My BF travels and sometimes I struggle with it.

I am dating someone who travels for his job. Sometimes he travels 3 out of 4 weeks in any given month, but he is usually around on weekends. When we met approx. 1.5 years ago, he said he was going to stay put more (his boss agreed to this), but, he continues to travel. A little less, yes, but overall there is still a lot of travel. I think it's just in his blood and he needs to travel. Sometimes I am perfectly fine with this. Other times not. This is a week I am not. I feel jealous that he is a warm, lovely state while I sit here alone. I go back and forth in my mind. Why am I bothered by this? Is it because I feel like he reneged on being around more, is it because I am jealous, is it because I need someone full time in my life, not part time? It's all very confusing. I should be happy for him, that he is enjoying himself in his nice warm state.

He said this particular trip could have been handled by a co-worker, but he wanted to go. Am I upset that he chooses travel over me? That's kind of how this trip felt to me. I don't want to be small and petty. He is a good guy, treats me well and I love him. I am not sure how to get past these feelings when they arise - and they do not always arise with each trip (usually I deal with this better). I have not let on that I am bothered this week. I won't be a buzz kill while he is on the road. Does anyone out there have a BF or GF that travels? I have never been in this situation before and perhaps I am handling it all wrong... or maybe this lifestyle just isn't for me, and I am afraid to face that reality...

It's not easy I do 3 nights work 4 home. How is communication when he's away? I'm not sure what he does. I know for me it is work. It's not a vacation. I much rather and do everything to maximize time with my SO if I had 1. A job is still a job though.

Dating someone who loves to travel when you are not the same is incompatibility. I hate to say it this way, but it is.

I'm assuming this is his lifetime career, so what you see now is how it's always going to be. If you plan on having children in the future, you will need to envision how your life will be, having most of the responsibility for the children. I was a Navy wife when my children were young, and I know how I would envy couples in grocery stores shopping together, while my husband was out to sea for months at a time and I had to lug the groceries up and down the stairs 5 times with a baby on my hip. We'd also experience the great stress of getting used to being together again, after the initial joy wore off when he got back.

If you don't plan on having children, you still need to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship. If you are upset more than you are happy, the relationship probably isn't right for you. I know that when my first marriage ended and I was dating, I did establish rules for who I would date. My children were grown and my friends and I all worked different schedules and often had different days off. I couldn't always rely on them for social get togethers, so my goal for a partner was to have a consistent companion to enjoy time with. That meant I wouldn't date a guy with young children, as I knew our time would be more limited when he had visitation with his child.

You will have to figure out if what you deal with, companionship on a limited basis, is worth staying with him or not. You probably felt like work was the priority, and not you, when he chose to travel when he didn't have to. I'd be upset too. Do you think he's a workaholic? If so, I learned with experience that being with a workaholic is a miserable life. If he's not, he would come home early to care for you when you were sick. Would he take time off to care for you if you needed surgery? Do you feel like a priority most of the time or not? Some things to consider for what you want and don't want in a longterm relationship.

Only you know if staying is worth the sacrifices. Maybe you should make a pros and cons list of staying versus going. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I appreciate the comments and feedback. Before meeting my BF, I didn't date for a long time. I was raising my kids alone - so having kids with the current BF is not a factor - as I did that already I guess you could say I was love starved all the years I raised my kids alone, and when I decided to put myself out there, I found the almost perfect guy, minus the considerable travel.

I do love this man, as he is very kind, considerate, and has a warm personality like no other man I have dated. He is highly complimentary of me and my achievements, and he makes me feel desired and loved - when he is around. If this was an "eh" relationship I likely would have left it by now, due to this travel. And hence my dilemma. I want to be a couple more than just weekends.. We live close by so seeing each other during the week is not a problem. I do enjoy travel, but I work full time so that doesn't happen much, except for vacation. We did vacation together about a month ago and had a great time. We are highly compatible and we approach life in the same general manner.

I guess at this point I just have to figure out if I can deal with this travel long term (we have discussed building a future together). As suggested, I guess it's time to get out the old Excel Spreadsheet and list the pros and cons. There are an awful lot of pros, but this is a big con...

One thing you might want to think about is that perhaps things are so good BECAUSE you guys don't see each other very much.

Yes my bf travels a lot and and I had to laugh at Ms Darcy's post - totally we are probably happy because he isn't around much and I love my space. So we are kind of perfect for each other.

Anyway, reading between the lines, I do sense more jealousy that he is somewhere you'd like to be and a whole lot of projecting about how he is having all this fun in some warm state while you are here home and bored. I also travel for business quite frequently and to be honest, not much fun involved. More like meetings, meetings, meetings, having to be on 100% of the time, find food, crash in hotel, rinse repeat and then fly home. It can also be quite lonely. There is rarely time for fun other than squeezing in a few minutes here and there and that's only because I insist on that for my own sanity. It's mostly exhausting.....but yes at the same time I love it in some weird way. I'd die being in an office in a 9-5 type job. Need that activity and some people are like that.

Anyway, if he is going for an extended period to someplace you want to visit, why not use that to your advantage. Like go up and meet him there and you can go hit the beaches while he is working. Plus it will save you on the hotel bills. My bf and I do this quite often with each other. Of course, we both understand that the other person isn't there on vacation and will be busy, so no expectations about necessarily spending time together as such. Sometimes we will stay over the weekend. So if work stuff is done by Friday, we will stay over through Sunday and actually have quality couple time then. Anyway, don't get jealous, get creative on how to make it work for you.

Ms. Darcy might be onto something! Less is best

But to be honest, when he is away for longer than say a week, I begin to feel somewhat disconnected. Usually it doesn't impact weekends, but this trip might, hence another reason I don't fancy this particular trip. He has asked me on many occasions to accompany him. A lot of his trips are impromptu and I don't have a job that is that flexible that I can pick up and leave (I am often tied to a tight schedule where my presence at my office is required). DancingFool, you are correct in saying that jealousy is playing a role with this trip as well. I recently purchased a self-help book on how to better deal with jealousy. I don't want to be a jealous person but on occasion I am. I guess travel isn't all that glamorous, as you stated, but on the rare occasion I have traveled on business, I found it to be quite nice. I was able to see cool things on the company's dime. I guess if you travel all the time, maybe it loses its luster, but it has not for my BF. Anyway, I appreciate all the feedback. Sometimes just hearing other opinions helps me think of things not on my radar. Thanks.