Awake and thinking he got away with it

Here goes...again... Iv posted my story in the break up section but here I am early in the morning, thinking my lying ex boyf has got away with lying and cheating and now he's with his wife and kid and I'm seething! Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can I stop being so angry?

You know who he is. Married!!!! How could you want someone who lied to you about their marriage status, and is an alcoholic? I hope you didn't give this guy money, too?

Don't really understand why you continue to stick around, waiting for him morph into a good guy.

You need to block this guy. He has a child and a wife.

I have NOT at any point said I want him to leave his kid and that he will morph into a good guy! I have SAID how do I stop being so angry that he lied to me for years and years and yet walked back into a ready made life!!! Maybe you should read my post properly and if you've got issues yourself don't vent them on me!!!!

Perhaps, if you have given more info. I am not a mind reader!

He has lied to you, and sounds like a complete loser. Weren't you questioning when he would disappear to be with the wife? Were you giving this guy money, too.

Why have you continued speaking , knowing all of this? You should be done! I don't care how much time is invested.

I'm not going to lie, I found out about the pregnancy from his dad's gf (yes his mum knows and they've got a twisted kind of family.) At that point, he said but I've left her and I'm back at my mums. But all I did was argue and go crazy because he lied about being divorced, he lied about where he was living and all of it.

I never questioned him too much because he has seen me go through so much and I thought he wouldn't hurt me on such a colossal level! And when I would question him he would swear on heaven and earth that he's being honest and where i come from, I presumed he'd be telling the truth!

Truth be told, I should have questioned him more and acted on my gut instinct. I found out about quite a few lies but each time he'd go out of his way to make things ok.

Now I'd never go back but I keep thinking why is it he messed around and his "wife, ex-wife" knew about it and yet he's gone back to that and I'm the one left hurt!

Heart, You know that he slept with his wife, and most importantly lied about his marriage status. You should have been so done! I can't imagine a much worse deception.

If something feels off, it usually is. Women's intuition is usually correct, but we have to listen to it - I have failed at this, too.

I think that you need to address why you ignored all of the lies? Many red flags.

I hope in time, you will see that this guy was NO PRIZE: cheat, liar, user, alcoholic and piece of garbage. You need to address your lack of boundaries and why you chose to excuse him, over and over. I suggest you seek therapy to understand why you stayed with this guy.

Did you give him money?

Time will help. Write in a journal. Do a lot of physical activity, to release that pent-up anger and stress.

And more importantly, heed the red flags next time. Know that you can and will learn from this experience, and you'll be better at weeding out the liars in the future.

I just wish I'd been wiser all those years ago. Now I'm 29 and starting all over again when he gets to go back to that pathetic excuse of a marriage. When I broke NC the other day like a fool, he still had the audacity to say but I love u and I want to marry u il leave them all behind and wel get married!

And Holly, yes I did 😣 I have told him I want it back and he says he will. But considering he's never stuck to his word I will have to see how that goes.

I would just take the loss. You don't need to deal with this loser, ever again!

Please block, then delete all of his contact info.

Then he will have got away with EVERYTHING! This way if I pop up just to ask for my money he might get fed up and give it back?

Good God woman! I thought you were "seething!"

Do you really think that a guy that did all of this will come up with the money? You are living in fantasyland! If you are as upset as you say you are, then you would be done!

You need to work on getting your self respect back! Stop looking for excuses to be around him!

I am seething! Even more so that he took money off me. I can't get anything else back but I can try to get my money back.

I don't need excuses to be around him. He is a dog and if I clicked my fingers now I know he'd come running.

I don't want him romantically or in any other way but what I do want is to show him that he didn't get away with all of it!!!!

Actually, he did. And, by you continuing with your pursuit of money, will simply show that you are not over him.

Where do you think he will get this money? I also think that is foolish to believe that he will pay you back.

You need to move on from this. Find your self respect and move on! Stop wasting time on this guy! See this as a hard lesson learned.

Don't be giving men money in the future.

heart, i am so sorry you've been through this. you truly are not alone. most of us have been there at some point.

i understand feeling like he got the upper hand, feeling dis-empowered, trodden upon, and the urge to reverse the seesaw and occupy the position of power. no one can live feeling helplessly and defenselessly ruined by others. the way to get your power back is not in relation to him. it's by reviewing all the red flags you have blinded yourself too, your reasons for doing so, by choosing self-protecting and self-enhancing behaviors in the future, and by choosing to carefully steer all your interpersonal relationships with utmost fairness and mutuality. the moment you are played, disrespected, manipulated, lied to, taken advantage of, walk the other way. you have to consistently, on a daily basis train people how to treat you. it's a sad fact, but also an empowering one- because it means you do have power over how someone treats you. either they play by your rules, or they're out. you'd be surprised how many will simply choose to respect your standards that way.

he won't get off scot-free. mind your own business and take care of yourself with all the fairness and kindness you wanted from others, hold on to the goal of self-preservation like a pitbull on the jugular, and forget everyone and everything else for a while. you'll see him suffocating in the messy web he's woven soon enough. and you won't care.

stay here. vent. cuss him out in off-topic. throw a pity party if you must, but throw an empowerment party whether you feel like it or not. we all have needed it, and will continue to need it, so we get it.

hugs and Xena screams. you're not a weakling. you choose to realize that you are not. even if you have been one, you can choose to be invincible today. you'll get over this like a bulldozer over a mole-hill.

he. is. irrelevant. a small, ruined, lie-entangled sick little manikin. let him deal with his own mess, and don't let a single drop of your energy be wasted on him anymore. it's yours, and you need it now.

