Anyone basically quit speaking to their siblings?

So I have two siblings and I'm drifting apart from both of them it feels like. One I really just cannot stand, and don't make any effort to speak to other than when we're both in my parents' house, and the other I just don't have a whole lot in common with and we also live far apart. Fate is speaking loud and clear....I'm just going to really stop speaking to both altogether.

Should I feel guilty or is this more common than I realize?

Blood doesn't guarantee a bond.

That said, I have family I don't get along with and we don't really have the common interests to really care to try, but I've never made a conscious effort to cut someone out without there being some grievous sin involved. Otherwise it just seems needlessly dramatic.

I can't relate at all because we are a very close family and siblings etc.

That said, I have no doubt you'll find many families which don't get along well. (All you have to do is read ENA).

How old are you guys? Male? Female? Did you ever get along as children?

So you have similar blood in your veins. So what? Just like a great sign I read on someone's front door stated: Welcome friends. Relatives by appointment only. I'm at the point where I only give others the effort that I'm given in return. If someone doesn't make efforts to see me or communicate with me, I let those people fade away, even if they are blood. I used to be close to some cousins who I am no longer close to, and now I even wonder if it was really one sided and I was fooling myself. If a person causes frustration or negative vibes rather than positive feelings, you don't need to feel guilty if you part ways. You're doing what's best for yourself.

So I have two siblings and I'm drifting apart from both of them it feels like. One I really just cannot stand, and don't make any effort to speak to other than when we're both in my parents' house, and the other I just don't have a whole lot in common with and we also live far apart. Fate is speaking loud and clear....I'm just going to really stop speaking to both altogether.

 

Should I feel guilty or is this more common than I realize?

We don't talk often, we don't have much reason to, except to support one another. One of us is a little nutty, I don't talk to him socially at all.

Mothers rule was, You don't have to like each other, but you do have to love each other. And that's what we do.

I believe it's reasonably common. I had one brother, 10 yrs older than me, so I was the pesky sister and he used to beat the crap out of me when I was a kid, because he could. So I didnt like him much. As adults, I tried to have a relationship with him but he wasn't all that interested, he basically tolerated me which was so obvious and painful to me but I did keep on trying to get to know him. He had a PhD in psychology and I thought someone with that degree and knowledge about the human psyche would be a better person than he was but I was wrong.

I could go years without talking to him or seeing him and our only communication was by email. After our mother died he more or less took over as my own personal abuser, which til then mother had been. He was a carbon copy of her, so I sure didnt put myself out to have anything to do with him beyond an email. He threw me under the proverbial bus as mother left 99% of her stuff and money and her house to him in her will and yes that hurt me a lot. I wanted one thing, a desk, that our dad earned the money to buy and he would not let me have it. He seemed to escalate his hate/diislike/whatever it was for me til I got to the point where I said screw it, I want nothing more to do with him. I said this to myself, not him. I just stopped emailing him. There's a lot more to this story than I want to share here.

In the end he died almost a year ago and he never told me he was sick (he had cancer) and nobody told me he was dead til 3 days after his passing. I thought that was beyond cruel and unnecessary. I thought about that a lot and if it'd been the other way around I would have contacted him and told him I was sick, and tried to make amends. But that's not how it played out.

So, yes people are estranged from siblings for many reasons. Just because they are your family, your relatives, doesnt mean you have to like them and get along with them or have anything to do with them. I envy those people who do have siblings they like and can hang out with and see on a regular basis. Dont feel guilty.

I have a sister that's a bit grumpy.

So you have similar blood in your veins. So what? Just like a great sign I read on someone's front door stated: Welcome friends. Relatives by appointment only. I'm at the point where I only give others the effort that I'm given in return. If someone doesn't make efforts to see me or communicate with me, I let those people fade away, even if they are blood. I used to be close to some cousins who I am no longer close to, and now I even wonder if it was really one sided and I was fooling myself. If a person causes frustration or negative vibes rather than positive feelings, you don't need to feel guilty if you part ways. You're doing what's best for yourself.

Well said, Andrina, that's how I feel. There's no point in pushing to have a relationship with someone simply because they are a blood relative. You can have more in common with a person standing on a street corner than you can with some relatives! That's not wrong, it's just human nature. Being related doesnt mean you get along.

melancholy ... (((Hugs))) to you. My heart goes out to you.

I only speak to one of my siblings.

I have no relationship with my much older half brother by my own choice. Let's just say he did things to me when I was younger that a brother should not do.

My younger half brother (yep, Dad got married and procreated a LOT) doesn't speak to me by HIS choice. I do not have a relationship with our father because he was a deadbeat who didn't pay child support. As a result, my seriously ill mother had to work to feed me and my older full brother. She died very, very young because when she should have been on disability, she had to work. Apparently my father finally got it right with my younger half brother and was (and is) a good father to him. But he wasn't to his first several children. And my younger brother feels that I am being unfair to him, so he has chosen to cut me out. Breaks my heart, but I can't change his mind.

