Strange/ (Bad?) Interview Experience Making Me Change My Mind..

Hey guys.

So as some of you may know, I've been working extremely hard in the past year to establish myself in the Netherlands, where I initially moved to for an opera singing gig and decided to stay in after that worked out well and I fell in love with the culture (and eventually my current partner).

Anyway, I've sung off and on with a couple of opera companies here, started a small business and have been teaching/ consulting. For some of you, you may be aware the Netherlands have an excellent Expat and Freelance culture. This works for me - I am someone who likes to pursue all of my goals, I do not leave a stone unturned, and I seek opportunity left and right. Blah blah.

So recently I was granted a longterm residency visa here, with which I can now work and study as freely as I would like. This is excellent, because I have wanted to dive into the working culture here without reservation, and have been studying Dutch and obtaining a TEFL/ TESOL certification while teaching and freelancing. It has been a cool time for me, and I've applied to a number of companies I thought would be an interesting next step.

I applied to one temporary Assistant position located in Amsterdam at a prominent Executive Search (non Music) company for a maternity leave (3-6 months, max). I thought this would be a great chance to "get my feet wet" in a corporate environment, make some stable money and work on a team - which very much appeals to me.

Anyway I made it to the round of interviews where I met the Partners I would be assisting (Tuesday). So far, I was very impressed by the interview process. Each interview was lengthy and thorough, I enjoyed each person I met with (the team of assistants, the talent acquisition director, etc.) But then I met two of the Partners I would be working with daily, and I have been in a funk ever since. They were both nice enough to me, but each of them took to my resume in a very belittling way that I did not see coming. I am aware that, as I adjust and transition, my resume is all over the place but I did a good job of organizing out the skills I acquired that led me to applying to this position. I back up every one of my jobs.

The first Partner was very nice to me, but he questioned my current work, making it sound like I have no time for any other job (which is fair, but I explained that I would prioritize the day job appropriately and have always done well to balance my freelance aspirations with my day work). He questioned over and over why I came to the Netherlands, and why I did not apply to other companies more arts-related. These are fair questions, but I felt interrogated, rather than simply asked in a normal interview fashion. I could see myself working with him, so none of this was too offending.

The second Partner was where things went haywire. He came in and immediately began playing musical selections on his phone of operatic pieces I have never heard before. Most of them were early music, or obscure pieces that were famous to him, and one or two of which I had heard, but couldn't name. He asked me to name the composer, piece of music, and the singer. I failed each one, becoming very anxious. He let out a big sigh and then said "So, you must have lied about your musical background." Let me quickly note that this position is in NO way related to music and/or the arts. It is a research-based team assistant role.

Then he said that he had already watched my Youtube videos (I have a channel for travel videos I've done, singing I've done, and so on, which I enjoyed making. Nothing inappropriate). He then asked "So, what in the heck are you doing looking at a job here?" I stated again that I'm looking for a team environment, wanted to get into a stable workforce here in the Netherlands and so on. He made a number of jokes about how my resume is "in trouble" and made fun of the Teaching group I teach on currently, saying that the last "real job" I had was in 2015. Then he made me list my good and bad attributes, wanting me to list five bad ones (I stumbled here, even though I had prepped a few of these). He asked what time of day I'm at my best, and when I said I am most productive at morning/ afternoon, and best creatively at night (this is when I rehearse), he said "I bet you are" and made a gesture that I must drink at night.

At the end of this interview, he said he really liked me and would want to see me again soon.

So, while I know some of what he was saying must have been jokes, I came home and pretty much felt like curling up in a ball. I've worked hard on my resume to make sure it reflects me accurately, and I have had a few people look it over to make sure it isn't too confusing or painting me in a bad light. I am aware that taking a gap year to figure out next steps can look strange to some recruiters. But it's not like I took a year to travel and bailed on work, altogether. I am proud of my achievements and I do not want to face this kind of heat just for trying to break into the work culture here.

Now, of course, I am reconsidering working at that office entirely. I enjoyed meeting both guys on a personal level - I laughed a lot and I can take being made fun of in most lights, honestly. But in a professional setting, I have a feeling this could be a nightmare. That being said, I could really use the cash and the experience here and it IS only a temporary role. It sounded as if they are seriously considering me, so what should I do next? Is it a good idea to pull my application?

Thanks for any advice.

"Communication style

The Dutch directness in the communication with foreigners regularly causes misunderstandings. Unable to make things understood through context and unable to read context, the Dutch express themselves verbally.