@OP, talking about this in loops and obsessively thinking about this is unhealthy. You could post this everyday, but it's not going to help you. I really suggest you seek therapy for this.

I'm sorry to hear this.

I know it sucks to feel like people get away with this type of stuff and when the anger is still fresh it's hard to see that what's important is getting away from the situation and person and not the outcome and consequences of it in their lives. Through out my life I've seeen people doing very cruel things, getting away with it and living apparently well and consequences free. But is it really so? I think that if one has a conscience it's also hard for them, if one doesn't have it then the wonderful things as loving and bonding becomes impossible for them and I don't think that's a happy life.

Regardless of that, dwelling on the anger, what they've done and expecting consequences and revenges will put your life on hold. It doesn't serve you well.

I know this might seem cliché and might not work for everyone, but I'd suggest you to try this at these times of anger. I know that meditation is probably the last thing that one would want to do now but I've done it to let go of people and it helped to calm me and sooth me, even though it was very intense and tearful at times. I felt a huge sense of relief:

(I'm sorry if it's against the rules to post links like this. The channel is not mine)

I wish you the best and that one day you let go of all these painful feelings and leave space to live the life you really want with great, kind, and honest people.

Good luck.

I am seething! Even more so that he took money off me. I can't get anything else back but I can try to get my money back.

I don't need excuses to be around him. He is a dog and if I clicked my fingers now I know he'd come running.

I don't want him romantically or in any other way but what I do want is to show him that he didn't get away with all of it!!!!

I was in a very toxic relationship in which I lent money to him. He never paid me, but there came a time when I had to choose and accept that it was better to totally get away from him than the effort and toxicicity that I'd have to go through again just to have my money back. Sometimes we have to pick our battles. I'd say that if you choose to get the money back anyway, to solve this with a lawyer in a way that you don't have to interact with him again.

Rainy coast and Annia thank you for your kind words and support I really appreciate u. I hope he does suffer but something tells me he's too twisted to suffer otherwise he would have learn something by now! He's selfish and self centred.

@ juju I did go for an initial therapy session yesterday and I realised the strength has to come from within me nowhere else. It is helping me by posting on here because it stops me from texting and venting at him!

I did go for an initial therapy session yesterday and I realised the strength has to come from within me nowhere else. It is helping me by posting on here because it stops me from texting and venting at him!

we're here for ya.

Thank you 😘

I am so sorry that this happened to you heart. This guy did a number on you, that's for sure ... but you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last to fall for a cheat and liar.

The thing is, wherever he is ... whoever he is with (his wife presumably), he won't ever be fulfilled, satisfied or completely happy. People like him never are. So let him stew in his miserable existence that he calls his life. Hopefully one day his wife will work out what a scumbag he is and leave him too .... but that's their business. You focus on YOU. The best feeling of emotional liberation for you will be moving onto a point where you no longer care about this weasle and his whole family's twisted morals.

Remember, one day you can - and will - have much better than the lies you had with this man. He, however, will always be stuck in his life of lies.

The best firm of "revenge" that you can have in a situation like this is to move on from him so that when he comes sniffing around (and I'm sure he will) you can tell him exactly where to go ... and he'll know you mean it.

Forget the money. It's better to cut your losses than to let it hold you back. You'll just have to chalk that up as a valuable lesson learned. Work on getting to a place where you no longer care about this man. You can move on from where you are. He can't.

Rainy coast and Annia thank you for your kind words and support I really appreciate u. I hope he does suffer but something tells me he's too twisted to suffer otherwise he would have learn something by now! He's selfish and self centred.

@ juju I did go for an initial therapy session yesterday and I realised the strength has to come from within me nowhere else. It is helping me by posting on here because it stops me from texting and venting at him!

I'm glad to hear you went through therapy. It is all from within you, that's why it's crucial to try not over think it. Yes, it helps to talk about it, but you talked about it, but it comes to a certain point where you have to realize, it's becoming an obsession. It is what it is, the longer you keep thinking it over and over again in your head the longer it will take you to get over the situation. Your friends and family are sick of hearing about it for a reason, they probably just want what's best for you and know it's starting to be unhealthy for you.

The reason, I keep stressing this is because I've gone through something similar. This guy played me like a fool, I over think it to the point where all my friends and family stayed away from me. Then my dear friend straight up and told me. I need to stop obsessing over it, I have to let it go, it's not healthy and it's not getting me anywhere. I then practice, saying "stop" every time that thought went in my head. With the help of a therapist, I eventually let go. I could say, it felt so good. I know you could do it too.

The thing is, wherever he is ... whoever he is with (his wife presumably), he won't ever be fulfilled, satisfied or completely happy. People like him never are. So let him stew in his miserable existence that he calls his life

 

Remember, one day you can - and will - have much better than the lies you had with this man. He, however, will always be stuck in his life of lies.

 

The best firm of "revenge" that you can have in a situation like this is to move on from him so that when he comes sniffing around (and I'm sure he will) you can tell him exactly where to go ... and he'll know you mean it.

 

You can move on from where you are. He can't.

Your words give me so mch strength blue. You are right he has overshadowed some of life's most cherished experiences by being drunk or hiding and lying. He has no ambition or drive and hopefully he will never get anywhere.

I spent seven years supporting him and trying to help him be a better man but you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves!

I hope I find true happiness and I can't wait for the day I am indifferent to whether he is happy or sad. And let's face it if after the birth of his child, for whatever reason or agenda he may have, he is still asking me to see him and still insisting he loves me and will leave everything for me (in our convo where I pathetically broke NC to vent my anger,) then how happy is he in life!