"I need to find myself"

My gf and I nearly hit 7 years of dating. Been together since high school never really fought we had a great relationship and loved each other to death. As our anniversary got closer hints started going down hill she started showing less interest in me. Then the day came when she said we're done I need to find myself and I can't love someone else if I don't love myself. It's been two months now we ran into each other twice and I asked her to talk once witch went really well. I asked her again about a week later because I moved closer to home to be with her more often and so it's easier to see each other. But I think that made things worse. I've spoke to people about not one person is saying she won't be back but I just can't tell. She's got her vday gift in her room still and a framed picture of us at prom still in her room.

We ran into each other at a party last night and we kept making eye contact and at one point we both stared at each other for probably 20 seconds. Then I left it at that found out there was a rumor I tried getting with another girl that was there one day so I went up to her and said that it wasn't true but she didn't seem to care regardless. She implied that her head is just in such a knot.

She loves her friends goes out very often and drinks I believe this is one of the reasons why I lost her she's 23 going on 24 in 3 months and I'm 25 her parents are both on my side along with her family and friends no one understands what's going on and she's not talking

One thing she told me was she loves her parents love story. They also were together since prom then her dad one day came home from work and said I'm going to Alaska idk when I will be back. Disappeared for 6 months and came back to her mother. Her mom recently said that my ex is trying to mock her parents. Her mom kept telling her that she can't do that and compare herself to us. I told her that we have the same love story as them I don't understand. I want her back I just don't know if she will be

I asked her if she wants to experience someone else or hook up with someone the day she broke up with me because neither of us experienced anyone else in 7 years lost out virginity to each other she said she really just needs to find herself

Opinions

It is entirely possible she just isn't ready to commit long term without experimenting first. Don't take it personally, it's just something she needs to do in order to "find herself" as she put it. Perhaps talk about it with her if you want but give her the freedom she needs, maybe even experiment yourself if you think you'll be ok.

There is a phrase, I can't remember the exact words but it goes something along the lines of "If you love someone and hold them tight, no matter how hard you try they will drift away from you. But if you let them go, those who love you will always come back."

I like the quote. She needs to miss me I know she said she doesn't miss me and she doesn't love me. I saw her mom the other day and her mother told her to tell me those things to help me live my life for now.

Why would she be watching me at this party? She said hi to me and had a short and sweet conversation initiated by her. We both laughed and that was it. I ignored her most of the night until this rumor came about.

But why would she be watching me? I didn't say bye to her so maybe that got her thinking a little bit too

It's not so much that she needs to miss you, she needs to be in other relationships, feel what being with other people is like. If the two of you are truly right for each-other she'll recognize that and come back to you, just understand that it may take some time.

Yeah. Maybe she won't be able to find anyone worth dating either. It's just funny she never put out for me all these years. I can count on my hands how many times she initiated sex or hooking up. She really enjoyed out sex life said she was very satisfied and this has nothing to do with that at all. But how will she be able to do that with someone else if she couldn't with me?

Yeah. Maybe she won't be able to find anyone worth dating either. It's just funny she never put out for me all these years. I can count on my hands how many times she initiated sex or hooking up. She really enjoyed out sex life said she was very satisfied and this has nothing to do with that at all. But how will she be able to do that with someone else if she couldn't with me?

That's not a question you should even be mulling over. The answer won't bring you any sense of comfort.

You were both very young and stayed together a long time. Most people don't stay with their first loves these days. So while her parents' love story is nice, it's not the norm anymore. They're a different generation and grew up with a different mindset.

I agree with the above poster that she's ready to spread her wings and see what else is out there. The simple truth is that many young people outgrow their highschool relationships and are eager to explore. They don't want the same things they did as teens, and the relationship doesn't survive the transition to adulthood. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It just means she's grown up and you've drifted apart. She isn't ready to commit to only you for the rest of her life.

As for looking at you at the party, well, she was with you a long time. It's probably still not easy to see you as an ex-boyfriend. Seeing an ex out and about can be awkward and emotional, even when breaking up was the right thing to do. Try not to read too much into that.

Your best bet is not discuss this anymore with her family. I have no doubt they sympathize with you, but in the end, their support will be directed to their daughter. And in any case, it's not about them or anyone else being "on your side" or "on her side." That's an unfair polarization, and it suggests she has done something wrong. She hasn't. In fact, she did quite the opposite - it was the mature and respectful choice to end it if she was no longer interested in the relationship. I know it hurts, but she is doing what many, many have done before her, which is growing into adulthood, figuring out who she is and freeing herself of commitments she's not invested in.

Work on your own healing. Move forward under the assumption that this chapter is now closed, because hanging on won't help. It's not impossible that she will return someday, but it's best not to operate under that hope. You can begin the healing process by keeping No Contact, and rediscovering yourself in the context of a single young man.

She keeps liking stupid things on Instagram like in regards to having an ex and focusing on yourself, care for your friends, and she's liking relationship quotes. Do I ignore this? Is she trying to send a message or just likes the quote?