They speak on a friendly tone in rather short clear sober sentences lacking any form of politeness or courtesy. The Dutch are distrustful of very polite conversations, afraid that an unpleasant message may be hidden which they are unable to detect. Transparency in communication is key. Being very nice may awaken the suspicion that one is in need of a special favor. Politeness may also cause irritation as it is considered and a waste of time.

Communication should be linear and very direct.

Emotion and non-verbal communication is minimal compared to many countries.

Ask people what they think instead of waiting for a non-verbal sign.

The Dutch are distrustful of many compliments and very polite conversation

Loss of Face

The Dutch expect others to be open and direct like them. They will tell you what they think of you and criticize your work indifferent of your status if you are a superior or a subordinate. They expect you to criticize their work in return, honestly and directly. If you detect mistakes in their work and you do not inform them about these mistakes they will be extremely disappointed with you. The Dutch do not feel ashamed when you inform them of a mistake. On the contrary they feel that you give them the opportunity to correct and thus improve themselves. The Dutch feel that in the end one learns from his mistakes. Loss of face is a rather unknown concept in the Dutch society when compared to other cultures.

• The Dutch expect you to tell them what you think of them and criticize their work

• Be prepared as they will criticize you and your work as well indifferent of your status"

Wiseman a lot of generalisations regarding us Dutch people... thank you.....

And OP I'm sorry for the interview but i don't see anything typically Dutch in there, and i certainly don't see it as a foreigner thing...

I would call it a bad experience and move forward with the job hunt!

I don't see much issue with the first guy, but I would not want to work for the second personally. If I were you, I would suggest that you focus on applying to other places to get a sense of how other interviews go.

Remember that while they are interviewing you, you are also interviewing them. So, you have to determine if the person and the office culture are the right fit for you.

As you can see, the quotation marks indicate this is an excerpt from a site about doing business in the Netherlands 7c9ece9c-8800-47c4-91e4-341b2a57895a=e772c8d0-319f-41a2-a932-adf3baa86dd1&ItemID7c9ece9c-8800-47c4-91e4-341b2a57895a=6b099954-9fd2-4dbb-8350-bf254601c55f"]

... thank you.....

I don't see much issue with the first guy, but I would not want to work for the second personally. If I were you, I would suggest that you focus on applying to other places to get a sense of how other interviews go.

 

Remember that while they are interviewing you, you are also interviewing them. So, you have to determine if the person and the office culture are the right fit for you.

Thanks Ms Darcy, you are always a familiar "Face" on ena and comforting to see your thoughts.

Yeah, the first guy for me was not the problem as I stated, although I didn't totally appreciate the endless analyzing of my work. I mean, it is necessary in an interview and I want them to get a good sense of me as a candidate, so I was all for it, but the tone in which he was doing so put a bad taste in my mouth. Hard to explain. i can get over it though.

I felt like the second guy crossed a few lines, and was also drawing some massive assumptions about me - namely, that he could joke around about my resume and background without actually formally asking me anything about my background. I would expect an interview process to be geared towards getting to know the candidate a bit better, not jumping to conclusions and treating them like you know everything they have to offer.

I'll definitely continue on with my job search, although it did freak me out a bit about how this might go in other corporate environments.

Also, @Wiseman, while I have for sure seen the frankness of Dutch people, this was a step way further. Not a miscommunication. And yeah, generalizing the Dutch people isn't exactly a tool for me to use in my job hunt, haha. I have been in the Netherlands for two years and have worked with primarily Dutch people in the opera companies, misc. organizations and my friendships so it's not like I'm blind to some typical Dutch personalities.

Thanks @Sara-Pezzini - agreed, and will do!

As you can see the quotation marks indicate this is an excerpt from a site about doing business in the Netherlands.

Right... I have done business in the Netherlands. This interview was not my first EVER business encounter in the Netherlands in the last two years, it was just a very strange interview process for me here. I also have to disagree that it's just common practice for the Dutch to behave as the second partner did in my interview.

BTW, wiseman, not meaning to fully discredit your input and thanks for looking into that for me. It's a possibility that he was distrustful of my politeness. In a later interview or second meeting/ on the job I would expect his casual approach but in a first-time meeting it just was a bit off-putting.

As you can see, the quotation marks indicate this is an excerpt from a site about doing business in the Netherlands 7c9ece9c-8800-47c4-91e4-341b2a57895a=e772c8d0-319f-41a2-a932-adf3baa86dd1&ItemID7c9ece9c-8800-47c4-91e4-341b2a57895a=6b099954-9fd2-4dbb-8350-bf254601c55f"] ]

And it's on the internet so it must be true......

 

You can't generalise people in any country. Like there isn't "the typical American" or "the typical Russian" there is also not the typical Dutch.....

