How long were you with your spouse before you knew you wanted to marry them?

How long were you dating your spouse before you knew you wanted to marry them?

How long were/have you been married?

Did you subsequently divorce/separate?

What hardships and major disagreements have you encountered and how did you overcome them (or not).

Thanks

I wanted to marry my ex bf after a month of being with him (crazy!) where as my ex before I was with for 2 years and it never crossed my mind. But yeh the one I wanted to marry we broke up because he went crazy so now I'm glad we never did. Sorry I didn't really answer your question much!

7 years and I proposed just after we had our first daughter and we have been married just over 4 years now

I've been in a few long term relationships and never wanted to get married. When I met my husband, my mindset changed. I think you just know when you meet the right person for you. Of course, it has taken a few years to get to know him better. The strongest sign is that the more I got to know him, the more I was reassured that he was right for me.

In other words, I was not left wondering like all of my ex's. I never questioned the relationship, although we of course had some disagreements and arguments.

That leads to the answer to another one of your questions. We overcome our disagreements by communicating constructively. Also, respect for one another feelings, needs and wants while communicating.

We are now married for almost 3 years. We dated 2 years when he proposed, got married a year later.

In regards to hardships, I have some major life issues to deal with and my husband has never left my side, even though I gave him the choice to do so. He also held my hands all way through what I would say, the hardest battle I've ever been through. The outcome of the battle (sorry can't really say what it is) is better than expected! I wouldn't have done it without my husband being my cheerleader.

OP, you already made a similar thread that asks the same question.

Is there something we can help you with?

We were together for year and then we got engaged . Four years after that we got married .

I've been in a few long term relationships and never wanted to get married. When I met my husband, my mindset changed. I think you just know when you meet the right person for you. Of course, it has taken a few years to get to know him better. The strongest sign is that the more I got to know him, the more I was reassured that he was right for me.

 

In other words, I was not left wondering like all of my ex's. I never questioned the relationship, although we of course had some disagreements and arguments.

 

That leads to the answer to another one of your questions. We overcome our disagreements by communicating constructively. Also, respect for one another feelings, needs and wants while communicating.

 

We are now married for almost 3 years. We dated 2 years when he proposed, got married a year later.

 

In regards to hardships, I have some major life issues to deal with and my husband has never left my side, even though I gave him the choice to do so. He also held my hands all way through what I would say, the hardest battle I've ever been through. The outcome of the battle (sorry can't really say what it is) is better than expected! I wouldn't have done it without my husband being my cheerleader.

You knew when you met?

OP, you already made a similar thread that asks the same question.

 

 

 

Is there something we can help you with?

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance that it's OK to not know straight away. My best friend is getting married in two months to his partner of over ten years and he told me "you don't know, it's the last bastion before kids" can't say I found that helpful lol. I think I'd be very upset if I found out my partner proposed after 8 years because it was just what you do. I'm sure he has other reasons too (I hope).

Together one year, engaged one year and married a year later.

Not married, but it took me a bit over three years to be 100% confident with it with my current gal. I'll be popping the question next month. It's not that I didn't see a future with her before or didn't want one, but I don't romanticize marriage at all and greatly prefer it to be, at least as much as it can be, more of a formalization than any sort of leap.

I'm also getting real tired of spending $600 a month for health insurance that still has a $1,000 deductible, and she's got a pretty bangin' plan through work. 8)

In any case, perceptions of marriage are extremely variable, particularly in this day and age. To simplify it, there seems to be a sliding scale with romance / faith on one end and pragmatic transition on the other, with those more on the side of the former tending to propose / wed earlier and those weighted toward the latter doing so later. Not sure a census will do you any good.

Dated/Engaged: 3 years before marriage. She would have wanted sooner but I wanted to be sure.

Married: 20 years then divorced. I guess nothing is ever for sure and nothing lasts forever.

Hardships? Disagreements? We divorced. Live and learn.

My boyfriend wants to get married in the future and he told me he knew within just a few months of being together that I was the one he wanted to marry.

Me, I don't want to get married to anyone but I am willing to compromise for him in the future.

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance that it's OK to not know straight away. My best friend is getting married in two months to his partner of over ten years and he told me "you don't know, it's the last bastion before kids" can't say I found that helpful lol. I think I'd be very upset if I found out my partner proposed after 8 years because it was just what you do. I'm sure he has other reasons too (I hope).

Not saying it's a problem - a simple curiosity.

There is no right or straight answer on when it is the best timeframe to marry. You will get different answers here depending on the person, the couple, and circumstances.

No offense to some posters here... But if you aren't married, then why respond?

Anyway, You write your own story. Don't let others write it for you.

 

No offense to some posters here... But if you aren't married, then why respond?

 

Anyway, You write your own story. Don't let others write it for you.

 

I am not married but I responded because my experience has been pretty opposite of many women: I would prefer not to get married at all, personally.

 

I think there is an idea that women are the ones who want marriage and push for it while men typically do not or are a little more "meh" about the idea. It's important to show that this is not always the case and that it is okay to deviate from the norm.

I am not married but I responded because my experience has been pretty opposite of many women: I would prefer not to get married at all, personally.

 

I think there is an idea that women are the ones who want marriage and push for it while men typically do not or are a little more "meh" about the idea. It's important to show that this is not always the case and that it is okay to deviate from the norm.

Ok, that makes more sense then! Thank you for clarifying.

I am not married but I responded because my experience has been pretty opposite of many women: I would prefer not to get married at all, personally.

 

I think there is an idea that women are the ones who want marriage and push for it while men typically do not or are a little more "meh" about the idea. It's important to show that this is not always the case and that it is okay to deviate from the norm.

