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Thread: I want to end my life so I can "start over"

  1. #1
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    I want to end my life so I can "start over"

    I've ruined my life by listening to my family instead of doing what I wanted to do. I have a Master's degree in Fine Arts that is totally useless. As soon as I set foot on that college campus, I knew this path was not right for me but my family encouraged me to stick with it. I ended up doing so poorly in my classes that many times my professors advised me to choose another career. It took me 8 years (yes EIGHT) to finally get my Master's. Of course, I cannot get a job in my field no matter how hard I try. For the last 12 years I've been working in retail and I absolutely HATE it! Even though I constantly apply, I haven't moved passed being a Sales Associate, I'm tired of dealing with rude customers who look down on me, and the pay is miserable. My family just keeps telling me "Things have to get better eventually." But after 12 years, things just steadily got worse.

    For 12 over years I've been applying to jobs outside of my field but that's not working either. I was a school teacher for a little while but dealing with students only increased my depression. I've done volunteer work, internships, took online courses, had my resume professionally looked over, attended hiring workshops, but none of them had gotten me anywhere. Through a friend, I did get a job doing office work but I was fired 6 months later after it was obvious that I couldn't handle the work load (I have adult ADD and dyslexia and while I am getting treatment, dealing with numbers and dates is a constant struggle.) I feel I've reached my limit. I'm not married, I have no kids, a mountain of student loan debt, and living in the most horrible and filthy part of town. I really want a family but at 35 I feel I'm getting too old and I don't even have a boyfriend. Not a night goes by that I don't hope someone breaks into my house and puts me out of my misery. I feel reaching out is my last hope before I just end it all and get it over with. What if there is such thing as being "reborn" after death? At this point of my life, what can I do to get out of retail and into a more professional career?

    Keep in mind that I still do volunteer work, I am in therapy and on medication, I can't afford to go back to school, and I have no family nearby.
    And PLEASE don't tell me stuff like "Just pray and it will happen" or "Keep your head up and things will get better."
    I've been hearing this for over 12 years and there is no rule that things have to get better. Sitting around waiting for opportunity to fall in my lap is something I have no desire to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What did you want to go to school for? What's your passion?

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    As asked above, what is it you would like to do with your life? If money etc wasn't an issue, what kind of a career would you like to be pursuing?
    Also what kind of volunteer work have you been doing?
    I know a few people in a similar situation to yourself. One friend of mine is incredibly intelligent, has a first class honours in her masters and yet has spent the past 4 years in admin job that she despises. It's so difficult, working years towards something only for it to appear to be completely useless.. it's extremely disheartening. There are always opportunities though, you just have to know what you wanna do and where to find them
    Last edited by maccerz; 04-10-2017 at 09:46 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I too would like to know what type of job or career you'd like to have. Have you ever considered self employment? My husband and I have been self employed for 22 years and would never want to work for someone else again.

    Have you tried career counselling?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Trinity11's Avatar
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    Hey I am 35 and I feel you. I too have a art degree, mine was more from lack of guidance but I didn't want to do it either (the degree was great but not the career path)
    Retail does suck.

    You have done so much study...have you done much travel? If the answer is no, believe me it's not too late! I started travelling at 30 and I live overseas. One thing I discovered is meeting lots of different people outside my normal environment. You learn about their careers, ones you have never heard of, discover passions you didn't have before and find the bravery to try new things.

    I am not 100% on what I want to do, I never had a dream job. But I've narrowed it down. And guess what, after many years I'm back at school trying a few single classes out online. My degree allowed me to get in and will make further study easier as it will be only a couple of years depending on the course.
    Head up, many people feel the way you do. You don't have to start over. Just take a BIG step sideways. ;-)

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    What if there is such thing as being "reborn" after death?
    Well if there is, I haven't reconnected with my brother who chose to take his life 18 years ago.

    I'm not trying to minimize your pain, nor am I trying to downplay your feelings of hopelessness, but have you tried joining support groups, meetup, etc?

    Either way, I hope you find your way, and wish you the very best.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    The Smithsonian Institute is looking for people with master's degrees in art. I found a few positions there. Made me think of you.

    I would look into getting a job at a museum. Start volunteering a couple hours while working part time to get your foot in the door.

    Have you thought about joining the Peace Corp? They LOVE artists and your loans get deferred too! Excellent way of networking a career.

  9. #8
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    Go to college and do a trade or apprenticeship or you can join the military. When my fiance was in basic there was a 42 year old mom and a 53 year old Asian lady who could barely speak English and they both got through. I suggest 2 years of electrical engineering technology or 6 months to 1 year of plumbing (plumbing will have you working with some funny dudes that's for sure)

  10. #9
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    I'm sorry you are going thru this. I also ask what do you actually enjoy or more better what are you good at? It doesn't have to be something you love to do but hay if it can make $$$. I went to scool a long time ago I can't even think of going back. I've always thought unless you have a clear mindset of what you want to do then it's not of great use. For me trade school would have been better. College didn't help me unfortunately just gave me another bill. Don't know where you live but what about government work? Or teaching? Besides the work. Personal stuff can change rather fast. So I wouldn't give up hope with that I'm not. Good luck

  11. #10
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    Hi,

    I'm sorry you are feeling hopeless. Just take a deep breath and think outside of yourself for a moment and realize you really aren't hopeless, not even close! You are still young at 35, are you where you thought you would be In life? No. That doesn't mean your story can't begin now.

    Find something you are passionate about that you can utilize with the degree. Have you thought of Graphic Design?

    Lisa

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