I do think it's very cool though that you moved here, want to work here and fell in move with a Dutch man!

Just wanted to say that one piece....

Plus how cool is it to sing opera! I'm envious... if i tried that then it would be a very sad day lol

I behave exactly the same way when conducting interviews. It's a psychological tactic to see if you can handle pressure, criticism, and if you are honest. Do not take it personally. If they say at they end they like you, it's because they do. Don't sweat the interview!!! How a person is in the interview has nothing to do with how they will train you, work with you, or see you.

If the team is happy, it's because of the top down result. Pay attention to the environment.

Those interviews were testing your personality - how you handle confrontation, how you respond when you don't know something, your reasoning abilities, your emotional resilience, your boundaries and whether you will enforce them or not, etc. You are not going to get at those aspects of a person through asking polite direct questions like "do you get upset easily?".

Being a personal assistant to an executive is a very tough job. You will need to be available when and where they need you, which means you may need to flex your hours or rush to rearrange something last minute for them. You will need to be able to handle criticism and bad moods, stress, tempers and not take it personally. You will see their better sides, but often you will have to deal with their worst sides and it's your job to handle it. Considering how easily emotional you got after these interviews, not sure this is a job for you. I'm not implying that a corporate job in general isn't for you, just perhaps not as an "assistant to..." type work.

There is also an issue of corporate culture and this is what it's about. Your personality has to fit in or else you'll be miserable and unsuccessful in a given place. So don't forget that an interview goes both ways - you need to choose too and it has to fit you as well.

Anyway, I love the picking obscure music pieces you wouldn't know - hilarious and clever. You do realize that he knew perfectly well what he was doing and did so intentionally. It wasn't a test of your music knowledge, but how you would handle not knowing and being called out on it. It was all about how you will respond and react. Many top notch companies will conduct these kinds of unorthodox interviews - it's why they are top notch. It allows for quickly getting at the core of a potential candidate and their real suitability and again, it goes both ways. If you think it was rough and not for you and you won't fit in, the interview was effective in weeding out the wrong person for the job and their company culture.

Those interviews were testing your personality - how you handle confrontation, how you respond when you don't know something, your reasoning abilities, your emotional resilience, your boundaries and whether you will enforce them or not, etc. You are not going to get at those aspects of a person through asking polite direct questions like "do you get upset easily?".

 

Being a personal assistant to an executive is a very tough job. You will need to be available when and where they need you, which means you may need to flex your hours or rush to rearrange something last minute for them. You will need to be able to handle criticism and bad moods, stress, tempers and not take it personally. You will see their better sides, but often you will have to deal with their worst sides and it's your job to handle it. Considering how easily emotional you got after these interviews, not sure this is a job for you. I'm not implying that a corporate job in general isn't for you, just perhaps not as an "assistant to..." type work.

 

There is also an issue of corporate culture and this is what it's about. Your personality has to fit in or else you'll be miserable and unsuccessful in a given place. So don't forget that an interview goes both ways - you need to choose too and it has to fit you as well.

 

Anyway, I love the picking obscure music pieces you wouldn't know - hilarious and clever. You do realize that he knew perfectly well what he was doing and did so intentionally. It wasn't a test of your music knowledge, but how you would handle not knowing and being called out on it. It was all about how you will respond and react. Many top notch companies will conduct these kinds of unorthodox interviews - it's why they are top notch. It allows for quickly getting at the core of a potential candidate and their real suitability and again, it goes both ways. If you think it was rough and not for you and you won't fit in, the interview was effective in weeding out the wrong person for the job and their company culture.

Interesting, and thanks for this. To clarify, as I stated before - I actually enjoyed the interview process and I laughed a lot/ did NOT get upset in the heat of the moment. I have had a lot of assistant experience in the past and handle pressure well, but this was a new normal to me that just left me very confused. Not upset, per se - there were zero tears or "woe is me" moments in my life, nor in my post.

However, I did think it crossed a few lines given that this is NOT a PA job - this is a 3-6 month team support/ assistant kind of role, and it was the first time meeting these partners. I just think there are nicer ways to "test my resilience" than implying I drink at night. But, I appreciate the input because perhaps this IS a norm I haven't faced before and need to thicken my skin about.

I behave exactly the same way when conducting interviews. It's a psychological tactic to see if you can handle pressure, criticism, and if you are honest. Do not take it personally. If they say at they end they like you, it's because they do. Don't sweat the interview!!! How a person is in the interview has nothing to do with how they will train you, work with you, or see you.

 

If the team is happy, it's because of the top down result. Pay attention to the environment.

