Should I Report Her To Child Protective Services?

I've been dating a 32-year-old woman who is raising her 2-year-old baby boy.

1. She always keeps her 2-year-old in dirty diapers 24 hours a day. She changes him when he poops, but puts on diapers that look dirty. She never dresses him.

2. Although she bathes him every morning, he is always dirty all day long because he plays in the grass, dirt and sand box.

3. She enjoys playing very loud rap music videos. It's her release from taking care of her 2-year-old. Many times I leave when she does this because the music is too loud for me and I don't like that type of music.

4. She is with her baby 24 hours a day. She refuses to get a Nanny and has no family to help her.

5. The father of baby gives her minimal financial help but never checks up on the baby.

But I don't know the first thing about raising children. Maybe this is normal.

Why does someone need a nanny??????? That's nothing to report somebody for . Do you mean she uses cloth diapers ??? Playing outside is normal for kids . More should be doing it .

Playing rap music may not be your taste but it's not abuse or neglect. Nor is her not hiring a sitter/nanny so you can date her.

You need to break up rather than be spiteful.

She changes him when he poops, but puts on diapers that look dirty. She never dresses him.

she bathes him every morning

She is with her baby 24 hours a day.

The father of baby gives her minimal financial

No this is not normal. Does she not have money for diapers? Why continue to date her? Would you want to have children with someone like this. Would you want your kids cared for in this manner? I feel sorry for that baby

She could be using cloth diapers. Many many people use cloth diapers to avoid disposables ending up in landfills .

He is bathed daily, not neglect or abuse . Sometimes cloth diapers get a little dingy but also not neglect or abuse . He plays outside not neglect or abuse . Sure he could be dressed but if it's warm where you are what's the difference . Being with his mother is not neglect or abuse .

And so she listens to rap music also not neglect or abuse .

no, i wouldn't. reporting is punitive. i don't see what she should be punished for, or the child rescued from. she sounds a bit clumsy at worst.

maybe she has been taught nothing about child care. maybe she grew up in an environment that didn't teach good hygiene and healthy atmosphere.

she bathes the kid, lets him play outdoors without freaking out about worms and stains, she spends time with him. i think she is trying, and rather than being a bad and neglectful parent, simply lacks some guidance.

do you know any females you could introduce, in hopes they hit it off and they can share some tips with her? you could delicately explain to them that she is okay but could use a few pointers thrown in as friendly advice.

since she is all alone, you could tell her you heard social services have volunteers aplenty whom she could use to help around so she can get some down time (they do!). often, volunteers are uni or masters program students who needs a certain number of hours of volunteering experience for points in their program, and they love to choose to work them off with ladies and kiddos (consider that many are afraid to work them off with addicts, terminal patients and their families, difficult or aggressive Alzheimer patients, HIV patients etc so single mums are a treat for them). some NGOs have volunteers experienced in childcare, such as nursing or pedagogy students.

I don't really understand where you're coming from with most of your points. A child is allowed to play in sand, grass and dirt.. If she's washing him everyday then I don't understand your concern? A mother is allowed to stay home, they don't need to have a nanny.. and the father issue is clearly not her fault?

The only point I would be concerned about is that she doesn't change the baby's nappy.. that's neglect and isn't okay.

Do you feel like the child is in danger physically, emotionally etc?

I would worry about actual abusive parenting. There's a difference between ACTUAL abusive parenting and parenting that you find distasteful or wouldn't do.

Who do you propose would pay for this nanny?

What do you mean the diapers look dirty? Are they used diapers and she puts them back on the baby?

Do you think she should plop the kid in front of a TV and leave him there all day instead of allowing him to play outside?

Maybe her only crime here is being poor because the dad is a douche? And I say say crime with sarcasm .

What do you mean the diapers look dirty? Are they used diapers and she puts them back on the baby?

i was wondering too.

is she washing and reusing really damaged cloth diapers? is it a financial problem by chance? because she can get help with that. maybe she's afraid or embarrassed to ask, many people are. i would look up what help is available in your region, and just causally mention it to her i heard single parents can get help such and such and i thought of her.