So I have one brother with whom I have a very good relationship. I have no parents (cut off the Deadbeat and mother passed away young) and my other siblings are not in my life.

I do, however, have my precious children and a wonderful group of cousins and second cousins and third cousins and my aunts and uncles were wonderful to us kids. So it's OK.

melancholy ... (((Hugs))) to you. My heart goes out to you.

 

Thanks. I think I am over how crappy he treated me at the end of his life but I really didnt see that coming. Some people just suck.

I believe it's reasonably common. I had one brother, 10 yrs older than me, so I was the pesky sister and he used to beat the crap out of me when I was a kid, because he could. So I didnt like him much. As adults, I tried to have a relationship with him but he wasn't all that interested, he basically tolerated me which was so obvious and painful to me but I did keep on trying to get to know him. He had a PhD in psychology and I thought someone with that degree and knowledge about the human psyche would be a better person than he was but I was wrong.

 

I could go years without talking to him or seeing him and our only communication was by email. After our mother died he more or less took over as my own personal abuser, which til then mother had been. He was a carbon copy of her, so I sure didnt put myself out to have anything to do with him beyond an email. He threw me under the proverbial bus as mother left 99% of her stuff and money and her house to him in her will and yes that hurt me a lot. I wanted one thing, a desk, that our dad earned the money to buy and he would not let me have it. He seemed to escalate his hate/diislike/whatever it was for me til I got to the point where I said screw it, I want nothing more to do with him. I said this to myself, not him. I just stopped emailing him. There's a lot more to this story than I want to share here.

 

In the end he died almost a year ago and he never told me he was sick (he had cancer) and nobody told me he was dead til 3 days after his passing. I thought that was beyond cruel and unnecessary. I thought about that a lot and if it'd been the other way around I would have contacted him and told him I was sick, and tried to make amends. But that's not how it played out.

 

So, yes people are estranged from siblings for many reasons. Just because they are your family, your relatives, doesnt mean you have to like them and get along with them or have anything to do with them. I envy those people who do have siblings they like and can hang out with and see on a regular basis. Dont feel guilty.

I am so sorry. Such a betrayal.

Sometimes as we get older we grow apart, my brother and I used to be really close. After we both married, we starting living our separate lives. Nothing anyone did wrong, just we are both busy with our own families now. He will always be there for me when I need help though.

On the other hand, my extended family (cousin's from mom's side) we were super tight as well but all abandoned me when I became sick. I don't think I will be speaking with them much in the near future. People show their true side when you get sick or have nothing. In this case, it's unfortunate that I have to see their true colors when I became sick. So to answer your question, it does happen. No need to completely cut them out of your life, just keep it the way it is because you will soon or later bump into them at a family function. Might as well keep it mutual.

Fade and be cordial. No drama no emotions.

So I have two siblings and I'm drifting apart from both of them it feels like. One I really just cannot stand, and don't make any effort to speak to other than when we're both in my parents' house, and the other I just don't have a whole lot in common with and we also live far apart.

Yea, I have 1 sister and we are not speaking. Breaks my heart because we used to be so close. Part of our "issue" has been our stepmom who plays us against eachother, I.E., talks about my flaws to her, talks about her flaws to me, tells me what she said about me, tells her what I said about her. This caused a huge rift between us.

Speaking only for myself, I don't find it necessary to deliberately cut someone out of my life unless it's an ex. If we don't get along, then radio silence is a natural occurrence even while we can still be civil when our paths cross.

This has worked in my favor, because over time everyone, including me, cycles through various stages of growth. On occasion I've been pleasantly surprised by a new warmth and receptivity from someone with whom I'd never shared a bond before.

So I always leave room for that without burning bridges or creating unnecessary drama. When I don't get the right feedback from someone, I can either suffer hurt feelings and nurse a grudge, or I can let it go and move forward with my own life. From there, whenever I see an olive branch extended toward me, I accept it graciously. That can either open a whole new chapter, or at very least, it makes future encounters more friendly and inspiring.

I have 2 brothers. One much older that has a lot of issues. He's an alcoholic and I suspect bipolar. Oddly he is the only one in my family I speak to at all. My parents are both narcissistic and manipulative and my other brother is just like them. Yes, I cut them all off and have never regretted it for one moment. They create chaos wherever they go. The one brother I speak to is likely the way he is because of our childhood

You will regret cutting them off. You just don't have much in common with one? Still send all the birthday cards, touch base before parents' birthdays to plan something, find out how their kids are. Heck. Do i have things in common with my siblings beyond a shared childhood and our love for Grandma? A little but not a lot. Unless one is a drug addict that has severely harmed you, I think you are going to regret your decision to cut them off. Siblings are not like friends who drift out of our lives. Don't be strangers at your parents' funerals. You don't have to be best friends - but be civil, be kind. It will take you literally 2-3 cards a year and the occasional email or chat about who is going to cousin bertha's wedding.