Helicopter mom

I have an extremely overprotective helicopter mother. The rules she makes me follow are downright ridiculous. For the record I'm fourteen years old. The worst rule I have is that I'm not allowed to go anywhere by myself. Not even school. My mother or my grandmother literally walk with me or drive me everywhere. Another thing is how much my mother tries to shield me from any kind of media. I'm almost never allowed to watch any TV shows or movies. Earlier this year was actually the first time my mother let me watch a PG13 movie. Outside of birthday parties or holiday parties, I'm almost never allowed to hang out with my friends. Another annoying thing is that I'm never allowed to wear makeup. My mother also picks out most of my clothes, she rarely lets me pick something out, but sometimes she lets me choose from a few options she's already picked out. One thing my mother is obsessed with is always filling up my free time with all sorts of activities. There isn't a single day when I don't have something after school, and on weekends she makes me go to tutoring.

In the winter my mother always forces me wear way too much winter clothes because she thinks I'm prone to getting sick. I have to wear this giant Swedish parka that is extremely thick and heavy. Under the parka I have to wear a long down coat. My mother also forces me to wear snowpants and huge winter boots. The worst part of this is way my mother wraps up my head because according to her that's where you lose all your heat from. She makes me wear a really thick hat with ear flaps, a scarf wrapped around my face, my coat's hood up over that, my Swedish parka's big fur lined hood up over the first one, and another scarf wrapped over the hoods. This is how I have to dress when I go to school or anywhere else in the winter. So there you have it, thanks to my helicopter mother I'm pretty much the most sheltered fourteen year old ever. The day I move out can't come soon enough.

Whereabouts do you live that she feels she needs to walk you to school ? Is it a place that's a little bit sketchy or dodgy? I think you're probably ready to decide what clothes you wear most 3-year-olds pick out what they wear, well except for outerwear . But at 14 years old you're probably plenty old enough to decide if you want to wear a coat or freeze .

She sounds like she wants to do the best for you but doesn't realize that she is smothering at the same time.

Whereabouts do you live that she feels she needs to walk you to school ? Is it a place that's a little bit sketchy or dodgy? I think you're probably ready to decide what clothes you wear most 3-year-olds pick out what they wear, well except for outerwear . But at 14 years old you're probably plenty old enough to decide if you want to wear a coat or freeze .

 

She sounds like she wants to do the best for you but doesn't realize that she is smothering at the same time.

I live in Canada, not in a bad neighborhood or anything my mother is just crazy overprotective. And I wish I could pick out what I wear. Honestly the outerwear is the worst part, it's above freezing and I still have to wear snow pants, winter boots, a warm winter coat, and a massive parka. I sweat so much from wearing so many layers that I actually smell bad when I get to school. The scarf that's wrapped around my face is literally moist from all my sweat and even my hair is gets wet. I get that she's trying to protect me but she's way too strict.

I live in Canada, not in a bad neighborhood or anything my mother is just crazy overprotective. And I wish I could pick out what I wear. Honestly the outerwear is the worst part, it's above freezing and I still have to wear snow pants, winter boots, a warm winter coat, and a massive parka. I sweat so much from wearing so many layers that I actually smell bad when I get to school. The scarf that's wrapped around my face is literally moist from all my sweat and even my hair is gets wet. I get that she's trying to protect me but she's way too strict.

I live in Canada too. I feel bad for you. Most areas are getting warm now . Is there anyway you can talk to a school counsellor and see if they can discuss things with your mom ?

I live in Canada too. I feel bad for you. Most areas are getting warm now . Is there anyway you can talk to a school counsellor and see if they can discuss things with your mom ?

It wasn't too cold this morning, I was sweltering in all my winter gear. And if I did that I honestly think it would just make it worse.

Well, she physically can't make you wear it. Just say, I know you disagree mom but it is Spring and I am wearing a Spring coat. Viruses make you sick not the cold . So not wearing your winter coat is not going to make you sick . Explain to her that viruses cause illness not not wearing your winter coat in the spring time .

Well, she physically can't make you wear it. Just say, I know you disagree mom but it is Spring and I am wearing a Spring coat. Viruses make you sick not the cold . So not wearing your winter coat is not going to make you sick . Explain to her that viruses cause illness not not wearing your winter coat in the spring time .

If I tried that she would just force me to. Hopefully with the weather getting warmer I'll be able to wear just one coat and no snow pants. I know that cold weather can't get you sick, but my mother doesn't believe that.

So here is what I suggest. School counselor -sure. But, get a part time job starting now - babysitting or something like that. Save your money. Look into becoming an emancipated minor and look into moving out on your own at 16 (as long as you can still finish high school, apply to college, etc.). She does sound overprotective and she probably also means well.

Ask to see a therapist by yourself. Tell your teachers or school about this. Your mother has serious problems treating you as a grade school kid and can't let go. Is she unhappily married? Or no job? No life?

So here is what I suggest. School counselor -sure. But, get a part time job starting now - babysitting or something like that. Save your money. Look into becoming an emancipated minor and look into moving out on your own at 16 (as long as you can still finish high school, apply to college, etc.). She does sound overprotective and she probably also means well.

