I vomited all over his bathroom. Still hope?

So I had really liked this guy I was seeing. We had gone on a few dates. But then on like our third date I cried in front of him. We started to make out in his car and for some reason I was reminded of a traumatic experience that happened to me a few years prior. He looked really alarmed and asked me what was wrong as he was clearly concerned.

So we didn't see each other for like a month after that and when we did see each other again it was even worse. We were playing a drinking game in his apartment (mind you, I'm newly 19 living abroad and not used to drinking and don't really know my limit, he's 30 btw). At one point I remember him lightly telling me that I should probably stop. I didn't. Long story short, I vomited all over his bathroom. I. WAS. MORTIFIED. And he was pissed. He kept calling me a nightmare. He drove me home and that was basically it. He told me to "love myself more and drinking less".

A few weeks after I saw him at the same club we met at and he was dancing with another girl (like nbd, it's a club) and I thought I'd say hi since we were literally right next to each other... I said hi and he grimaced and completely ignored me.

Flash forward to now - 2 months later. He messages me out of the blue asking how I am and if I want to see a movie. I said that I'm busy this weekend but I can next week sometime. He said okay cool next week. The conversation came to a natural end. But now it's over a week later and he hasn't tried to make plans with me for the movie. Like it's Thursday afternoon and I'm assuming he wants to go to the movies on Friday or Saturday. But I feel like it's inconsiderate for him to wait until the last minute to ask me.... but what if he doesn't ask me at all? Like why bother messaging me months after all this stuff happened? It's frustrating because I accepted that things were over with him and that I messed it up but now I'm getting attached again.

My question is why is he messaging me again? And how do I act after royally ******* up so many times?

Should I act like nothing happened or should I maybe make a light joke about it?

Help!

He probably has no other bites on his line at present time and thinks maybe you'll put out if he tries again. Just ignore him and move on. The man has made it clear that he wants nothing to do with you.

Hopefully you've learned a lesson about playing drinking games with strangers.

He's looking for hookups, not a relationship. Why not find someone your own age to date and stop getting so drunk and out of control.

Don't you think that since he is 30 and you are 19, that is a little bit of a far distance between you ?

If the guy likes you, then the vomit incident is irrelevant. We all take smelly dumps in the houses of friends or family, and they don't disown us.

The fact he messaged you out of the blue to ask if you want to see a movie, is a 100% indication this playboy still desires/likes you.

File this under this one bites the dust . I would explore maybe getting some help for whatever traumatic event happened.

Seems like a booty call disguised as a date to me. Ignore him. Also, why can't he find someone his own age?

I guess at 19 you're probably still learning your alcohol tolerance - be careful with that going forward!

Agreed with the above, perhaps look into therapy for that event.

Actually, my advice is the advice he gave you ......."love myself more and drinking less"

Love yourself more by respecting yourself. From just a few words you have written, I am 99% sure he is looking for sex, nothing more. Get away from this man. You deserve better.

Drink less, so you can love yourself more, and not wind up in a bad situation.

Take care of yourself.

You should message him and ask him are we still on for the movie. Seems like he got over being mad at you.

He experienced too much during a few dates. Take it slow and please no drinking during the dates.

Noooo, he called you a nightmare, shunned you when dancing with another girl, then reaches out to you? Yep, he's looking for hookups and it's dawned on him a girl who cries and gets drunk enough to puke all over the bathroom and try to blame it on being newly out on her own, is an easy mark for sex only. You ARE vulnerable and he's seen that. It's not that he loves you or wants a relationship with you.

He is right about one thing, you need to love yourself more. He called you because he was horny and wanted a hookup right then, you weren't available, so he moved on to someone else. This is hookup behavior, not someone who wants to be a boyfriend.

Do learn self-respect and boundaries. That means when someone has snubbed you openly in public you don't now say, "Oh, okay, sure I'm available," when they come back around asking to see you. He didn't even apologize for that, and that's what I would hold against him. Not the other stuff, because well yeah. That he even came back around tells me he wants a hookup and nothing else, because he has zero reason to risk anything else with you. You did act unstable with him.

This just seems like a nightmare for both of you. Find a guy who doesn't make you cry when you're making out with them and get overly drunk, who acknowledges you in public when you see each other. You'd be surprised how good that is for your self-esteem. What you describe? Yeah, not so much. I actually fault you both in what happened and don't see anything healthy or sane coming out of any further contact from either of you. Block and delete him and move on. You don't have to go out with them, just because they ask. In fact, you don't have to do ship just because someone asks.

No, is a complete sentence all on its own.

You are 19, crying while he kisses you and playing drinking games that you can't handle.

It's ok. This is the time to learn from your experiences. I hope you have learned from this.

A 30 year old man doesn't have much in common with 19 year girl. No doubt he liked you, but for anything other

than someone to hang out with is doubtful. Add in the dramatic episodes he was jolted into reality that

you two are a mismatch. Besides, his last impression of you, he referred to you as a nightmare.

He has some liability here. It's seriously irresponsible of a man of that age to be feeding alcohol to minor in excess.

When you reacted badly to it, he shames you. Not ok!

I can't pretend to know his reason for contacting you. But seeing he hasn't since, these are just too many reasons

to not get invested in this.

Even if the dates had gone well your odds aren't in your favor.

Just write this one off and move on.

For the sake of argument - one of my old friends once vomited into her hands in her then-best-friend's, who is a guy, precious and prized truck! And they still ended up dating for a couple years.

