Should I tell him about physical appearance

Hello.........I am new to the forum and would really like some help with a situation concerning my boyfriend.

I have been dating a wonderful individual now for 2 1/2 months. He is very loving and caring. He makes me very

happy and well get along very well. The only problem I have with him is his appearance. No, I don't mean hygiene,

or how he grooms himself, I am talking about his skin conditions. To give you some background, he has alot of melanin

in his skin and played gold without using sunscreen and has developed large moles on his face, back and chest. He has had

surgery recently as one was cancerous. He is a nice looking man, but for the moles, they really detract from his appearance.

I think that is why he doesn't upload photos of himself on facebook.

My question and this is where I need your help is, how to approach him about the moles and delicately share with him my concern

for potentially more of them could become cancerous. I don't think I should tell him it would certainly improve his appearance, or should

I say that?? That seems rather harsh. Personally I have had 10 removed because cancer runs in my family.

Please advise me when and how to approach him about this....

Thank you for listening.

Sweet Sue

surgery recently as one was cancerous.

 

My question is, how to approach him about the moles and delicately share with him my concern

for potentially more of them could become cancerous

You don't have to mention anything at all. If he has recently had surgery to remove moles, then no doubt he is already under a doctor/specialist's care, who are obviously aware of his skin condition and have fully examined his body by now. If they have any concerns, or if your boyfriend has further concerns, it will be addressed by the current specialists/doctors.

If he had one turn cancerous then trust me he knows! It is not your place to tell him especially after only 2 and a half months and don't even think about telling him it would improve his appearance!!!! Accept him as he is or don't and leave him for a woman who would!

If my new partner would tell me about something that might improve my appearance it would be my ex partner rather soon!

If you can't get past it he is not the man for you

I agree with the above. If I were you I'd leave him and let him find someone who isn't so concerned with appearances. He deserves better.

If he's already told you that he's had a cancerous mole removed, what makes you believe that he needs you to tell him anything?

so you mean you would volunteer the information that you find his skin a turn off packaged as concern for his health?

his health is monitored, as others have pointed out. and your stated concern is that you find his appearance unattractive because of the moles. apparently, you also believe if one doesn't post their pictures on Facebook it must be because they dislike their own appearance and judge themselves by your standards. bottom line, his looks bother you and you have categorical rationalizations as to why he is unattractive with the moles.

so. you don't get to share your concern over the fact that you're not attracted to his skin in hopes he changes his appearance to please you.

you either like his appearance or you don't. you're bothered enough by it if you want him to do something about the moles.

what do we do when a man comments he wants to trick his girlfriend into changing her appearance for him?

just leave, the sooner the better.

So basically you're hoping that by "warning" him some of his moles could be cancerous, he'll have them removed and you won't have to look at them.

The dude's got moles. Deal with it or find a new guy. I don't look for ladies who have big ass gums and tell them they should get a gum contouring procedure. It's honestly a bit cruel.

Best you can do is make sure you've both got sunscreen to put on when you two go out in the sun.

this pi$$es me off so much.

the "how do i make this person change something about them that disgusts me while making it appear i am a kind soul concerned about their health (as if they need my nursing)"

like the other day. i have an eating disorder so my husband's twix bars give me a breakdown, how do i get him to eat grass while coming off as if i don't want him to die of cancer.

the moles disgust me, if i could just have all the qualities of this guy but with someone else's skin that'd serve me perfectly so how do i get him to change his skin and not come off as self-serving but instead like i don't want him to die of cancer.

men didn't fall of the turnip truck yesterday ladies.

After 10 weeks of dating what you see is what you get. If you are not attracted, don't string him along. Let him decide if he wants to see a dermatologist about it or not. Do not project your issues onto him.

I have been dating a wonderful individual now for 2 1/2 months.The only problem I have with him is his appearance. He is a nice looking man, but for the moles, they really detract from his appearance. I have had 10 removed because cancer runs in my family.

So, let me ask you a question j.man.......you meet a nice girl. She is beautiful, in good shape, has a good sense of humor, great personality and you have awesome chemistry. You can't find anything about her you don't like, except.....when she smiles......her teeth are crooked in every direction and yellow. So much so that you almost gasp when you see her teeth. What are you going to do?

You look like a handsome guy to me and you seem to take care of yourself, so seriously, would you sit back and never say anything and except her" with all her ugly crooked yellow teeth?"

Don't get me wrong, we all have our little imperfections. I personally don't have nice white teeth. In fact, my teeth are yellow- from taking an antibiotic at three which stained my permanent teeth, and I am self concious about it too. In the past, two of my boyfriends brought it up and asked me about it and would I consider having dental work. I didn't drop them, because I know they meant well. I am really into this guy and I don't want to look for someone else.

