Is this going to work out?

Hello everyone. I am currently in a relationship and want some input and see if you guys think this will work out. I really love this boy, but sometimes I get a feeling in my gut that this is going to crash and burn..

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and Im currently on medication. My boyfriend has severe depression and has ADHD, which he is only medicated for the ADHD. We've both been to the hospital due to attempted suicide (awhile ago), so we kind of understand each other. He helps me, and I help him.

HERES THE THING.

His ex, who is one of the sweetest girls Ive ever talked to, messaged me. They broke up 2 weeks before we got together. She messaged me saying that this boy isn't who he portrays himself to be. She told me that he's just going to use you, how he is manipulative, and his problems are too much for a relationship. My boyfriend has a HORRIBLE relationship with his parents and he abuses drugs, which I want to help him with. This ex also made me aware how he treated his other ex's the same way. None of his relationships lasted longer than 4 months by the way. I talked to the ex and she broke down crying saying how she didn't want him to hurt me and that I deserved better. Now, you guys may think she's a "crazy ex whos trying to ruin things", but she was really sweet and I could tell her pain was genuine. We've only been dating for a month so everything seems perfect but I dont want to end up like his ex's, because the pain would be way more worse due to my condition. To give a better light heres some info about him:

-Hes never been single for more than a month

-We've been friends for about 2 years

-We used to have feelings for each other, but then he dated his now ex which hurt my feelings

-He calls all of his ex's crazy, insults them, etc.

-He abuses drugs and his medications

-He has a very bad relationship with his parents

-He told me on the first day of our relationship that he loves me, I'm the one for him, he can't explain how he feels about me, Im amazing, etc.

-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things

-He tells me he never loved his ex's and that he was stupid for thinking he did

I'm just so confused, I really love him and want things to work out. He helps me out with my bipolar, hes supportive and loving so I overlook the bad things but I dont know... please help, do you think it'll work?

Sorry to hear this. Consider the source but heed the warning. Actually the facts more so than her words speak for themselves.

-He calls all of his ex's crazy, insults them, etc.

-He abuses drugs and his medications

-He has a very bad relationship with his parents

-He told me on the first day of our relationship that he loves me

-He has a problem with lying, even about very small insignificant things

-He tells me he never loved his ex's and that he was stupid for thinking he did

Sorry to hear this. Consider the source but heed the warning. Actually the facts more so than her words speak for themselves.

Thank you... despite all of this I still want to date him, I know he treated his exs badly but I think we'll work. Even if he uses me for something I want to date him, and if he hurts me Ill just take it as a lesson... I hope this isnt a stupid idea I just wanted some insight from other people.

Hi datblonde

I'll be straight up front with you

Sadly this is never going to work out. I've only just come out of a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. She said all the right things and said she loved me and I was the one, but I cams to realise there was a very dark side to her which only those who got close to her saw.

Very aggressive and controlling and I'm heartbroken as to how I was treated.

It may all seem ok in the early days, when they say what you want to hear...... but sadly it won't last

He takes drugs, falls out with everyone, can't sustain relationships.

The signs are all there, you need to end this and I'm certain there's someone out there who is just right for you, but it isn't this guy.

Why do you make bad choices despite knowing your situation and that more unnecessary drama in your life could worsen it?

I mean,you really dont need suicidal, abusive and manpulative junkie in your life. People dont really change, even if he says he changed, his true colours will most likely eventually come back.

Why dont you rather look for somebody that doesnt come with a huge pile of baggage?

Hi datblonde

 

I'll be straight up front with you

 

Sadly this is never going to work out. I've only just come out of a relationship with someone who has a personality disorder. She said all the right things and said she loved me and I was the one, but I cams to realise there was a very dark side to her which only those who got close to her saw.

 

Very aggressive and controlling and I'm heartbroken as to how I was treated.

 

It may all seem ok in the early days, when they say what you want to hear...... but sadly it won't last

 

He takes drugs, falls out with everyone, can't sustain relationships.

 

The signs are all there, you need to end this and I'm certain there's someone out there who is just right for you, but it isn't this guy.

Its hard for me to end it since hes so sweet and gentle, and Id like to believe that he wont treat me badly like his exs since we've always been close as friends.. Idk how to go about this

Why do you make bad choices despite knowing your situation and that more unnecessary drama in your life could worsen it?

 

I mean,you really dont need suicidal, abusive and manpulative junkie in your life. People dont really change, even if he says he changed, his true colours will most likely eventually come back.

 

Why dont you rather look for somebody that doesnt come with a huge pile of baggage?

