Sleep disorder and already troubled relationship

Hi everyone,

I'm not too sure where to begin with this one, I'm in an ever complex relationship .. and it's slipping away.

I hit, attack and try to have sex with my girlfriend in my sleep. It's been going on for almost 4 months and reached its worst episode around 6 weeks ago where I'm told i took a knife to her, knocked her out and potentially had sex with her. After this we purchased handcuffs and a long lockable strap, which i now sleep with every night.

My doctor swiftly referred me for appropriate scans and was fast tracked into a sleep clinic, where i finished my 2 night sleep study this morning and was discharged from hospital having to wait 6-8 weeks for a result - which they say my symptoms match that of narcolepsy and the study needs to confirm it before i can go down the correct medication route.

However me and my gf have had issues since day 1. For the first 3 months of our 1 year relationship she was exchanging messages with a mutual friend that shared the content of literally anything I'd ever sent her or discussed in person with her.

I found out when going to change her battery and saw a notification and mistakenly looked further.

I know it wasn't right to look, but shortly after she stopped talking to the mutual friend our relationship grew massively.

Then another few months later she became really suicidal and after shed attempted jumping from a height but security staff prevented it, i could sense something wasn't right and she told me she'd tried to kill herself that morning.

After she told me this the next day we walked to the location where the attempt was and she told me the truth about some other things she was feeling so guilty about because they'd hurt me she'd rather die:

1. she had really continued speaking to this friend whenever we had an issue. One of which was a miscarriage.

2. When she collected stuff from her ex (who raped and psychologically abused her) she admitted that he did kiss her, but she pushed him off and kneed his balls.

Previously she had told me he looked like he was going to try and kiss her and she stepped away.

3. Previously when i saw the notification on her phone it was from her ex and now she admitted she'd had some level of conversation with him. But had told me he wasn't in her life.

Now i don't think either of these warrants enough guilt to take your own life and i still doubt the second one, because I've seen she gets manically depressed when hiding something that'll potentially hurt me. And feel it's another half story.. to stop me asking more. And it has stopped me asking about it.

There were some other lies, but they're not significant.

Then everything has been going swimmingly or so i thought until the last 7 days.

We started couples counselling a few weeks ago.

Last session she told me she was still hurt that I'd read the messages and subsequently i told her mum that her ex raped her. (her mum every day was speaking to her saying she should feel bad for leaving him, to the extent she went on her Facebook unblocked him and readded him) i was angry when i told her mum because she wasn't doing anything to prevent it or validate our relationship with her family. But it did make the rapist go away, after this my girlfriends nightmares about rape situations with him reduced and tapered off.

I'm quite an emotionless person, when someone hurts me the way she did i shut down. And for a few weeks after reading the messages with said mutual friend i became controlling, overly concerned she was talking about me in a derogotatry way again. I didn't share anything or speak about my feelings until i realised it had to stop. And so in time it stopped and i forgave her.

But i didn't think about the times i jokingly say about her friends and her, and i didn't even think of the potential effect. Looking back i cant believe i was so stupid.

Then everything became really good, we were talking to each other openly and being completely honest. My sleep problems then started.. and i cant imagine how she felt, but she was so amazingly supportive, i will forever feel guilty for my sleep actions and won't forgive myself.

So last session she said she was hurt. The counsellor suggested we apologise to each other again. But my apology had no emotion because i was shocked to be hearing it, i wasn't expecting it and immediately put my barriers back up. I am sorry for breaking her trust in telling her mum, but not for the effect it had on us and her.

And this proved a sticking point.

Since then she's revealed when i was really stressed with maybe having brain cancer i was being horrible to her and taking it out on her. At the time i didn't see it, but she thinks i did this maliciously knowing what i was doing.

Only 4 days ago she told me how she felt about how i was 3 months ago during the cancer scare and only now is she punishing me for it. It's like she's forgotten how close we grew once we started working together on my stress and she opened up to me about her feelings.

One of which was i could be pretending to be asleep as it got worse, she could hit kick me anywhere and i wouldn't wake, i would just have a vacant look in my eyes.

She then told me she wanted to go back to her parents for a few days as she feels I'm still controlling her and because she doesn't know who she is anymore.

She wanted to leave on Monday, the day i was going into hospital but would mean i couldn't go to hospital. As we have Sugar gliders as pets and they need someone here overnight.

She agreed to stay.

Then after i left she sent me a message saying she would be moving out on my 1st morning while still in hospital and if i loved her I'd move 300miless away from my current home towards her family. I said I'm not saying yes to an ultimatum and wouldn't move with how she was being.

She then decided she'd leave in the afternoon the same day but would come back. Again i was a threat of having to discharge myself from hospital and have someone remove all the glued on electrodes.

While i was in hospital i had a bad feeling and asked if she'd spoken to the ex mutual friend about us. And she said yes, the day i left for hospital she phoned her and talked about how she felt. I was happy she was honest in telling me, but not that she'd broken her word again in speaking to her and about us.

Eventually she promised she wouldn't leave until today, the day of my discharge. She then told me her dad was passing and yesterday picked up her suitcase. Fortunately they didn't keep me in hospital and i was discharged.

When i got home she has removed almost any evidence she was ever here, but still insists she coming back, she just doesn't know what our status will be..Just that she loves me and currently were still together.

I don't understand this at all. She's taken almost everything but will be back in 3 days and wants us to go to our counselling session next week.

Sorry this is lengthy, it's very complex and i had no idea how to shorten it.

We've both done wrong, but I'm struggling to interpret her actions now and subsequently they are killing me.

Were speaking on the phone again in 3 hours time, any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.

Sounds like the best thing is for you to follow up with your doctors and for her to move out back to her parents. You are a danger to each other. Go no contact and focus on your recovery. While you were safely hospitalized she saw her exit and wisely took it.

You can't try to kill your partner in your sleep. You can't live with someone who threatens to jump to her death. This is too toxic and you need to be away from each other.

she wanted to go back to her parents for a few days as she feels I'm still controlling her and because she doesn't know who she is anymore. Eventually she promised she wouldn't leave until today, the day of my discharge. When i got home she has removed almost any evidence she was ever here

I didn't want to touch this one considering the content. I knew wisman would though. I've heard of alien hand syndrome. The problem with that it usually goes after the hands owner. This sounds like a total different animal.

Thankfully I'm not awake, i have no memory of any of the events.. And no tale tale signs when i wake up except extreme fatigue.

If i did have memory of the events i couldn't live with myself. I break down when I'm shown or told what's happened. But there hasn't been an episode for 6 weeks with the cuff