It sounds like he's annoyed she doesn't get a nanny so he can have more sex with her and not have to wait for the child to be in bed.

Do you think she should plop the kid in front of a TV and leave him there all day instead of allowing him to play outside?

i was wondering too.

 

is she washing and reusing really damaged cloth diapers? is it a financial problem by chance? because she can get help with that. maybe she's afraid or embarrassed to ask, many people are. i would look up what help is available in your region, and just causally mention it to her i heard single parents can get help such and such and i thought of her.

That's what I'm thinking they are may be a cloth diapers . Cloth diapers can be quite expensive first hand. But they are re-washed and reused 1 million times . Just because they are dingy doesn't mean they're not useable or not clean. And if a child sitting in the sandbox or sitting on the ground of course they're going to get dirty .

It sounds like he's annoyed she doesn't get a nanny so he can have more sex with her and not have to wait for the child to be in bed.

Well ,not every single mom can afford a babysitter. Doesn't make them reportable to CAS.

I'm not sure how long you've been dating her, but depending on the length of time you've known each other, I'd be more concerned about her introducing you to her child, at this early stage.

Exactly. He sounds like a vindictive fool who shouldn't hang around trying to date single mothers.

Well ,not every single mom can afford a babysitter. Doesn't make them reportable to CAS.

That's what I'm thinking they are may be a cloth diapers . Cloth diapers can be quite expensive first hand. But they are re-washed and reused 1 million times . Just because they are dingy doesn't mean they're not useable or not clean. And if a child sitting in the sandbox or sitting on the ground of course they're going to get dirty .

and i can imagine a single mum being dirt poor. even the cheap stain removal options can be pricey in that circumstance, considering how many stains one goes through with a small child. absolutely, they may be clean and simply look worse for wear.

the music i can understand is bothersome if it's loud enough to scare an adult away. i have heard such terror from some people's tv sets and stereos, and also left. and i still could hear them a good way away. but again, she is alone with the child 24/7. she gets zero private down time. if someone could just take the kid off her hands for a couple of hours every now and then she could chill with her loud music without it being too loud for the child.

i think it's often forgotten...that often austerity begets austerity. try to come off as well-put together with *nothing* but an extra life to nourish and protect. i don't envy her.

help, don't report. seems there's nothing to report but a difficult life cycle that she's really trying to cope well with.

if you can't or won't suggest help, or just understand and tolerate, then leave.

people firstly need to be understood, not judged.

In our daycare our little ones play with sand all the time . We bring all manners of things from the out doors into the indoor for them to play with and in. We have water tables , bins with lentils and things for them to play with . We take them outside and if they get dirty oh well doesn't matter it's dirt it washes off. We let them paint anyway they want including slapping their hands in it and it's all over .

This is what kids do and how they learn .

The only thing in question might be the diapers and we don't know if they are cloth or disposable .

I still want to know who is supposed to pay for the "nanny" when the child's father pays minimal child support and her family doesn't help out.

Reporting is for abuse. Can you be more specific about your concerns? Does she neglect the child?

Have a kid ..be a single parent ....then come back on

Unless I'm missing something, the only real questionable thing is the music. Hearing loss should start at 50, not 2. Even then, it's hard to tell from your post if the music's too loud or if it's the fact you simply don't like rap music.

I have no qualms about calling out abuse on children. But I can't see so much as a hint of it in your post.

I'm not sure how long you've been dating her, but depending on the length of time you've known each other, I'd be more concerned about her introducing you to her child, at this early stage.

Yes. And OP mentioned he knows nothing of raising a child.

Well OP, it's harmful to little ones to have people come and go from their lives. Unfortunately plenty of people do it. What you can do though is make a point not to be involved with single moms whom suggest introducing you to their small children early on. You can play your part in not contributing to that problem.

I don't think a person has to be a parent or a single one to understand what is good for children, and what constitutes abuse or not. OP has admitted he doesn't know. There's not enough to go on to draw any strong conclusion by anyone, that's why I wanted to hear his concerns. Maybe they are nothing. But then hearing more won't hurt. Meanwhile, not listening due to defensiveness and a desire to protect parents can lead to a child's situation going unheard.

Just my thoughts