We've been best friends for 2 years, Ive loved him before but then he dated his ex so I moved on too. My ex strung me along, so now Im happy with this new relationship and I really love him, I just want to believe that Im different from his exes

Its hard for me to end it since hes so sweet and gentle, and Id like to believe that he wont treat me badly like his exs since we've always been close as friends.. Idk how to go about this

 

You do know exactly how to go about this. That is not the issue. As you wrote, you're fine dating him even if he uses you or even if....(fill in the blanks as to all the reasons why this is a bad choice for you to make). Don't indulge the excuse of "I don't know". You know. Whether you make a choice that is healthful for you based on what you know is the issue. If you want sweet and gentle, get a puppy and perhaps raise the bar beyond "I'd like to believe that he won't treat me badly" -instead how about "I'd like to believe he is a good match for me because despite my mental illness challenges he is a reasonably secure, strong, confident person who is invested in my best interests as I am in his. He is not going to let me use my disability as an excuse to make bad choices because he will not want to be with me if I do"

 

For example.

You do know exactly how to go about this. That is not the issue. As you wrote, you're fine dating him even if he uses you or even if....(fill in the blanks as to all the reasons why this is a bad choice for you to make). Don't indulge the excuse of "I don't know". You know. Whether you make a choice that is healthful for you based on what you know is the issue. If you want sweet and gentle, get a puppy and perhaps raise the bar beyond "I'd like to believe that he won't treat me badly" -instead how about "I'd like to believe he is a good match for me because despite my mental illness challenges he is a reasonably secure, strong, confident person who is invested in my best interests as I am in his. He is not going to let me use my disability as an excuse to make bad choices because he will not want to be with me if I do"

 

For example.

The best, clearest answers to us and those around us are often the first we dismiss in an attempt to find something "more meaningful" or "greater." The simplest answers are often the best and the ones that are the most difficult to swallow and accept.

You do know exactly how to go about this. That is not the issue. As you wrote, you're fine dating him even if he uses you or even if....(fill in the blanks as to all the reasons why this is a bad choice for you to make). Don't indulge the excuse of "I don't know". You know. Whether you make a choice that is healthful for you based on what you know is the issue. If you want sweet and gentle, get a puppy and perhaps raise the bar beyond "I'd like to believe that he won't treat me badly" -instead how about "I'd like to believe he is a good match for me because despite my mental illness challenges he is a reasonably secure, strong, confident person who is invested in my best interests as I am in his. He is not going to let me use my disability as an excuse to make bad choices because he will not want to be with me if I do"

 

For example.

if he breaks my heart then Ill just take it as a lesson. The thing is he didnt even show interest in me until I confessed my love to him... and now hes treating me like a princess, while he dumped his ex in the trash for me which makes me feel bad. But at the same time I feel good because he always compliments me and treats me amazing. He has problems and I think I can help him with those. I just really need insight because I love him so much Im so confused/.

if he breaks my heart then Ill just take it as a lesson. The thing is he didnt even show interest in me until I confessed my love to him... and now hes treating me like a princess, while he dumped his ex in the trash for me which makes me feel bad. But at the same time I feel good because he always compliments me and treats me amazing. He has problems and I think I can help him with those. I just really need insight because I love him so much Im so confused/.

The odds are stacked against you, and any instances of treating you like a "princess" will be few and far between, as time goes by. You're not only viewing this through rose colored glasses, you obviously feel that you can be the exception to the rule, and fix him.

Hopefully you'll re-evaluate this situation, but I have a feeling you'll have to learn the hard way. No offense intended...

I have many years experience of working with people like your man

They are manipulative and controlling and tell you what they think you want to hear

Backing off is easy to do, try not to reply to as many messages and don't meet up as often

Being apart may help you to think what he's really like

Buf it's clear that he's not right for you and the 'honeymoon period won't last long'

I have many years experience of working with people like your man

 

They are manipulative and controlling and tell you what they think you want to hear

 

Backing off is easy to do, try not to reply to as many messages and don't meet up as often

 

Being apart may help you to think what he's really like

 

Buf it's clear that he's not right for you and the 'honeymoon period won't last long'

Its just hard for me, hes the only support I have for my mental condition.He makes me very happy and alwayssupports me. He told me that hes liked me for 2 years bt never acted on it. He shows me off on all of his social media and is always kind to me.. itll be hard to let go since we spend a lot of time together.. 2 days ago was our "1 month anniversary"..

Break ups are never easy but we get there in the end

If you think he's the only support then he will think the same because of the vibes you give out

And he's using this to exploit you

What makes you say you don't have any other support?

Break ups are never easy but we get there in the end

 

If you think he's the only support then he will think the same because of the vibes you give out

 

And he's using this to exploit you

 

What makes you say you don't have any other support?