She keeps liking stupid things on Instagram like in regards to having an ex and focusing on yourself, care for your friends, and she's liking relationship quotes. Do I ignore this? Is she trying to send a message or just likes the quote?

Yes, ignore it all. She has told you in a very gentle way that she wants space from you. If you like, comment, stalk, search for or even know what she is doing socially or on social media, you are going to only justify her reasons for wanting to 'find herself'. The only thing I can add to Miss Canuck's post is that you just have to leave her alone. I know that you are hurting, I know you have many questions and you are trying to reason and search for answers and you are probably negotiating with yourself. So Im going to say this as gentile as I can. It is over.

The hardest part for you is to realize that she might have to go out and date other guys and have sex with them too. It might take a few guys and you must face the fact that she might not ever come back to you. Sorry to say but its true. You will have to forge foward without her in your life.

I can't let go. I removed her on everything and before I did she posted a quote "I had to run away in order to know what it meant to stay" she's not seeing anyone I am very confident in that. We ran into each other every weekend in April and we both said hi and that was it I didn't chase after her or try making conversation just acknowledged she was there. I want answers from her. 7 years to break up with me to "find myself"? Am I wrong or is that a pretty lame way to end a relationship?

Sorry for the double post. But Is it also wrong to talk to a mutual party as in someone that's friends with both of us? I can trust her to not tell my ex everything I'm sure a couple minor things will float out here and there but it's normal for me to talk right? I have to get it out....

Yes, ignore it. They are general statements, not direct communication. In fact it may be best to delete, unfriend, unfollow and block her from social media if random stuff is messing with your head right now.

She keeps liking stupid things on Instagram like in regards to having an ex and focusing on yourself, care for your friends, and she's liking relationship quotes. Do I ignore this? Is she trying to send a message or just likes the quote?

Yeah but she must be thinking something when she likes that you know? You don't just got liking things that deep just to like the quote....

She's young and looking for attention online. A lot of people do this, and it shouldn't necessarily be taken as a sign she wants you back.

Case in point, a friend of mine (36, like myself) recently left her husband. She has been posting similar quotes and believe me when I say she does not want to reconcile. In my opinion, she's too old to be posting things like this, but she likes the attention and support she gets when people comment or like her posts. In a weird way, it affirms to her that she made the right decision in leaving him. I have a feeling your ex is the same.

Don't read into social media too much. It will drive you crazy and it will hurt even more when you find out she is seeing someone else (because she will, sooner or later - as will you) and the posts meant squat.

I don't think her reason for ending it was lame. I think it was completely legitimate, actually. She shouldn't have stayed if her heart wasn't in it anymore. I have been in her shoes (also when I was 23) and letting that ex go was the right thing to do. I wasn't ready to settle down and couldn't shake the feeling I wanted to explore more before I did. Talking it out helps, but I would caution against going to a mutual friend, simply because it puts the friend in a rather awkward position.

We spoke a few days ago. Says she misses me but as her best friend we both laughed and agreed we had/have something special. She said she thinks she wants a year to herself. Thoughts? It was about a 90min conversation about our relationship and small talk, mostly just small talk and catching up. She was happy we met and talked she thought it was really good we did

We spoke a few days ago. Says she misses me but as her best friend we both laughed and agreed we had/have something special. She said she thinks she wants a year to herself. Thoughts? It was about a 90min conversation about our relationship and small talk, mostly just small talk and catching up. She was happy we met and talked she thought it was really good we did

There's your answer. She misses the friendship. If you are not over her (it seems you are not) it is not a good position to be in. Maybe down the road after you have gotten over her you can think about some sort of friendship. For now I would stay no contact. She called you?

No I called her to meet. I did learn that when I asked if she was easy for marriage that it triggered something in the back of her head. Which eventually lead to us not being together. She said she wasn't ready yet. I also asked if there was anything I did on my part and she said no nothkng

Don't hold you breath for the year to be up.

There is a good chance you both will have moved on by then. She misses your friendship but she doesn't have romantic feelings anymore.

the spot you were in, I was there a few years ago. Right now you are going thru a whole bag of emotions and you have a ton of questions. It sounds like you are mostly in denial and still in some shock. I had a hard time doing this, but it has to be done for your mental health and that is to admit that the relationship is over. The only thing I can say without giving you hope but to give you some comfort is saying that its over for now. What you are doing is not letting go of the memories, good times and the smiles. What you do let go is the fights, the down times, the reasons behind the break up and the relationship. Sometimes you dont need a good reason to break up, like cheating or abuse, sometimes one just doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. It might be puzzling but its still a reason.