I think that's a little extreme, I don't hate her or anything.

Ask to see a therapist by yourself. Tell your teachers or school about this. Your mother has serious problems treating you as a grade school kid and can't let go. Is she unhappily married? Or no job? No life?

She was unhappily married but she's divorced now. She has a job but I don't think she likes it. I don't think it would help if I did that, in the end she'll just get upset that I did that.

I did not wear makeup until 16. Even then, i went overboard at first and then went back to not wearing so much except for special occasions. I think its not unreasonable for a parent to not allow a daughter to wear makeup outside maybe tinted gloss or beyond a very specific occasion. I could paint my nails as a kid if i wanted to but didn't much. My cousin's girl can truly pass for 22 when she is all made up - she is tall, which also causes her to appear older. Guys do come up and talk to her at concerts, the mall, etc, and its not really their fault because she is 5'10" and truly DOES look over 21, especially when she is wearing regular jeans and a simple sweater or shirt and nothing with disney characters, etc, on it. She is your age. So makeup to me is a battle that i wouldn't fight.

As far as not letting you spend time with your friends? Are your friends a positive influence? Letting a bunch of kids just hang out at a house with no parents home was a recipe for trouble when i was younger - it was usually a recipe for getting into things one shouldn't or bullying - ie, 3 girls hang out and they make an "odd man out"

I would understand that your mom is just trying to "care" even if she is being smothering and try more freedom by joining up in after school events like committees and clubs - where you can be with other friends and classmates without just hanging out at home.

Have you ever done anything untrustworthy or has something happened to another family member to cause her to do this?

She was unhappily married but she's divorced now. She has a job but I don't think she likes it. I don't think it would help if I did that, in the end she'll just get upset that I did that.

Can you live with your dad?

Depending on where you are in Canada you can go to court at 12 and tell them which parent you want to live with .

She is living vicariously through you and her dependency on controlling you is unhealthy. Talk to school counselors. Start planning on going away to college. Don't tell her talk to your favorite teachers. Get involved in school stuff. Study groups clubs sports organizations.

Start asserting yourself in a reasonable way. Not whining about friends but use leverage. Explain that you are a good student and need to get involved socially at school. Stunting your mental and social growth is very unhealthy.

She was unhappily married but she's divorced now. She has a job but I don't think she likes it.

I did not wear makeup until 16. Even then, i went overboard at first and then went back to not wearing so much except for special occasions. I think its not unreasonable for a parent to not allow a daughter to wear makeup outside maybe tinted gloss or beyond a very specific occasion. I could paint my nails as a kid if i wanted to but didn't much. My cousin's girl can truly pass for 22 when she is all made up - she is tall, which also causes her to appear older. Guys do come up and talk to her at concerts, the mall, etc, and its not really their fault because she is 5'10" and truly DOES look over 21, especially when she is wearing regular jeans and a simple sweater or shirt and nothing with disney characters, etc, on it. She is your age. So makeup to me is a battle that i wouldn't fight.

 

As far as not letting you spend time with your friends? Are your friends a positive influence? Letting a bunch of kids just hang out at a house with no parents home was a recipe for trouble when i was younger - it was usually a recipe for getting into things one shouldn't or bullying - ie, 3 girls hang out and they make an "odd man out"

 

I would understand that your mom is just trying to "care" even if she is being smothering and try more freedom by joining up in after school events like committees and clubs - where you can be with other friends and classmates without just hanging out at home.

 

Have you ever done anything untrustworthy or has something happened to another family member to cause her to do this?

All of my friends at school are allowed to wear make up, so I don't really see what the big deal there is.

My mother does think that my friends negatively influence me but she literally has no examples to back that up.

And I have a cousin that got involved in gangs and got arrested so that probably plays a role in this.

Can you live with your dad?

He doesn't even live in the same country as us. Plus I haven't seen him in years.

Depending on where you are in Canada you can go to court at 12 and tell them which parent you want to live with .

My dad doesn't even live in Canada. We moved here after the divorce.

She is living vicariously through you and her dependency on controlling you is unhealthy. Talk to school counselors. Start planning on going away to college. Don't tell her talk to your favorite teachers. Get involved in school stuff. Study groups clubs sports organizations.

 

Start asserting yourself in a reasonable way. Not whining about friends but use leverage. Explain that you are a good student and need to get involved socially at school. Stunting your mental and social growth is very unhealthy.

I actually can't wait till college. My mother is focused on trying to get me to a good one. Only 4 and half more years...

I actually can't wait till college. My mother is focused on trying to get me to a good one. Only 4 and half more years...

Are you going to university or college . Those are completely different in Canada .

Are you going to university or college . Those are completely different in Canada .

I don't know if I'm going to stay in Canada after school. I'm from the United States so I've been hoping to go back there.

I don't know if I'm going to stay in Canada after school. I'm from the United States so I've been hoping to go back there.

Oh ,OK because university in Canada is a more intellectual pursuit and college is a more trade pursuit. In Canada college does not mean university .