Not sure how to handle the situation...

Hi, I am just lost. I'll try to keep a long story short. A couple of years ago, my wife and I met while she was still married but legally split, soon to be divorced. We didn't start any serious right away. A couple of times after the divorce was final, she contacted her ex and missed him, she was confused. That situation is behind us but is relevant, sort of. I had trust issues with her for awhile and it drove us apart a few times. We got stronger and married in September of last year. We fought a few times since, and one of those times I was told to leave. It was nothing serious, just said the feelings weren't there and she needed space. We got back together the next day and worked things out. Fast forward to yesterday.... I haven't really been affectionate with her. She liked to be held, her hair played with, all that. She works an hour away and she had to go in to train someone yesterday morning. I went to work soon after. I text her about 6 last night to see if she made it home, she had to stay on third shift, so she was taking a break in between and she would be home this morning. She's not here by 11 this morning, I call her to see if she's on her way. She got off at 3,went to some friends house, they cuddled, kissed, and she has a hickey on her neck. She says we're done, but she also says she doesn't know what she wants, and then she says she's done again. She is gone now but stopping back by our place in the morning to.. At first, she said we could talk, then she says to get her stuff. I don't know what to do, or where to go. I know there's no real definitive answer if what's going to happen, but I would like to know what path to take. She told me to leave her alone tonight and we could talk tomorrow, I've texted her a couple of times (I know.. I know... Big "no-no"), that's when she said she's just coming to get her stuff. What to do?! What's she thinking?!

First and foremost, could you trust her after everything that's happened? If the answer is anything but yes then it's over and you need to get her out of your life and move on.

I would be inclined to give her the day to let things settle a bit but be very firm, either you sit down with her TOMORROW and get her to explain what the -blam!- happened or you are done with her. Don't let her push you around, if she tries to push the blame onto you don't let her, it was her decision to cheat and she must deal with the consequences you set. I know it's hard with someone you love but it's important not to drag things out and risk hurting yourself more than you already have been.

I'm curious to know how and why her previous marriage ended, was it under similar circumstances?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm not perfect at showing affection, but it usually leads to a conversation - not cheating. She's not even giving you a chance. Instead of looking at your own weaknesses and failings, look at hers. I'm sure she wasn't a perfect partner, but you were willing to stay and work it out. That's what emotionally healthy people who love each other do.

For your own sanity, I recommend doing what you can to save this relationship, but anything you do from here will be hard. Either she'll come back and you'll struggle to trust her, or she won't and you'll have to move through the heartbreak to reach the healing on the other side. It might not feel like it, but recovery and healing is possible in either scenario. Nothing about this is fair, but it can help you grow.

Just an update... She and I talked today. She said she is done and she has been talking with this other guy for some time. Now time to get over this... She's going to be a tough one to get over. Life goes on, right?