" No contact rule and break up advice"

Hello

my ex was married to an abusive guy who now says is married and lives in a different country, her friend has told me he lives in the same country as her which is United States

we had a good relationship sure it did have ups and downs but which relationship is perfect they all have ups and downs, i don't believe life is like movies, she constantly got into arguments with me than blamed me for the problem, she said i have trust issues and anger that is why she ended the relationship but it makes no sense because i didn't see this coming, i taught we were really going to get married even though it was long distance, but we did talk every day for many hour's and even slept on the phones together i tried making her understanding but she won't, she said she can no longer trust me anymore but she failed to see the good side of me, she would get randomly calls in the middle of our conversations and say that's her friends calling her, we have stopped almost 10-11 without contact and I'm applying the no contact rule, but when i asked her to tell me the truth she always blames me for the break up wouldn't give me an honest answer, also she has no social media which is weird, the thing's she would do made me lose my temper on constant basis i would call her names, but that was anger and it shouldn't be justified to what i feel about her, she said she wants to remain friends i tried it for one night she ignored me and the next day i told her i didn't want friendship, can someone tell me what happened and be honest so i can understand what she did, if she is seeing someone new or went back to her ex husband or got afraid and will the no contact rule apply to long distance relationship as well thanks.....

Have you met in person?

The no contact rule doesn't apply to long distance. You seem to only have a phone relationship. I think you should just mature a bit before you start dating. I wish you the best. Try to find someone who you can actually have a real relationship with Hope everything gets better soon and you are happy!

"the thing's she would do made me lose my temper on constant basis"

No one makes you do anything! It is called self control! This is the talk of a controlling manipulative abuser!!!! You need help for your anger issue!!!!!!

I'm actually 36 year's old, many of the relationships I've had turned to disaster

let's be real one thing relationships do not last these days, because often people are not committed in a long term relationship, is not like back in the days where you can easily find a wife, and i met this girl on a website offically designed for marriage

but if someone wanted to fight with you wanted to blame you for things you weren't doing, than anyone would get frustrated and angery specially when the other person isn't allowing you to fix the problem, i came here for advice not to be lectured

You haven't even met this woman. From my understanding you have never seen one another. You have only talked on the phone. This is a fantasy. You need to interact with someone to see who they are. Were you going to continue the phone relationship for your remaining years?

but if someone wanted to fight with you wanted to blame you for things you weren't doing, than anyone would get frustrated and angery specially when the other person isn't allowing you to fix the problem, i came here for advice not to be lectured

You are not compatible with this stranger.

If you have a history of bad relationships, then you are the problem. Have you sought counseling? Are you going to have a marriage by phone?

Hey

Sorry holly when i wrote this, i wrote it pretty fast therefore you guy's might not understand what i was trying to say, there's a website designed for singles to meet people who wanted to have committed relationships instead of the good old pof, or any other dating applications, i was looking for a female in my area and by coincidence i ran into her and it just clicked, i was going to meet her in person had a whole meet in person planned, but couple of incidents happened which made it delayed one i wasn't in the best condition and needed to visit the hospital and get a surgery done, second i bought a new home had some problems with the lawyer and mortgage broker 3rd i bought a brand new business and needed to hire new staff, but we have seen each other many times through skype webcam, although it wasn't in person i know what she looks like and she knows what i look like

relax, your pushing this a bit too far

nobody asked you to come here and be rude if you cannot advice someone right stop playing the counselor because it seems like you got problems of your own that needs to be sorted out

Then how did you "break up"? You never even met in person!

I guess I don't get this whole "falling in love" with a voice, words on a phone or laptop and a pixelated image on a computer screen.

95 percent of women are known to cheat because their not satisfied with one men and you cannot blame me for my past relationships, you probably had a whole load of them and they didn't work out so if i was you I'd keep my mouth shut.... you need to grow up seriously and know that in this world my friend people meet in the most strangest places i bet you have a family member or friend who had a long distance relationship lol

Bad, You have known this woman for 1.5 years, and in that time you could not find one day to meet up? C'mon! There are so many excuses here.

i have no idea what to call it

i just know we clicked we talked for a year and half and most of it was great

she treated me better then the girl's I've dated in person and understood everything and the way i can is a break up is because we aren't going to be talking anytime soon, many people have long distance relationships

95 percent of women are known to cheat because their not satisfied with one men and you cannot blame me for my past relationships, you probably had a whole load of them and they didn't work out so if i was you I'd keep my mouth shut.... you need to grow up seriously and know that in this world my friend people meet in the most strangest places i bet you have a family member or friend who had a long distance relationship lol

That's bullsh*t! Your numbers are waaaaay off! It is more like 50-55%.

