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Thread: My mother tries to control and dictate my parenting and tries to parent my son

  1. #1
    kparrow12
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    My mother tries to control and dictate my parenting and tries to parent my son

    My mother has always been a very controlling individual. Growing up she was always in control of everything. Very strict. Very dictative towards everyone, husband, boyfriends, kids, parents, siblings. Everything had to be her way and if it wasn't she would FLIP out. She's still like that. She will FLIP her lid if someone tries to put her in her place or tell her she's wrong about something. I've never heard that woman say sorry for anything in the 23 years I've been alive. Never not once. She doesn't know boundaries. I have a 2 year old son and I understand the difference between being a smothering push over grandmother. But she will literally tell me how to parent my son. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. What I need to do better. Bought me parenting books. Tells me I'm a bad mom. Tells me because I put my son in time out that I neglect him and cps can be called on me for over disciplining him. I have never hit my son I do not believe in hitting children for discipline. I do put my son in time out, I have put a dab of hot sauce on his tongue for swearing, I have taken toys away and given him no tv. My mother continues to tell me how to be a mom and it is driving me INSANE. I currently live with her so it's almost unbearable! It's always "you're gonna give him a bath right?" "I think you should take him to the doctors" "did he eat dinner?" Just stupid no brainer questions like I'm some kind of moron and haven't raised him for 2 years already. What on earth do I do? Any time I tell her she's over stepping she FLIPS out like OFF the walls and calls everyone crazy. I don't even know what else to do. It's the most aggravating thing in the entire world to me. The list goes on with the amount of overstepping she does...ugh.

  2. #2
    boltnrun
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    You're engaged, right? So that means you will be moving out of your mother's home very soon, correct?

    Your mother probably will never change. So, I would just continue to parent as you see fit until you move out for good. Let her throw her fits. Ironically, she's probably acting more immature than your two year old!

  3. #3
    ~Seraphim ~
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    The answer ideally is to move. I have to ask though how a two-year-old knows how to swear ? They do tell you ideally just not respond because obviously they're doing it for a response . Since they don't know what those words mean it is just for a response . Ideally a two-year-old should only have two minutes of time out of any kind of grounding otherwise it becomes ineffective because the time factor becomes too long . Never make the discipline factor longer than the person can comprehend .

  4. #4
    kparrow12
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    Quote Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~ [Register to see the link]
    The answer ideally is to move. I have to ask though how a two-year-old knows how to swear ? They do tell you ideally just not respond because obviously they're doing it for a response . Since they don't know what those words mean it is just for a response . Ideally a two-year-old should only have two minutes of time out of any kind of grounding otherwise it becomes ineffective because the time factor becomes too long . Never make the discipline factor longer than the person can comprehend .
    Because at his dad's house he has no rules so he comes home every other weekend with something new he's never said or done.

  5. #5
    ~Seraphim ~
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    I would ignore the swearing. No response no fun out of that .

  6. #6
    melancholy123
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    You move out, that's the first step. You can also just say thanks mom, to whatever she says, and then carry on as you planned. Dont get into an argument with her. Try to not let her bait you. She isn't going to change and you know that.

  7. #7
    j.man
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    Honestly, some of your techniques legit are pretty crap. A two-year old can't comprehend the idea behind a time-out, which isn't meant to be for disciplinary purposes anyhow. It's meant to be employed constructively, as a tool to help them develop self-soothing techniques. Additionally, he is not going to know what a curse word is. So not only is hot saucing his tongue abusive (even if mildly so), but it's unnecessary as well. I mean do you plan on starting with the cold showers once he turns 3?

    Especially considering the fact his father's home is, according to you, pretty devoid of rules or structure, you can imagine how much more of a loop it throws this kid through when he goes from uncontrolled environment to excessively punitive.

    You need to empathize a bit and realize your kid's not even as intelligent as a dog right now. All he knows is that mommy makes his tongue sting when he's simply making a fun sound, sticks him in a corner, and takes away his toys. There's no rhyme or reason in his mind yet. Take it easy and take your mother up on her offer to read some books. And, actually, she might be happy to watch him if you can take some very basic level early childhood development classes at your local community college.

    I do think she's being incredibly hyperbolic with the whole CPS angle, but I can't say she's completely wrong about everything.
    Last edited by j.man; 04-11-2017 at 04:05 AM.

  8. #8
    kparrow12
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    Quote Originally Posted by j.man [Register to see the link]
    Honestly, some of your techniques legit are pretty crap. A two-year old can't comprehend the idea behind a time-out, which isn't meant to be for disciplinary purposes anyhow. It's meant to be employed constructively, as a tool to help them develop self-soothing techniques. Additionally, he is not going to know what a curse word is. So not only is hot saucing his tongue abusive (even if mildly so), but it's unnecessary as well. I mean do you plan on starting with the cold showers once he turns 3?

    Especially considering the fact his father's home is, according to you, pretty devoid of rules or structure, you can imagine how much more of a loop it throws this kid through when he goes from uncontrolled environment to excessively punitive.

    You need to empathize a bit and realize your kid's not even as intelligent as a dog right now. All he knows is that mommy makes his tongue sting when he's simply making a fun sound, sticks him in a corner, and takes away his toys. There's no rhyme or reason in his mind yet. Take it easy and take your mother up on her offer to read some books. And, actually, she might be happy to watch him if you can take some very basic level early childhood development classes at your local community college.

    I do think she's being incredibly hyperbolic with the whole CPS angle, but I can't say she's completely wrong about everything.
    I appreciate your parenting advice although my post was nothing about my parenting it was about my mother, however my son is a VERY intelligent child. He speaks fluently. He knows right from wrong. And he DOES know how to use swear words in the right sense. He knows how to use any word in the right sense. All of which he learned from his fathers house where like I said there are no rules. And furthermore I do not care if my child is 2 or 22 if he's doing something wrong I'm not going to look the other way. That does nothing in my opinion but show them it's okay to do whatever they're doing. While co parenting is in fact very tough, the rules at each parents house are going to be different and in my house, swearing isn't tolerated. I have rules. That's why my kid knows the word respect. That's why I can take my son in public and not have to worry he's going to embarrass me. My son is not by any means bad or out of control he's very well behaved and that's what he's learned in my house, from me. My post was directed at my mother butting into my business and trying to take control of any situation in my life which is what caused me to post the frustrated post that I did. Not my son...

  9. #9
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Then the choice is to move out and not have her babysit.

  10. #10
    Wiseman2
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    She is nagging you and you are taking it out on him with your discipline, which is really for your enjoyment, not to teach him anything. It sounds like the abuse is just being passed from one generation to the next as it often is. Even if it's prominently emotional abuse.

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