I know you are asking yourself a ton of questions and probably still having imaginary conversations with your X on how things would go. You look back and wonder where it went wrong, if there was anything you could of done to prevent the break up, if there was something she did you missed. You are searching for something, anything. And when you talk to her she tells you things that in your mind give you hope that she is coming back. An example is that she mentioned a year from now. In your head you are counting down that she will be back in a year. She is not. What she did is saying things not to give you hope or false hope, but to let you down easy or to soften the blow. Things like "I have to find myself" is a polite way of saying "I dont want to be in a realtionship with you anymore"

She has to find her own path now and so do you. No one can predict the future and tell you that its over for good, but you cant put your life on pause and hope that she comes back. You have to move forward with your life and discover who you are as she is with her life. She is going to go out on dates, kiss other guys and dare I say, even have sex with other guys. I know its what you dont want to hear, but you have to hear it. She has to see what is out there and if after going thru a few boyfriends she still thinks you are the one, then she might find you. Or she might find the right guy and it might not be you. The point is, you do not know so you have to go out and make you happy. On the other side of that is you might find the girl of your dreams. I know just the thougt of you with another girl doesnt even come to mind. You want your X and that is because she is comfortable. You know her, you are familiar with her and its a big comfort to know what they like what they dont like and what they think. But she is gone, and you must accept the here and now and that it is over.

What is hard to do is letting go of the reasons behind the break up. I know you have questions and you want answers. Problem is that your X might be able to tell you what you want to hear. She might not have all the answers. The only thing she knows is she just doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. There might not be a reason why or a reason that validates or justified her reason, but if her heart is not in it, then the reason does not matter. All I can say is that one day when the dust settles, you will get your answers, if that is still what you want. I remember a GF broke up with me, out of the blue, just called and said we are done and hung up. Of course I thought of everything from cheating to she was going to die, but about 7years later she saw me at a store and came up and said "Hi" I responded with "why did you break up with me?" She said "If we continued to date, I would of married you and I was too young to get married" I laughed because I didnt emotionally care anymore but it was funny that I got my answer. Then we ended up having sex within the hour and then went our own way but hey, it was fun.

You are okay and you are going to be okay, and sorry for the long post, but I know you are hurting. You are going to be happy again, just takes time.

Do I say happy birthday? I was thinking just "happy birthday ....."

Only if you can handle a generic "thanks so much!" reply. She might say more, she might not. Or you might get to hear about the fun night out she has planned to celebrate - without you.

A lot of dumpees get their hopes up thinking the Happy Birthday message is a great way to re-initiate contact, but more often than not, nothing comes of it.

She wants space..

dont use her birthday as an excuse.

Kind of response I'm expecting and then I wouldn't respond after that. What if I just didn't say anything? But I do want her to come back so I don't want her to think idc about her anymore. Or maybe that's a good thing? Her birthday is next week

She asked for her space. (I think Ive said that before) Which means you leave her alone. She knows you want her and thats probably very comforting for her to know, but she has to be the one to come to you. You can in no way convince her, talk to her or guilt her into coming back to you before she is ready because all it will do is cause resentment, anger, and she will lash out and it wont be good for you.

The best thing you can do is leave her alone. She has to be the one who comes to you. She wanted to find herself, then allow her to. Use this time for you to grow as well.

We spoke a few days ago. Says she misses me but as her best friend we both laughed and agreed we had/have something special. She said she thinks she wants a year to herself. Thoughts? It was about a 90min conversation about our relationship and small talk, mostly just small talk and catching up. She was happy we met and talked she thought it was really good we did

So I'll be direct here.

What she's saying is that she sees you as a gay man friend. That she doesn't have any sexual attraction for you. She laughed at this and you laughed along with her, confirming her view that you are unattractive. She then offered you the deal of putting you on the back burner as emotional tampon or back up dil#o.

You must never, ever keep in communication with a woman who has ended it with you if you still want her. She will become cruel very fast. Anytime a woman offers you a deal you don't want, you back away completely and forever unless she feels the same way.

Anything else is setting yourself up for abuse.

Tell her you still want her and are not interested in a friendship. Then disappear forever. Never reach out to her again for any reason. This is what any self respecting man would do.

Remember, her view of you right now is that your weak and unattractive. You moving on, looking after yourself, dating other women and not contacting her for any reason will change that view. It will not necessarily get her back but it will win her respect. She might reach out to you to test your resolve, this is what women do. And an insecure woman would try her best to change the dumped but newly emerging strong man back into the gay male friend, to satisfy her own insecurity.

Stick to your resolve. When she sees you at the next party, you're genuinely looking after yourself and having a good time mingling with the prettiest girls. Do it for yourself.

Just curious on some opinions as to why my ex removed me on Snapchat blocked me on Instagram/Twitter. But didn’t block me on fb we aren’t friends on fb but she didn’t block me. We also weren’t friends on Instagram or twitter but we were on Snapchat. She always looked at my Snapchat story almost instantly and I wouldn’t ever look at hers. One day I posted about what I was doing Saturday night early on in the day she looked and then deleted me off of it. Two days later blocked me on Instagram and Twitter. Is she looking for a reaction? Why now and not 8 months ago ....

also she blocked me for a few days on Instagram unblocked me for a day and then kept me blocked ever since