I can't take care of myself. I'm 27.

Yes you read that right.

Well, on Thursday, I got in a car accident. I'm shaken up still. I stupidly messed up and didn't get all the info I needed, so now I don't know what do or hope for. There's nothing good that came out of this incident. I got chewed out by mom and sister. I'm 27, grad student and teacher. I pay bills on time and live with my sister but it's become the little things that I do that make me incapable of making it on my own. At times, I don't pay attention. Other times, I'm clueless and lack the confidence to do things. I'm just not cut out for this life.

For most of my life, my sister and mom have been there for me to help me with my problems. My sister believes that when she's gone, I will not make it on my own. She also told me to stop being sensitive. I do take some things personally but I can't help it when I need to cry, when I can't find words to say. When it comes down to solving problems myself, I'm clueless. Perhaps, that's why guys don't want to be with me. But I need to learn how to do things and figure things out so I can help myself.

I just posted something a couple of days ago on another thread about how stressed I've been. This has been the most crappy week. I just don't know how to handle it.

I needed to vent and this doesn't make sense. I wish I had money to take all this away from me.

Don't listen to the negative talk from your sister about you being unable to survive without her or your mom. That's extremely insensitive, she's trying to build herself up by knocking you down. You said you're a teacher, that took a lot of work and dedication to achieve, and I've heard it not an easy job. You've got this thing called life in the palm of your hand. I think the most liberating thing you can do is take a solo vacation. Get out there and meet new ppl. I also think you should look for a studio apartment for yourself, get out if your sisters house.

It seems like you may have confidence issues, you believe yourself to be incompetent and in doing so make yourself incompetent. I would recommend perhaps seeing a therapist/councilor on the matter. If that doesn't work there is something called CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) that helps with directly confronting your mental issues and overcoming them. I'm sure other options are available to, look them up and decide what works for you but I have experience with this kind of thing and trust me when I say it doesn't just go away on its own.

I'm very sorry you're feeling like this. We all feel inadequate or overwhelmed at times. Have you considered therapy? Have you always felt like this?

During your childhood were you very dependent on your parents? How's your overall relationship with your sister?

By what you tell us by being a teacher and paying your bills you seem to be doing fine and what your sister said was just insensitive. I'd try to tell her how you really feel and how what she said hurt you and ask her specifically what does she think you can do to achieve your independence. She complains, but has she listened to you and seen how you truly feel?

Also, when you're feeling better is it possible to move to another place alone or a house with roomates just to taste your independence a little bit and see how you feel?

It seems like you may have confidence issues, you believe yourself to be incompetent and in doing so make yourself incompetent. I would recommend perhaps seeing a therapist/councilor on the matter. If that doesn't work there is something called CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) that helps with directly confronting your mental issues and overcoming them. I'm sure other options are available to, look them up and decide what works for you but I have experience with this kind of thing and trust me when I say it doesn't just go away on its own.

I've done CBT in the past and the last time was over a year and half ago in 2015. I was on medication. I got off it and haven't been back since. Confidence and self-esteem are really tough to deal with for me honestly. Is it even achievable? Thanks for the tip.

Have you seen all those adulting memes? 20-somethings almost universally feel like they are screwing something up.

You just need to slow down and think when you're in stressful situations. I'm paranoid, so when I got rear ended, I took down way more info than I needed. Just think ahead and reason back and do more when in doubt. You'll figure things out.

I'm very sorry you're feeling like this. We all feel inadequate or overwhelmed at times. Have you considered therapy? Have you always felt like this?

 

During your childhood were you very dependent on your parents? How's your overall relationship with your sister?

 

By what you tell us by being a teacher and paying your bills you seem to be doing fine and what your sister said was just insensitive. I'd try to tell her how you really feel and how what she said hurt you and ask her specifically what does she think you can do to achieve your independence. She complains, but has she listened to you and seen how you truly feel?

 

Also, when you're feeling better is it possible to move to another place alone or a house with roomates just to taste your independence a little bit and see how you feel?

I've done CBT and the last time was in 2015. Yes, in my childhood and until now, I've gone to my sister or mom for everything. My sister and I have a good relationship but sometimes our communication suffers because I get flustered when I talk to her about things that I'm not sure about, real life things, or things I'm not sure about...I generally shut down or become mute and let her talk. I've mentioned to her that I get an attitude with her because there are times when she attacks my character. Then it's another conversation about how she's not trying to do that but trying to help me see that if I have issues with paying attention, then I need to get help or get the root of the problem. Also, she's mentioned many times about how she's so worried about my survival. And that I need to get it together because I'm getting older.

I only think I'll be able to move out when I get a better paying job than this one. Plus, I plan to go abroad next year to teach. For now, she's suggested I save my money (I have a second job as a teacher's aid) and I opened a separate account for savings. Now, with this accident, some of that money is gone unfortunately.

I've done CBT and the last time was in 2015.

 

Then it's another conversation about how she's not trying to do that but trying to help me see that if I have issues with paying attention, then I need to get help or get the root of the problem. Also, she's mentioned many times about how she's so worried about my survival. And that I need to get it together because I'm getting older

What did you learn from CBT? How long did you go for?

Your sister is absolutely right (imo). It sounds like she is really concerned about your future and wants you to get help to figure out what is going on so that you can cope in the future on your own. I agree with her, you need to get professional help because you cannot rely on others for the rest of your life.

What kind of help does your sis want you to get? I'd ask her, then I'd sign up for it regardless of whether I believe it will help, because it would give me leverage to kindly tell sis to back off.

Nobody does anything well in front of an audience. I'd practice telling Mom and sis, "I appreciate your concern, but I need you to pull back and stop hovering. You're making me self conscious, and that's not helpful."

Head high.

So, ok - you were brought up around people who call you incapable in general and not able to live a good life on your own, oversensitive (no such thing, by the way), stupid, that when you're hurt you have no right to express it, and you think the problem is with you.

Do you see the irony?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you - you're dead on not feeling able to talk to your sister because she insults you and hurts you, that's your emotions telling you that she is not safe to trust your feelings with. Your emotions on this entire subject are absolutely, totally correct.

Look back to your childhood - is this a pattern? I would bet a million dollars that answer is a yes and is the source of your problems.

It's very difficult to resolve these problems when we're living in an environment that undermines our emotional wellbeing in this way, so if you can I would move out if I could (shared accommodation if you don't feel able to be entirely alone yet), and work on self love - I would not ask your family for feedback or help doing this because you are highly likely to get the same feedback you've always gotten.

I'm not anti your family here, by the way - some things can be said or done with the best of intentions, but with a lack of insight and this is often the case. Be gentle with yourself as well as gentle with their lack of understanding, oftentimes (not all the time but you're instincts will tell you which) it's ignorance rather than cruelty but neither means that you should live on anyone elses terms but your own.

I repeat: there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you or that needs to be fixed.

Your sister sounds very sick. Move out asap. Get help at your work/college with things. Get roommates, whatever you can afford, etc. but get out. Contact your insurance and get a free consultation from an attorney about the accident.

she's mentioned many times about how she's so worried about my survival.

I only think I'll be able to move out when I get a better paying job than this one. Plus, I plan to go abroad next year to teach. I opened a separate account for savings.