Living Situation Dilemma

Hi everyone,

So... I recently broke up with my boyfriend and moved back to our/my home state. If you want more backstory on this, I have made a previous post on it that you can take a look at. This break up is completely traumatic for me and I'm not exactly dealing with it well. But anyway, everyone was so helpful on my previous post and now I have something else I'm seeking advice on.

I am 28 years old, and when I moved back to my home state (which I only moved back here March 14) after the break up, I moved back in with my mom - which is currently where I am residing.

I have a good paying job, and found a really nice apartment in a neighborhood I've always liked. I have the apartment secured on a holding deposit currently, and all that there is left to do to finalize things is sign the lease. They are giving me a good deal, too - dropping the rent from 1700 to 1500/month, among a few other of perks.

So, here's my dilemma... it's a two part dilemma, and each part is weighing equally on me. First, I feel maybe I am making "fast decisions" on my living situation. I'm just coming off a BIG decision/life change (leaving my boyfriend, moving back to home state) and am thinking maybe I shouldn't rush into another BIG decision by signing a lease at a new place right off the bat. From an emotional standpoint, maybe it's good for me to be here for awhile to be around my mom and brother during this trying time in my life. (My mom is happy to have me here and we have a great relationship so there is not an issue of her trying to push me out or anything like that). But at the same time, maybe staying here is ultimately hindering my personal growth - the feeling of "moving back in with mom" isn't exactly something that gives me a sense of independence.

The other portion of this dilemma is the money factor. My salary can afford me the 1500/month, but it doesn't particularly allow a lot of room for saving (I do have a current very decent savings- but I would like to save more and get my car paid off). My mom has proposed charging me 500/month should I choose to want to stay here for awhile. That's obviously a HUGE difference from a financial perspective over the course of a year and even over the course of a month! I mean, with this new apartment I am looking at 18k/year on rent vs. 6k/year staying w/ mom. And just for a reference point, when I was living with my ex I was spending roughly 8k/year on rent. So it's a pretty huge jump looking at basically 10k more per year in JUST in the rent pool in comparison to what I have been paying - and even more when I compare that 18k/year to 6k/year figure. These figures also do not include utilities (living at my mom's she would not be charging me utilities, either).

What does everyone think about this situation?

I say, stay with mom and save for a downpayment for a home, and pay off your loan.

Sorry, no brainer there for me. Stay with your mother, pay off the loan/car and get yourself set up before moving out again.

As for hindering your personal growth, I actually think moving back in with you mum will actually help to grow your independance. You are not a child, and I doubt you mother will limit what you will do,, so you will be learning to be independant in a place where you were previously not. It will be a learning experience in of itself and there is nothing wrong with it. You are also still young and have plenty of time to move out again.

Plus, you will need your family with you for those down times and while you set up your life again in the new place. You may even be helping your mother out by living there. 500 bucks a month is 500 bucks a month!

What's the rush and this is what family is for. I spent 6 months living with my folks last year and I'm 45!

So what's the dilemma? Personally, I can't stand living at home for extended amounts of time. Love my mom, but it ain't happening. Sanity would dictate I move out and the earliest sensible convenience, even if I wasn't able to save an additional $12k.

But if living at home for a year is tolerable or even therapeutic for you, it sounds like your mom has a plan for you to chip in so that you're not exhausting your welcome. I say go for it. Only limiting factor I can think of would be dating, but given you're pretty fresh out, some time off would probably be for the better anyhow.