Her heart says yes but her mind says no

well basically i've been texting this girl from work for the last 3 months, texting every morning, saying goodnight every night, equally starting the conversations, the only problem is that she's 16, 17 soon and i've just turned 25. she was bothered about the age at first but she's not bothered anymore, she goes to uni in 18 months and does not want take 18 months from my life. i've told her that i don't mind i will deal with that when we get there. we both really like each other, we hug and love being with each other. apart from the other night when we was texting she said that she doesn't know how she feels about me. she thinks that there is many things against us, she would never forgive her self for taking 18 months away from me. she said she didn't want to lose me. but she doesn't want to mess me around. she told me she cried at the thought of not having me. she told me she thinks we met too soon. then she said maybe we should take some time and space, she asked to give her a week. she said i'm ready for something she's not. she thinks she had broken her own heart. she said she isn't ready for a certain level of commitment, she tells me songs that remind her of me. she told me she never wanted for me to let go and i questioned her and she said, there is a difference between what she wants and what she needs. i asked her if we can carry on talking, she said its too hard because all she wants to do is spent time with me. she said she might feel different in a couple of days.

well we have word together at the weekend so i told her i will text her then to reassure her that things will not be weird.

all i can think about today is her, it's hard from when you've been messaging morning until night not to text. i've been thinking just a little message wont hurt, but i've been reading loads of stuff and they recommend not too, just respect her wishes. i ask her what happens if i wish you goodnight tomorrow night which is today, the first day of not talking. she said we will cross that bridge when we come to it. so what do i do message her tonight or not, leave it until the weekend, or am i just following a lost cause. is she just trying to let me down easy ?

the last thing she said to me was she i love you. im so confused and cant stop thinking about her. i presume she's the same. half of me thinks she just needs time to think the other half thinks if she thinks too much i could never change her mind.

so what do i do ?

Leave her alone. You know you can head jail, right? What could you possibly have in common with a 16-year-old ?

"Her heart says yes but her mind says no"

It means that she knows it's wrong, even if it's something she wants.

Being in a relationship with this girl is only going to cause you trouble. It's also illegal.

It sounds like she's too young for a relationship and may still be a virgin and doesn't want to be pushed into anything.

She seems also to see you as more of a friend and is alluding to the fact that she's leaving for uni and doesn't want to string you along.

It would be best to respect her boundaries. Perhaps her parents are concerned she's texting a guy at work who is almost 10 years older.

This could get you in trouble legally or at work. What if her parents come across these texts from you to a minor? from work for the last 3 months.the only problem is that she's 16 and i've just turned 25.

she doesn't know how she feels about me.

she said maybe we should take some time and space

she said i'm ready for something she's not.

she said we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

My goodness, she is way too young for you. She is a teenager. Almost a child. Maybe this sounds judgemental, but this is icky. I can't at all understand why you would be interested in someone of that age.

Her mind is telling her this is wrong, even if her other parts find this exciting. Please walk away!! you don't have to have sex with her to get arrested or charged with anything, you know? You could be accused of coercing a minor with intent. End this and block contact.

I had a boyfriend who was 27 when I was 17, and a boyfriend who was 31 when I was 18. I was in an 8 year relationship with my ex who is the same age as me, and now I'm in a relationship with someone almost 20 years older than me.

Age is just a number, I don't see what's icky about a 17 year old being with a 25 year old. I might have some issues in my life occasionally as we all do, but generally I'm a grounded grown up individual and don't feel that I'm weird and don't regret any of my relationships.

What matters is whether she feels comfortable with it, it sounds like she's having some doubts so I would give her space to figure out what she wants. I don't know what the age of consent is where you are so to be clear I am not encouraging you to do something illegal, and it highly depends on the sexual and emotional maturity and availability of each person - what I'm saying is that I have been there - and with the risk of having everyone else on this forum chase me down with torches and pitchforks - I don't see anything weird or gross about this age gap as long as the previous conditions are fulfilled.

thank you for you comment, in the uk the legal age is 16, you said give her space, but for how long ? i did say i might message tonight saying goodnight, but i'm not sure if i should. what is your opinion on that??

I had a boyfriend who was 27 when I was 17, and a boyfriend who was 31 when I was 18. I was in an 8 year relationship with my ex who is the same age as me, and now I'm in a relationship with someone almost 20 years older than me.

Age is just a number, I don't see what's icky about a 17 year old being with a 25 year old. I might have some issues in my life occasionally as we all do, but generally I'm a grounded grown up individual and don't feel that I'm weird and don't regret any of my relationships.

 

What matters is whether she feels comfortable with it, it sounds like she's having some doubts so I would give her space to figure out what she wants. I don't know what the age of consent is where you are so to be clear I am not encouraging you to do something illegal, and it highly depends on the sexual and emotional maturity and availability of each person - what I'm saying is that I have been there - and with the risk of having everyone else on this forum chase me down with torches and pitchforks - I don't see anything weird or gross about this age gap as long as the previous conditions are fulfilled.

But don't you see something icky when the girl in question is 15 and a high school student? I certainly do. Its well beyond the "four year allowance" in cases that are deemed "Romeo and Juliet cases. They might not prosecute if she was 17 and already graduated from high school if she entered early and he was 20 and the parents approved - that could be a legit relationship possibly depending on the people and circumstances - but a 15 year old CHILD?? He is TEN years older than her!

he should NOT text her to say "good night" - he should end this inappropriate communication and find a woman he can legally date with no fear. If down the road when she has graduated from school, came into her own as a woman and they ran into eachother again, etc... but he really needs to cut ties right now. bad, bad idea

Wrong post.................................................

It's best you let her do her. You're at two totally different spots in your life. Let her go to school and find herself. Let her experience all there is to experience. Then you can find someone your own age to settle down with. She isn't ready for that.