He understand me, my friends dont comprehend my mania and depressive episodes. My parents arent the easiest people to talk to. We're very similar too, same interests you could say. Hes sad a lot and has family issues which I help him with. I have mania, family issues, etc, and he helps me too.

I think your attracted to him as you feel you can 'heal' one another

I felt the same way in the relationship that just ended for me, take a read of it on this forum I posted it today 'why do I feel so bad'

I overlooked the obvious because I thought I could change her and she said I was different and we were alike

Only when I got deeper into the relationship did I see and experience the darker side to her and here I am wrecked as a result

We always think we're alone and won't find others that can understand us or support us

But we do

I think your attracted to him as you feel you can 'heal' one another

 

I felt the same way in the relationship that just ended for me, take a read of it on this forum I posted it today 'why do I feel so bad'

 

I overlooked the obvious because I thought I could change her and she said I was different and we were alike

 

Only when I got deeper into the relationship did I see and experience the darker side to her and here I am wrecked as a result

 

We always think we're alone and won't find others that can understand us or support us

 

But we do

I read your post and the things are very similar to how my Boyfriend was with his ex. They only dated for 4 months (the longest hes dated someone without breaks, he had a 6 month on and off relationship about a year ago).

My dad spoke with his grandparents (who he lives with), and they straight up told my dad that he was gonna break my heart, and that he had 3 girlfriends the past summer (which I didnt know that). This makes me sick to my stomach.. I really want to believe that im different from his exes but ugh!

Update,

i talked to him about how worried i am, and hetold me that i shouldn't worry because he knows he wants to be with me since we know each other well. he says he genuinely wants to help me and love me. im so confused right now

As long as he does drugs you will never be number 1 in his life. Be prepared to get lied to and stolen from in order to obtain the true love of his life: drugs.

My brother is a drug addict. I would not suggest anyone date him.

Your love is not special. It won't survive because of magic or fate or any of that bs. Relationships survive because both people are willing to put in effort and choose to make it work.

You don't think all those other girls thought they were different and special too?? The fact that you sit there and say you are willing to be used by him is so sad. You need to love yourself and build up your self worth. Why are you selling yourself short?

Update,

 

i talked to him about how worried i am, and hetold me that i shouldn't worry because he knows he wants to be with me since we know each other well. he says he genuinely wants to help me and love me. im so confused right now

It's not confusing. Addicts are very good liars and very charming. You need to walk away.

It's not confusing. Addicts are very good liars and very charming. You need to walk away.

Its hard since I am very dependent on him, have a hard time trusting people and guys run away when they find out Im bipolar..

Read up on the signs and symptoms of Personality disorders in men and see if his behaviour is reflected in this, I'm sure you can add PD to his other issues

Those that don't support you because of your conditions aren't really worth knowing, there are people out there that will support you, it's just that you haven't found them yet. But they are out there.

Sometimes you have to step back and look realisticaly at your situation

Every post on here is telling you it's a bad idea, but if you think it's the right thing for you, that's your decision

Maybe your too close to notice

Read up on the signs and symptoms of Personality disorders in men and see if his behaviour is reflected in this, I'm sure you can add PD to his other issues

 

Those that don't support you because of your conditions aren't really worth knowing, there are people out there that will support you, it's just that you haven't found them yet. But they are out there.

 

Sometimes you have to step back and look realisticaly at your situation

 

Every post on here is telling you it's a bad idea, but if you think it's the right thing for you, that's your decision

 

Maybe your too close to notice

Thank you. Ill read about it

if he breaks my heart then Ill just take it as a lesson. The thing is he didnt even show interest in me until I confessed my love to him... and now hes treating me like a princess, while he dumped his ex in the trash for me which makes me feel bad. But at the same time I feel good because he always compliments me and treats me amazing. He has problems and I think I can help him with those. I just really need insight because I love him so much Im so confused/.

Exactly. So you know what you want - you're willing to take the risk of a broken heart - highly likely in this situation - and you're allowed to make that choice. Also sounds like you like being treated like a princess. Also good information to know about yourself. As far as helping him that's thoughtful and likely can be done on a much more productive way if you are a friend rather than a romantic partner and if your focus is on getting him the professional help he needs if he is open to that.

His ex reached out to me and showed me messages between them. Heres some things he said to his ex about me:

"I feel like shes the missing puzzle piece in my life"

"I really can't explain how I feel about her.."

"I don't want any girls ruining our relationship"

"Im sorry I hurt you, but I think shes the one for me."

"When she told me how she my felt, my feelings hit me like a train"

I dont know how to feel about this.