I haven't had disastrous relationships. I also do not have anger issues. "so if i was you I'd keep my mouth shut.." I see the side you were talking about. Threatening and nasty!

You haven't even met. It is all by phone. Not a real relationship.

holly

first not everyone is rich to be able to afford a vacation in new york, just a plane ride and hotel cost around 3000 dollars, then your going to need to add more for restaurants and tours, so i had to work my butt off and i suffer from depression anxiety

disorders which doesn't help me, and I'm a nervous guy i suffer more than other people and constantly battle it, see my doctor's, i don't know what else to say, sometimes i feel like taking my car and driving there and asking her to meet me atleast even if nothing comes out if it i'll know who i was talking too

Can you meet halfway? Where do you live?

Are you receiving treatment for your depression/anxiety?

I'm going to throw this out there: do you think that you may have chosen her because she is safe - meaning the distance, which would prevent you from being emotionally available to another individual?

I just read one of your old posts. It does not sound like she has been very respectful to you, and then there is the lying and issue with the ex. This is not good.

i believe anyone can connect with anyone in this world as long god allows it too, your no expert so your allowed and entitled to your opinion but many people have the right to feel what they wanna feel, sometimes we don't plan things my friend it just happens, we don't plan events in life it happens similar with death and birth, i wasn't planning on meeting someone than i ran into her weather it was online or not she was a person right so... like i said before ask your friends or family members im pretty sure they had a long distance relationship, i used to make fun of people who had it and now it happened to me so it does happen

A "long distance relationship" is NOT the same thing as having an electronic "relationship" with someone you've never met.

I do know people who are in long distance relationships. HOWEVER, those people have all actually met one another and were couples before circumstances forced them to become long distance. They did not declare themselves in love before they'd even met.

Are you under a doctor's care? Anxiety and depression are medical conditions that can benefit from treatment.

I have friends who have, but they met up within a few months - these were international relationships. they did not carry on for 1.5 years without meeting.

I'm not keen on anything anymore, i just wanna know what happened, why would she just emotionally play with someone for a year and half even though it was just conversations, why would she just leave out of the blue, and I'm a great guy sometimes i just can't express myself the right way, I've seen crazy guys believe me I'm not crazy, i finished college and have my own business, i don't lose my temper the only reason why it happened with her was because she was constructing the fights, she wanted to do it for some odd reason and she knew my reaction so therefore when she left she blamed me for it, but just because I've had 3 long term person to person relationship which didn't workout doesn't mean there's something wrong with me it just means they weren't the right person for me

We don't know "why" and you probably never will either.

We don't always find out "why" people do the things they do.

Best thing is to realize it didn't work out (for whatever reason) and she is someone else who wasn't right for you. And that's OK.

It was due to your anger, name calling and accusations. Plus, there was no future, as you had never met up. That would be a waste of time for me. I would want someone to share my life with, not spent over the phone for endless hours.

You need to find someone that you can share with on a regular basis. Not long distance with a stranger,

I missed the part where you lost your temper and called her names.

Yes, that DOES and SHOULD factor into her decision to stop communicating with you!

I would never continue to communicate with someone who called me names and then tried to blame me for it.

Move on...she is not interested in trying again.

And if your depression and anxiety are affecting your relationships, you do need to do something about that.

You haven't answered even though it's been asked multiple times...are you getting treatment for your depression and anxiety?

if i was in her shoe's i would've given an explanation to why, she never did, i guess that's why there's somedays I'll have down nights, and think about her

i tried everything for my depression/anxiety and nothing worked

i guess the real reason why i have that is because my best friend died, he drowned and my cousin got killed in iraq serving in the army

medicine was giving me side effects, so i fall in love with photography and music and it soothes me and relaxes me, i managed to get around it and i always go out now, where before anywhere i would've went i would panic and wanted to come home, but now I'm running my business successfully and never taking a day in life for granted!