Misconstrued Letter

There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point but became more on the friend level. He is very insecure and has a lot of self-doubt. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. Now I may have used conveyed my message a little too prominently. I didn’t meant it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. He got angry with the letter and told me I was pursuing him and that made him uncomfortable. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. What should I do??? Here is the letter:

One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd” (not necessarily in the context of lust).

You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.

The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.

If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.

I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

~Henry david thoreau~

Sorry but this would make many people very uncomfortable. Talk to some trusted adults and a therapist about appropriate boundaries.

The letter besides being creepy, is insulting regarding the assumption that he has low self esteem and your bizarre psychoanalysis of him..He will show this to people.

This part seems like you stalk, stare and obsess and is quite creepy 6788894]You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously. how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt

Gosh, I would have been upset, too. It would make a non confident person self conscious and would definitely think you had some attraction but more so you were slapping me in the face if you once were interested and now you are not

If you are trying to build someone up, you congratulate them on something they did, like getting a good time in the track meet, tell them that were a good listener to you today if you shared something heartfelt or needed an ear, you recommend them when someone is looking for a committee or team member if you recognize they'd do a good job, laugh genuinely at their jokes, etc. You don't write them a cryptic novel passage.

Eek. Not misconstrued at all. It's dreadfully creepy...

If I were him, I would think the same thing. I've emphasized the portions of the letter that would particularly give me the that impression, but really the whole thing is very intimate:

One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd” (not necessarily in the context of lust).

You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.

The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.

If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.

I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

Now that I read Jibralta's bolded statements instead of just skimming - those statements sound like the tamer parts of an erotica novel. quivering...alluring...etc. If a man wrote a similar letter to me, It would be a blatant sign that he wanted to have sex with me or was a complete creep (and it WOULD be creepy as well). It is way too intimate for someone to write to someone they are not in an intimate relationship with. If you were in a relationship where you and the other party were poets and wrote things like this to eachother as a turn on for both of you, then that's different.

Sorry to say - I'm not surprised he got angry and uncomfortable, and it's nothing to do with low self-esteem. As everyone else has said, that letter is creepy and stalkerish. You're really laying a trip on him.

I'm not surprised he isn't talking to you; I'd be blocking you in every way possible. As to what you can do about this... frankly, all you can do is leave him alone. Don't try explaining or intruding on him in other ways because that'll make it even worse.

Maybe in time he'll come round and you can be friends again, but really, really don't push it.

I clearly disagree with the comments stated above. I clearly see that your intention was to provide this person with the understanding that he is a person who is cared for, loved and respected by others and unfortunately it sounds like he doesn't see that in his life circumstances. I see that the letter was written to be uplifting and not creepy and stalkerish. It might be if you had just met this person but you have stated you had a relationship and were friends. I think as a man, he needs to process his emotions and men do this by withdrawing into their own world. He may have other circumstances in his life he is struggling with. He just needs time and space to figure his emotions out. In the meantime, go out and have fun and do other things in your life. Don't wait for him to come around. In due time, he will contact you when he is ready. Also, don't take the comments above to heart. I don't think full comprehension of what was stated in the letter or your situation was taken into consideration.

I won't say it's "creepy" because that is subjective I think, but if I got that, I can't for the life of me see that letter as coming from anyone who wasn't CLEARLY into me.

I clearly disagree with the comments stated above. I clearly see that your intention was to provide this person with the understanding that he is a person who is cared for, loved and respected by others and unfortunately it sounds like he doesn't see that in his life circumstances. I see that the letter was written to be uplifting and not creepy and stalkerish. It might be if you had just met this person but you have stated you had a relationship and were friends. I think as a man, he needs to process his emotions and men do this by withdrawing into their own world. He may have other circumstances in his life he is struggling with. He just needs time and space to figure his emotions out. In the meantime, go out and have fun and do other things in your life. Don't wait for him to come around. In due time, he will contact you when he is ready. Also, don't take the comments above to heart. I don't think full comprehension of what was stated in the letter or your situation was taken into consideration.

Is that you, Zumanzi?

I agree that the letter is over the top. But even if it wasn't, it made him feel uncomfortable. All you can do is acknowledge that you messed up, and apologize for making him feel this way. Do it simply, briefly, gracefully - no more than 2-3 lines. Then leave him alone. If he wants to resume your friendship at some point, he'll reach out.