Dating is not about scouting out candidates for plastic surgery or makeovers. Love it or leave it. Watch less reality tv. Sue;6797598]Don't get me wrong, we all have our little imperfections. I am really into this guy and I don't want to look for someone else.

my teeth are yellow- from taking an antibiotic at three which stained my permanent teeth, and I am self concious about it too. In the past, two of my boyfriends brought it up and asked me about it and would I consider having dental work. I didn't drop them, because I know they meant well. I am really into this guy and I don't want to look for someone else.

So after two guys asked you about your teeth, did that prompt you to run to the dentist to get this imperfection corrected?

If not, what good came of raising this with you?

He will be very aware of his skin conditions, and maybe he is looking into doing something about it. Maybe he's been told that some moles can't be removed. And maybe he's so happy he's found someone who he can be with (you). So don't go spoiling it.

If it's too much to handle on the eyes, then by all means move on.

I had an ex tell me "Have you ever considered getting a boob job?" I answered "No". He said "Good, because those are really bad for you....but, you know, yours are not very big."

Idiot.

And I can assure you, his comments did NOT inspire me to rush out and have implants installed.

As a matter of fact, I had always been self concious about my teeth. I also know that it is permanent and could only be corrected

by getting veneers. So, those comments made to me when I was in my twenties was the boost I needed to get my teeth done and

I have no regrets. It enhanced my appearance and gave me more self confidence. It may have helped me to get more dates.

Let me add, these two men had dated me a good while before it ever came up, and when it did, it was done in a very tactful manner.

I was not offended at all. So, I don't know what the problem is.....ironically, my friends agree that I should say something at some point

and time after we have dating a little longer and after he has made his next trip to the dermatologist.

..ironically, my friends agree that I should say something at some point and time after we have dating a little longer and after he has made his next trip to the dermatologist.

Again, what exactly is the point?? He KNOWS he has them and is seeing specialists who are taking care of it. What more can he do? I am truly baffled.

So you think you should keep dating him and let him get more attached, THEN tell him you find his moles unattractive?

If you've already decided to say something why are you on here trying to justify it?

The fact that YOU didn't take offense at those comments doesn't mean he won't either! I would! There is a good chance you will really hurt him and shatter his self esteem. But by all means go ahead and hurt this man you say is so wonderful in all other ways just because something isn't pleasing to your eyes.....

If i were him I'd then dump you right then and there.

There is no concern for his health cause he's having that checked it himself, you only say that to mask the true superficial reason of your request and like Capricorn I'm baffled

If you've already decided to say something why are you on here trying to justify it?

Yep. You'd already decided what you want to do. So?

I find it hard to believe that anyone responding to my question hasn't found something that they would like to change in their partner. Really?? I seriously doubt that anyone of you haven't mentioned to your partner about losing weight or grooming themselves a little better etc..., I think my friend has thicker skin than that.

I think it is all in how your address the issue and given the fact that he has had cancer and having moles removed as a preventative measure (NO, I wouldn't tell him it would help enhance his looks, now THAT would be cruel. Come on guys......cut me some slack.

Isn't he already receiving treatment for the cancer and potentially cancerous moles?

If so, why would he need you to suggest treatment? That just doesn't make any sense.

I find it hard to believe that anyone responding to my question hasn't found something that they would like to change in their partner. Really?? I seriously doubt that anyone of you haven't mentioned to your partner about losing weight or grooming themselves a little better etc..., I think my friend has thicker skin than that.

I think it is all in how your address the issue and given the fact that he has had cancer and having moles removed as a preventative measure (NO, I wouldn't tell him it would help enhance his looks, now THAT would be cruel. Come on guys......cut me some slack.

Your original post asked us just that, should you suggest to him that removing the moles would enhance his appearance. You are backtracking.

In a long time partner maybe, if they brought it up first. Not someone I have only just started seeing.

Well then there is no need to tell him since that is already being checked..... but it's also not the reason you want to address this, so you can sugarcoat it all you like and try to make this noble of you all you like, fact is that that is not the reason and don't fool yourself into thinking it is.

You don't like how it looks.... Well guess what, that is not your place to tell him....

You don't love someone for all they are with the exception of...... you love them or you don't

Funny, but I find imperfections endearing in the person I love.

I love the little pot bellies and the little love handles. I love that his face is not model perfect but has flaws. I love the scars above their eyebrows or on their chins. I loved how my ex husband's hair would not hold a curl or even a slight wave. Another ex was rapidly going bald and I did not care.

If there was something I wanted them to "change", I'd have dated someone else!

If you don't like looking at his moles, date a man who doesn't have moles.