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Thread: He has a fiance, It's been 6 months, and I still can't stop crying

  1. #11
    Platinum Member RainyCoast's Avatar
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    why would he need intensive therapy? what "issues" was he having?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member WithLove's Avatar
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    I think you should read up on "emotional incest". You have a very unhealthy relationship with your mother. She relies on you as she would a partner, without it being sexual.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by WithLove
    I think you should read up on "emotional incest". You have a very unhealthy relationship with your mother. She relies on you as she would a partner, without it being sexual.
    It's definitely a very unsavory relationship...

  4. #14
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    I really should have listened to everyone 5 years ago. I'm now in another relationship and the enmeshment and unhealthy boundaries have wreaked havoc on my current relationship. I'm lucky that my bf has somehow put up with this bs for a year. It's scary how much what my mom is saying now is the same exact thing that she said about the ex I posted on here. I have definitely improved and spend more time with my bf, focusing on what *I* want and not what my mom wants.
    Thankfully, I am in therapy and working on decreasing my people-pleasing behaviors and gaining healthy boundaries.

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  6. #15
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    Snny,

    "Is she currently doing this with your current boyfriend? I really hope she isn't. I would be very pissed off if my personal text messages were shared with my partner's parents because they were NOT meant for them to be read. It breaches relationship privacy. Remember... relationships are built on trust, and you will lose your boyfriend's trust if you are sharing personal conversations with your parents. No partner is willing to put up with that at all."

    Yes, this did happen with my current relationship. It did make him lose his trust for me. I only finally gained some of that trust back by finally standing up for myself and locking my phone so that at least all text messages with him would be private. It did make him extremely angry at Mom and also at me. How true your words ring now.

    "but you are an adult now and have to be your own person. Part of being an adult is making decisions for yourself. She has ZERO SAY on who you choose to date, be intimate with, etc. NONE. Your relationship and interaction with your boyfriend is NONE of her business. You are not a child anymore and she doesn't need to supervise you or give unwarranted opinions about your boyfriend. She doesn't like him? Tough S**t, she's not dating him or is the one that might be marrying him! He is not a part of her life and she needs to keep her opinions to herself unless he is abusing you."

    That's what my therapist tells me.

    "Quite frankly, I don't blame him for being frustrated with this dynamic- especially the part that he barely sees you and you devote most of your attention to family."

    This has caused both depression and frustration in my current bf; however, I see my current bf far more often than I saw this ex. (I see my current bf usually every week unless I'm swamped with work or homework, which isn't very often). But he has expressed hurt from never feeling important or a priority. I'm still struggling to work on this.

    I can see now very clearly everything you're saying. Idk why I didn't see it then.

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