely sent him a message and we started talking "as friends" but of course i wanted to get back with him at that time. Every time I thought we were getting back on the "get back together road" he would shut me down and hurt my feelings. I knew he was sending me breadcrumbs but i still liked it. And thennnn after a while, I started to meet new friends, go out more and slowly my feelings for my ex started to fade away. So i messaged him less and less but somehow he started to catch back the old feelings. Now I have a new bf but my ex is asking if ill give him a second chance when I get back. which i told him probably not.

So all in all... from my cases.. dumpers usually come back.. but probably cause they dont have something new.

And being in contact in my case worked out.. if i didnt cut contact with my first bf,,, we could have probably got back together.

But dont keep contact right after break up, let the dusts settle, give about a month and then contact casually. dont talk about getting back together right away. that will scare them away.

I think for me being the dumpee made it easier to get over my ex cause it wasn't my choice. Some say it is better being the dumper but I remember going through a lot of emotional regret even though, looking back, i dont regret it at all now. And being the dumpee... i understand why they dont want to go back to their dumpers, while the dumper might only remember good memories after the dust settles, the dumpee is left with the bad memories.

Now i found a real nice guy who treats me very well. the sad thing is im leaving in a month so we would need to do either long distance or break up... the right guy at the wrong timing is what im going through now.

Give him the option of LDR or ending it. Or just tell him you don't do LDRs and end it.

i found a real nice guy who treats me very well. the sad thing is im leaving in a month so we would need to do either long distance or break up..

I wish my ex would come back to me.

I wish my ex would come back to me.

 

Carefull what you wish for!

my situation is similar to your second ex bf situation, were together for 2 years and he just turned 21 as well. how long did it take for him to reach out and did he say what his reasons where? (gigs, realized what he lost, couldn't find another)

This is a six month old post and the OP never made another post.

Pandabearr, I know you say stories of reconciliation make you feel better but I think it's the opposite. You're broken hearted and reaching for any hope you can find that your ex will take you back, but everyone's situation is different. For example, won't you and your ex still be six hours apart? That much distance is difficult for two people who are BOTH committed, let alone when only one half of the couple wants to try.

Can you try to focus on what you can do to try to move forward? Searching for a way to try to hold on to the past keeps you going backward or in circles.

boltnrun

thanks for following me everywhere on this site and making sure i have all my hopes crushed. yes i am broken hearted, can you blame me? this is my part of the process for grieving, and if i regret wasting so much time months later then so be it since it was my decision. and yes we will be 6 hours apart but it doesn't mean it will be like that forever. if we had communicated more effectively ignoring the causes of the breakup, i could've moved closer to him or he could've moved closer to me when he graduates. like you said, every situation is different so i wouldn't rule out that it would be impossible for us to be together. but yes, i am aware that we are over so the chances for us being closer together is basically 0.

i understand you want the best for me and i've seen your advice for other people but there are much nicer ways to say it. and i do try to focus on what i can do, but in my current situation back at home, i'm kind of stuck in a place where it's hard for me to focus on the brighter side you have no idea. honestly, if it makes you feel better, i'll stop posting in search of hope.