So the whole vomiting thing can be overcome. But he's already given you plenty of reasons to pass.

If the guy likes you, then the vomit incident is irrelevant. We all take smelly dumps in the houses of friends or family, and they don't disown us.

 

The fact he messaged you out of the blue to ask if you want to see a movie, is a 100% indication this playboy still desires/likes you.

Granted, I'm sure, though he may have been open to the option, cultivating a lasting relationship wasn't the first thing on this guy's mind when asking out a 19 year old. So I'm not suggesting this was some great opportunity that got botched. But such behavior could and most likely would completely turn off a young guy who's interested in a relationship.

I don't feel like it's a booty call though... if it is then it's a thought out one. He messaged me on a Monday morning while he was in another city for business and asked how I was. Then two days later he messaged me saying "we gonna meet before you leave... without problems?

I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship with him either. I'm taking a gap year in Rome so I accept that the guys I meet here aren't really going to be long term... I mean I'd like to fall in love or whatever but I'm only 19 and I start university in the fall so something serious probably isn't realistic.

I really don't think he's a bad or sketchy guy though. The night I vomited in his apartment he definitely was pissed (and I don't blame him for that) but he was also concerned for me it seemed. And I've met plenty of guys just looking for a quick hookup during my time here in Rome. Just because he wants to have sex with me doesn't make him a bad guy, because I want to have sex with him too. But I'd like it if we were friends too. I just wouldn't want him to disappear after.

I just wouldn't want him to disappear after.

Therein lies your problem. If you can mutually agree on FWB, then so be it. But don't expect a friendship when you are both done with FWB. It rarely happens.

Enjoy yourself, be safe and easy on the bottle next time.

He didn't talk to you for two months...and called you a nightmare.

Why do you want to be his friend?

When I was 19, I probably would have excused his behaviour too - but you learn as you get older. If you want to continue to see him, go ahead. I just think you can do better than this for yourself (even if its just fwb).

"Without problems" means not crying or vomiting so he can have sex.

I don't feel like it's a booty call though. "we gonna meet before you leave... without problems?"

But I don't know though...

But I don't know though...

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Monday he was sitting somewhere waiting on something and was bored so he went through his phone messaging some girls. You were one of them.

If you want to have sex with the guy go ahead but don't kid yourself into thinking it is going to be anything more than sex because that is all you two really have in common.

Be safe physically and sexually which means don't go back to strange guys apartments and get drunk and if you do have sex MAKE them wear a condom!!!

Lost

I don't feel like it's a booty call though... if it is then it's a thought out one. He messaged me on a Monday morning while he was in another city for business and asked how I was. Then two days later he messaged me saying "we gonna meet before you leave... without problems?

 

I don't know if I'm looking for a relationship with him either. I'm taking a gap year in Rome so I accept that the guys I meet here aren't really going to be long term... I mean I'd like to fall in love or whatever but I'm only 19 and I start university in the fall so something serious probably isn't realistic.

 

I really don't think he's a bad or sketchy guy though. The night I vomited in his apartment he definitely was pissed (and I don't blame him for that) but he was also concerned for me it seemed. And I've met plenty of guys just looking for a quick hookup during my time here in Rome. Just because he wants to have sex with me doesn't make him a bad guy, because I want to have sex with him too. But I'd like it if we were friends too. I just wouldn't want him to disappear after.

Ooofff....first you are really young and very naive, so you are in for some cold hard lessons.

Those seeking a booty call, especially much older and more experienced than you aren't going to be so blunt as to say "hey wanna hook up tonight 'cause I'm having kind of a dry spell and you seem weak and easy prey". However, you can rest assured that that is exactly what this man is after.

What really concerns me the most is that you've only gone out on two dates with this man, both were kind of a disaster in their own way, he actually called you a nightmare, ignored you when you ran into him, and despite all that, you are already trying to cling to him. He was 100% correct about one thing - you need better self esteem.

At your age, I wouldn't give a 30 year old guy the time of day. He has more in common with my dad than me, so the whole concept is gross. If a guy didn't contact me for 2 whole months, I seriously wouldn't remember who he is, let alone respond or agree to meet him again. He is playing games and I'm smarter than that. Even for lighthearted fun, I expect to be treated with more decency and that will happen with someone closer to your own age range than with some 30 year old hitting on a 19 year, which is bordering on creepy by itself.

As for the drinking and the vomit, well....yeah....it's what people do at your age. Only way to learn your limits is to learn. However, please do be mindful about what kind of company you are in when you are drinking and when in doubt, stick to nursing one drink. Bad things tend to happen to young ladies who get wasted without other girlfriends around to make sure you get home in one piece and unmolested. Have some sense.

Monday he was sitting somewhere waiting on something and was bored so he went through his phone messaging some girls. You were one of them.

 

If you want to have sex with the guy go ahead but don't kid yourself into thinking it is going to be anything more than sex because that is all you two really have in common.

 

Be safe physically and sexually which means don't go back to strange guys apartments and get drunk and if you do have sex MAKE them wear a condom!!!

 

Lost

But these messages weren't Monday, these are from Wednesday. On Monday he messaged me asking how I was... Probably doesn't matter though. Thanks.

Considering the construction zone that is my bathroom it might actually be an improvement.

The texts show that he's very eager to see you - to have sex with you.

The "exactly" part means no bs so I can have sex.

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