Yes I deviate from the norm, getting married is important to my partner but I'm somewhat indifferent. If I never marry I don't feel I'd be terribly disappointed, however I would not date indefinitely, if I met somebody I could see myself being with for good I would be inspired to marry them and distinguish that relationship from all the prior relationships where I didn't see it going anywhere.

I have wanted a proposal from one in particular, but I've only been able to picture marrying my hubby. We dated 14 years ago prior to reuniting. After that, we knew within a few months we wanted to get hitched. We set our date 9 months after dating. Happily married for 6 years now with two kids. But keep in mind, we weren't spring chickens when we did get married, and knew what we wanted in life and what we wanted in a partner. Marriage is super easy when you are on the same page or at least in the same chapter. If you reading different books, ugh, no matter how much in love or how long you've dated, it's a no-win situation there (how you spend your leisure, religion, finances, kids).

Thanks for your replies everyone.

My partner is 9 years older than me, had same job and lived in same house for 17 years and now wants to settle down and get married.

I'm yet to finish university (still work full time) and own my own home. I would like to get married but it likely won't be this decade. I won't feel unfulfilled if I don't get married but I would love to foster and adopt an older sibling group and I would rather be married to do that than be single.

Thanks to my ex I have a very clear idea of what I don't want from a relationship, I also have very clear ideas of what the basic requirements are from a potential husband due to my very niche desires for the future.

I feel I'm lacking a clear idea of what I want from a husband overall since I've never given it much thought. And I have no real idea of what I ought to be as a wife.

Do you think it would help to write a list of what I want from a spouse to make a comparison? I'm just very conscious that my partner doesn't want to date for 3 years and be told it's going nowhere.

Sorry last post should have said yet to own my own home!

I'm surprised no one has responded to your last post.

Focus on finishing school. I strongly, highly suggest waiting until you get your degree than marrying while you are in school. I wished I had waited even though I tied the knot after dating my husband for 10 years. I married while in graduate school... BIG MISTAKE. I did not enjoy wedding planning at all and having to deal with family pressure on what kind of wedding to have (eloping and having the celebration later vs. "big" Catholic wedding). I was incredibly happy the party was OVER. I was too overwhelmed in getting a 4.0 and work a part-time job to secure a career before graduation than to dress shop, pick floral arrangements, food taste test, etc. And then after the party, I just wanted to relax and ENJOY being a wife... Can't when I had group projects, a research dissertation, and unpaid internships. I had too much on my plate, was so stressed out that I had to be on anti-anxiety meds to handle it all... Just a F'ing mess all around.

Your first year of marriage will be one of the most challenging aspects of your life. Even when I was dating long term, it did not 100% prepare me. My husband and I had fights (and again, it didn't help that I was still in school and we were living with my parents until I finished). There were times I thought "Wow, F me blind sighted! This was a mistake!" We couldn't get up and leave or stop talking to each other for a couple of days for things to cool down because we shared the same sleeping arrangements.

Things got 10x better when I finished school and I finally got the job I worked so hard for.

I feel I'm lacking a clear idea of what I want from a husband overall since I've never given it much thought. And I have no real idea of what I ought to be as a wife.

Don't overthink this one. Seriously, just go with the flow and have open communication. I do recommend reading a book that discusses needs in a marriage.. It's called His Needs, Her Needs. Even if you aren't married, it's wor a look to understand how needs of men and women are different and how to maintain a happy marriage.

You knew when you met?

Not the very first day we met, although the very first day we met, we had a great time together. Pretty much just chatting, but it was very natural. From there, I knew we connected at some level. It's as I got to know him better is when my mind has changed about marriage. I'm talking like a year or so into the relationship. We took things as it goes, never questioned it or wondering or any pressuring involved. It was pretty smooth, we became not only bf/gf but best friends. To sum it up, I was comfortable with him from day 1 and was able to be myself.

I knew the second I met my husband I was going to marry him I heard a voice in my head that told me so . Kind of hokey and crazy but it's true . Now of course we had to develop the relationship to that point .

Well it will be a year since our first meeting (date) in 5 days and I still don't know. I'm still very much assessing him in relation to my goals for the future to see how he measures up. He has many qualities that I love but he has some that might be deal breakers.

I'm still trying to figure that out I suppose. I'm trying to spend time with him in contexts that will help me see how our future might look and if my concerns are correct. I don't want to make the wrong choice, I would rather be alone all my life than that.

Put away your micro-measuring tape and take out your yard stick.

There are no perfect men/husbands.

It's not about racking up time with him.

To be a great wife and married well, you had to know him long before you met him.

You are in no better shape than he is.

The marriage makes two into one, and only then whole.

Well it will be a year since our first meeting (date) in 5 days and I still don't know. I'm still very much assessing him in relation to my goals for the future to see how he measures up. He has many qualities that I love but he has some that might be deal breakers.

 

I'm still trying to figure that out I suppose. I'm trying to spend time with him in contexts that will help me see how our future might look and if my concerns are correct. I don't want to make the wrong choice, I would rather be alone all my life than that.

I can tell you that this kind of thread/your question is not going to answer your concerns about your own relationship. You need to stop beating around the bush and find the problem in YOUR relationship, not what everyone else had. Comparing your relationship to others is not going to lead you the road to happiness within your own partnership with someone else.

It sounds like you don't really know what to expect or want in a relationship. In addition, one year of dating is WAYYY too soon to look at marriage. People who get married too soon before getting to know each other have a high probability of divorcing because they either:

1. Choose to ignore the deal breakers and think it can be changed.

2. Haven't realized the deal breakers until later on in the relationship.

Ok, red flags. What are they? How tolerable are they? Are they not tolerable?