Thanks @ Tattoobunnie! This helps.

While I agree with the folks who believe that this may have been their way of psyching you during the interview, it is NOT 'typical' of corporate interviews, so I wouldn't bum yourself out by applying one bizarre experience to all potential ones.

I'd consider DancingFool's point carefully about the specific role of 'Executive Assistant' in terms of tasting corporate life. That role is NOT representative of any other role within a company, and it can be particularly grueling. I've seen over years of contracting in various corporate environments EA's put through the ringer, and I've said under my breath, "There is no amount of money that would prompt me to take on such a role."

I'd apply for other jobs and avoid setting myself up to be the dog that bigshots kick whenever they're feeling self indulgent. Out of all the jobs in the world, it makes no sense to position yourself in a direct support role to egotists who'd have no qualms about putting you down. That's an abusive management style leftover from the 1980's, and if the interview left you this down, daily exposure would be the perfect way to ruin your enjoyment of life in general. SO not worth it.

Head high.

Thanks @Catfeeder! It is not an "executive assistant" role. Team Assistant role. They were also very thorough and clear in the interview about the responsibilities entailed here, so no concerns about job stress. Also, having a gruelling job is really not my concern - I've been a PA, an Exec. A, a Team A, a manager, a Director and I've been a Digital Integrations Manager who HAD the assistant in my last role in NYC. Not concerned with the intensity of these jobs; I don't apply for ANY position without knowing full well what the job would entail as I never want to be someone who bails on a job I committed to.

I agree with you re: Exec Assistant jobs and I've been there - screamed at in front of others, had papers thrown in my face, etc. Was always apologized to afterwards but that's something I never want to repeat and also brought up in this interview process. I've been assured by the Assistants I would be teaming up with on the same level that this environment is not like that. Obviously I don't really know if that is/ is not the case.

As an update, I was given an offer by the managers, with glowing reviews that the partners really liked me and thought I was a great candidate in the interview. They're offering me a pretty great salary/ benefits, etc, particularly since this is my first corporate EU job. My stomach is in knots because while that partner was a bit of a character, all other team members were a dream and I actually really enjoyed the interview up until then. I also would not be supporting that partner directly. I have a couple of days to decide what to do. Most companies in Amsterdam right now are not hiring - at least not for positions I would want long term - and this is just a 7 month contract if I take it. So maybe it is worth going for?

Thanks for all the replies here.

Congrats, and take the job! Don't judge a job by its interview! I've even asked "why are manhole covers round?" just to see how a person thinks. And it has nothing to do with whether they know or not, or related to their job. I've even gone into your education, and ask why they didn't pursue. Talk about 5 to 10 year goals. If a company for a particular position doesn't ask weird off the wall questions, because it means, they hire anyone, and your job isn't unique, and you are easily replaceable. So when they ask you weird things, it's because they are looking for the right team member.

Welcome to corporate!

With the risk of offending Dutch nationals or supporters here, I agree with wiseman. Obviously you can't generalise as each person is different, but then there's a national culture in every country and ignoring that would be unwise. As someone who has lived in and worked with very different cultures, I am aware of how confusing and frustrating these differences can be.

From your posts I can tell/assume you're from the US where the culture is very open, optimistic and extremely friendly, so I can see why the Dutch culture can come as a shock. A lot of Dutch people can be extremely direct (in the U.K., one might call them rude) and challenging. I would say that your experience is not unusual and that it's a cultural thing - something you would have to get used to, living and working with them!

That said, you need to think whether you feel comfortable being part of an organisation with that culture every day, and more generally if you enjoy the Dutch culture. If it helps just knowing that it wasn't personal - then go for it. From how you describe it, it sounds like it was a Dutch thing rather than a personal thing.

True you have to know the cultural influences. A business meeting in Germany for example is vastly different than in Japan or Brazil or Dubai. What's rude in one place is polite in another. What I've noticed is go with the flow . If they are nodding and smiling endlessly, then do the same. If they are being direct than do that. If they jump right in, do that too. If they want to have small talk first then do that as well.

CongrAts! Awfully sorry I misunderstood the role, L, and the opportunity sounds terrific. You can do anything for 7 months--the end date is a safety net for the psyche, even while you may be able to parlay this into other projects or contacts that can lead to other projects.

I'd go for it!

I tend to agree that some interviews will come off as abrasive just to test you. I tend to think he was testing you, and his line of questioning was fair - if not a bit rude.

You should expect more questions on why this job, why not another industry, etc. They don't want to hire someone who isn't dedicated. You should write down these questions and spend more time preparing them. If I was a hiring manager I would certainly ask questions like that.